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My partner had a Stroke last night. I need some help.
Hello, I've just got home from being in the hospital since midnight last night, my partner who's 35 had a stroke. I'm 20, i've never had to deal with a situation like this before. He's lost the ability to talk (he's a natural chatterbox), and his right side is damaged, I'm trying to help but I just seem to frustrate him.
I'm extremely emotional at the moment and even saying the word sets me off, I just wondered if anyone had dealt with Strokes before and if they had any advice for me, because i'm just really scared and I feel hopeless.
I'm extremely emotional at the moment and even saying the word sets me off, I just wondered if anyone had dealt with Strokes before and if they had any advice for me, because i'm just really scared and I feel hopeless.
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its not easy but its early doors - the most essential is early treatment and a lot of people can recover after strokes.
is he in a specialist unit?
Yes he's in the stroke ward at Southampton General..Everyone keeps telling me, "he'll get speech therapy, he'll be fine again soon"..But it doesn't feel like that to me, I don't feel like I have him any more..It's like it's someone else.
Even thinking about him being in there while i'm sat at home makes me feel guilty, I need rest, but I need to be with him too..I can't help feeling so bloody frustrated and useless..
Seeing him the way he is breaks my heart, but I can't cry because he'll cry..Hence why i'm letting it all out now, I just want him back
The hospital may set something up before your partner leaves.
Stroke Helpline on 0303 303 3100 open Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.
Big hugs and hope your partner makes a full and speedy recovery. The frustration is very natural and he will also be very scared. Just be loving and caring - it's all you can really do right now.
He IS still there. Just unable to express himself. My friend was exactly the same and now she is the busy mum of two lively kids. Honestly, people can come back from this.
I know, i'm holding onto that thought..It just seems so far away right now, and I feel like anything I do just isn't enough..Or isn't helping. I just want to hold him in my arms and not let go and tell him it'll be okay..I'm just not used to feeling so useless..
Right now he needs rest and the drugs as his brain starts to repair the first connections. Don't feel guilty about needing rest - you can do very little by being there, he'll be extremely tired if not asleep, and will likely be unaware of what's going on. You can't do much by being there all the time - get some rest and pop in to see him for brief visits. Long visits are often too tiring for stroke patients anyway in the initial days.
The brain is a very clever organ, it repairs extremely well, it just needs time and rest, and in the first days after a stroke, it mostly shuts down to essential things only so that it can repair itself. My dad is partially disabled now, but he's a lot older than your partner, but his speech and understanding is fine, and that came back fairly soon after the stroke (within the first week, although it took a few months to be back to normal).
Edit: Also, you say his right side is damaged, do you mean right brain stroke, or right side of his body? If it's the right side of his body, then it's a left brain stroke, and his speech will almost certainly be fine. If it's a right brain stroke then that's harder for his speech, but at his age he would still have an excellent outlook for speech improvement.
Regarding him being frustrated when you try to help, with people following a stroke their emotions tend to be all over the place. For example I've seen people who have cried when they are actually experiencing happy feelings - following a stroke the 'wires' can temporarily get a bit crossed, so don't take the irritability too seriously.
Maybe try and get some support from family and friends and the Stroke organisations mentioned above. Recovery from stroke can be quite a lengthy process but the majority of people do improve well, it just takes time
It's the right side of his body..I know it's very early days but..I'm just mentally and physically drained, i'd take all the pain away from him and give it to myself if I could. *sigh*
It's good to know i'm not being over emotional..I literally got home and cannot stop crying, I just yearn to be back with him, eventhough I can do nothing to help apart from hold his hand and tell him that I love him so much, you know?
give the stroke association a call, even if for a friendly chat about how you are feeling and how your partner will need you
good luck and stay strong for you and him x
But please relax, there's nothing you can do except wait - the brain really is very good at repairing itself, but it takes time.
That's just about all you can do really at the moment - be there for him. He's getting the care he needs and will start to show signs of improvement soon. All the best.
Thank you, very much. It's quite strange knowing most people my age (20) will be out getting trashed on NYE, i'll be sat with Adam bringing the new year in with him.
My Dad had a stroke in his 50's, he was a walking statistic for having one, overweight, drinker, smoker etc.
His was quite a major one, but he made a full recovery in a relatively short period of time.
What I'm trying to say is that if someone in his position can make a full recovery, despite his age and lifestyle, then there's every reason to be optimistic in your case.
I wish you all the best.
I'm too worried about him to care about myself
To reassure you one of my boys had a stroke earlier this year aged 25, it affected his speech, sight and balance, he has now made near on a full recovery and back at work, just his speech is a little slurred still.
Last week he was taken off the Warfarin medication and also given the ok to start driving again.
Hang in there young lady, he'll be right as rain before you know it.
He still sometimes gets really emotional and tearful over things that make him really happy and heightened emotions are a symptom of these kinds of strokes. Im sure right now Adam is slightly confused, devastated, and angry that this has happened to him so young, quite apart from the frustrations involved in trying to speak and do things. Dont allow his frustrations to upset you they arent aimed at you - its just part of the package. We often take things out on those we love the most after all. You WILL get through this, even though you are terrified right now. Do talk to doctors helplines or even just chat on here, it all helps because YOU also need some comfort and support right now, to help him recover. So remember HE is being cared for by the right people, its YOUR job to stay well and find out whatever you can, and support and encourage him to do things for himself (slowly - its very early days yet, that will really come later). Best wishes x
He has been getting really angry at me because I can't understand what he's saying, it makes me feel so crappy..But I know he's frustrated, I really do, but all I want to do is be there for him...I'm going back up there to see him at 5.30 just because I can't help being close to him when I know he needs me.
I know the recovery will take time, it's just such a shame to see his amazingly charismatic character shattered just like that, you know?
Take a notepad and pen in with you if he can write. That may help him communicate. His character is still there. It has just been temporarily interrupted.
He is frustrated and taking it out on you, don't take his crap! Tell him you are just as frustrated as he is, and you will both have to handle this together! Once thats off your chest, don't take it personally if he snaps. When our nanny had a stroke she came back well the first time it was the second one a few years after (that started at the back of her brain) that left her with vascular dementia. Her full time carer is her daughter and I remember one day being in the house and she put her recliner chair up and as she did so she kicked her trolley and her drink went everywhere, her daughter didn't see it happen, but as soon as she stepped into the livingroom nanny ripped into her about getting a cloth, she was quite brutal. I think when you are frustrated you take it out on those closest to you.
Wait until all the tests have been done and you know the full facts of the situation. Then arrange for a social worker to assess his needs for when he gets home, like extra banisters on the stairs etc.
Hope he gets well soon, and make you have someone to look after you too!