That sums it up there. Here you say you wouldnt mention weight gain if it was due to illness and youd be ok with it. But earlier you said you arent attracted to fat.
So which is it? You arent attracted to physcial fat or you arent attracted to fat gained because someone does less exercise than usual? Fat is fat.
It sounds as though youre more bothered about the fact he seems to have stopped caring (in your opinion maybe) about his appearance.
Or maybe because you pushed him to stop smoking now you need something else to focus about changing him and youve picked his weight. What next?
First of all you don't know anything about me or our relationship, so there's no need to be so sanctimonious. As I've already said, neither of us want to change each other, we just look out for each other.
No, I'm not attracted to fat, but obviously if he got ill and gained weight he can't help that. So I wouldn't say anything, as it would be kicking him when he's down. But he's not ill, he just lacks motivation. It's the principle of the thing. I look after myself, so I think it's only fair he does the same. And yes, that is what's bothering me, the fact that he's stopped caring- that's what I've been saying throughout the thread. It's not just about the weight, it's about the attitude behind it.
I don't want to change who he is, all I want is for him to be a bit healthier, like he used to be. Christ!
First of all you don't know anything about me or our relationship, so there's no need to be so sanctimonious. As I've already said, neither of us want to change each other, we just look out for each other.
No, I'm not attracted to fat, but obviously if he got ill and gained weight he can't help that. So I wouldn't say anything, as it would be kicking him when he's down. But he's not ill, he just lacks motivation. It's the principle of the thing. I look after myself, so I think it's only fair he does the same. And yes, that is what's bothering me, the fact that he's stopped caring- that's what I've been saying throughout the thread. It's not just about the weight, it's about the attitude behind it.
I don't want to change who he is, all I want is for him to be a bit healthier, like he used to be. Christ!
Here lies this issue. Your expectations are clearly different to his.
To me it sounds like your boyfriend has something upsetting him on an emotional level maybe previously he dealt with things by having a cigarette and now he is dealing with things by comfort eating.
Unfortunately all you will be doing is reinforcing to your boyfriend that he's not actually good enough rather than come across as supportive and just exasperate the problem so you need to make a decision and basically put up or shut up until he can find a way to deal with whatever is the underlying reason
I think you're right, as I mentioned before he does have something bothering him, although I'm not sure if that's what causing the weight problem. The thing is, he won't talk to anyone about it so I don't know what to do except be there for him. I cant solve things for him, needs to do it himself. Seeing as I don't want to leave him, it seems like the only thing I can do is put up really...
See I think differently. If he even hinted that I was getting fat I'd be upset, yes, but I'd do something about it, if I thought he was right and I was indeed getting fat. I think it's OK to tell a woman, I don't know why you keep bringing up gender. If someone close to me expressed concern that I was getting unhealthy I'd motivate myself to change things for the better.
He did give up smoking, again thanks to me. It was him who ultimately decided to do it, but it was me who pushed and supported him. All I want is for him to be healthy, because I care about him. It's not like I want him to have plastic surgery or change his personality, just to make some minor adjustments that are easily done.
I bring up the gender thing, because there is a double standard, if a guy complained his girlfriend was getting fat he'd be called sexist. You say you'd be ok with your f telling you that you were fat, but I doubt you would be. It's even harder to ear if you I is it's true.
I suggest you retread your posts, you want him to make 'minor' adjustments like stopping a habit, which is notoriously difficult to quit, and changing his lifestyle to suit your aesthetic preferences, are these really minor changes? REALLY? Way have you changed for him? You say you moved cross country? Why? Because you loved him? If so, then why try to change him? What else have you changed for him? (I'm not accusing here, I'm asking you to think over whether you have had to change to). You shouldn't change yourself for anyone, and you shouldn't expect someone to change for you, that's not what love is. Yes there are compremises in relationships, but those are things like where you'll live, how mnay kids you have, etc not core aspects of you.
he just lacks motivation. It's the principle of the thing.
