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Nastiness - Nature or Nurture?
SamsMam
Posts: 45 Forum Member
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Earlier today i encountered a very nasty 9 year old. At first i was shocked that she could be so awful but then i got thinking about her upbringing and i know that she was (sadly) brought up without much love and attention. Now does this excuse the awful behaviour? There was also a family in my street who were horrid all except the middle child who was as nice as can be. So my question is, is nastiness just a personality trait you are born with or does it totally depend on upbringing?
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That said, the 'wrong' type of nurture in this sense may vary according to the nurturee.
It's not nice. Children of what have seemed to me to be the nicest people will engage in this behaviour. Most children will. Perhaps not all. It's not very nice behaviour, but it's very probably nature. It may also be nurture to a certain extent in that most adults, however "nice" they are perceived to be (which is rather subjective and a matter of whether or not their explicit personal values match what we ourselves deem "nice"), probably do not associate with people they and their chosen peers deem not to be "nice". It's what people do. It's not particularly nice, but it's the nature of the beast.
There, I said it. Nature.
I could give many other examples of different kinds of not very nice behaviour which seems on the surface of things quite acceptable but which, when mirrored in its raw state as the behaviour of children appears to be not very nice. I just don't have the time or the inclination.
Human beings aren't that nice. They do what they have to do. Most of our so-called "niceness" is based on a need for socialisation. In that respect it is manipulative.
Yes i was being nice.
Ha, well I was joking, but some children mistake niceness for weakness ( based on their upbringing).
It's all nuture.
The film Trading Places was correct in that nearly 30 years ago.
The 'nicest' person treated badly can return that nastiness.
Exactly. Babies are born as "blank slates" and their behaviour and personality develops based on how they are raised and with what they are taught.
How do you know?
Before I had kids, I would totally have agreed with you.
Having had kids, I now believe that nature plays a much bigger part in things than I previously (naively) thought!
I was once walking down the street and the guy in front of me had a toddler with him who was scooting along in one of those little peddle-cars.
When he got to the corner of the street the kid just trundled out into the road and the guy had to drag her back onto the pavement.
The thing that really shocked me was that, as he did so he said "Come back here you stupid little f**ker".
There wasn't any anger in his voice though. It was just a casual comment, as if he was saying "Careful dear. Don't go on the road".
When people display that kind of casual derision on a regular basis it's hardly surprising that kids get screwed-up.
I do think there's no one "box" you can put everything in to though. i know there's a rare condition called congenital analgesia which means that you're unable to feel pain, so I suppose you have to wonder if something like that is possible, is it also possible to be born with a chromosonal defect that screws up your emotional responses and makes you more pre-disposed to aggressive or violent behaviour?.
I know they're supposed to be testing the kid who shot up the sandy hook school for the so-called "evil gene" at some point, so I guess it's not a completely wild theory.
Nurture.