My 2 year old is running my life!!!!

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,119
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    housewife

    where did i mention i gave my child chocolate etc... please make informed comments not general assumptions.

    Making a child eat something that they do not like whilst you take pleasure in eating something they can not have is mental abuse and very cruel in my opinion. Food is not a treat it is a neccesity and should not be used as a bribe for behaviour particularly in the way you have described, it can not be compared to taking a toy away

    How can you smack a child until it makes them cry and then say you only do it lightly!! this seems a contradiction in terms in my book.

    your whole response to my comments seem to be a back track of what you origionally stated, i do not see how you can justify your actions and statements.

    i am glad to see your children have grown up which almost explains your values in raising children, have you ever spoken to them about the way you treated them as children i bet they would tell you a few home truths about your parenting skills...they have probably said as some point i will never raise my child in the way my mother raised me, because i certainly can not find any justification in your statement of parenting skills
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,653
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    housewife wrote: »
    Discipline is the answer. When he misbehaves shout at him as loudly and aggresivley as possible. This should quieten him with out having to hit him. If thisdoesnt work a smack would be my next suggestion but i noticed you mention that he only laughs when you do this. The solution? Smack him harder. If he continues to laugh keep smacking him until he cries. He will then know he cannot win against you.
    Also combine this with other "privelage withdrawal" punishments. For example make yourself his favourite dinner for your self but give him a dinner he dislikes. Tell him he isnt getting a nice dinner because "insert naughty thing he has done". Then take things from his room eg toys etc. Make sure he is left with his bed and thats it. Then make him stay in the naughty room for an hour or so. Then make him promise to be good. If he does, give him a hug and return his things.
    With my children, these methods worked well and quickly. Thats not to say you will only have to do it once though!

    :eek: I cannot believe I have just read that!! I would never treat a 2 yr old like that no matter how bad he behaves! I would consider every point in your post as some form of abuse!!

    All I do with my 2 yr old is if he wants something he can't have I tell him no, if he hits or kicks me for it I kneel down, tell him I won't play with him until he starts being nicer then turn away from him. It took a while but now he'll come and hug and kiss me and all arguments are forgotten.

    I'd certainly never EVER abuse my child just to get him to do what I want him to do :mad:
  • asp746asp746 Posts: 7,286
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    when mine used to 'kickoff' as all kids do,i'd just say very firmly 'you've upset me because (give reason) I'll talk to you when you start being nice again.

    maybe get a friend or relative to mind him for a couple of hrs to see if he behaves for them any different than you. if not go the drs, keep a diary of, say 2 days behaviour as an example to show the dr or maybe the health visitor. Don't struggle on - in a few mths he'll be going to nursery and he'll be causing uproar if you don't sort it out now - you're a very responsible parent if I may say so - you can justify naughtiness to a certain extent ie terrible twos but there is a limit when it's causing you upset.

    i remember struggling with my 2 kids and someone said 'don't worry they're not kids forever' and somehow it made me laugh as sometimes it felt like it:)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 122
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    I think the most important thing is to lead by example. If you yell and hit you are only teaching your child to do the same. 2 year olds absorb everything around them (hence why they are so much hard work!).
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 784
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    Ruth77 wrote: »
    Thanks again for all the advice.

    We have had a screach free day today. He's done as he has been asked mostly first time. He has a bit of an obsession with the washing machine and spends as much time as he can spinning the drum round. This is a cause of many tantrums as he doesn't like being taken away from it. He loves to help me put washing in and knows when to put the capsules in and the conditioner, etc. But there's only so much wasing you can do!!!

    Anyway, he's been much better today and has come away quickly and without a fuss. He's also been really cuddly. I think it helped yesterday just to admit I was having a problem.
    It's a bit embarassing really as I'm a teacher!!!
    Give me 30 4 year olds any day!

    That's interesting. I was reading some stuff about Asperger's Syndrome recently and an obsession with spinning things was mentioned as a fairly common occurrence (also tantrums).

