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if you found out your child was gay...

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    Matt_MaherMatt_Maher Posts: 1,491
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    I know everyone would trot out the usual line of they wouldn't care if their child is gay or not as long as they're happy, but really I think parents would prefer if they were straight.

    Not because of any homophobia, but you'd think their life may be a little bit easier if they were straight.

    With schools, I've no idea what it's like now obviously, but i'd assume there are many more openly gay people in them now than there was twenty years ago.
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    TrollHunterTrollHunter Posts: 12,496
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    Matt_Maher wrote: »
    I know everyone would trot out the usual line of they wouldn't care if their child is gay or not as long as they're happy, but really I think parents would prefer if they were straight.

    Not because of any homophobia, but you'd think their life may be a little bit easier if they were straight.

    With schools, I've no idea what it's like now obviously, but i'd assume there are many more openly gay people in them now than there was twenty years ago.

    I'm guessing you're stating this as a non-parent. Any parent worth their salt would put their child's happiness before their sexuality.
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    1fab1fab Posts: 20,052
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    Matt_Maher wrote: »
    I know everyone would trot out the usual line of they wouldn't care if their child is gay or not as long as they're happy, but really I think parents would prefer if they were straight.

    Not because of any homophobia, but you'd think their life may be a little bit easier if they were straight.

    With schools, I've no idea what it's like now obviously, but i'd assume there are many more openly gay people in them now than there was twenty years ago.

    Maybe some would prefer it, but I would honestly not prefer my son to be straight. I think life can be just as difficult with an opposite sex partner.
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    Matt_MaherMatt_Maher Posts: 1,491
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    I'm guessing you're stating this as a non-parent. Any parent worth their salt would put their child's happiness before their sexuality.


    Yeah I don't have kids, the world is over populated as it is and there should be a cap on two children, but that's a whole other debate!

    What I mean is, if a parent had a choice, a secret choice, I'm certain the vast majority would prefer if their child was straight.
    Reason being that they want their child's happiness so much that they wouldn't wanting them going through life being something which *might* end up making them a target of abuse and hate.
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    TrollHunterTrollHunter Posts: 12,496
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    Matt_Maher wrote: »
    Yeah I don't have kids, the world is over populated as it is and there should be a cap on two children, but that's a whole other debate!

    What I mean is, if a parent had a choice, a secret choice, I'm certain the vast majority would prefer if their child was straight.
    Reason being that they want their child's happiness so much that they wouldn't wanting them going through life being something which *might* end up making them a target of abuse and hate.

    There are so many aspects of a child's life that *might* make them a target for bullying but there are also a number of reasons which would make them happy. Happiness > potential bullying. Sexuality wins.
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    FizixFizix Posts: 16,932
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    Would you send them to a special school to avoid bullying?

    Ummmm no
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    CELT1987CELT1987 Posts: 12,358
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    If I had a son or daughter, it wouldn't bother me if they were gay. If they were a Rangers fan however......
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    TrollHunterTrollHunter Posts: 12,496
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    Matt_Maher wrote: »
    Yeah I don't have kids, the world is over populated as it is and there should be a cap on two children, but that's a whole other debate!

    What I mean is, if a parent had a choice, a secret choice, I'm certain the vast majority would prefer if their child was straight.
    Reason being that they want their child's happiness so much that they wouldn't wanting them going through life being something which *might* end up making them a target of abuse and hate.

    There are so many aspects of a child's life that *might* make them a target for bullying but there are also a number of reasons which would make them happy. Happiness > potential bullying. Sexuality wins.
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    David MillsDavid Mills Posts: 742
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    Matt_Maher wrote: »
    Yeah I don't have kids, the world is over populated as it is and there should be a cap on two children, but that's a whole other debate!

    What I mean is, if a parent had a choice, a secret choice, I'm certain the vast majority would prefer if their child was straight.
    Reason being that they want their child's happiness so much that they wouldn't wanting them going through life being something which *might* end up making them a target of abuse and hate.

