Everyone’s different. However, if my husband was doing this I would be seriously displeased and he would forever lose my trust. It wouldn’t matter what the context of the emails were, our marriage would be toast.
One thing for sure. If he's been emailing 'lots of women', in order for it to become physical he has to either be a super stud.......or have a bottomless money pit!
Errrm no. Sometimes you have to do a lot of mining to find one nugget.
No, I didn't mean virtual girlfriend as in a computer game, I meant online flirting with real people is good for a relationship, because it makes coupls feel good about themselves. Flirting online makes sex life more interesting and also helps couples understand each other better. If both partners trust each other enough and have enough self-esteem, I don't see how that would be a problem.
Flirting online can also make your everyday life seem humdrum (grass is greener) and it can divert attention from your partner and from mending what might be missing in your relationship.
Exchanging norty desires with a stranger (who may or may not be who/what they claim to be) can be a lot more alluring than dealing with the mundane realities of everyday life..
Apart from which you are talking about a sort of open relationship - which is another subject in itself and not the case here.
Flirting online can also make your everyday life seem humdrum (grass is greener) and it can divert attention from your partner and from mending what might be missing in your relationship.
Exchanging norty desires with a stranger (who may or may not be who/what they claim to be) can be a lot more alluring than dealing with the mundane realities of everyday life..
Apart from which you are talking about a sort of open relationship - which is another subject in itself and not the case here.
This is for a friend (I am not married) But just wanted other's views on it.
Wife accidently found hubby's computer open with a strange e-mail address and discovered he has been e-mailing lots of women! He has admitted this and says he hasn't met them or had sex with them.
They have three young children and want to make it work but can she regain trust or as she wonders is she making a mountain out of a mole hill as it is only e-mail. Personally I don't think so as this is just a slippery slope
Anyone else had a similar experience or what are your thoughts on this ? I suppose it would be silly to only ask for sensible answers and no trolling!
I'm assuming you are female? Correct me if wrong. Also you are a personal friend of this woman which makes it difficult for you to remain neutral and able to observe from both sides. Maybe you don't want to know both sides? Maybe your friend wouldn't want you to either preferring instead you hear only her version of events? Maybe your friend wouldn't totally confide in you?
I'm drawing these conclusions and questions from my own past personal experiences.
The bottom line being (as much as we don't like or want to admit to it), there are always two sides to every story like this and you need to ask your friend what reasons she thinks have driven her husband to behaving how he is.
My guess is things aren't quite what they once were in the bedroom.
One thing for sure. If he's been emailing 'lots of women', in order for it to become physical he has to either be a super stud.......or have a bottomless money pit!
Well didn't want to say on here but it is family and considering they have two small children and a baby I would imagine things aren't the same inthe bedroom. BUT he wanted the third as they had two girls and he got the son he wanted. But as you can imagine there is a lot of drudgery and tiredness but they do still have date nights
As for your comment driving your husband to affairs!! I spent years blaming my self when my husband went off to pastures new. Took a lot of cash and hours in therapy to realise it doesn't work like that. Oh and guess what he is now treating his second wife the same way he treated me!!
How secretive is he actually being if he left his computer open whereby she was able to access the emails?
I did wonder why he did that, so perhaps he wanted her to know what he was up to. a few years ago a work colleague of mine went to a lap dancing club but didnt tell his wife. When she found out she was upset because he had lied to her. if men lie to their wives they are not happy with their relationship because if you have found your soul mate you tell them everything just like me & my wife
Tell your friend to find an "online boyfriend" too. It's just a harmless fun imo, as long as they don't cross the line and meet in person and have sexual intercourse. Flirting online is good for a relationship.
Nothing might have happened but writing to them is a big breech of trust and for god sake don't stay together just for the kids theyd rather their parents be divorced and happy rather than together and miserable trust me
This is for a friend (I am not married) But just wanted other's views on it.
Wife accidently found hubby's computer open with a strange e-mail address and discovered he has been e-mailing lots of women! He has admitted this and says he hasn't met them or had sex with them.
They have three young children and want to make it work but can she regain trust or as she wonders is she making a mountain out of a mole hill as it is only e-mail. Personally I don't think so as this is just a slippery slope
Anyone else had a similar experience or what are your thoughts on this ? I suppose it would be silly to only ask for sensible answers and no trolling!
Thanks
Firstly I hope that isnt the advice your giving your friend.
