Me and my ex split up twice last year and 3 times this year! I know deep down it will never ever work out but each time he asks me for another chance I can't help but agree. We don't even split due to an argument its just that he decides he can't be bothered anymore. I know that I'm a mug by letting him do this all the time and wish that I could find some strength to let go and move on. It's probably only a matter of time before he's at my door asking again but I hope not as I know I'll probably give him another "last" chance when it will just keep happening. If it was someone else in my position I would want to give them a slap and tell them to get a grip but until your in that situation yourself you never really understand.
Its been 3 times now and each time it ends up in disaster with a huge fall out. How many times does one keep going back and trying to make it work?
Have you talked about what may be causing the problems, had a really good honest talk to clear the air? maybe there is stuff that isn't being said and it won't go away until you both understand the reasons.
I don't understand people who keep going back to the same person over and over. If it didn't work the first time, those issues won't just go away. Maybe a second shot is worth it...but not four times.
Me and my ex split up twice last year and 3 times this year! I know deep down it will never ever work out but each time he asks me for another chance I can't help but agree. We don't even split due to an argument its just that he decides he can't be bothered anymore. I know that I'm a mug by letting him do this all the time and wish that I could find some strength to let go and move on. It's probably only a matter of time before he's at my door asking again but I hope not as I know I'll probably give him another "last" chance when it will just keep happening. If it was someone else in my position I would want to give them a slap and tell them to get a grip but until your in that situation yourself you never really understand.
No advice, but my sympathies. I used to like a man like this who blew hot and cold, disappearing for weeks and then reappearing. Now I look back and wonder why I put up with it. You will get to this point too.
No advice, but my sympathies. I used to like a man like this who blew hot and cold, disappearing for weeks and then reappearing. Now I look back and wonder why I put up with it. You will get to this point too.
Thanks I hope so. We have a daughter together and that's part of the reason why I keep forgiving as I want her to be brought up with her parents together. Now though I realise its unfair and confusing for her. So hopefully I'll get to the point where I can let go, not just for myself but for my daughter.
Me and my ex split up twice last year and 3 times this year! I know deep down it will never ever work out but each time he asks me for another chance I can't help but agree. We don't even split due to an argument its just that he decides he can't be bothered anymore. I know that I'm a mug by letting him do this all the time and wish that I could find some strength to let go and move on. It's probably only a matter of time before he's at my door asking again but I hope not as I know I'll probably give him another "last" chance when it will just keep happening. If it was someone else in my position I would want to give them a slap and tell them to get a grip but until your in that situation yourself you never really understand.
Can I just say, I 100% agree. Your whole situation was the exact same as me and my ex's. She broke it off twice, and came running back. It wasn't even a big argument, but her telling me "she couldn't do it anymore" but each time she would come running back and like an idiot i'd be waiting. The third time she broke it off was the final nail in the coffin. Things got cold and then all of a sudden it felt like we were coming back together for a fourth time, but I knew it wasn't gonna work, so i put my foot down. It was damn hard, but I knew in the long run i'd be better off.
OP, I would say if it doesn't work the second time - it won't work at all. It's easy for me to say "Do the right thing, even if it's not what you want to do" but then again that's easier said than done. The only thing I can say is to look at the long run. If it looks like the same on and off routine will continue, then it's best to stop it now. The longer you drag it out, the harder it is in the end when it definitely is over
My and my husband split up a few times when we were younger, but then we got together at 13, so between 13-17 I think we split up 3 times. We then got back together in 2002 at 17 and decided to give it one last go, and we are still together and got married in 2010.
Me and my ex ended about 4months ago. complete shock and never expected it, he ended it for numerous "excuses" I say. I felt there was no proper reason for the spilt.
for me....if there ever was a chance for us to reconcile then I'd probably consider it as I miss him so much and doted on him. I don't think he even realised. but right now....I'm wanting answers and just not getting them.
Me and my ex ended about 4months ago. complete shock and never expected it, he ended it for numerous "excuses" I say. I felt there was no proper reason for the spilt.
for me....if there ever was a chance for us to reconcile then I'd probably consider it as I miss him so much and doted on him. I don't think he even realised. but right now....I'm wanting answers and just not getting them.
Are you able to ask your ex the questions you need answers for?
I tried, but he wanted to be left alone and given time. Apparently my txts were blackmailing....even at the time i was going with all the motions and he said he wouldn't talk if I was going to blackmail him. Even now I wasn't even using blackmail. A lot of my txts and words were anger and confusion
If you want a roller coaster, something on & off, hot & cold, drama, by all menas give it another go.
If you are sick if this & want stability, walk away, cut off & move on while you still can. My ex was on/off and after 10 stupid months of that crap I pulled the plug. I adored him & it nearly killede but I'm so glad I did.
For the last 15 months he's beem at the same on & off carryon with another girl onlu they've split up 20+ times & there are kids on both sides involved. It's now at the point where they're both posting weepy self loathing statuses on FB when pissed every weekend and you ask them.... "how do you think this will improve & why are you good for each other?"
The answer is it won't, we're not and we can't bear to be alone. Nothing is worth that shit. Being alone is way more preferable.
