Part of the reason I won't even do a companionship type relationship is sooner or later the other person may want sex and that is something I not willing to do.
This. ^ That is what makes the 'friend zone' so appealing to us asexuals.
Spin it the other way round. My OH (of 17 years) and I don't have sex anymore, apart from very occasional shenanigans, since he was honest enough to admit to me about 7 or 8 years ago that he didn't find my body physically attractive any more (I'd put weight on). But he still tells me he loves me every day, and constantly wants hugs and holds.
We do have an understanding in place that I can seek to fulfill that 'need' outside of our relationship - though I'd hardly call it a need, and these days it seldom happens except as a result of drunken nights out. In the last year there've been two such dalliances and to be honest, neither of them were particularly worth it when all was said and done.
What I actually find quite strange is the number of people who seem to regard a sexual encounter as the starting basis for a romantic relationship.
I don't think anyone's saying that every sexual encounter is the starting point of a relationship, I'd however think it's naive to believe that is some instances, it can be.
This. ^ That is what makes the 'friend zone' so appealing to us asexuals.
I have put a few girls in the friend zone over the years.
There was one in college who I was close friends with for years and I never knew she spent years dropping hints and doing whatever she could to get me to ask her out but I never picked up on it.
My other friend told me what she was up to but I didn't know if to belive him then a few years ago someone from college who was a close friend of hers added me and told me she was open about it to her and always wondered why I never did anything.
If you were dating someone and found out early on they didn't like or could perform sex, would you stop dating them even if you liked them? Would you be willing to make some compromise perhaps like receiving oral or masturbation? Is it of different importance between genders?
I have put a few girls in the friend zone over the years.
There was one in college who I was close friends with for years and I never knew she spent years dropping hints and doing whatever she could to get me to ask her out but I never picked up on it.
My other friend told me what she was up to but I didn't know if to belive him then a few years ago someone from college who was a close friend of hers added me and told me she was open about it to her and always wondered why I never did anything.
Sounds familiar, thou, its been like that my whole life. And like you, I'm also not 'touchy feely'. But unlike you I am a romantic asexual, as in you're type D and I'm type B from the now disused asexual classifications. The new type classification would be we are both averse asexuals, but I prefer the old classification.
Of course.
I'm 34 and still a virgin. (I am not ashamed)
I don't even think I have much of a libido myself anyway and besides it's the person I would fall for not what they can physically do for me.
It's sad but true, some prescription drugs can kill off desire, I know of one in particular that not only has that effect but for some people has drastically changed their body shape and hugely increased their weight in just the space of a year and there is nothing they can do about it. Even years after going through the difficult withdrawal they are stuck with this body which doesn't feel like their own.
The point I'm making here is that a situation like this can completely destroy one's sex life. Even in a strong relationship desire desolves, each become tetchy and trying to talk about the situation is full of difficult and exhausting emotions. So it becomes the elephant in the room. Thinking and saying you'd stay with your partner if sex became so difficult is comendable, but in reality it becomes a very different thing.
Couples can become too comfortable with what they like sexually after a long and vigorous sex life. Then they think, as its always been good, that perhaps it's their age and only natural. That may be so but it is well worth experimenting with other techniques to see if they can renew what you once had.
After a bit of a dry spell we found S&M and role play. I didn't think I liked pain so always dismissed it before - how wrong I was and have a new found respect for my nipples!
Let's get straight to the realism here - anyone who says they could tolerate a sexless relationship is more than likely not being fully honest; certainly not for anyone under the age of 60.
As tempted as I am to post personal experiences here I won't; but let's just say that every gf, every platonic female friend and acquaintance I have ever met is definitely preoccupied with sex - far more so than men. The notion of expecting them to meet a man and stay with him without intimacy and solely out of 'love' or 'companionship'... LOL, just LOL.
Could I cope with a sexless relationship? Probably not, even though I don't consider sex that important.
Let's get straight to the realism here - anyone who says they could tolerate a sexless relationship is more than likely not being fully honest; certainly not for anyone under the age of 60.
Why at least 2 Asexuals myself being one of them have posted in this thread and sex is the very last thing we want.