    As a teacher you'll be aware that these things are common in children who don't have Asperger's as well - i know very little about the subject and don't want to scare you, just thought i'd mention it in case it was an avenue you had considered exploring.
  • fainéantfainéant Posts: 2,654
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    henders wrote: »
    As a teacher you'll be aware that these things are common in children who don't have ***** as well - i know very little about the subject and don't want to scare you, just thought i'd mention it in case it was an avenue you had considered exploring.

    This sort of advice is really not helpful. A previous post suggested talking to a health visitor and such things could be considered by the right people if all of very many circumstances indicate it is worth checking out but to suggest specific conditions on very flimsy information may cause unnecessary worry. I really cannot believe this and in response to a much more positive post too. Please, please, please, let this go and not continue any further such discussion. It is very bad advice. In fact please edit your post and delete it.
  • malaikahmalaikah Posts: 20,010
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    henders wrote: »
    That's interesting. I was reading some stuff about..
    Oh for goodness sake.. cue appropriate smiley: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

    How. Very. Ridiculous.

    Anyway OP, who is the main care provider for your son? Is he with other children for a majority of his day? And keep an eye on his diet - at what E numbered bits and pieces might slip his way! Sometimes the odd few are inconsequental, but then a few more can cause a bit of friction with moods and behaviour in toddlers. :)
  • alsmamaalsmama Posts: 4,564
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    henders wrote: »
    That's interesting. I was reading some stuff about Asperger's Syndrome recently and an obsession with spinning things was mentioned as a fairly common occurrence (also tantrums).

    O good grief. 2 is far too young to try and diagnose aspergers. I teach 3 and 4 year olds and frankly almost all kids act a bit autistic at that age but thankfully most of them go on to develop normal social skills!

    And as for the OP saying give me 30 x 4 year olds any day ... as the mum of a 14 month old with another on the way i COMPLETELY agree! My lad has just thrown himself on the floor kicking and screaming because he dropped the toy he was playing with!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,254
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    icelady wrote: »
    housewife

    where did i mention i gave my child chocolate etc... please make informed comments not general assumptions.

    Making a child eat something that they do not like whilst you take pleasure in eating something they can not have is mental abuse and very cruel in my opinion. Food is not a treat it is a neccesity and should not be used as a bribe for behaviour particularly in the way you have described, it can not be compared to taking a toy away

    How can you smack a child until it makes them cry and then say you only do it lightly!! this seems a contradiction in terms in my book.

    your whole response to my comments seem to be a back track of what you origionally stated, i do not see how you can justify your actions and statements.

    i am glad to see your children have grown up which almost explains your values in raising children, have you ever spoken to them about the way you treated them as children i bet they would tell you a few home truths about your parenting skills...they have probably said as some point i will never raise my child in the way my mother raised me, because i certainly can not find any justification in your statement of parenting skills


    I used to have an uncle like her. He came unstuck in the end and nobody was sorry.
  • fluffybunyipfluffybunyip Posts: 4,909
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    henders wrote: »
    That's interesting. I was reading some stuff about Asperger's Syndrome recently and an obsession with spinning things was mentioned as a fairly common occurrence (also tantrums).

    As a teacher you'll be aware that these things are common in children who don't have Asperger's as well - i know very little about the subject and don't want to scare you, just thought i'd mention it in case it was an avenue you had considered exploring.

    My son has Asperger's but the spinning you mentioned is more in relation to toy car wheels and things, most children at this age are fascinated by the washing machine. Seems like normal childhood curiosity to me.
  • housewifehousewife Posts: 2,335
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    anj wrote: »
    I used to have an uncle like her. He came unstuck in the end and nobody was sorry.

    What do you mean by unstuck?

    I have to admit, i rushed through the op and didnt realise the child in question was 2! Obviously my methods are not for a 2 year old. More 4 - 8 year olds.
  • TWSTWS Posts: 9,307
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    that to me makes it even more sad that you as a person cannot communicate effectively with a four to 8 year old that should be beginning to know right from wrong and have quite good reasoning skills.
    housewife wrote: »
    What do you mean by unstuck?

    I have to admit, i rushed through the op and didnt realise the child in question was 2! Obviously my methods are not for a 2 year old. More 4 - 8 year olds.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,254
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    malaikah wrote: »
    Oh for goodness sake.. cue appropriate smiley: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

    How. Very. Ridiculous.

