I saw my dad about an hour after he died as we didn't get to his care home in time. He was still lying in his bed and looked very peaceful. When my mum died I saw her a couple of days later in the funeral home. She didn't look like herself and was dressed in a strange shawl thing, which upset me. What really freaked me out though was when I touched her hand. The shock that went through me is with me to this day. She was icy cold and hard as rock! She was no longer a person but more like a freezing manakin. I wish to this day that I had not gone to see her and had just remembered her as she was in life.
We went to see my dad as he died very suddenly when we my sister and I were young. We took things to put in the coffin with him. I don't remember it being traumatic, even though I was 13. My mum was crying as was my grandmother (mums mother) but I wasn't. He looked much better than when I found him. As he had suffered an aneurysm I think his death must have been very quick, but I can't be sure. I found him less than an hour afterwards as he was still warm, but not in a good way at all. Seeing him peaceful, smiling and with a bit of (obviously fake) colour in his face (it had become very grey and purplish quite quickly) was actually comforting in a way.
I also saw my grand parents in the funeral home, but remember feeling similar things. I saw my grandmother die too in the hospital. She was surrounded by her children and some grandchildren and was very peaceful when she went, but it was nice to see her with a slight smirk on her face in the coffin. My grandfather looked as miserable as ever so it was quite funny in a way as even though it was sad he was gone, the fact I saw him frowning in the coffin didn't really spoil any memories as he always looked like that!
In my experience it's not been a upsetting and I have no regret from seeing any of my loved ones. It has always been a form of closure. I fully understand not everyone would feel that way though, so do think long and hard about it. One of my aunts for example refuses to see anyone who dies, even her own mother and even after her kids and sisters and brothers went to see the body, she refused, so it really is each to their own.
It's not choice. You usually can't get it any quicker. We absolutely did not want to wait 10 days to bury my father but it was the earliest date we could get. We also couldn't bury him in the same cemetary as my mother as they're full and not taking any more 'bookings' outside a tiny catchment area.
Exactly. The months of December, January and February tend to have quite a backlog especially. I doubt anyone waits by choice. We certainly didn't want to wait two weeks for my mums funeral.
My Grandad's was a good few week wait too, passing in December with great dekays caused by bad weather.
I saw both parents, even though I was with them when they died. I didn't find it distressing, the funeral home were so good, she was dressed nicely, they had done her hair, put a little blusher and lipstick on her, there were flowers, and scented candles, and she looked peaceful, and almost as if she had a faint smile.
Obviously some people find some comfort in seeing the dead (in some cases it's a cultural thing) but my own view is that it's unnecessary and in a strange way disrespectful. I can't quite explain it but to have the body messed around with just so other people can gawk at it doesn't sit right with me. What's done to the corpse by funeral homes would be classed as "an indignity to a body" in any other circumstances. I don't want people gawking at me when I'm asleep and I don't want them gawking at me when I'm dead.
A few years ago a friend's father died of cancer. His widow decided on a closed coffin and several members of the family boycotted the funeral because of this. They wanted to look at him. I've never understood it myself.
Aww sorry for your loss 😔 I went to see my beloved Nana when she died and it was awful. She didn't look like my Nana, I still feel it now 15 years later, that the last time I saw her she was bloated, cold and so un-nana. I will never go to see anyone again.
20 years ago, I went to see my step-granddad with my granny on the morning of the service. She wanted one last goodbye, and my parents were busy with last minute arrangements so I took her.
It was the first time I had seen a dead body, and was slightly nervous.
He had cancer and went downhill really fast, I was at university in the midlands and my parents said not to come down as he was not in a good way.
So I was able to say goodbye, he wasn't a blood relative but a good 'un.
Two years ago my maternal grandfather died, he had been ill for a long time, again I lived miles away but would have dropped everything to come down, but mum didn't want me to come.
The OH and myself came down a couple of day before the funeral and mum rang the funeral directors so we could come and pay our last respects.
I asked the OH to leave me for a few moments, because I wanted to talk to him. The OH asked what I said, but wouldn't tell, she grassed me up to mum, who asked, but I wouldn't tell. It was/is between me and him.