To me, that's more of a general issue you have with him. It just happens to relate to fitness/weight.
Physically, he's just not living his day-to-day life the way you would want a partner to live his day-to-day life.
If he happens to be someone who's a bit pre-disposed to getting large then in all likelihood he'll always be a large chap. Very rarely do people change in a major way in that area - and if they do it's often only a temporary thing.
But then, ultimately it won't matter will it? Since if he's the right person for you and you're happy to be with him, this issue will only ever be a minor frustration that you can easily live with.
I bring up the gender thing, because there is a double standard, if a guy complained his girlfriend was getting fat he'd be called sexist. You say you'd be ok with your f telling you that you were fat, but I doubt you would be. It's even harder to ear if you I is it's true.
I suggest you retread your posts, you want him to make 'minor' adjustments like stopping a habit, which is notoriously difficult to quit, and changing his lifestyle to suit your aesthetic preferences, are these really minor changes? REALLY? Way have you changed for him? You say you moved cross country? Why? Because you loved him? If so, then why try to change him? What else have you changed for him? (I'm not accusing here, I'm asking you to think over whether you have had to change to). You shouldn't change yourself for anyone, and you shouldn't expect someone to change for you, that's not what love is. Yes there are compremises in relationships, but those are things like where you'll live, how mnay kids you have, etc not core aspects of you.
Smoking and not exercising are hardly a core aspect of you, they're habits. I do think changing these is a minor adjustment. It's not like I'm asking him to change his personality, or his values and beliefs, or make drastic changes to his appearance- that would be wrong and I'd fully expect to be told where to go.
I agree that you shoudn't have to change who you are for anyone, but surely changing bad habits can only be a good thing? To me love is wanting the best for the other person and also wanting to be the best for them. I want to be the best that I can be for him, so I look after myself. The fact that he's not doing the same makes me feel like he's not bothered if I find him attractive or not.
What have I changed for him? A lot. I'm a city girl at heart and used to love the party lifestyle. But I moved to a small town where I didn't know anyone and where there isn't a single club, because of a job he had his heart set on. So yes, I've changed a lot about my lifestyle, but I don't regret it because I love him and he asked me to move here, with the idea that we have a future together.
And yes, I really wouldn't mind if he told me to shape up. You say you doubt it, but I know myself.
To me, that's more of a general issue you have with him. It just happens to relate to fitness/weight.
Physically, he's just not living his day-to-day life the way you would want a partner to live his day-to-day life.
If he happens to be someone who's a bit pre-disposed to getting large then in all likelihood he'll always be a large chap. Very rarely do people change in a major way in that area - and if they do it's often only a temporary thing.
But then, ultimately it won't matter will it? Since if he's the right person for you and you're happy to be with him, this issue will only ever be a minor frustration that you can easily live with.
See, he's very motivated in other areas of his life- for example he's very career minded and works hard to achieve his goals. But he himself admits that he doesn't pay attention to details like weight gain. He does have a large frame, which I like. I don't want him to be skinny, just to not have a big belly. I asked him what he'd do if the roles were reversed, and he admitted that he'd encourage me to lose weight too. When I think about it, it's a minor issue, you're right. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I think I just resent him not making an effort while I do.
I don't know, we don't have scales. It's mainly around his belly and face. The rest of him is actually still quite toned, but the belly is growing all the time.
See I think differently. If he even hinted that I was getting fat I'd be upset, yes, but I'd do something about it, if I thought he was right and I was indeed getting fat. I think it's OK to tell a woman, I don't know why you keep bringing up gender. If someone close to me expressed concern that I was getting unhealthy I'd motivate myself to change things for the better.
He did give up smoking, again thanks to me. It was him who ultimately decided to do it, but it was me who pushed and supported him. All I want is for him to be healthy, because I care about him. It's not like I want him to have plastic surgery or change his personality, just to make some minor adjustments that are easily done.
