Partner recently moved in...

BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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My partner's just moved in with me (three weeks ago) and it's been fun (and still is!) - however, I want to bring up a couple of things to her.

I've brought them up in conversation before, but they sort of get put off..the main one is storage for clothes etc. My flat only had one tiny built in wardrobe and now, there are clothes everywhere, on my desk, in bags on the bedroom floor etc... I've brought it up to her before but she just doesn't seem to take me seriously? Like will think I'm moaning etc. How do I approach it so that she will take me seriously?

Also, how do I bring up the subject of rent/utility bills? I find it difficult - I don't know what to say, I don't want her to think I'm pressuring her or anything. I've never lived with a partner before so yeah... Any help would be appreciated :)
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  • Jessica LeMoneJessica LeMone Posts: 419
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    My partner's just moved in with me (three weeks ago) and it's been fun (and still is!) - however, I want to bring up a couple of things to her.

    I've brought them up in conversation before, but they sort of get put off..the main one is storage for clothes etc. My flat only had one tiny built in wardrobe and now, there are clothes everywhere, on my desk, in bags on the bedroom floor etc... I've brought it up to her before but she just doesn't seem to take me seriously? Like will think I'm moaning etc. How do I approach it so that she will take me seriously?

    Also, how do I bring up the subject of rent/utility bills? I find it difficult - I don't know what to say, I don't want her to think I'm pressuring her or anything. I've never lived with a partner before so yeah... Any help would be appreciated :)

    Buy her a couple of wardrobes ... I have three and I could fill a fourth :D
  • acoolwelshblokeacoolwelshbloke Posts: 3,185
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    Your relationship will never last if you can't even speak to her about such simple stuff!
  • RAINBOWGIRL22RAINBOWGIRL22 Posts: 24,459
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    Why didn't you discuss bills before????

    Sorry but how the rent and bills will be split is the single most important thing you need to discuss when you move in with anyone.

    The fact your GF hasn't raised it is also a little worrying.

    Just speak to her about it, and clear some space for her stuff.
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    Why didn't you discuss bill before????

    Sorry but how the rent and bills will be split is the single most important thing you need to discuss when you move in with anyone.

    Just speak to her about it, and clear some space for her stuff.

    Thanks for this - I'm in the process of clearing some space 'cos she's away - when she gets back I'll talk to her about it, you're right, it's a major thing and tbh I don't know WHY we didn't discuss it :/ She has raised it a couple of times, but then it just gets put off..
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 16,986
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    Common sense dictates you'd have thought about the problem of moving someone else into a flat with one tiny built in wardrobe.

    Where do you propose she stores her clothes?

    I wouldn't be shy about sorting out bills. Again, this should have been sorted out before the move not after. If she can't or won't pay what you suggest or offers less than you are expecting, one of you is likely to feel quite resentful.

    All sounds a bit of a disaster waiting to happen to be honest.
  • Jessica LeMoneJessica LeMone Posts: 419
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    This looks bad if you are already moaning about her after such a short time. I wouldn't last 2 minutes with all the handbags and shoes I have :D
  • JulesFJulesF Posts: 6,461
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    Why didn't you discuss bills before????

    Sorry but how the rent and bills will be split is the single most important thing you need to discuss when you move in with anyone.

    The fact your GF hasn't raised it is also a little worrying.

    Just speak to her about it, and clear some space for her stuff.

    This! Did you not discuss financial arrangements beforehand at all?
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    Common sense dictates you'd have thought about the problem of moving someone else into a flat with one tiny built in wardrobe.

    Where do you propose she stores her clothes?

    I wouldn't be shy about sorting out bills. Again, this should have been sorted out before the move not after. If she can't or won't pay what you suggest or offers less than you are expecting, one of you is likely to feel quite resentful.

    All sounds a bit of a disaster waiting to happen to be honest.

    Not really a disaster, that's a bit extreme. I don't feel resentful at all, neither am I moaning. I'm just asking advice as I haven't done this before.
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    I can understand how shocked you all are that we hadn't discussed financial arrangements beforehand, but to be honest with you this is my first serious relationship and I have NEVER lived with a partner. So I appreciate the advice, and yes perhaps it is an obvious thing, but I am only asking advice. Thanks.
  • gasheadgashead Posts: 13,807
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    My partner's just moved in with me (three weeks ago) and it's been fun (and still is!) - however, I want to bring up a couple of things to her.

    I've brought them up in conversation before, but they sort of get put off..the main one is storage for clothes etc. My flat only had one tiny built in wardrobe and now, there are clothes everywhere, on my desk, in bags on the bedroom floor etc... I've brought it up to her before but she just doesn't seem to take me seriously? Like will think I'm moaning etc. How do I approach it so that she will take me seriously?

    Also, how do I bring up the subject of rent/utility bills? I find it difficult - I don't know what to say, I don't want her to think I'm pressuring her or anything. I've never lived with a partner before so yeah... Any help would be appreciated :)
    Is the problem lack of space or her un-tidyness? If the former, get down to Ikea, buy some drawers or something and bingo, she's got somewhere to put her stuff. If the latter, that's more difficult. If she's got used to being able to throw her stuff all over the place, that's a habit she's going to have to break, as will you with your single 'bloke' habits (yes, you do! ;)). Best tip is to pick it all up and put in the laundry basket with a "Oh, it was on the floor, so I assumed it was dirty". She'll soon get the hint.
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    This looks bad if you are already moaning about her after such a short time. I wouldn't last 2 minutes with all the handbags and shoes I have :D

    LOL not moaning, just asking advice. Thanks
  • DiscombobulateDiscombobulate Posts: 4,242
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    Why didn't you discuss bills before????