I am glad I visited on both times; particularly with granddad it 'closed the book'
I was in the room when my mother died and saw the bruising on her face left by the tubes used by the paramedics. I could see straight away that what was left simply wasn't really her, so I had no desire to see her again at the funeral parlour.
I think I can understand why somebody might wish to if they hadn't seen the deceased for a while.
For me personally the body isn't the person. That's how I get through funerals, by telling myself that it's an opportunity for everyone else to say goodbye to the person they think is in the body but they've actually already gone.
I personally have never had the opportunity to see a close relative's body. I have had some distant relatives pass and gone to the wake where there's been the option to see them, but I never wanted to. I don't think I would want to in general but I've never been in the situation I've had to make that call.
I've seen two people in a funeral home - the first was my friend's Mum who had died of cancer. She looked very different - she died of cancer and looked so tiny that she didn't look real. She was in a wicker coffin which was lovely because it was as if she was in a basket rather than a wooden box.
The other person was my Grandad who died a couple of months ago. I really thought long and hard about whether to go and see him or not. He was diagnosed with leukaemia during the summer and unfortunately deteriorated very quickly. We knew the end was coming and most of the family were at his home with him the day before he died. We were just waiting for the inevitable. It was extremely distressing to see him that day though, so close to death. I left his home around 10pm that night to go home, and I kissed him and told him I'd be back to see him the next day. He sadly died the following morning, before most of us were able to see him again. I really didn't know whether to go and see him at the funeral home but in the end I decided to because I felt I should, after telling him the last time I saw him that I'd see him the next day. So I did go, I went with my Dad and my eldest son, who is in his late teens. Other family members were with him when we got there so we had to wait, then they came out and some of them said he looked as though he was sleeping. The three of us went in together, and I suppose I was a bit shocked at how he looked - yes he did in a way look like he was sleeping but at the same time his eyes were sunken and he did look dead. He definitely looked different. We spent a while with him, then my dad left the room and I asked my son if he'd like some time alone with him and he said yes, so he left the room while I said my final goodbyes. I said a few things to him that I'd wanted to say and told him how much I loved him etc and gave him a kiss and stroked his hands. Then I went out while my son went back in the room with him. I personally found it a massive comfort and am really glad I did go and see him. He was a great man with a very big family and he loved all of us dearly and I just felt I should go and see him that one last time and give him one last kiss. I felt I owed it to him after everything he'd done for us all during his life. I think about him every day, often several times a day, and I can honestly say I very rarely think about him dead in his coffin. He was one of a kind who truly lived his life to the full in every sense of the word, and that's how I remember him. It hasn't affected my memories of him at all and I have no regrets about going to see him. It gave me closure I guess.
It's not choice. You usually can't get it any quicker. We absolutely did not want to wait 10 days to bury my father but it was the earliest date we could get. We also couldn't bury him in the same cemetary as my mother as they're full and not taking any more 'bookings' outside a tiny catchment area.
That's understandable but I still find it strange. For example there was a fairly high profile murder of an Irish honeymoon bride in Mauritius a few years ago, she died on the Monday in Mauritius and was home and buried by the Sunday.
That said I have heard of months rather than weeks too.
I think we are more insulated from death nowadays. 50 years ago, it would have been quite common for a deceased person to rest at home, and people would have been more used to seeing dead relatives.
We would still have that in Ireland. Although I can see where the OP and others are coming from, there are quite a few people who "don't do wakes" for that very reason.
My uncle suffered from diabetes and when my aunt's cancer returned in December 2011 he took retirement from work the following June to look after her, only for his health to deteriorate to the point where he died in September.
Unfortunately the last time I saw him alive a month prior to this he was a complete shadow of his former self, and while his body lying there didn't shock me in that respect (obviously completely reeling from his death did) I felt sad that that last time seeing him was my overriding memory of him. If you have a lovely memory to hold onto OP I'd advise against losing that but it's your choice obviously.
I think we are more insulated from death nowadays. 50 years ago, it would have been quite common for a deceased person to rest at home, and people would have been more used to seeing dead relatives.
