When to Worry?

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  • MutterMutter Posts: 3,269
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    JulesF wrote: »
    It must be awful to be in a constant state of worry. :(

    It's not true, though, that hardly anywhere is out of contact these days. Hell, my mobile reception is almost non-existent in some bits of my property, and I'm in south-east England! It's also perfectly plausible that she's lost either her phone or her charger - very easily done.
    I've thought of that but she would email to tell me, all hostels have wifi.
    I have so much I should be doing, but can't tear myself away from constantly looking at emails.
  • Mumof3Mumof3 Posts: 4,529
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    Does she live at home? Maybe she's enjoying freedom without accountability or supervision.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,591
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    Mutter wrote: »
    I've thought of that but she would email to tell me, all hostels have wifi.
    I have so much I should be doing, but can't tear myself away from constantly looking at emails.

    Perfectly understandable to not be focussed on anything else right now. I would get in touch with one of her friends to check her facebook.
  • MutterMutter Posts: 3,269
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    Mumof3 wrote: »
    Does she live at home? Maybe she's enjoying freedom without accountability or supervision.
    No, she's always lived away since leaving school, she is very independent and I'm not a friend type mum who always expects to know what she does, hence the refusal to be on her facebook.

    This going away started as intending to work in NZ for a year, but as I'm alone she said she wouldn't if I minded. I told her "Do it". She then decided she could see more of the world if she travelled instead to NZ taking eight months to do it. What she has found is that meeting new people all the time, the plans change. She left out India for example as she fell in love with Africa, and is going to Japan meeting someone from Eire there. Japan wasn't on the original plan.

    She still looks to me for help obviously as her mum. Such as when all her money and cards were stolen. I posted a travel card to her friend in Ireland who will deliver it in Tokyo around the 8th August I believe.
    I spent a month in Cape Town with her and she asked me meet her in NZ in September, but I won't. When I got back from CT, the poor dog was checking me through the night to make sure I was still here, I won't leave him again for so long even though he had a sitter. Then she goes to Petra with people she met in Costa Rica and then to USA to visit others from this trip.
    So no, she wouldn't feel tied to contacting me. He emails are often one liners anyway.
    Last one was "You're mad"! over something I'd bought. :D

    Going to get showered and do things, and try to get away from the laptop.
    Thanks to you all.
  • gdjman68wasdigigdjman68wasdigi Posts: 21,705
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    From one dad to another, I feel for you

    Hope your hear something soon, please update us
  • MutterMutter Posts: 3,269
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    Last post on facebook 25th, same day I last heard from her. She was in Siem Reep Cambodia but there are so many hostels to try I can't even start.
    I have her friends address in NZ who she is bound to contact but no phone or email for her.
    I rang daughter's phone but went straight to voicemail. I'm tempted to text her ex boyfriend who she is still great friends with, but fear crossing the line from worried to intrusive.
    I'll start emailing hostels.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,591
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    Fingers crossed you hear something soon xx
  • RellyRelly Posts: 3,469
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    Also crossing fingers for you, Mutter - hope you hear from her soon. x
  • Jamie_BradleyJamie_Bradley Posts: 408
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    I'm expecting this to be on the news soon, usually a young British tourist goes missing it's all over Skynews within 48 hours.
  • Babe RainbowBabe Rainbow Posts: 34,349
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    I feel for you OP. I am not a mother but I am a terrible worrier. I always worry when I can't get hold of folks and it always turns out to be nothing .

    There's probably any number of reasons why she is out of range. I'm sure she will fetch up safe and well. Hope you hear from her soon x
  • gdjman68wasdigigdjman68wasdigi Posts: 21,705
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    I feel for you OP. I am not a mother but I am a terrible worrier. I always worry when I can't get hold of folks and it always turns out to be nothing .

    There's probably any number of reasons why she is out of range. I'm sure she will fetch up safe and well. Hope you hear from her soon x

    when you are a mother that will increse ten fold..

    mine are 10 and 14 and i worry constantly..

    backpacking across Asia..scare the life out of me..

    kudos to the op for allowing it...
  • newto thisnewto this Posts: 169
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    You could try the NZ phone book for her friends telephone number.

    http://whitepages.co.nz/

    I have a 25 yr old daughter and I'd be worried too. I hope you hear from her soon.
  • Babe RainbowBabe Rainbow Posts: 34,349
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    when you are a mother that will increse ten fold..

    mine are 10 and 14 and i worry constantly..

    backpacking across Asia..scare the life out of me..

    kudos to the op for allowing it...


    Don't think that's very likely :)
  • RellyRelly Posts: 3,469
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    I'm expecting this to be on the news soon, usually a young British tourist goes missing it's all over Skynews within 48 hours.

    Wow, that's a comforting prophecy for a worried parent to think about - I don't think.
  • alr837alr837 Posts: 1,838
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    If you don't know the name of the hostel she was in, do you know the area where it was? did she say anything about where it was, what it was close to? - Pub Street, the market etc?

    Think about posting here http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/ShowForum-g293939-i9162-Cambodia.html
    A number of people/ ex pats on there live in Siem Reap and have been useful to concerned parents before
  • imogenkateimogenkate Posts: 2,657
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    what a terrible worry for you.

    my eldest did 2 years away.it was a constant source of anxiety for me.
    i hope you hear from her soon.sometimes they get swept away in the excitement of things and even the most thoughtful young adult can forget about mum at home.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,591
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    imogenkate wrote: »
    what a terrible worry for you.

    my eldest did 2 years away.it was a constant source of anxiety for me.
    i hope you hear from her soon.sometimes they get swept away in the excitement of things and even the most thoughtful young adult can forget about mum at home.

