How do I handle this? (tricky family situation)
frisky python
Posts: 9,737 Forum Member
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My sister and her two kids are visiting my parents tomorrow. Now usually me and my two kids would go around to my parents too (I live in the same town as my parents, my sis lives 50miles away), so the kids can see each other and I can see my sis too.
However I spoke to sis in the week and both she and her son have had the sickness bug. Her daughter hadn't at that point. Having had a multitude of Christmasses ruined in the last few years (migraine last year, flu the year before that, even Bells Palsy 4yrs ago) I'm loathe to pick up and take home a bug. Thing is my sis says it'll be fine as it'll be 48hrs between the last bout of illness for her before they come up.
My sis is going through an upsetting split with her ex, and I don't want to upset her, but equally I would like a Christmas I can enjoy for once. An extra issue is hubby and the kids are travelling north the day after Boxing day to visit relatives for a few days and I don't want the risk of illness as they travel and stay over.
How do I handle this one?
However I spoke to sis in the week and both she and her son have had the sickness bug. Her daughter hadn't at that point. Having had a multitude of Christmasses ruined in the last few years (migraine last year, flu the year before that, even Bells Palsy 4yrs ago) I'm loathe to pick up and take home a bug. Thing is my sis says it'll be fine as it'll be 48hrs between the last bout of illness for her before they come up.
My sis is going through an upsetting split with her ex, and I don't want to upset her, but equally I would like a Christmas I can enjoy for once. An extra issue is hubby and the kids are travelling north the day after Boxing day to visit relatives for a few days and I don't want the risk of illness as they travel and stay over.
How do I handle this one?
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Comments
Go and risk it.
Don't go and explain why.
The only choice you have to make is which option you want to go with.
If it were me and I chose the second option (illness = bad) I would try to mitigate any upset by arranging another meeting as soon as possible, maybe in the New Year.
It's not like they've flown over from Australia and you won't ever see them for years again.
This.
Your parents aren't crying off, so you seem to be somewhat over-cautious. Unless you plan to stay in your house cut off from society, you could pick up a bug at any time.
OP, as above.
I can’t see any point not going; if you stay home you or your and children are just as likely to pick up something from other adults/kids, especially this time of year.
When my children were growing up there always seemed to be one or the other, that had some sort of malaise at Christmas; as it seemed most kids did.
Something to do with lowered resistance, excited about Xmas, but most probably just down to the time of year i.e. horrible weather.
The only ‘positive’ thing about these ‘minor’ ailments is that it builds up children’s resistance to similar infections as they grow.
P.S. just as a precaution, don’t dress your children in their ‘Sunday Best’; projectile vomit is a swine to launder......Merry Xmas!
Since you are not me then really it is up to you. If you really don't want to risk it then don't. As long as your honest I am sure they will be fine.
My thoughts entirely.
You could avoid thm and pick up something from someone on the bus, in a shop, anywhere.
Yes agreed. Use the alcohol hand gel. Do the same to your kids and give firm instructions to them regarding no touching. Tell your sister in a jokey way to stay away as you don't need her lurgy.
No, 50 miles isn't far. But when she has to fit in visiting around access with her ex who's being an utter git, time is a bit more precious.
If it weren't Christmas, I'd risk it.
So basically what you're looking for is advice on how to tell your sister that you're not going?
Do you feel able to lie to your sister? If so then tell her a lie of some sorts like you're ill etc. If you don't feel able to lie then tell her the truth.
It's not the Black Death either however "full on" it is.
I didn't appreciate you wanted advice on how to say "I'm not coming."
I'd just say, "I'm not coming."
Yep. Either you think you're being reasonable, or you don't.
I'm in therapy for depression and anxiety, my hubby has OCD hence asking on here for different views cos I'm aware I'm not always the most balanced person when it comes to illness and stress.
Anyway, thanks to all that have replied.
Then hopefully they will appreciate that its 'typical you' and understand it.
Personally I think you should give some consideration to whether it will truly be beneficial for you and your children to pass up a get together that you would normally get pleasure from. Socialising is a big part of achieving robust mental health.
As others have said you could pick up a bug anywhere, anytime.
A lot of people go down with things at Christmas - I think it's all the stress and running around leading up to it. So there's no guarantee you'll be well.
Personally I'd risk it to spend time with family.
Given that it would have been well over 48h then I would double check on the day they are all well and take my chances. If her daughter does have the bug she would be too ill for them to come anyway?
Oh well, I'm bound to piss someone off whatever I decide. Anyways. thanks again. Merry Christmas too x
If your family are aware of this then I am sure if you explain then they will be more understanding.
I have been in therapy myself and find huge social situations very hard. My family are aware of this and know my limits, if I say to them I need some air they know this is code for I am reaching my limit leave me alone for a bit.
My therapist has taught me that the way I see the world and the way others see the world is different and that is not a bad thing. It's about how you communicate these differences which are key, I have had to learn to be more open with my family and they have had to learn to accept that I see things differently to 'most' people.
My husbands family struggle to understand why I find social situations hard, they are a very social family and love nothing more than huge family get together where they stay up into the early hours of the morning eating and drinking:o. Slowly over the years they are starting to accept that I am just different to them and that neither way is wrong or right, it just is. I dare say they still think it's weird that I would rather be at home tucked up in bed then passed out on the floor at 3am in the morning but at least it is no longer a 'big deal' anymore.
Dear God, I'm with you 100%, your husband's lot sound horrendous
:DThank you. It took me ages to realise that I am not weird and I am surprised how many people have admitted to me how much they hate large family get togethers since I have started being honest about how I feel:).
The kids are now playing cards with sis and mum, no room for me so I'm sitting with my dad watching TV. Fingers crossed all will be ok but I know I'll spend the next few days worrying.
Not much point in worrying about it, what will be will be, unless you lock yourself and family away and stay indoors not mixing with the public, then these things will happen, thousands of people will be ill but still go out as most don't have a choice as life goes on, you can get germs from anyone even if they don't seem ill. simple things that you touch every day like money, or key pads at ATM doors, there is no way to get away from these things. Don't worry just enjoy life