When I was young if there was a death in the house everyone in the street drew the downstairs curtains of the room facing the street (the parlour).
The deceased would lie there (in the parlour) in an open casket and friends, family and neighbours would call to pay their respect by viewing the deceased.
Nothing ghoulish about the practice back then, just respect being payed.
Back then, in our street, the "parlour" was the front room onto the (terraced) street.
The living room was the next one down before the kitchen.
They were "2 up 2 downs".
The parlour was the "best room" kept for occasions, visitors and whatever "finery" you had - a carpet, a glass cabinet and "some nice chairs".
Either that or it was empty with "oilcloth" on the floor
I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences with me. Thank you very much.
I am err-ing on the side of not going to see Nan in the funeral home.
Been thinking about it a lot. I feel I should maybe content myself with the memories of her being present (in body, if not in mind, bless her) on my wedding day and leave it with that.
I have got a few little bits - rosary, prayer card and photo - that I would like her to have in the coffin with her, so I will send these to the funeral home. This probably sounds silly to some but I am going to put a Christmas card in there with her also - as I bought all the family Christmas cards a couple of weeks before she passed away, and so I already have the card...
Darn it, got something in my eye now.....
But thank you all again for taking the time to reply to me
My best friend and Aunty came with me. I walked in took one look at her and turned round and kept my face firmly buried in my friends shoulder. It looked nothing like my mother.
I don't think it was because she was dead as I was with her when she passed away and the 'dead' bit didn't bother me. But she looked so different. And I'm glad that I can't actually remember clearly how she looked and that my last memory of her was in the hospital looking like she was asleep.
I tried to hold her hand too but she was absolutely freezing and for some reason (because thinking logically really wasn't my strong point at that time) this really shocked me. It also really upset me because my mum despised being cold.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I went because had I not I would have regretted it and felt guilty for not going. But I'm glad I don't really remember it.
But in one sense it helped because I had been really upset that my mum was there alone. Like we'd just abandoned her and left her in this strange place by herself but going showed me that whatever had made my mum 'mum' was no longer there.
I don't really think there's a right or wrong answer. But you won't get chance to do it again so if you think you will regret not going, then go. If you don't want to stay you don't have to.
Rather regret doing something than spend your life wishing you had.
I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences with me. Thank you very much.
I am err-ing on the side of not going to see Nan in the funeral home.
Been thinking about it a lot. I feel I should maybe content myself with the memories of her being present (in body, if not in mind, bless her) on my wedding day and leave it with that.
I have got a few little bits - rosary, prayer card and photo - that I would like her to have in the coffin with her, so I will send these to the funeral home. This probably sounds silly to some but I am going to put a Christmas card in there with her also - as I bought all the family Christmas cards a couple of weeks before she passed away, and so I already have the card...
Darn it, got something in my eye now.....
But thank you all again for taking the time to reply to me
I think the Christmas card is a lovely idea as you've already got it bought. I know of one person who died a couple of days before their GCSE results so their results were buried unopened with them.
There seems to be a broad pattern emerging here - people who have seen the bodies of dead men, apart from those who'd been ill with cancer or similar, seem a lot less distressed than those who have seen dead female relatives. A lot of this may be down to poorly-applied or over-the-top make-up.
I am a Christian and my outlook on life, and death, is this: The person is not the body. The person is the personality and the soul. The body is what you use to get about when you're on this earth. Your body dies, and it's like taking your jacket off when you arrive home. It's not 'you' and the dead body of your loved ones is not 'them'. They have moved on to a better place.
Don't have too many hang-ups about seeing or not seeing your grandmother's body. And don't beat yourself up if in a few months' time you decide you'd wished you'd gone - as this thread shows, it may have been a negative experience for you. You'll never know for sure whether seeing or not seeing her body was the right decision.
Remember her at your wedding and, even more so, remember the good times you shared when she was well. That's all you really need.