Why at least 2 Asexuals myself being one of them have posted in this thread and sex is the very last thing we want.
Forgive my ignorance, but does being assexual mean you completely forsake romantic relationships, or you do have relationships but just don't indulge in sexual activity?
For clarity, I had in mind people who are looking for love, and the likelihood of them coping without sex once in the relationship.
Forgive my ignorance, but does being assexual mean you completely forsake romantic relationships, or you do have relationships but just don't indulge in sexual activity?
For clarity, I had in mind people who are looking for love, and the likelihood of them coping without sex once in the relationship.
Depends on the Asexual.
I am Aromantic Asexual so I don't feel romantic or sexual attraction or deseires.
Hetroromantic Asexuals feel romantic attraction to the opposite gender but no sexual attraction or desires.
Homoromantics Asexuals feel romantic attraction to the same gender but no sexual attraction or desires.
Biromantic Asexuals feel romantic attraction to both genders but no sexual attraction or desires.
As I posted earier Asexuals have got marrired but never have sex.
Some may marry a sexual person and eithet have sex for the other persons sake dispite not liking it or allowing the other person to go out and have sex with someone else.
Comments
This. ^ That is what makes the 'friend zone' so appealing to us asexuals.
I don't think anyone's saying that every sexual encounter is the starting point of a relationship, I'd however think it's naive to believe that is some instances, it can be.
I have put a few girls in the friend zone over the years.
There was one in college who I was close friends with for years and I never knew she spent years dropping hints and doing whatever she could to get me to ask her out but I never picked up on it.
My other friend told me what she was up to but I didn't know if to belive him then a few years ago someone from college who was a close friend of hers added me and told me she was open about it to her and always wondered why I never did anything.
Yes, could do. No problem.
Sounds familiar, thou, its been like that my whole life. And like you, I'm also not 'touchy feely'. But unlike you I am a romantic asexual, as in you're type D and I'm type B from the now disused asexual classifications. The new type classification would be we are both averse asexuals, but I prefer the old classification.
You have either not hit 'the wall' yet, or are way past the wall.
I'm 34 and still a virgin. (I am not ashamed)
I don't even think I have much of a libido myself anyway and besides it's the person I would fall for not what they can physically do for me.
Any particular wall ?
The one all women hit when they are 30 - 35 ish.
The point I'm making here is that a situation like this can completely destroy one's sex life. Even in a strong relationship desire desolves, each become tetchy and trying to talk about the situation is full of difficult and exhausting emotions. So it becomes the elephant in the room. Thinking and saying you'd stay with your partner if sex became so difficult is comendable, but in reality it becomes a very different thing.
Haha, what tosh! I wonder if that speaks more about you and your interaction with these women, than anything... What an absurd blanket statement.
After a bit of a dry spell we found S&M and role play. I didn't think I liked pain so always dismissed it before - how wrong I was and have a new found respect for my nipples!
[Been messed about enough by some who don't know the difference between love and lust].
As tempted as I am to post personal experiences here I won't; but let's just say that every gf, every platonic female friend and acquaintance I have ever met is definitely preoccupied with sex - far more so than men. The notion of expecting them to meet a man and stay with him without intimacy and solely out of 'love' or 'companionship'... LOL, just LOL.
Could I cope with a sexless relationship? Probably not, even though I don't consider sex that important.
Why at least 2 Asexuals myself being one of them have posted in this thread and sex is the very last thing we want.
For clarity, I had in mind people who are looking for love, and the likelihood of them coping without sex once in the relationship.
I am Aromantic Asexual so I don't feel romantic or sexual attraction or deseires.
Hetroromantic Asexuals feel romantic attraction to the opposite gender but no sexual attraction or desires.
Homoromantics Asexuals feel romantic attraction to the same gender but no sexual attraction or desires.
Biromantic Asexuals feel romantic attraction to both genders but no sexual attraction or desires.
As I posted earier Asexuals have got marrired but never have sex.
Some may marry a sexual person and eithet have sex for the other persons sake dispite not liking it or allowing the other person to go out and have sex with someone else.