Smoking and not exercising are hardly a core aspect of you, they're habits. I do think changing these is a minor adjustment. It's not like I'm asking him to change his personality, or his values and beliefs, or make drastic changes to his appearance- that would be wrong and I'd fully expect to be told where to go.
I agree that you shoudn't have to change who you are for anyone, but surely changing bad habits can only be a good thing? To me love is wanting the best for the other person and also wanting to be the best for them. I want to be the best that I can be for him, so I look after myself. The fact that he's not doing the same makes me feel like he's not bothered if I find him attractive or not.
What have I changed for him? A lot. I'm a city girl at heart and used to love the party lifestyle. But I moved to a small town where I didn't know anyone and where there isn't a single club, because of a job he had his heart set on. So yes, I've changed a lot about my lifestyle, but I don't regret it because I love him and he asked me to move here, with the idea that we have a future together.
And yes, I really wouldn't mind if he told me to shape up. You say you doubt it, but I know myself.
But smoking etc are not minor changes, and to a lot of people they are core to them. Would you give up exercise for him? Would you change to be a couch potato for him? No, so why should he change for you?
I'm not saying you haven't changed thing for him, I don't know you or your back ground, but yes changing location is difficult, and a big step, but it is different to changing a diet or fitness regime, those things are about how you feel about yourself, they are not easy and they are never going to be done for anyone else.
You say you won't be hurt if he said you were getting fat, that's good for you, but it doesn't mean he wouldn't be hurt. You go to gym for a reason, you keep fit for a reason, but it does mean everyone wants to do the same.
I know I'll get a lot of stick for this for being "shallow" but I'm at my wits' end. When I met my bf several years ago he was in reasonably good shape. He's always been broad with a slight belly, but he used to go to the gym and jog and he looked good.
Since we've settled down he's completely let himself go. He still eats big portions but hardly exercises and he's put on a lot of weight. His belly now hangs over his trousers and he has a double chin. I love him just as much as when he was in shape, and we have a great relationship, but the weight thing is really bothering me.
I've tried being subtle by going to the gym and asking if he wants to come along, but every time it's a struggle to convince him. And when we do get there he barely does anything. Then I tried the direct approach, while trying to be nice about it and that didn't work either. We've argued about it a few times since, and it's always the same. He gets sulky, then admits he does need to exercise. He'll go jogging for 20 minutes once a week for a while, then it fizzles out. And he keeps eating mountains of food.
I've always kept myself in shape and I exercise several times a week, so I really resent it that he's not bothered about himself anymore. I flinch when he takes his clothes off and really hate touching his belly. I know it sounds horrible, but I can't help it. I still love him as a person and want to be with him, but I worry that if he's like this in his early 20s, what will he be like in 10 years time?
I feel like I'm turning into a nag, always keeping on at him about healthy eating and exercising. I hate being like this and wish he'd take some responsibility for himself. I always feel really guilty as well, he's never said a bad word about my body and I know I'm not perfect either. But at the same time I'm aware that I'm in better shape than him and I don't want to be with someone who could potentially become obese in future.
I don't know what else to do, what would other people do? (Sorry for the long post)
He's not your husband - you haven't made the better or worse promise yet, so why put up with someone who is getting less and less physically attractive?
It's easy to say you must accept someone if you love them, but you're only in your 20s. I can empathise with you not wanting to spend the next 40 years flinching when you see your partner naked! It shows a lack of respect for himself and for you.
if you're into health and he's into being a couch potato, your lack of things in common may also be a big factor in your unhappiness.
The only thing that interests me is that you mentioned that he will eat healthy meals but still puts weight on. That doesn't sound right. If I were you I'd encourage him to go to the doctor for a thyroid test. He may have a low functioning thyroid, and mediation can help that.
Sorry op, but can you imagine if a bloke was on here saying this about his girlfriend? We'd be up in arms, but because he's a bloke it's ok? Nope.
My DS pet hate:rolleyes: There have been plenty of threads on this forum about men feeling fed up with fat girlfriends, and being advised to move on to greener pastures, don't worry about that...