Obviously some people find some comfort in seeing the dead (in some cases it's a cultural thing) but my own view is that it's unnecessary and in a strange way disrespectful. I can't quite explain it but to have the body messed around with just so other people can gawk at it doesn't sit right with me. What's done to the corpse by funeral homes would be classed as "an indignity to a body" in any other circumstances. I don't want people gawking at me when I'm asleep and I don't want them gawking at me when I'm dead.
A few years ago a friend's father died of cancer. His widow decided on a closed coffin and several members of the family boycotted the funeral because of this. They wanted to look at him. I've never understood it myself.
I consider that your quote regarding what is done to the deceased in the funeral home, regarding them perfoming an "indignity to a body" to be disgusting and libellous.
The deceased is brought respectfully, from the hospital, or the coroner. If the family request embalming, provinding there is no medical reason for not doing so, that is performed by a qualified person. The deceased is dressed as per the instructions of the family, and if requested, can have hair styled and make-up applied, although if this is requested, I suggest a photograph is supplied to show requirements. Families can, and do request that female attendants and staff, only deal with the deceased. That is always respected!
To suggest that qualified people treat any deceased person, from babies to the elderly, with indignity, is sick.
I had considered reporting you, but would rather let people see the nasty post you chose to place in the section where somebody had just lost a relative!
Dear Julia - I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through. xx. I do hope that all these replies have given you some comfort. I posted on this thread the other day, as my beautiful husband passed away just over four weeks ago - everyone has been so kind and helpful.
For me, when it came to seeing him at the chapel of rest, I didn't think twice, as I wanted to look on that lovely face again, but perhaps it is just a little different when it's your spouse.
My husband was a huge music fan and one of his favourite genres was old blues music.
He was rested in his favourite black Howlin Wolf tee shirt, his black scarf which he hardly ever took off, and had a Classic Blues magazine in his hands along with many photos of us and our daughter. I thought he looked fantastic.
Dear Julia - I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through. xx. I do hope that all these replies have given you some comfort. I posted on this thread the other day, as my beautiful husband passed away just over four weeks ago - everyone has been so kind and helpful.
For me, when it came to seeing him at the chapel of rest, I didn't think twice, as I wanted to look on that lovely face again, but perhaps it is just a little different when it's your spouse.
My husband was a huge music fan and one of his favourite genres was old blues music.
He was rested in his favourite black Howlin Wolf tee shirt, his black scarf which he hardly ever took off, and had a Classic Blues magazine in his hands along with many photos of us and our daughter. I thought he looked fantastic.
Thanks for posting your uplifting experience when you must be still in the depths of loss and grief.
When it was my dad, who died during a simple, routine operation, we were like you and dressed him in his favourite clothes, shoes, glasses etc. We gave him his daily news paper in his hands, opened at the crossword, and his pen in his pocket. All his children/grandchildren wrote little notes or letters, and placed photograps with him. As you say, in regard to your wonderful husband, my dad looked peaceful and was smiling as he always had. I could stroke his head and kiss him just as I always did.
I do understand that people do not always have such a great experience, but please, if in any doubt, make sure you explain what you want to the funeral arranger. Take photos of how they were, and explain any worries you have if you think they will not look peaceful, or may have been injured.
You can just go into the chapel of rest and sit near the door, not even looking in the coffin, or request one of the staff stay with you, if you just want to say goodbye without looking?
Do what is best for you to be at peace with yourself?
I think if the death is very sudden then it can help. A sudden death is very very difficult to take in and deal with. I don't think I would go and see somebody elderly who had a long illness.
I think the Christmas card is a lovely idea as you've already got it bought. I know of one person who died a couple of days before their GCSE results so their results were buried unopened with them.
This has just made me cry.
I saw my dear brother in chapel of rest years ago, I was in bits standing there crying, the undertaker came over and said 'that is just his overcoat, he doesn't need it anymore'
Dear Julia - I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through. xx. I do hope that all these replies have given you some comfort. I posted on this thread the other day, as my beautiful husband passed away just over four weeks ago - everyone has been so kind and helpful.
For me, when it came to seeing him at the chapel of rest, I didn't think twice, as I wanted to look on that lovely face again, but perhaps it is just a little different when it's your spouse.
