Tracing a Stillborn Sibling.
ForGodsSake
Posts: 16,235 Forum Member
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I wonder if anyone can advice me how to go about tracing a stillborn sibling.
The stillbirth itself was in 1969 and the subject was always taboo with my parents.
My lovely mum sadly passed away 3 years ago and I would really like to find my sibling and give them a memorial of sorts.
I have absolutely NO idea where to begin.
Someone has suggested to me that I apply for a stillbirth certificate from the GRO but I would need my dads signature for that which is a no-no.
Any ideas ?
Thank you.
The stillbirth itself was in 1969 and the subject was always taboo with my parents.
My lovely mum sadly passed away 3 years ago and I would really like to find my sibling and give them a memorial of sorts.
I have absolutely NO idea where to begin.
Someone has suggested to me that I apply for a stillbirth certificate from the GRO but I would need my dads signature for that which is a no-no.
Any ideas ?
Thank you.
0
Comments
I've found some general information here:
http://www.familytreeforum.com/content.php/374-Stillbirth?#comments
Unfortunately, it does say applications will only be accepted from the parents, unless they are dead, in which case brothers and sisters may apply. You could try to argue that you wish to apply as your mother has passed away.
Trying to obtain the information from anywhere other than the GRO would be like looking for a needle in a haystack, I fear.
There's a charity (SANDS) which is concerned with stillbirths, and they have advice :
https://www.uk-sands.org/sites/default/files/SANDS-TRACING-A-BABYS-GRAVE-OR-CREMATION%20RECORD_0.pdf
If the baby survived even for a short time there will be both a birth and a death certificate. Even if it didn't, there may be both certificates.
Have you considered joining either ancestry.co.uk or findmypast.co.uk? They both offer a two weeks' free trial. Though you do need to provide card details at the start, you can cancel your trial membership before that period ends.
If you'd like to PM me with the baby's full name and date of birth/death and your mother's maiden name, I'll see if there's anything on FindMyPast. If your surname's common, then the location (just city or county) would help.
That's very good of you but I fear it wouldn't reveal anything as the baby died before birth and in 1969 they didn't give any certificates (birth/death etc) in stillbirths.
I believe that you can get a certificate now but as i mentioned above it has to be signed by the parents....
If you still feel it might help despite this, please let me know.
If you feel strongly about the memorial, there's nothing to stop you going a general one, something like 'In memory of our beloved sibling, born and died 1969'.
Thanks eluf.
It's a very difficult and sensitive area to be in.
Me and my sister would just like to know what the sex of the baby was.
We heard whisperings about it all through our lives but my parents would never speak of what was a heartbreaking time in their lives.
I applied for the GRO form but then found it to say that I needed my parents signatures on it.
I believe siblings can apply for the certificates after their parents have passed though.
It's a very secretive world, sadly.
I don't know whether or not it still applied in 1969 but my mother told me that in the 30's and 40's if a baby was stillborn, i.e. did not draw a single breath then the hospital staff took it away and the parents never saw it. It would have been disposed of by the hospital. If it drew breath then certificates were required and there had to be a funeral. My brother lived briefly and was buried in a paupers grave in the local cemetery. It was all very badly done in those days and the parents feelings were not taken into consideration which was why so many couldn't bear to speak of it.
Thanks for your reply.
I'm sad to say that it did still happen in the late 60's and as my mum was seriously ill at the time she wasn't given any info on the child at all. It's almost as if it never happened. So sad.
I have written a couple of letters and now it is just a waiting game.
Good Luck with your search.
Good luck!!.
In 1983 I gave birth to a stillborn son. I have a certificate of a registration of birth. It states 'Form prescribed by the Registration of Births, Deaths and Marriages Regulations 1968.
As far as I am aware stillbirths began to be registered in 1927.
I think it is a lovely idea to recognise and acknowledge the birth of your sibling by having some kind of memorial.
My son would now have been 33 years old.
Thankfully attitudes towards stillbirth have changed somewhat. However, some people still struggle to understand why mothers of stillborn babies still have a need to remember their babies and have their existence acknowledged many, many years after their birth.
I talk of my son and openly mention him when others ask about my children. It is (sometimes) a conversation stopper but I am long past the point where another's fleeting embarrassment prevents me from mentioning my son's birth.
Good luck with your search.
That's a very good idea actually ! Thanks
There is NO reason whatsoever that you shouldn't mention your son.
He is very much a part of your family, just , sadly, he wasn't to grow up.
I have always wanted to do something for my sibling but due to time constraints in the past it has only really just become possible for me to look.
I have thought of them often throughout the years and always say a silent prayer for them on their birthday.
I'll let you know of my findings, if any.
Apparently they only keep details for 25 years before being passed over to GRO.
Ho hum.... It's going to be a long job
My brother also lived for approx 24 hours, and was then taken without my parents permission and buried in a paupers grave. This was in 1983. I know where it is, and I visit regularly. Often think I had the money I'd have him moved to a grave of his own, but not sure how possible that would be as he shares his resting place with another baby and 4 adults.
My brother would also be 33 now. I'm always thinking of what life would have been like if he was still here. I hope they are both at peace.
Sorry OP - I've dropped in here and added nothing of use - best of luck for your search, totally understand why you want to do this.
My mum died in 1971 (young) and my dad could never talk about her. It's only now, in my 50s, I've had a few contacts - bumping into two ladies who were her friends and bridesmaids; a total stranger (to me) who happened to be at my unchle's funeral and shared some lovely memories of her when she was told who I was; and even my cousin who is much older than me, and has emailed me a few times with his memories of mum and dad before I was born...
Gist of this being - can you think laterally and track down any of your mum's old friends? Or a relative she could have confided in?
It is entirely possible, given the date, the baby was whisked away and she wasn't even told its gender - but if she knew, there may be others you don't know very well, or at all, who you could track down with a few leads (Talk to a known friend or relative maybe and ask around).
Couple of years ago I was in a shop in the next village and got chatting with the shop owner and it turned out she too had known my parents in the 1950s. Someone who wasn't even a close friend may have a lead for you - there may well be someone still alive who knows more. You just have to find them.
Good luck!
My son lost his non identical twin (earlier in pregnancy, too early to be classed a 'stillbirth') and he has mentioned a few times he feels a sort of weird 'absence' and loneliness sometimes - that his sibling who was meant to be there, isn't. So I sort of know how you might feel.
Sometimes people of older generations may have not thought it the done thing to emote in front of immediate family - but may well have had a good old cry and conversation with a good friend or relative.
ETA: If baby was born in a hospital, tthe chances are theyhad a standard procedure for dealing with the burial of stillborn babies - maybe you could find someone locally who knows where that was? 1960s' hospitals were very regimented places, and fairly unfeeling at times - they might well have disposed of the stillborn babies in the same place, and maybe had something like a memorial garden, at the time? These things often haven't survived as they are difficult to maintain - easier to cut grass than grow and weed a rose-bed... But there is very likely to have been a set procedure although at this distance in time, there won't be anyone left working there from that date, it could be that someone in admin knows the history?