    Sorry but how the rent and bills will be split is the single most important thing you need to discuss when you move in with anyone.

    The fact your GF hasn't raised it is also a little worrying.

    Just speak to her about it, and clear some space for her stuff.

    I agree with this.

    I suggest you write down what you want to discuss and then ask her for a time to discuss things. You should put on your list how much you expect in rent etc and where she is to put her clothes.

    But seriously you should have sorted this before she moved in. Still if you can not reach agreement with her on these things now perhaps it would be a good idea if she moved out now rather than prolong the agony. Relationships are about give and take and any relationship where one partner does all the taking and the other all the giving is unhealthy and best avoided IMO

    Good luck
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    gashead wrote: »
    Is the problem lack of space or her un-tidyness? If the former, get down to Ikea, buy some drawers or something and bingo, she's got somewhere to put her stuff. If the latter, that's more difficult. If she's got used to being able to throw her stuff all over the place, that's a habit she's going to have to break, as will you with your single bloke habits (yes, you do! ;)). Best tip is to pick it all up and put in the laundry basket with a "Oh, it was on the floor, so I assumed it was dirty". She'll soon get the hint.

    It's the untidyness! I don't want to say "babe, you're so messy" so yes, I want to hint at storage without offending her.
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    I agree with this.

    I suggest you write down what you want to discuss and then ask her for a time to discuss things. You should put on your list how much you expect in rent etc and where she is to put her clothes.

    But seriously you should have sorted this before she moved in. Still if you can not reach agreement with her on these things now perhaps it would be a good idea if she moved out now rather than prolong the agony. Relationships are about give and take and any relationship where one partner does all the taking and the other all the giving is unhealthy and best avoided IMO

    Good luck

    Thanks for this, I think I'll write a little list and do that. Really helpful, thank you.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 16,986
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    You are moaning. Where do you propose she stores her clothes?
  • Jessica LeMoneJessica LeMone Posts: 419
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    It's the untidyness! I don't want to say "babe, you're so messy" so yes, I want to hint at storage without offending her.

    I am soo glad I live alone ;)

    I am such a messy person I leave my underwear everywhere which can be dangerous! My dog scoffed one of my bras and I had to take him to the vet who made him puke it back up. I was so upset because the bra was a designer one and cost a lot of money :rolleyes:
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    You are moaning. Where do you propose she stores her clothes?

    The wardrobe has half her stuff in. I have to put mine somewhere, too. We're not rich, so I need her to contribute to the costs. I was merely asking advice on how best to approach a subject with another person. Not moaning. This is the advice forum, no?
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    I am soo glad I live alone ;)

    I am such a messy person I leave my underwear everywhere which can be dangerous! My dog scoffed one of my bras and I had to take him to the vet who made him puke it back up. I was so upset because the bra was a designer one and cost a lot of money :rolleyes:

    LOL was the bra still whole when he puked it back up? :eek:
  • SnrDevSnrDev Posts: 6,094
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    It's the untidyness! I don't want to say "babe, you're so messy" so yes, I want to hint at storage without offending her.
    Get a cheap laundry basket from Ikea and chuck anything lying around in there, clean or dirty, and tell her why you're doing it.

    Bills - sit down and explain that you need to sort out how it's all split. Once you start - and keep it on topic if it wanders off - it won't take long.

    Doing this as soon as will be much better for the relationship in the long term otherwise it'll start to fester or worse she turns you into an untidy financially inept person.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,924
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    Not really a disaster, that's a bit extreme. I don't feel resentful at all, neither am I moaning. I'm just asking advice as I haven't done this before.

    You might not feel resentful just now as it is still very early days but you will do in a few weeks/ months if your flat is still a coup with clothes etc and your money is stretched to the limit.
  • Jessica LeMoneJessica LeMone Posts: 419
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    The wardrobe has half her stuff in. I have to put mine somewhere, too. We're not rich, so I need her to contribute to the costs. I was merely asking advice on how best to approach a subject with another person. Not moaning. This is the advice forum, no?

    Women have more clothes than men you should have known this and planned ahead before she moved in.

    If you gave me a list about this I would not be at all happy at all.

    I would tread very carefully if you want your relationship to last.

    Women hate being nagged just as much as men.

    An ex of mine decided to tidy up all my cupboards in the kitchen for me because he thought he was being helpful. Well I just messed them back up again because I actually spent more time in the kitchen than he did.
  • Jessica LeMoneJessica LeMone Posts: 419
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    LOL was the bra still whole when he puked it back up? :eek:

    It was very chewed and slimey! :D
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    SnrDev wrote: »
    Get a cheap laundry basket from Ikea and chuck anything lying around in there, clean or dirty, and tell her why you're doing it.

    Bills - sit down and explain that you need to sort out how it's all split. Once you start - and keep it on topic if it wanders off - it won't take long.

    Doing this as soon as will be much better for the relationship in the long term otherwise it'll start to fester or worse she turns you into an untidy financially inept person.

    Cheers - I'll be doing this.
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    Women have more clothes than men you should have known this and planned ahead before she moved in.

    If you gave me a list about this I would not be at all happy at all.

    I would tread very carefully if you want your relationship to last.

    Women hate being nagged just as much as men.

    An ex of mine decided to tidy up all my cupboards in the kitchen for me because he thought he was being helpful. Well I just messed them back up again because I actually spent more time in the kitchen than he did.

    LOL no lists, then. BIB: This is why I'm asking advice!!! If I moved in with someone and they just kept moaning about bills and me putting my clothes away, I wouldn't have much fun.
  • Jessica LeMoneJessica LeMone Posts: 419
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    Cheers - I'll be doing this.

    Do you have a spare room with a bed in it? ;)
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