My husband was a huge music fan and one of his favourite genres was old blues music.
He was rested in his favourite black Howlin Wolf tee shirt, his black scarf which he hardly ever took off, and had a Classic Blues magazine in his hands along with many photos of us and our daughter. I thought he looked fantastic.
I didn't see either of my grandads when they passed away as my mum saw them first and said I should remember them as they were when alive. I wasn't there when either of them passed away.
I did however see my cousin who died when she was 9 (leukaemia) she looked beautiful and I was so glad I saw her at peace and not suffering as she had an horrendous time before she passed away with her treatment.
I don't feel guilty for not seeing my grandads they wouldn't have wanted me to anyway, I feel sadder about one of them passing than I did the other (my mums dad wasn't a great grandad to be honest he was indifferent to me all my life) my dad's father though was amazing and I miss him terribly some days feel an overwhelming sadness about him not been around to see my daughter been born.
My cousin passing away was just the most awful thing.
Personally I advise against it. I saw both my Dad and my Nan after they died and I wish I hadn't. It was like looking at a hollow shell and I still sometimes remember it when I think of the person's living memory.
Some people, like the funeral parlour staff did, say it is important for closure but I reckon I'm intelligent enough to understand the concept of death.
You probably could have wrote that a bit nicer but yeah I agree, It depends on the person you are and of course how they look when they passed. Like I would never see someone if they died from horrific injuries, but it was very important to see my still born nephew becuase he looked so perfect and obviously I never met him
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I also saw my grand parents in the funeral home, but remember feeling similar things. I saw my grandmother die too in the hospital. She was surrounded by her children and some grandchildren and was very peaceful when she went, but it was nice to see her with a slight smirk on her face in the coffin. My grandfather looked as miserable as ever so it was quite funny in a way as even though it was sad he was gone, the fact I saw him frowning in the coffin didn't really spoil any memories as he always looked like that!
In my experience it's not been a upsetting and I have no regret from seeing any of my loved ones. It has always been a form of closure. I fully understand not everyone would feel that way though, so do think long and hard about it. One of my aunts for example refuses to see anyone who dies, even her own mother and even after her kids and sisters and brothers went to see the body, she refused, so it really is each to their own.
Exactly. The months of December, January and February tend to have quite a backlog especially. I doubt anyone waits by choice. We certainly didn't want to wait two weeks for my mums funeral.
My Grandad's was a good few week wait too, passing in December with great dekays caused by bad weather.
Don't be afraid, but don't force yourself either.
A few years ago a friend's father died of cancer. His widow decided on a closed coffin and several members of the family boycotted the funeral because of this. They wanted to look at him. I've never understood it myself.
It was the first time I had seen a dead body, and was slightly nervous.
He had cancer and went downhill really fast, I was at university in the midlands and my parents said not to come down as he was not in a good way.
So I was able to say goodbye, he wasn't a blood relative but a good 'un.
Two years ago my maternal grandfather died, he had been ill for a long time, again I lived miles away but would have dropped everything to come down, but mum didn't want me to come.
The OH and myself came down a couple of day before the funeral and mum rang the funeral directors so we could come and pay our last respects.
I asked the OH to leave me for a few moments, because I wanted to talk to him. The OH asked what I said, but wouldn't tell, she grassed me up to mum, who asked, but I wouldn't tell. It was/is between me and him.
I am glad I visited on both times; particularly with granddad it 'closed the book'
I think I can understand why somebody might wish to if they hadn't seen the deceased for a while.
I personally have never had the opportunity to see a close relative's body. I have had some distant relatives pass and gone to the wake where there's been the option to see them, but I never wanted to. I don't think I would want to in general but I've never been in the situation I've had to make that call.
