The big "who to spend Christmas with" dilemma
I think we all know the situation I'm talking about. My partner, who by this point I'll have lived with for 6 months and been with for two and a half years, and I both have families to visit and neither of them live anywhere near each other. This, of course, is a problem.
The problem is compounded by the fact that I have spent every Christmas Day of my life entirely with my parents and sister, including waking up in the morning and going to bed at night. We are an incredibly close family and moving out has been emotional enough. The idea of not having a traditional Christmas would wrack me with guilt and sadness and would probably break my parents' hearts on the day you want to do that the least.
On the other hand, it would be incredibly weird and truly upsetting to have Christmas Day be the only day of the year where I don't wake up next to my boyfriend. He means everything to me and I seriously can't come to terms with the idea of spending Christmas apart from him. The third option is to have him stay with me, which I think he would have mixed feelings about to say the least. He would love being with me in my house, no question. But he would hate being apart from his whole family. Last year we both stayed with our families and his family came round to ours for a few hours in the afternoon. It worked fine, but now we live together it's not really an option to spend Christmas apart. The tricky bit is working out between us who to let down.
Thoughts?
The problem is compounded by the fact that I have spent every Christmas Day of my life entirely with my parents and sister, including waking up in the morning and going to bed at night. We are an incredibly close family and moving out has been emotional enough. The idea of not having a traditional Christmas would wrack me with guilt and sadness and would probably break my parents' hearts on the day you want to do that the least.
On the other hand, it would be incredibly weird and truly upsetting to have Christmas Day be the only day of the year where I don't wake up next to my boyfriend. He means everything to me and I seriously can't come to terms with the idea of spending Christmas apart from him. The third option is to have him stay with me, which I think he would have mixed feelings about to say the least. He would love being with me in my house, no question. But he would hate being apart from his whole family. Last year we both stayed with our families and his family came round to ours for a few hours in the afternoon. It worked fine, but now we live together it's not really an option to spend Christmas apart. The tricky bit is working out between us who to let down.
Thoughts?
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Comments
Neither option will satisfy you completely, but you are going to have to compromise and this option seems like the equal middle option.
We always spend Crimbo day with our own families but our parents live about 3 minutes from each other so we have dinner at our parents then OH will come to my folks for a few hours and we'll end the night at his parents (or vice versa)
Now we have a baby we're doing alternate Crimbo's and it's my turn at the in-laws this year but we'll go round to see my folks for a few hours in the morning!
That sounds like a very good idea. I'm very tired of family New Years anyway because my aunty hosts a huge party that goes on until daylight and the novelty wore off years ago as it just leaves me feeling wretched for days and I'm not big on long nights drinking. I don't think anyone would mind if I gave that a miss for a nice quiet New Year's with my boyfriend and his family.
I'm still not quite sure whether he would be okay spending most of Christmas Day away from his family though. We'll have to see. I'll try this, thanks!
Well for one our finances wouldn't really allow that, and secondly that's not really us! Cooking and all the chaos round the house is part of the fun for both of us.
This year I have it sorted that they are coming here to stay on xmas night for a drink, as I now live in a 3 bed house - before that it was a 1 bed flat.
This is going to be an issue every year, so set the ground rules now and stick to them. You're a grown up now with your own life (presumably) so your parents can't realistically expect you to spend every single Christmas with them.
One thing to remember is that each families Christmas is a law unto itself - I'd hate to go the my OH's familiy for Christmas because it is completely different to how my family like to spend their day.
I'm also against moving around during the day, unless it's just a few streets away - nothing to take the fun out of the day like hours on a motorway.
My boyfriend and I spend Christmas separately with our families - eventually we will spend one together, but trust me, it's not a big deal to spend one apart. We then pick a day at some point before New Year and have our own private Christmas day, where we open presents, have a roast, watch Christmassy telly etc. I actually used to do this with some close friends as well - my sister and her boyfriend, and my best friend and her boyfriend (the two boyfriends were brothers). It makes it all the more lovely to have several Christmasses over the month.
He has this Christmas off which will be nice. No 5am wake ups or rushing off after dinner. And we can go home and have the evening to ourselves.
Or even better, go on holiday for Christmas leaving all of the family hassles behind you. Spend the time skiing, on the beach, climbing mountains or doing whatever you want.
saves all the hassle and leaves the decision up to them
Time to be gracious and let him spend xmas with his daughter for once.
Why not do christmas at home and ask your families to visit you, or arrange to spend half the day at each and alternate who you have christmas dinner with each year?
Quoting myself, but I mean my parents are coming, his can away and jump.
Your poor ex-husband.
I couldn't bare to be part of one of those families where you spend weeks and hundreds (even thousands) of pounds preparing for one day of the year. I'd rather enjoy every day
This year my family might be coming over for Christmas, so we might have Christmas eve at our house and I'll allow my daughter to go to his house for Christmas day. However, having spent 2 Christmases at his parents' house, I know that the way they spend the day is nothing like my family's Christmas (i.e. the men in their house get completely drunk and the women spend all day cooking and cleaning - not exactly fun for kids!)
It's my responsibility to protect my daughter's interests and knowing my ex-husband's family as I do, it's not a very child-friendly environment, especially during Christmas.
As soon as we moved in we invited his nan, grandad, dad and step mum round for xmas dinner but his nan threw a strop because she always cooks xmas dinner. A few weeks later she was told by the doctor that she was terminally ill and had 6 months to live. So we went to hers for xmas because she wanted one last big family xmas. This continued for the next two christmasses. Every year we wanted to stay home but she would ring my oh crying about how it would be her last xmas so every time we gave in.
Im struggling with it because my grandparents always visited my parents for xmas and i never saw them xmas day because i was at ohs nans house and so i missed the big xmas get together with my grandparents, which last year was the last since my nan died unexpectedly. I feel angry that i never saw my family.
This year i want to spend my first full xmas day in my house. The problem is i dont know how to do it without looking like a bitch! We always get invited to partners mums xmas eve to sleep over, but i dont feel comfortable staying there with our dog so i would rather stay home. (Last year i stayed home while my partner went). I would also rather be at home all day but it looks bad since i dont have other plans!