    Anyway OP, who is the main care provider for your son? Is he with other children for a majority of his day? And keep an eye on his diet - at what E numbered bits and pieces might slip his way! Sometimes the odd few are inconsequental, but then a few more can cause a bit of friction with moods and behaviour in toddlers. :)

    I don't think its ridiculous.
  • fluffybunyipfluffybunyip Posts: 4,909
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    anj wrote: »
    I don't think its ridiculous.

    Maybe not ridiculous, but certainly not appropriate nor helpful given the age of the child and only going on one piece of information.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,791
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    Watch supernanny, she knows how to deal with kids like that.
  • shirlt9shirlt9 Posts: 5,085
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    housewife

    I think your methods sound quite cruel and certainly wouldnt be accepted today..your children mjust have been terrified.

    I can see from other posts you suggest smacking a hamster and shouting at it for biting a bottle..I think you have a control issue!
  • TWSTWS Posts: 9,307
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    smack a hamster poor thing would be brain damaged my dog is 11 stone and i wouldnt dream of smacking him Housewife is more than welcome to give it a try though, :D
    shirlt9 wrote: »
    housewife

    I think your methods sound quite cruel and certainly wouldnt be accepted today..your children mjust have been terrified.

    I can see from other posts you suggest smacking a hamster and shouting at it for biting a bottle..I think you have a control issue!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,363
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    shirlt9 wrote: »
    housewife

    I think your methods sound quite cruel and certainly wouldnt be accepted today..your children mjust have been terrified.

    I can see from other posts you suggest smacking a hamster and shouting at it for biting a bottle..I think you have a control issue!

    She's a troll, ignore her. If you look at her posts as complete nonsense, and don't take them in slightest bit seriously, they can be quite amusing.

    Seems to score more misses than hits on the funny front though.
  • shirlt9shirlt9 Posts: 5,085
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    Purity wrote: »
    She's a troll, ignore her. If you look at her posts as complete nonsense, and don't take them in slightest bit seriously, they can be quite amusing.

    Seems to score more misses than hits on the funny front though.

    I wondered..but you never know people have some strange beliefs!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 382
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    Having somewhere to put them where there are no toys is often very useful. Somewhere away from everyone. If there's no audience the tantrum becomes pointless.

    Put them somewhere they can't even see you. I used to put my daughter in her cot until she calmed down. I'd usually tell her that I didn't want to see her or speak to her until she shut up and behaved. 10 minutes max then she was all apologies.
    She did the dreaded supermarket tantrum once. I took her into a toilet cubicle, locked the door and told her we would continue shopping when she stopped screaming and behaved, then I ignored her. She duly shut up and behaved and I continued with my shopping.

    Another thing, do not answer questions/comments that are yelled at you. Tell him that you will not speak to him if he shouts at you, if he wants you to answer him then he talks to you. Then ignore him until he speaks to you civilly.

    You only pay attention to him when he's behaving. Hopefully he'll learn the right way to get your attention.

    Also check what he's eating/drinking. All these no added sugar, reduced sugar, or even just regular drinks are usually full of aspartame. My daughter is allergic and used to go massively, manically, hyper, then take an off the charts inconsolable screaming tantrum. Reduced sugar banana flavour rusks were the culprit the last time I remember. It took us a while to figure out what was causing it. Aspartame is really, really bad for you anyway. I don't have it in the house. It's in most carbonated soft drinks and most cordials. Coke, Pepsi and Irn Bru are ok, so are Sprite and 7up last time I checked. Original Ribena is safe, but not many other blackcurrant cordials. You may find it really worthwhile to cut it out of everyone's diets.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 4,864
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    Having somewhere to put them where there are no toys is often very useful. Somewhere away from everyone. If there's no audience the tantrum becomes pointless.

    Put them somewhere they can't even see you. I used to put my daughter in her cot until she calmed down. I'd usually tell her that I didn't want to see her or speak to her until she shut up and behaved. 10 minutes max then she was all apologies.
    She did the dreaded supermarket tantrum once. I took her into a toilet cubicle, locked the door and told her we would continue shopping when she stopped screaming and behaved, then I ignored her. She duly shut up and behaved and I continued with my shopping.