But smoking etc are not minor changes, and to a lot of people they are core to them. Would you give up exercise for him? Would you change to be a couch potato for him? No, so why should he change for you?
I'm not saying you haven't changed thing for him, I don't know you or your back ground, but yes changing location is difficult, and a big step, but it is different to changing a diet or fitness regime, those things are about how you feel about yourself, they are not easy and they are never going to be done for anyone else.
You say you won't be hurt if he said you were getting fat, that's good for you, but it doesn't mean he wouldn't be hurt. You go to gym for a reason, you keep fit for a reason, but it does mean everyone wants to do the same.
Well no, because that wouldn't be a positive change. What's wrong with encouraging someone to make a positive change, that will help them in the long term? Besides, he used to work out all the time. It's not like he was a couch potato when we met and I've been trying to change him all along. I'm just trying to encourage him to go back to how he was. It's not just for me, it's for his benefit too. Exercise is a good thing, we're made to do it in school and there are campaigns encouraging us to do it in adult life. There's enough obesity around, maybe if we encouraged each other a bit more instead of keeping quiet it wouldn't be such a problem. He's not obese now, but if he keeps going like he is, he might be one day when his metabolism slows down. Why would anyone want to NOT keep fit?
I'm engaged to a wonderful man. Would I be pissed off if he suddenly got fat through sheer laziness? Damn right I would. I'd be nagging at him to get off his fat arse and I'd damn well hope he'd do the same to me.
No, not because I'm shallow. I wouldnt love him any less as a person but yes, I'd be less attracted to him. Fat is not sexy. Laziness is even less sexy. Someone who has given up and stopped taking any pride in their appearance is not sexy.
I'd also be worried for him as I know he would be unhappy if he was fat so that's why I would keep on at him. Much rather he was nagged into losing weight than left alone to just keep piling it on, both of us getting more and more unhappy.
Many years ago my partner and I decided to go on a health kick. He gave up after a few weeks, I lost 3 stone (took about 8 months). Not only did he give up the health kick but he went to the other extreme and probably gained 3 stone by the time I lost weight.
The fact that I found him physically unattractive was just part of the problem. For me it was his poor attitude and lack of motivation that was the real turn off. He stopped caring about himself and that made it really hard for me to care about him.
The relationship didn't last
It wasn't just the weight thing but that did play a part. As I say it wasn't just that he gained weight it was his whole attitude to life.
Many years ago my partner and I decided to go on a health kick. He gave up after a few weeks, I lost 3 stone (took about 8 months). Not only did he give up the health kick but he went to the other extreme and probably gained 3 stone by the time I lost weight.
The fact that I found him physically unattractive was just part of the problem. For me it was his poor attitude and lack of motivation that was the real turn off. He stopped caring about himself and that made it really hard for me to care about him.
The relationship didn't last
It wasn't just the weight thing but that did play a part. As I say it wasn't just that he gained weight it was his whole attitude to life.
Depression
Lack of motivation
Stubbornness
Laziness
Psychological issues
Being knackered after a day at work
Not seeing it as important
Deliberately trying to wind up someone who nags
Any number of health reasons (eg thyroid, hormone imbalances)
Who knows why he doesn't want to get fit? It could be anything. But if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. He's his own person. You can accept that and live with it, accept it and try to encourage him to change, or you can choose to end the relationship. You're right, it is a dilemma.
He's not your husband - you haven't made the better or worse promise yet, so why put up with someone who is getting less and less physically attractive?
Shit that's everyone, no leaving many other options there.
Depression
Lack of motivation
Stubbornness
Laziness
Psychological issues
Being knackered after a day at work
Not seeing it as important
Deliberately trying to wind up someone who nags
Any number of health reasons (eg thyroid, hormone imbalances)
Who knows why he doesn't want to get fit? It could be anything. But if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. He's his own person. You can accept that and live with it, accept it and try to encourage him to change, or you can choose to end the relationship. You're right, it is a dilemma.
This.