    Doesn't matter if a child is gay or not that behaviour from a parent is wrong every single time, any parent who wants their child to not go through stuff and protect them from bad things isn't living in the real world. Bad bad parenting.

    I am gay and I got bullied for it at school but right now all it ever did was turn me into a person who would rather feel love for myself and others than treat other humans like bullies did, so it made me a super strong human being & no one helped me, I got not bullying help, no teachers, never told my parents. I found all that strength inside.

    But parents trying to protect their children from bad things will raise children who fear stuff and don't know how to find that inner strength and that's a bad attitude so any parent wishing their child was straight as it's easier will still make a million mistakes anyway if that's their attitude to parenting so it won't solve anything, were as being surprised to have a gay child then becoming stronger for it makes people so much more united and happier in the long term.
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    Old EndeavourOld Endeavour Posts: 9,852
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    Let's put everyone in prison and then they will have no houses to be burgled!

    Great logic: Don't stop the one doing the crime, just remove the innocent people.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 68,508
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    Let's put everyone in prison and then they will have no houses to be burgled!

    Great logic: Don't stop the one doing the crime, just remove the innocent people.

    That surely misses the target completely. No one is suggesting that LGBT teenagers are forcibly excluded from mainstream school and put in special schools. It is suggested that they might be offered extra support IF they feel that they would benefit from it, in small units where they can take time out from routine homophobia. I can't quite do a burglary simile because it is hard to think of any group that is specifically targeted by burglars, but if you imagine a world where people with green eyes suffered a great deal more burglaries than the average, a council might set aside a small amount of more secure housing for green eyed people who had really had their confidence knocked by too many burglaries.
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    bobby_boleynbobby_boleyn Posts: 243
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    That surely misses the target completely. No one is suggesting that LGBT teenagers are forcibly excluded from mainstream school and put in special schools. It is suggested that they might be offered extra support IF they feel that they would benefit from it, in small units where they can take time out from routine homophobia. I can't quite do a burglary simile because it is hard to think of any group that is specifically targeted by burglars, but if you imagine a world where people with green eyes suffered a great deal more burglaries than the average, a council might set aside a small amount of more secure housing for green eyed people who had really had their confidence knocked by too many burglaries.

    I would expect the coucil to hand out a few burglar alarms to the green eyes and to integrate better and adopt less of a victim mentality. Green eyed burglaries would fall overnight.

    *brown eyed burglaries may have been more apposite.
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    Fairyprincess0Fairyprincess0 Posts: 30,085
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    my mother wants me to be happy. but if its a choice between being happy and 'normal', and its is, she'd want me to be 'normal'.

    as a result, im ****ing miserble.
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    TeganRhanTeganRhan Posts: 2,947
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    When I saw the article I almost wept. How is that going to help? The reason they stopped having segregated schools in the USA was because they finally came round to the fact black people and white people are equal. How do they expect to in still this into children if they remove gay children from class. Now I low it's hard to accept, near impossible if you're a parent ... But if your child remains in mainstream education, eventually things will change. There is a brilliant lifetime movie about one of the first children to go to a white school in the USA in the Bible Belt. It was about all the verbal abuse she got, parents pulling there kids out etc . Her parents wanted to pull her from the school but she refused. It was for change. I know people will say it's not the same thing but it's the only comparison I can think off if they start having separate schools.
    I think the school should provide more support if the kids are being bullied and two daddy's, two mummy's, one mum one dad should be taught in infant school. You don't need to get into the how's and what bits, just that it's ok to love who ever you want.
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    Flamethrower100Flamethrower100 Posts: 14,106
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    No. because it's just reinforcing the problem of intolerance. If I had a kid that was openly gay then I would encourage them to stand strong against bullying. If they were in danger I would get them to move schools. But not to one that was for gays only. Just makes people think that it's ok to judge people based on the sexuality and it would make the kid feel like they are different from everyone else. When actually they are just another person out of billions of people over time that were gay, bi or whatever else.
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    Flamethrower100Flamethrower100 Posts: 14,106
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    Matt_Maher wrote: »
    I know everyone would trot out the usual line of they wouldn't care if their child is gay or not as long as they're happy, but really I think parents would prefer if they were straight.