    I was one of those myself and now I feel terrible about what my parents must have gone through! I was so dismissive of it at the time :(
  • Summer BreezeSummer Breeze Posts: 4,399
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    I'm expecting this to be on the news soon, usually a young British tourist goes missing it's all over Skynews within 48 hours.

    Erm....Jamie that comment is a bit insensitive seeing that Mutter is already fretting.
    She is not missing, she just has not been in contact with her Mum for a short while.
  • Summer BreezeSummer Breeze Posts: 4,399
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    red tulips wrote: »
    I was one of those myself and now I feel terrible about what my parents must have gone through! I was so dismissive of it at the time :(



    I quit worrying about my girl in the end as she was just getting on with her life and having lots of fun.
    When she went off on her travels at first she was not on facebook or anything like that so we just relied on the odd email or phone call.

    One year she had been in the USA going all over the place and meeting up with various friends she knew out in different states.
    She was due home in September, one sunny day n the middle of August I was walking my dog down the lane and saw a person in a grey hoody with it up.
    As I got nearer the hoody came down and there she was surprising me early.

    She got in touch when she lost her passport straight away mind you :)
    That came back about 3 years later, posted from the USA.
  • imogenkateimogenkate Posts: 2,657
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    I quit worrying about my girl in the end as she was just getting on with her life and having lots of fun.
    When she went off on her travels at first she was not on facebook or anything like that so we just relied on the odd email or phone call.

    One year she had been in the USA going all over the place and meeting up with various friends she knew out in different states.
    She was due home in September, one sunny day n the middle of August I was walking my dog down the lane and saw a person in a grey hoody with it up.
    As I got nearer the hoody came down and there she was surprising me early.

    She got in touch when she lost her passport straight away mind you :)
    That came back about 3 years later, posted from the USA.

    i found that.no news from my boy meant all was ok.emails normally meant that he needed something.usually money.or something else done for him. :)
  • MutterMutter Posts: 3,269
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    Thank you to all on here, being able to voice my worry has been such a help.
    I was looking back through emails and she did go missing before for 8 days in Madagascar. Said there was no wifi. I did know though that she was staying at Shack on Sea as I called it.

    @Jamie_Bradley you won't be seeing it all over the papers because they won't know, as I won't tell them. I'm sure I'm not the first parent who's backpacking child has fallen off the radar for a while.

    Anyway, it's 1 a.m there, so no more looking on email tonight.

    One other good thing apart from posting here today, the beautiful Vulcan bomber came over as she so often does. Her penultimate flying year, then no more.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 907
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    I've been travelling a couple of times and my parents learnt that when I didn't contact for a few weeks, that was when I was just having a really fun time.

    Please can other posters stop worrying the OP!!!

    In fact, I hadn't spoken to the folks in three weeks once and couldn't get through each time I tried. Turned out their land line was off the hook.. I was the worried one!
  • imogenkateimogenkate Posts: 2,657
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    Mutter wrote: »
    Thank you to all on here, being able to voice my worry has been such a help.
    I was looking back through emails and she did go missing before for 8 days in Madagascar. Said there was no wifi. I did know though that she was staying at Shack on Sea as I called it.

    @Jamie_Bradley you won't be seeing it all over the papers because they won't know, as I won't tell them. I'm sure I'm not the first parent who's backpacking child has fallen off the radar for a while.

    Anyway, it's 1 a.m there, so no more looking on email tonight.

    One other good thing apart from posting here today, the beautiful Vulcan bomber came over as she so often does. Her penultimate flying year, then no more.

    saw the vulcan at the f/Bbro airshow not long ago.she is a beaut.

    i think you are wise to stop worrying as much(as a parent it will never fully go away)

    think of the fun she is having and the tales she will have to tell you when she returns.and all those pics you will see.
  • MutterMutter Posts: 3,269
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    imogenkate wrote: »
    what a terrible worry for you.

    my eldest did 2 years away.it was a constant source of anxiety for me.
    i hope you hear from her soon.sometimes they get swept away in the excitement of things and even the most thoughtful young adult can forget about mum at home.
    She is very thoughtful, beautiful flowers for my birthday while in Mbale Uganda.

    She emailed then to say she was going over the border by bus to Nairobi to get proper showers and wifi. I looked up the journey and it was 12 hours each way. I thought it was odd.
    When I visited in Cape Town she told me the true story. She had fallen from a bike and the wound became infected. So badly, that she needed antibioitics through a drip. She said ,"No way were they putting a line into me in Uganda, the hospital really does have goats and chickens in there."
    Instead she was in contact with hospital Doctors here, and had gone to Nairobi in case it worsened. The photos were horrible, wound open to the bone and she'd said nothing so as not to worry me.
    More likely she was scared I'd be on the next flight out. I've been told that I'd never cope with the "Real Africa".

    On a different scale I so admire the team working to contain the Ebola outbreak. Watch out for them in the Honours list. I don't think!
  • DodgyraiderDodgyraider Posts: 283
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    Mutter, you sound like an awesome mum. My mum would be exactly the same as you if I went off travelling.

    As thoughtful as I think I am, six days is not a long time when you're off exploring, meeting new people and experiencing things the vast majority of us will never experience.

    But my parents would be climbing up the walls whilst I'm off having the time of my life!

    She sounds like a sensible girl, but when she next gets in touch make sure you tell her the worry she's put you through!

    There's nothing worse than a bit of guilt when you know you've made your parents worry!

    Try to relax, she'll be fine!
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