Personally I don't want to become a sanctimonious gym addict that looks down on people that don't adhere to thier holier than thou lifestyle. I have 2 healthy kids, a job, run a book review blog, am studying for a degree, and am doing a masters next year. I have no time or desire to kill myself at the gym. I tried it, got thin, was miserable as hell. I'm much happier being a little soft round the middle, eating whatever the hell I want and living the life I want to.
Op - just because you enjoy the gym, doesn't mean everyone does. Maybe he did, but doesn't any more. Tbh you sound rather righteous, and a classic example of the fitness obsessed I mentioned above.
Personally I don't want to become a sanctimonious gym addict that looks down on people that don't adhere to thier holier than thou lifestyle. I have 2 healthy kids, a job, run a book review blog, am studying for a degree, and am doing a masters next year. I have no time or desire to kill myself at the gym. I tried it, got thin, was miserable as hell. I'm much happier being a little soft round the middle, eating whatever the hell I want and living the life I want to.
Op - just because you enjoy the gym, doesn't mean everyone does. Maybe he did, but doesn't any more. Tbh you sound rather righteous, and a classic example of the fitness obsessed I mentioned above.
Just because you're a bit soft round the middle, it doesn't mean that you're sounding any less sanctimonious or holier than though simply because the OP doesn't agree with your philosphy. It's quite hilarious that you've completely missed that.
Just because you're a bit soft round the middle, it doesn't mean that you're sounding any less sanctimonious or holier than though simply because the OP doesn't agree with your philosphy. It's quite hilarious that you've completely missed that.
Not at all. The op was the one wondering why anyone wouldn't want to keep fit (her words not mine), I don't try to force anyone into my life style, that's the difference, do I think my life style is best? For me yes, for others, that's their choice. The op wants to go to the gym? Great, go for it. Don't presume just because it suits you that everyone else should be doing it, and definatley don't try to force it on others,or look down upon them for not complying with your life style choice, especially not when that person is a partner who you love.
Personally I don't want to become a sanctimonious gym addict that looks down on people that don't adhere to thier holier than thou lifestyle. I have 2 healthy kids, a job, run a book review blog, am studying for a degree, and am doing a masters next year. I have no time or desire to kill myself at the gym. I tried it, got thin, was miserable as hell. I'm much happier being a little soft round the middle, eating whatever the hell I want and living the life I want to.
Op - just because you enjoy the gym, doesn't mean everyone does. Maybe he did, but doesn't any more. Tbh you sound rather righteous, and a classic example of the fitness obsessed I mentioned above.
I'm not fitness obsessed. I exercise twice a week, hardly excessive. There's nothing sanctimonious about wanting to be healthier and encouraging your loved ones to do the same. It's not just about the weight either, it's about overall health. And you don't have to kill yourself either. If you're happy being unfit that's up to you, but tbh you're being as sanctimonious as you're accusing me of being, but just in reverse.
You either want to be with him or you don't. To my mind, that means accepting the person as they are. If you can't do that, then he's not the one for you.
But he's not how he was when she met him.
He's turned into a slob,if he can't be arsed, it doesn't say much for his commitment either.
Comments
First of all you don't know anything about me or our relationship, so there's no need to be so sanctimonious. As I've already said, neither of us want to change each other, we just look out for each other.
No, I'm not attracted to fat, but obviously if he got ill and gained weight he can't help that. So I wouldn't say anything, as it would be kicking him when he's down. But he's not ill, he just lacks motivation. It's the principle of the thing. I look after myself, so I think it's only fair he does the same. And yes, that is what's bothering me, the fact that he's stopped caring- that's what I've been saying throughout the thread. It's not just about the weight, it's about the attitude behind it.
I don't want to change who he is, all I want is for him to be a bit healthier, like he used to be. Christ!
Here lies this issue. Your expectations are clearly different to his.
I think you're right, as I mentioned before he does have something bothering him, although I'm not sure if that's what causing the weight problem. The thing is, he won't talk to anyone about it so I don't know what to do except be there for him. I cant solve things for him, needs to do it himself. Seeing as I don't want to leave him, it seems like the only thing I can do is put up really...