Secondly. Im not going to go in to it to much but I was in the same situation but with only one person, and yes I admit it was very wrong and at no point was it the other persons fault. My wife gave me hell for months and we argued and at times I argued back but I soon learnt that if we were going to make it work I had to let her have her blow outs so to speak. It was her healing process and her way of venting anger towards me.
After a while the arguments stopped and I made changes some by myself and some by her request.
Now its never mentioned and full trust is restored but god it was hard work....I think what Im trying to say is if both parties want it to work then it will.
Firstly I hope that isnt the advice your giving your friend.
Secondly. Im not going to go in to it to much but I was in the same situation but with only one person, and yes I admit it was very wrong and at no point was it the other persons fault. My wife gave me hell for months and we argued and at times I argued back but I soon learnt that if we were going to make it work I had to let her have her blow outs so to speak. It was her healing process and her way of venting anger towards me.
After a while the arguments stopped and I made changes some by myself and some by her request.
Now its never mentioned and full trust is restored but god it was hard work....I think what Im trying to say is if both parties want it to work then it will.
Thank you for this and yes they both want it to work as they do love each other and their kids.
My response was to her wondering if she was making a mountain out of a molehill and I don't think she is because things like this have to be worked out and dealt with
Well didn't want to say on here but it is family and considering they have two small children and a baby I would imagine things aren't the same in the bedroom. BUT he wanted the third as they had two girls and he got the son he wanted. But as you can imagine there is a lot of drudgery and tiredness but they do still have date nights.
Well i'm quite sure his wife was fully aware it takes two to make a baby.....not just one? With children around things won't be the same. They will have to work at it and that means both of them.
As for your comment driving your husband to affairs!! I spent years blaming my self when my husband went off to pastures new.........
What "affairs" are we talking about?
Emailing 'lots of women' does not constitute "an affair". Unfortunately you, and no doubt his wife too, already appear to have made your minds up on that.
Your final sentence comes across very much as 'the scorned woman' which probably accounts for you assuming this man has been jumping into bed with all these women he's been emailing.
Well i'm quite sure his wife was fully aware it takes two to make a baby.....not just one? With children around things won't be the same. They will have to work at it and that means both of them.
What "affairs" are we talking about?
Emailing 'lots of women' does not constitute "an affair". Unfortunately you, and no doubt his wife too, already appear to have made your minds up on that.
Your final sentence comes across very much as 'the scorned woman' which probably accounts for you assuming this man has been jumping into bed with all these women he's been emailing.
Oh for goodness sake read the whole thread and the comments I was responding to and then you will get a totally different meaning . NO we (as in me and the person I am discussing) haven't made our minds up on it because if she thought for a minute it was a full blown affair she would be out the door. :mad:
I know someone who found out her husband had been having cyber sex with younger women, she was devastated & they are now divorced. unfortunately the teenage children took their mothers side & they want nothing to do with their father because they regard him as a pervert
No and I didn't ask. I am with Mrs Grumpy on this one, It won't be discussing the latest Doctor Who or it may have been to start out with but bet your bottom dollar it didn't stay in the realms of Doctor Who and we aren't talking just one woman but several!!
Yes but...
Can I point out that just about everyone on this site is talking to many, many people on line. Some will be of the opposite sex. the OP could well be describing finding her husband using Digital Spy.
Do we all go home and tell our other halves about who we spoke to today? What if you moved from the general threas to Personal Messages? Would that signal the end of your marriage?
Can I point out that just about everyone on this site is talking to many, many people on line. Some will be of the opposite sex. the OP could well be describing finding her husband using Digital Spy.
Do we all go home and tell our other halves about who we spoke to today? What if you moved from the general threas to Personal Messages? Would that signal the end of your marriage?
I must admit that I dont know im posting to men or women on this site because sometimes if I look at the their profile it doesnt say what sex they are
It's so difficult to advise on threads like this where the advice is sought for a "friend". It's like Chinese whispers, and inevitably there are two levels of bias (what the friend has told the OP, and what the OP thinks) to dig through.
Can I point out that just about everyone on this site is talking to many, many people on line. Some will be of the opposite sex. the OP could well be describing finding her husband using Digital Spy.
Do we all go home and tell our other halves about who we spoke to today? What if you moved from the general threas to Personal Messages? Would that signal the end of your marriage?
I was going to say this too. I blether a lot to other fm's. I don't tell my hubby so and so sent me a pm saying such and such. He doesn't tell me about conversations he has with other women he knows on the sites he goes on either. We both sit in the same room blethering away to each other and other people too. Doesn't mean anything is going on.