I tried, but he wanted to be left alone and given time. Apparently my txts were blackmailing....even at the time i was going with all the motions and he said he wouldn't talk if I was going to blackmail him. Even now I wasn't even using blackmail. A lot of my txts and words were anger and confusion
Anger and confusion causes more upset, it is better to say words that wonder why and to be honest and then you may be given answers that may give a sense of what is important and what you can learn from. Blame can be many things but to some it can take time to understand and to some there is no blame only misunderstanding.
Thanks I hope so. We have a daughter together and that's part of the reason why I keep forgiving as I want her to be brought up with her parents together. Now though I realise its unfair and confusing for her. So hopefully I'll get to the point where I can let go, not just for myself but for my daughter.
You're actually at that point now.
All you have to do is think - what exactly am I teaching my
daughter?
Me and my ex split up twice last year and 3 times this year! I know deep down it will never ever work out but each time he asks me for another chance I can't help but agree. We don't even split due to an argument its just that he decides he can't be bothered anymore. I know that I'm a mug by letting him do this all the time and wish that I could find some strength to let go and move on. It's probably only a matter of time before he's at my door asking again but I hope not as I know I'll probably give him another "last" chance when it will just keep happening. If it was someone else in my position I would want to give them a slap and tell them to get a grip but until your in that situation yourself you never really understand.
I am one who understands. It happened to me for far too long a period of time, but I just couldn't walk away completely until one day, I did. I decided that if he couldn't be bothered then why should I? And got on with my life.
Fast forward a year or so and we are now living together. I changed my whole attitude towards him and set him straight. I wasn't a doormat and he couldn't keep me "on hold" while he sorted his head and life out.
So, whilst I agree that you shouldn't stay with someone just for the sake of trying to make it work time after time, sometimes it's a case of timing and other stresses and strains getting in the way that have to be worked out. In my case we were both going through divorces.
Thanks I hope so. We have a daughter together and that's part of the reason why I keep forgiving as I want her to be brought up with her parents together. Now though I realise its unfair and confusing for her. So hopefully I'll get to the point where I can let go, not just for myself but for my daughter.
This. I'm sure all 3 of you will be happier if you let him go for good. He'll always be her father
I think you are right, 3 times is enough as never going to change and wouldnt want to look the fool that keeps going back, would end up looking a sad case to everyone. Its not love, its what was said earlier, being used and i know which one that is. so good riddance, onwards and upwards
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Have you talked about what may be causing the problems, had a really good honest talk to clear the air? maybe there is stuff that isn't being said and it won't go away until you both understand the reasons.
After 3 times, you have not learnt, so I guess you both never will - call it a day.
No advice, but my sympathies. I used to like a man like this who blew hot and cold, disappearing for weeks and then reappearing. Now I look back and wonder why I put up with it. You will get to this point too.
Thanks I hope so. We have a daughter together and that's part of the reason why I keep forgiving as I want her to be brought up with her parents together. Now though I realise its unfair and confusing for her. So hopefully I'll get to the point where I can let go, not just for myself but for my daughter.
Can I just say, I 100% agree. Your whole situation was the exact same as me and my ex's. She broke it off twice, and came running back. It wasn't even a big argument, but her telling me "she couldn't do it anymore" but each time she would come running back and like an idiot i'd be waiting. The third time she broke it off was the final nail in the coffin. Things got cold and then all of a sudden it felt like we were coming back together for a fourth time, but I knew it wasn't gonna work, so i put my foot down. It was damn hard, but I knew in the long run i'd be better off.
OP, I would say if it doesn't work the second time - it won't work at all. It's easy for me to say "Do the right thing, even if it's not what you want to do" but then again that's easier said than done. The only thing I can say is to look at the long run. If it looks like the same on and off routine will continue, then it's best to stop it now. The longer you drag it out, the harder it is in the end when it definitely is over
Good luck
IE have you just had 3 rows and broken up 3 times?
for me....if there ever was a chance for us to reconcile then I'd probably consider it as I miss him so much and doted on him. I don't think he even realised. but right now....I'm wanting answers and just not getting them.
If you are sick if this & want stability, walk away, cut off & move on while you still can. My ex was on/off and after 10 stupid months of that crap I pulled the plug. I adored him & it nearly killede but I'm so glad I did.
For the last 15 months he's beem at the same on & off carryon with another girl onlu they've split up 20+ times & there are kids on both sides involved. It's now at the point where they're both posting weepy self loathing statuses on FB when pissed every weekend and you ask them.... "how do you think this will improve & why are you good for each other?"
The answer is it won't, we're not and we can't bear to be alone. Nothing is worth that shit. Being alone is way more preferable.
You're actually at that point now.
All you have to do is think - what exactly am I teaching my
daughter?
I am one who understands. It happened to me for far too long a period of time, but I just couldn't walk away completely until one day, I did. I decided that if he couldn't be bothered then why should I? And got on with my life.
Fast forward a year or so and we are now living together. I changed my whole attitude towards him and set him straight. I wasn't a doormat and he couldn't keep me "on hold" while he sorted his head and life out.
So, whilst I agree that you shouldn't stay with someone just for the sake of trying to make it work time after time, sometimes it's a case of timing and other stresses and strains getting in the way that have to be worked out. In my case we were both going through divorces.
This. I'm sure all 3 of you will be happier if you let him go for good. He'll always be her father