    Not because of any homophobia, but you'd think their life may be a little bit easier if they were straight.

    With schools, I've no idea what it's like now obviously, but i'd assume there are many more openly gay people in them now than there was twenty years ago.

    I would prefer if my kid was straight. Because it would be easier for them to have a kid. Not that I want to be a grandmother that much. I'm not even a mother yet. But you see what I mean. It's a natural instinct to want the line carried on.
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    biggle2000biggle2000 Posts: 3,588
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    I would imagine that true homosexuality (as opposed to fads that they grow out of) is maybe genetic. That is why some say they are born with it.

    In other words if you are truly married and happy with your wife etc then the chances or producing a gay child would probably be minimal.

    Ha ha ha oh my sides are hurting you are so funny and obviously know very few gay people
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    biggle2000biggle2000 Posts: 3,588
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    Matt_Maher wrote: »
    Yeah I don't have kids, the world is over populated as it is and there should be a cap on two children, but that's a whole other debate!

    What I mean is, if a parent had a choice, a secret choice, I'm certain the vast majority would prefer if their child was straight.
    Reason being that they want their child's happiness so much that they wouldn't wanting them going through life being something which *might* end up making them a target of abuse and hate.

    As an openly gay woman I can say that I have never knowingly been the target of hate or abuse.
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    ChristmasCakeChristmasCake Posts: 26,078
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    Speaking as a gay man, if i had a gay child, especially a son, i would be quite concerned for them tbh. I will probably get shot down for this, but I don't think a lot of gay men lead happy lives even today. We live in a straight dominated society, there's homophobia both external AND internalized. Gay men, especially on the scene, are very cliquey, and everything is centered around looks and types (yes the straight world is like that too) but in the gay world it is magnified several times. Many gay men seem to have emotional problems, and the peter pan syndrome is rife. I know many of us are fed up with the victim image, but the truth is not always convenient.

    I live in London, and spend most of my time in Soho, but I've been out in Manchester, Liverpool, Edinburgh, Cardiff, Swansea, Brighton, Blackpool, Luton and a fair few other places too, and I'm not exactly blessed with good looks, but I still manage to have a good time.

    I go out with no expectations, with my friends, because I want to dance, and sure, perhaps a few people do point or laugh, or whatever, because I'm a 29 year old man who loves bubblegum pop, but I don't really give a shit, and I find plenty of people are friendly.

    I went back to Liverpool in the summer, and there are still people who remember me from five years ago..

    Point I'm trying to make is, the sort of night you have depends on your own attitude starting out..

    I suppose you may point me out as a 29 year old man still clubbing, and say I'm suffering from 'Peter Pan' syndrome, and honestly, maybe I am, but really, I just love music, and I love dancing..

    I know plenty of well adjusted gay men for what it's worth.

    I wish I could say I was well adjusted, but it's fairly known on here that I'm not, I'm getting there though, Monday makes 25 weeks clean and sober, and I actually like myself these days, so it's a start:).

    Some gays in the community see themselves as special, and that every facet of life has to have a special gay version. Schools are the latest it seems.

    I'm special. My sexuality could be coincidental to that, but it's probably not.
    Matt_Maher wrote: »
    Yeah I don't have kids, the world is over populated as it is and there should be a cap on two children, but that's a whole other debate!

    What I mean is, if a parent had a choice, a secret choice, I'm certain the vast majority would prefer if their child was straight.
    Reason being that they want their child's happiness so much that they wouldn't wanting them going through life being something which *might* end up making them a target of abuse and hate.

