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Would you be happy if your son/daughter married a single parent?
maidinscotland
Posts: 5,648 Forum Member
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Following on from the 'would you approve if your widowed parent remarried' thread, how would you feel if your son or daugher married someone with kids?
My mum was widowed at age 27, she had 3 kids all under 5 when she was widowed. My dad started going out with my mum 3 years after she was widowed and he took on my 2 sisters and brother and married her. Together they had another 4 kids (me, my 2 sisters and my brother) and we were all brought up together. However, I always remember my eldest brother (from my mums first marriage, never called him half brother cos he was brought up with me) telling me a story when he was in primary school. Basically, he was about 9 or 10 and some bullies chased him home. He reached my Grans house (my dad's mum) before his so knocked on the door and panted 'Gran, some boys are chasing me, can I come in?'. To which she replied, 'I'm not your Gran!' and slammed the door firmly in his face!!
This was before I was born and I never really knew my Gran because she had dementia all the time I knew her but I can't understand this reaction at all (this was before her dementia set in). My mum was a good woman and through no fault of her own found herself a single mother of 3 kids. She was hardworking and she and my dad had a successful marriage before they both died before their time so the only problem my Gran had was that my mum had kids. In the circumstances I have described, would any of you have a problem with your child's choice of partner?
My mum was widowed at age 27, she had 3 kids all under 5 when she was widowed. My dad started going out with my mum 3 years after she was widowed and he took on my 2 sisters and brother and married her. Together they had another 4 kids (me, my 2 sisters and my brother) and we were all brought up together. However, I always remember my eldest brother (from my mums first marriage, never called him half brother cos he was brought up with me) telling me a story when he was in primary school. Basically, he was about 9 or 10 and some bullies chased him home. He reached my Grans house (my dad's mum) before his so knocked on the door and panted 'Gran, some boys are chasing me, can I come in?'. To which she replied, 'I'm not your Gran!' and slammed the door firmly in his face!!
This was before I was born and I never really knew my Gran because she had dementia all the time I knew her but I can't understand this reaction at all (this was before her dementia set in). My mum was a good woman and through no fault of her own found herself a single mother of 3 kids. She was hardworking and she and my dad had a successful marriage before they both died before their time so the only problem my Gran had was that my mum had kids. In the circumstances I have described, would any of you have a problem with your child's choice of partner?
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That's evil!
My second thoughts would be many, the main one being, were they happy?, if so, I am.
I have only the utmost respect for someone taking on kids that arent biologically theirs. It's a hard enough job if they are!!
My response would be 'are they happy' - if so, whats the problem?
simple answer YES!
I had a child in the 70s and was told by everyone, get rid, no decent man will look at you etc. I didnt, my mum supported me, and I got married to a CA, privately educated guy.
As I don't have kids I expect my partner to be the same as I'd like us to have our family together and not always involving another woman and her children. If that makes me shallow etc so be it I imagine alot of men feel the same.
It's ok in your early 20's to expect no baggage but there comes a point when it's more of a concern if your partner doesn't have any baggage - emotional or physical.
Yes I'd probably feel differently in my 40s if I had kids myself.
I only take this stance because at 21 I already know loads of lads my age that have kids. Infact I'd even say most do. My oh is 20 and most of his friends have atleast one child. But I would immediately remove them from my subconscious potential mate radar upon hearing they have kids (if I was single)
Yeah I get that just fine - I suppose I look at it differently being of a less tender age
That's coldhearted bloody nastiness. I suppose there could have been some nastiness from parents/grandparents towards their young family in years gone by. From what I've been told adult family members treat their young members like outsiders years ago.
I may or may not like the partner, I may or may not like the circumstances they are in. At the end of the day, however, it is their choice, and all I would wish for them would be happiness. So, no. I wouldn't have a problem.
You Gran was obviously old fashioned, narrow minded, and frankly very unpleasant.