    Another thing, do not answer questions/comments that are yelled at you. Tell him that you will not speak to him if he shouts at you, if he wants you to answer him then he talks to you. Then ignore him until he speaks to you civilly.

    You only pay attention to him when he's behaving. Hopefully he'll learn the right way to get your attention.

    Also check what he's eating/drinking. All these no added sugar, reduced sugar, or even just regular drinks are usually full of aspartame. My daughter is allergic and used to go massively, manically, hyper, then take an off the charts inconsolable screaming tantrum. Reduced sugar banana flavour rusks were the culprit the last time I remember. It took us a while to figure out what was causing it. Aspartame is really, really bad for you anyway. I don't have it in the house. It's in most carbonated soft drinks and most cordials. Coke, Pepsi and Irn Bru are ok, so are Sprite and 7up last time I checked. Original Ribena is safe, but not many other blackcurrant cordials. You may find it really worthwhile to cut it out of everyone's diets.


    I sincerely hope, at two years old, none of these drinks are offered to the child.....:o :eek:
  • asp746asp746 Posts: 7,286
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    fainéant wrote: »
    This sort of advice is really not helpful. A previous post suggested talking to a health visitor and such things could be considered by the right people if all of very many circumstances indicate it is worth checking out but to suggest specific conditions on very flimsy information may cause unnecessary worry. I really cannot believe this and in response to a much more positive post too. Please, please, please, let this go and not continue any further such discussion. It is very bad advice. In fact please edit your post and delete it.



    what on earth are you trying to say - do you read your posts before posting?? what is wrong suggesting seeing a health visitor if things are making her feel so miserable that she needs to come on a message board for advice. There are some very good health visitors around and i think if she's exhausted every other avenue then they are there to help/advise as with another baby iminent it could and I say could cause the baby blues.

    This board is to offer people advice - it's down to them whether they take it. It is not for other board members to critisise something that they don't agree with.
  • fainéantfainéant Posts: 2,654
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    asp746 wrote: »
    what on earth are you trying to say - do you read your posts before posting?? what is wrong suggesting seeing a health visitor if things are making her feel so miserable that she needs to come on a message board for advice. There are some very good health visitors around and i think if she's exhausted every other avenue then they are there to help/advise as with another baby iminent it could and I say could cause the baby blues.

    This board is to offer people advice - it's down to them whether they take it. It is not for other board members to critisise something that they don't agree with.

    I was saying that the health visitor advice was good but the other poster to whom I replied should not be giving the advice they did on something they know very little about.
  • kateabkateab Posts: 269
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    housewife wrote: »
    Its not odd. If the child realises that misbehaving means that they miss out on treats etc then they will learn that it is in their best intrests to behave.

    IME, at the age of two, they would be too young to make the connection between the bad behaviour and the withdrawal of "privileges" unless it was immediate. The examples you cited - where you cooked something they didn't like because of "x,y and z" is not instant enough.

    And Lord knows, it can be hard enough to get a 2 year old to eat sometimes. I know my son, who is a good eater, just would refuse to eat totally if it was something he didn't like and if he really didn't like, he might actually gag and then be sick.

    I know that distraction definitely works. My 2yo came home from Granny's today tired - he never sleeps when he's there and he was at nursery yesterday where he also never sleeps. He had a major paddy, borne out of tiredness when it came to bathtime, and he wouldn't sit down in the bath, just kept screaming. My husband threatened him and threatened him with all sorts of stuff if he didn't sit down. Eventually, he walked away and I stood on the landing just out of view. He stopped crying. However, he started crying again when I walked back into the bathroom.

    I got him to stop crying and sit down by singing his favourite songs to him. ("Five little firemen sitting in a row" was long enough!).

    kateab
  • kateabkateab Posts: 269
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    orangebird wrote: »
    I sincerely hope, at two years old, none of these drinks are offered to the child.....:o :eek:

    Not long ago, I saw a mother offering her toddler a bottle that she'd just filled with fanta orange.

    kateab
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