I was going to say this too. I blether a lot to other fm's. I don't tell my hubby so and so sent me a pm saying such and such. He doesn't tell me about conversations he has with other women he knows on the sites he goes on either. We both sit in the same room blethering away to each other and other people too. Doesn't mean anything is going on.
From the sounds of the OP though, these are people he is emailing, not posting to on a forum. That's not the same as posting thoughts on a public (group) forum or sending the odd PM.
From the sounds of the OP though, these are people he is emailing, not posting to on a forum. That's not the same as posting thoughts on a public (group) forum or sending the odd PM.
maybe it is innocent but the Mrs would go loopy and irrational over the slightest hint of him knowing other women existed. Just this weekend a colleague of mine (female) sent another colleague an update of how she had done in a sports event - purely platonic no kisses or inappropriate language, and the wife phoned her ranting abuse, stay away from my OH etc.
So maybe there was a reason he kept his friendships secret, for an easy life
nothings worse than having a jealous wife, in my case the wife would be happy that other women found me attractive because she is ashamed of my beer belly & keeps telling me to breath in when we are out clubbing at weekends:)
Comments
Exchanging norty desires with a stranger (who may or may not be who/what they claim to be) can be a lot more alluring than dealing with the mundane realities of everyday life..
Apart from which you are talking about a sort of open relationship - which is another subject in itself and not the case here.
I agree with this
He's clearly having affairs.
Bobbit him!
Well didn't want to say on here but it is family and considering they have two small children and a baby I would imagine things aren't the same inthe bedroom. BUT he wanted the third as they had two girls and he got the son he wanted. But as you can imagine there is a lot of drudgery and tiredness but they do still have date nights
As for your comment driving your husband to affairs!! I spent years blaming my self when my husband went off to pastures new. Took a lot of cash and hours in therapy to realise it doesn't work like that. Oh and guess what he is now treating his second wife the same way he treated me!!
I did wonder why he did that, so perhaps he wanted her to know what he was up to. a few years ago a work colleague of mine went to a lap dancing club but didnt tell his wife. When she found out she was upset because he had lied to her. if men lie to their wives they are not happy with their relationship because if you have found your soul mate you tell them everything just like me & my wife
Sorry mate but that's bollocks.
Firstly I hope that isnt the advice your giving your friend.
Secondly. Im not going to go in to it to much but I was in the same situation but with only one person, and yes I admit it was very wrong and at no point was it the other persons fault. My wife gave me hell for months and we argued and at times I argued back but I soon learnt that if we were going to make it work I had to let her have her blow outs so to speak. It was her healing process and her way of venting anger towards me.
After a while the arguments stopped and I made changes some by myself and some by her request.
Now its never mentioned and full trust is restored but god it was hard work....I think what Im trying to say is if both parties want it to work then it will.
Thank you for this and yes they both want it to work as they do love each other and their kids.
My response was to her wondering if she was making a mountain out of a molehill and I don't think she is because things like this have to be worked out and dealt with
What "affairs" are we talking about?
Emailing 'lots of women' does not constitute "an affair". Unfortunately you, and no doubt his wife too, already appear to have made your minds up on that.
Your final sentence comes across very much as 'the scorned woman' which probably accounts for you assuming this man has been jumping into bed with all these women he's been emailing.
Oh for goodness sake read the whole thread and the comments I was responding to and then you will get a totally different meaning . NO we (as in me and the person I am discussing) haven't made our minds up on it because if she thought for a minute it was a full blown affair she would be out the door. :mad:
Good grief!
Can I point out that just about everyone on this site is talking to many, many people on line. Some will be of the opposite sex. the OP could well be describing finding her husband using Digital Spy.
Do we all go home and tell our other halves about who we spoke to today? What if you moved from the general threas to Personal Messages? Would that signal the end of your marriage?
I must admit that I dont know im posting to men or women on this site because sometimes if I look at the their profile it doesnt say what sex they are
I was going to say this too. I blether a lot to other fm's. I don't tell my hubby so and so sent me a pm saying such and such. He doesn't tell me about conversations he has with other women he knows on the sites he goes on either. We both sit in the same room blethering away to each other and other people too. Doesn't mean anything is going on.
I thought the issue was with talking and writing.
Blethering surely takes it to a whole new level
Yes you are correct!
maybe it is innocent but the Mrs would go loopy and irrational over the slightest hint of him knowing other women existed. Just this weekend a colleague of mine (female) sent another colleague an update of how she had done in a sports event - purely platonic no kisses or inappropriate language, and the wife phoned her ranting abuse, stay away from my OH etc.
So maybe there was a reason he kept his friendships secret, for an easy life