    I spent a long time working with BeatBullying, and I can assure you people get bullied, sadly, for a myriad of reasons.
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    ÆnimaÆnima Posts: 38,548
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    I wouldn't care at all and I don't understand why any parent would care.
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    Guts and GloryGuts and Glory Posts: 1,739
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    I can't pretend I wouldn't be slighty disapointed, but would not show it, and would completely support them.
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    HogzillaHogzilla Posts: 24,116
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    My best mate is gay. Most of my old university friends were gay. I'm just putting that upfront because that's why I found it hard when my son couldn't come out to me til he was at university. I mean, he knows everyone I have ever known. He knows I don't give a monkey's. But even he found it difficult to come out to his old mum and dad...

    I should have spotted the signs. His favourite group when he was a kid was Soft Cell. He told me when he was about 6, that when grew up he wanted a pink poodle. So my gaydar is a bit off kilter...

    I was only upset when he came out because I assumed I was the sort of mum he could have told anything, told sooner. And I felt a bit sad he had to get his courage up to tell us.

    My best friend when she came out to her parents she was well in her 20s, and her very loving, supportive, left wing parents still took some time to adjust because they were our parents' generation and also she was their only daughter and so they sort of went into mourning for the grand kids they'd expected to have... I was very fond of her parents, and kind of understood their reaction as well as her's.

    My third son is straight but looks gay. Very gay. (He is.. flamboyant). He has macho men accuse him of being gay, shouting from white vans, etc. Almost daily. Which is odd as he lives in Manchester - you'd think they wouldn't notice or care. He is totally at peace with it. Doesn't bother him in the least. He is also very good looking so probably gets more attention from women than any of the white van homophobic men.
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    vauxhall1964vauxhall1964 Posts: 10,360
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    Ænima wrote: »
    I wouldn't care at all and I don't understand why any parent would care.

    a) they're religious
    b) they want grandchildren
    c) they think it brings scandal on the family

    all three applied to my parents and though you can argue with these beliefs the fact is they hold a lot of sway with many people still.
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    Malice CooperMalice Cooper Posts: 1,266
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    I'd worry if they discovered religion, but not if either of my two were gay.
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    attitude99attitude99 Posts: 14,848
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    Matt_Maher wrote: »
    With schools, I've no idea what it's like now obviously, but i'd assume there are many more openly gay people in them now than there was twenty years ago.

    Well, not in the school I go too. The school in the next town has a couple of openly gay students who I know, & generally most people don't really care.

    In the school I go to, I haven't come out to anyone apart from my 6 friends, however most people just 'assume' that I'm gay. I have spoken to a couple of the 'popular kids' in my year quite a while ago over Facebook messaging when they asked me whether I was gay or not & I asked them would they care. They said it wouldn't matter at all since they said I was a lovely person. Knowing that made me feel a whole lot better if I'm honest.

    But there are quite a few people who think it's acceptable to spout off at me over it. I remember one time a few months ago & I passed a lad in my year in the science corridor & he pointed at me & shouted 'Who'd want to f*ck that dirty little sh*t?' I just carried on walking but when I got to my science lesson I just sat there shocked. I couldn't believe that was said about me. There had been rumours spread around previously that I used to have sex with 40 year old men for money & because I wouldn't get anything better. These rumours ruined my life so much that I attempted suicide. The bullying carries on, but it's come to a point now where I really couldn't care what they say about me. One farmer boy thought it would be funny to get his friend to lift his top up & walk towards me, but I just looked up then back down again at my work. He still tries to do it, but everyone hates him since he's scum (apart from his 2 friends in the class) & now this girl who I'm good friends with sits next to me so now I talk to her as a distraction from whatever this kid does.

    I am just so glad I have a few months of school left now, I recently learned that one of the kids is going to the same college as me but on a different course. But right now it really doesn't bother me at all. It still sometimes gets to me though, but I don't show it in school. I have told my head of year, who coincidentally is my Physics teacher, but I've told him several times & he's spoken to them but it's not having any effect, they just keep on doing it. There is really no way to stop bullies.
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