I bring up the gender thing, because there is a double standard, if a guy complained his girlfriend was getting fat he'd be called sexist. You say you'd be ok with your f telling you that you were fat, but I doubt you would be. It's even harder to ear if you I is it's true.
I suggest you retread your posts, you want him to make 'minor' adjustments like stopping a habit, which is notoriously difficult to quit, and changing his lifestyle to suit your aesthetic preferences, are these really minor changes? REALLY? Way have you changed for him? You say you moved cross country? Why? Because you loved him? If so, then why try to change him? What else have you changed for him? (I'm not accusing here, I'm asking you to think over whether you have had to change to). You shouldn't change yourself for anyone, and you shouldn't expect someone to change for you, that's not what love is. Yes there are compremises in relationships, but those are things like where you'll live, how mnay kids you have, etc not core aspects of you.
Physically, he's just not living his day-to-day life the way you would want a partner to live his day-to-day life.
If he happens to be someone who's a bit pre-disposed to getting large then in all likelihood he'll always be a large chap. Very rarely do people change in a major way in that area - and if they do it's often only a temporary thing.
But then, ultimately it won't matter will it? Since if he's the right person for you and you're happy to be with him, this issue will only ever be a minor frustration that you can easily live with.
A wake up call of some type is also really helpful, but you wont be able to manufacture that wake up call,
Smoking and not exercising are hardly a core aspect of you, they're habits. I do think changing these is a minor adjustment. It's not like I'm asking him to change his personality, or his values and beliefs, or make drastic changes to his appearance- that would be wrong and I'd fully expect to be told where to go.
I agree that you shoudn't have to change who you are for anyone, but surely changing bad habits can only be a good thing? To me love is wanting the best for the other person and also wanting to be the best for them. I want to be the best that I can be for him, so I look after myself. The fact that he's not doing the same makes me feel like he's not bothered if I find him attractive or not.
What have I changed for him? A lot. I'm a city girl at heart and used to love the party lifestyle. But I moved to a small town where I didn't know anyone and where there isn't a single club, because of a job he had his heart set on. So yes, I've changed a lot about my lifestyle, but I don't regret it because I love him and he asked me to move here, with the idea that we have a future together.
And yes, I really wouldn't mind if he told me to shape up. You say you doubt it, but I know myself.
See, he's very motivated in other areas of his life- for example he's very career minded and works hard to achieve his goals. But he himself admits that he doesn't pay attention to details like weight gain. He does have a large frame, which I like. I don't want him to be skinny, just to not have a big belly. I asked him what he'd do if the roles were reversed, and he admitted that he'd encourage me to lose weight too. When I think about it, it's a minor issue, you're right. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I think I just resent him not making an effort while I do.
I don't know, we don't have scales. It's mainly around his belly and face. The rest of him is actually still quite toned, but the belly is growing all the time.
But smoking etc are not minor changes, and to a lot of people they are core to them. Would you give up exercise for him? Would you change to be a couch potato for him? No, so why should he change for you?
I'm not saying you haven't changed thing for him, I don't know you or your back ground, but yes changing location is difficult, and a big step, but it is different to changing a diet or fitness regime, those things are about how you feel about yourself, they are not easy and they are never going to be done for anyone else.
You say you won't be hurt if he said you were getting fat, that's good for you, but it doesn't mean he wouldn't be hurt. You go to gym for a reason, you keep fit for a reason, but it does mean everyone wants to do the same.
He's not your husband - you haven't made the better or worse promise yet, so why put up with someone who is getting less and less physically attractive?
It's easy to say you must accept someone if you love them, but you're only in your 20s. I can empathise with you not wanting to spend the next 40 years flinching when you see your partner naked! It shows a lack of respect for himself and for you.
if you're into health and he's into being a couch potato, your lack of things in common may also be a big factor in your unhappiness.