The other person was my Grandad who died a couple of months ago. I really thought long and hard about whether to go and see him or not. He was diagnosed with leukaemia during the summer and unfortunately deteriorated very quickly. We knew the end was coming and most of the family were at his home with him the day before he died. We were just waiting for the inevitable. It was extremely distressing to see him that day though, so close to death. I left his home around 10pm that night to go home, and I kissed him and told him I'd be back to see him the next day. He sadly died the following morning, before most of us were able to see him again. I really didn't know whether to go and see him at the funeral home but in the end I decided to because I felt I should, after telling him the last time I saw him that I'd see him the next day. So I did go, I went with my Dad and my eldest son, who is in his late teens. Other family members were with him when we got there so we had to wait, then they came out and some of them said he looked as though he was sleeping. The three of us went in together, and I suppose I was a bit shocked at how he looked - yes he did in a way look like he was sleeping but at the same time his eyes were sunken and he did look dead. He definitely looked different. We spent a while with him, then my dad left the room and I asked my son if he'd like some time alone with him and he said yes, so he left the room while I said my final goodbyes. I said a few things to him that I'd wanted to say and told him how much I loved him etc and gave him a kiss and stroked his hands. Then I went out while my son went back in the room with him. I personally found it a massive comfort and am really glad I did go and see him. He was a great man with a very big family and he loved all of us dearly and I just felt I should go and see him that one last time and give him one last kiss. I felt I owed it to him after everything he'd done for us all during his life. I think about him every day, often several times a day, and I can honestly say I very rarely think about him dead in his coffin. He was one of a kind who truly lived his life to the full in every sense of the word, and that's how I remember him. It hasn't affected my memories of him at all and I have no regrets about going to see him. It gave me closure I guess.
That's understandable but I still find it strange. For example there was a fairly high profile murder of an Irish honeymoon bride in Mauritius a few years ago, she died on the Monday in Mauritius and was home and buried by the Sunday.
That said I have heard of months rather than weeks too.
We would still have that in Ireland. Although I can see where the OP and others are coming from, there are quite a few people who "don't do wakes" for that very reason.
My uncle suffered from diabetes and when my aunt's cancer returned in December 2011 he took retirement from work the following June to look after her, only for his health to deteriorate to the point where he died in September.
Unfortunately the last time I saw him alive a month prior to this he was a complete shadow of his former self, and while his body lying there didn't shock me in that respect (obviously completely reeling from his death did) I felt sad that that last time seeing him was my overriding memory of him. If you have a lovely memory to hold onto OP I'd advise against losing that but it's your choice obviously.
The deceased would lie there (in the parlour) in an open casket and friends, family and neighbours would call to pay their respect by viewing the deceased.
Nothing ghoulish about the practice back then, just respect being payed.
Back then, in our street, the "parlour" was the front room onto the (terraced) street.
The living room was the next one down before the kitchen.
They were "2 up 2 downs".
The parlour was the "best room" kept for occasions, visitors and whatever "finery" you had - a carpet, a glass cabinet and "some nice chairs".
Either that or it was empty with "oilcloth" on the floor
I am err-ing on the side of not going to see Nan in the funeral home.
Been thinking about it a lot. I feel I should maybe content myself with the memories of her being present (in body, if not in mind, bless her) on my wedding day and leave it with that.
I have got a few little bits - rosary, prayer card and photo - that I would like her to have in the coffin with her, so I will send these to the funeral home. This probably sounds silly to some but I am going to put a Christmas card in there with her also - as I bought all the family Christmas cards a couple of weeks before she passed away, and so I already have the card...
Darn it, got something in my eye now.....
But thank you all again for taking the time to reply to me
I went to see my mum.
My best friend and Aunty came with me. I walked in took one look at her and turned round and kept my face firmly buried in my friends shoulder. It looked nothing like my mother.
I don't think it was because she was dead as I was with her when she passed away and the 'dead' bit didn't bother me. But she looked so different. And I'm glad that I can't actually remember clearly how she looked and that my last memory of her was in the hospital looking like she was asleep.
I tried to hold her hand too but she was absolutely freezing and for some reason (because thinking logically really wasn't my strong point at that time) this really shocked me. It also really upset me because my mum despised being cold.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I went because had I not I would have regretted it and felt guilty for not going. But I'm glad I don't really remember it.
But in one sense it helped because I had been really upset that my mum was there alone. Like we'd just abandoned her and left her in this strange place by herself but going showed me that whatever had made my mum 'mum' was no longer there.
