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If someone bought you a 'self help' book ....
...would you be offended? It is an emotional self help book, especially bought for me. They may as well have given me a 'how to lose weight' book for how fabulous it made me feel.
I found it incredibly patronising and upsetting as I feel I'm in the best 'place' I've ever been and if I need self help, I'll get it myself.
I found it incredibly patronising and upsetting as I feel I'm in the best 'place' I've ever been and if I need self help, I'll get it myself.
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I'm not really sure what to say but maybe the person that gave the book was just trying to help in the nicest way possible. ?
I wouldn't get too "ate up" about it, aslong as you are happy with yourself then there is no need to worry at all.
It really depends on who gave you the book, was it a colse friend who thinks your maybe having a few problems or someone just having a mess about?
If this didn't apply I'd ask them why they thought I needed it. Sometimes I think I'm coping okay and it's taken OHs or close friends or colleagues to say that actually, I'm not my normal self at all, but am stressed/snappish/whatever.
If I really were in a good place though, I don't think I'd feel upset and patronised as you have. No offence, but maybe in this instance your friend knows you better than you do yourself and is trying to help?
We need more info such as who bought it for you and the nature of how you know them.
If you really 100% believe you don't need help with anything and they've got the total wrong end of the stick, then tell them. But don't fall into the trap of getting offended and upset just because someone may have touched a nerve. I'm not saying they have.. but if you get upset, maybe ask yourself "Hmm, why am I upset". If it's because they really are wrong, then tell them. If it's because you don't like the truth, then perhaps have a read.
Was it a close friend, who, while realising it might hurt is actually trying to help you with a problem? Tough love and all that but sometimes your best friends are the ones that will tell you how it is straight.
Was it just someone that read a book and thought it was good so thought they would share.
Or some other reason?
The feelings of being patronised comes from other instances of being 'told what to do' at 30 years of age - which is why it probably doesn't tally.
My Mum has read the book and currently going through therapy. What gets me is she is one of the most highly strung, 'half empty' people I've ever met and I've spent my life battling against 'I wouldn't do this/I wouldn't do that you may fail' and then, after a bit of therapy and a few books, she's (yet again) telling me what to do and how to behave.
Becomes more complicated now I've ellaborated.
I think she thought I was negative when I told her what she could do with it...
Incidentally, I've still got the book. Haven't much of read it and I still haven't become a multi millionaire, so maybe she was right to buy me it.
No it was more to do with changing your life, becoming a better person etc. Oh, but she hasn't held back in the past about telling me to lose weight though
Perhaps she feels guilty at how her problems may have affected you and is trying to be positive towards you. Whatever way, it's clear her problems have left you feeling got-at and you have to react as you can. Parents can have such a negative effect on their children as I well know from personal experience. It lasts your whole life whatever you try to escape it. Best wishes.
Oh how true that is. Best wishes to you too
I disagree!
Don't get me wrong - the really wicked parents DO leave their children (the Wests for example) with a life long legacy that's impossible to escape from.
If however it's a case of being from a family where the glass was half empty you can move on from that.
This sounds like a ludicrous thing to say but it's about not taking it personally. Your parents were that way because they didn't know any better. If you DO know better you can change it.
Anyway OP - Again see this as about your mum just being 'her' and don't take it personally. You could be prime minister, with 10 million in the bank and be deliriously happy in your private life and I think she would STILL give this book to you.
You know you're doing well - that's all that counts.