The only thing that interests me is that you mentioned that he will eat healthy meals but still puts weight on. That doesn't sound right. If I were you I'd encourage him to go to the doctor for a thyroid test. He may have a low functioning thyroid, and mediation can help that.
My DS pet hate:rolleyes: There have been plenty of threads on this forum about men feeling fed up with fat girlfriends, and being advised to move on to greener pastures, don't worry about that...
Well no, because that wouldn't be a positive change. What's wrong with encouraging someone to make a positive change, that will help them in the long term? Besides, he used to work out all the time. It's not like he was a couch potato when we met and I've been trying to change him all along. I'm just trying to encourage him to go back to how he was. It's not just for me, it's for his benefit too. Exercise is a good thing, we're made to do it in school and there are campaigns encouraging us to do it in adult life. There's enough obesity around, maybe if we encouraged each other a bit more instead of keeping quiet it wouldn't be such a problem. He's not obese now, but if he keeps going like he is, he might be one day when his metabolism slows down. Why would anyone want to NOT keep fit?
I'm engaged to a wonderful man. Would I be pissed off if he suddenly got fat through sheer laziness? Damn right I would. I'd be nagging at him to get off his fat arse and I'd damn well hope he'd do the same to me.
No, not because I'm shallow. I wouldnt love him any less as a person but yes, I'd be less attracted to him. Fat is not sexy. Laziness is even less sexy. Someone who has given up and stopped taking any pride in their appearance is not sexy.
I'd also be worried for him as I know he would be unhappy if he was fat so that's why I would keep on at him. Much rather he was nagged into losing weight than left alone to just keep piling it on, both of us getting more and more unhappy.
They're a different breed those people, think they can outrun the grim reaper, probably better off together.
The fact that I found him physically unattractive was just part of the problem. For me it was his poor attitude and lack of motivation that was the real turn off. He stopped caring about himself and that made it really hard for me to care about him.
The relationship didn't last
It wasn't just the weight thing but that did play a part. As I say it wasn't just that he gained weight it was his whole attitude to life.
Exactly. This is it exactly.
Depression
Lack of motivation
Stubbornness
Laziness
Psychological issues
Being knackered after a day at work
Not seeing it as important
Deliberately trying to wind up someone who nags
Any number of health reasons (eg thyroid, hormone imbalances)
Who knows why he doesn't want to get fit? It could be anything. But if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. He's his own person. You can accept that and live with it, accept it and try to encourage him to change, or you can choose to end the relationship. You're right, it is a dilemma.
Shit that's everyone, no leaving many other options there.
This.
Personally I don't want to become a sanctimonious gym addict that looks down on people that don't adhere to thier holier than thou lifestyle. I have 2 healthy kids, a job, run a book review blog, am studying for a degree, and am doing a masters next year. I have no time or desire to kill myself at the gym. I tried it, got thin, was miserable as hell. I'm much happier being a little soft round the middle, eating whatever the hell I want and living the life I want to.
Op - just because you enjoy the gym, doesn't mean everyone does. Maybe he did, but doesn't any more. Tbh you sound rather righteous, and a classic example of the fitness obsessed I mentioned above.
Not at all. The op was the one wondering why anyone wouldn't want to keep fit (her words not mine), I don't try to force anyone into my life style, that's the difference, do I think my life style is best? For me yes, for others, that's their choice. The op wants to go to the gym? Great, go for it. Don't presume just because it suits you that everyone else should be doing it, and definatley don't try to force it on others,or look down upon them for not complying with your life style choice, especially not when that person is a partner who you love.
I'm not fitness obsessed. I exercise twice a week, hardly excessive. There's nothing sanctimonious about wanting to be healthier and encouraging your loved ones to do the same. It's not just about the weight either, it's about overall health. And you don't have to kill yourself either. If you're happy being unfit that's up to you, but tbh you're being as sanctimonious as you're accusing me of being, but just in reverse.
He's turned into a slob,if he can't be arsed, it doesn't say much for his commitment either.