I don't really think there's a right or wrong answer. But you won't get chance to do it again so if you think you will regret not going, then go. If you don't want to stay you don't have to.
Rather regret doing something than spend your life wishing you had.
I think the Christmas card is a lovely idea as you've already got it bought. I know of one person who died a couple of days before their GCSE results so their results were buried unopened with them.
I am a Christian and my outlook on life, and death, is this: The person is not the body. The person is the personality and the soul. The body is what you use to get about when you're on this earth. Your body dies, and it's like taking your jacket off when you arrive home. It's not 'you' and the dead body of your loved ones is not 'them'. They have moved on to a better place.
Don't have too many hang-ups about seeing or not seeing your grandmother's body. And don't beat yourself up if in a few months' time you decide you'd wished you'd gone - as this thread shows, it may have been a negative experience for you. You'll never know for sure whether seeing or not seeing her body was the right decision.
Remember her at your wedding and, even more so, remember the good times you shared when she was well. That's all you really need.
I consider that your quote regarding what is done to the deceased in the funeral home, regarding them perfoming an "indignity to a body" to be disgusting and libellous.
The deceased is brought respectfully, from the hospital, or the coroner. If the family request embalming, provinding there is no medical reason for not doing so, that is performed by a qualified person. The deceased is dressed as per the instructions of the family, and if requested, can have hair styled and make-up applied, although if this is requested, I suggest a photograph is supplied to show requirements. Families can, and do request that female attendants and staff, only deal with the deceased. That is always respected!
To suggest that qualified people treat any deceased person, from babies to the elderly, with indignity, is sick.
I had considered reporting you, but would rather let people see the nasty post you chose to place in the section where somebody had just lost a relative!
For me, when it came to seeing him at the chapel of rest, I didn't think twice, as I wanted to look on that lovely face again, but perhaps it is just a little different when it's your spouse.
My husband was a huge music fan and one of his favourite genres was old blues music.
He was rested in his favourite black Howlin Wolf tee shirt, his black scarf which he hardly ever took off, and had a Classic Blues magazine in his hands along with many photos of us and our daughter. I thought he looked fantastic.
Thanks for posting your uplifting experience when you must be still in the depths of loss and grief.
When it was my dad, who died during a simple, routine operation, we were like you and dressed him in his favourite clothes, shoes, glasses etc. We gave him his daily news paper in his hands, opened at the crossword, and his pen in his pocket. All his children/grandchildren wrote little notes or letters, and placed photograps with him. As you say, in regard to your wonderful husband, my dad looked peaceful and was smiling as he always had. I could stroke his head and kiss him just as I always did.
I do understand that people do not always have such a great experience, but please, if in any doubt, make sure you explain what you want to the funeral arranger. Take photos of how they were, and explain any worries you have if you think they will not look peaceful, or may have been injured.
You can just go into the chapel of rest and sit near the door, not even looking in the coffin, or request one of the staff stay with you, if you just want to say goodbye without looking?
Do what is best for you to be at peace with yourself?
This has just made me cry.
I saw my dear brother in chapel of rest years ago, I was in bits standing there crying, the undertaker came over and said 'that is just his overcoat, he doesn't need it anymore'
What a lovely tribute. Warmest thoughts to you.
I did however see my cousin who died when she was 9 (leukaemia) she looked beautiful and I was so glad I saw her at peace and not suffering as she had an horrendous time before she passed away with her treatment.
I don't feel guilty for not seeing my grandads they wouldn't have wanted me to anyway, I feel sadder about one of them passing than I did the other (my mums dad wasn't a great grandad to be honest he was indifferent to me all my life) my dad's father though was amazing and I miss him terribly some days feel an overwhelming sadness about him not been around to see my daughter been born.
My cousin passing away was just the most awful thing.
You do what you think is right for you x
You probably could have wrote that a bit nicer but yeah I agree, It depends on the person you are and of course how they look when they passed. Like I would never see someone if they died from horrific injuries, but it was very important to see my still born nephew becuase he looked so perfect and obviously I never met him