I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and you have my best wishes.
I went through similar with my mum in 2004 when she was diagnosed with bowel cancer that had spread to her liver, and am going through it again with dad as he was diagnosed with untreatable lung cancer 2 months ago.
I'm sorry I can't write much tonight as I have just had a harrowing conversation with our GP who seems to think that the consultant will say there is no treatment for Mum and he can only offer palliative care.
He is a great GP and didn't really want to tell me anything but I pushed him and this is what he said.
BTW he has had countless conversations with my Mum and knows that she consents to him telling me everything to do with all aspects of her health as I am the one who always accompanies her.
Now we just have to decide whether to continue with the appointment tomorrow or stick with the original one for next week.
When my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer she was only given palliative radiotherapy, no actual treatment and she lived over a year and it wasn't the actual cancer that killed her (though it would have). Palliative treatment doesn't necessarily mean she's going to go really soon. See what opinion the consultant actually offers.
Thank you. I have just had a conversation with my sister and we are thinking we will keep the appointment tomorrow and we will both go with her. We just need to speak to my brother and she is doing that now.
I am hoping that if it is as hopeless as they say she will at least be able to have the holiday with my brother and his wife that she is so looking forward to.
I'm sorry I can't write much tonight as I have just had a harrowing conversation with our GP who seems to think that the consultant will say there is no treatment for Mum and he can only offer palliative care.
He is a great GP and didn't really want to tell me anything but I pushed him and this is what he said.
BTW he has had countless conversations with my Mum and knows that she consents to him telling me everything to do with all aspects of her health as I am the one who always accompanies her.
Now we just have to decide whether to continue with the appointment tomorrow or stick with the original one for next week.
In my husband's case, our GP saw some of his test results and told us to expect the worst; she actually suspected the wrong type of cancer, and never should have said what she did. How we got through the next few days I'm not sure, but get through them we did. Then we had an appointment with the consultant and he said "listen to no-one except me". Three years later my husband - who had stage 4 Non-Hodgkins Lymophoma - is still in remission.
Once you have seen the consultant you will have the information you all need, or at least be on the road to getting that information. And remember, your GP is just that, a general practitioner. The consultant is a specialist.
When my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer she was only given palliative radiotherapy, no actual treatment and she lived over a year and it wasn't the actual cancer that killed her (though it would have). Palliative treatment doesn't necessarily mean she's going to go really soon. See what opinion the consultant actually offers.
Good luck.
Exactly the same as my Dad. Diagnosed with lung cancer March 2012, passed away April this year. He too was given palliative radiotherapy and like your mum it wasn't the cancer that killed him in the end but phenmonia and water in the lungs.
I feel so sad for everyone posting on here wether you have been through watching snd helping a loved one fight this terrible disease or have already lost someone. Its less than four months sinse my dad passed and I miss him so much.
Big hugs to each and everyone of you.
My sister and I are taking Mum to see the consultant tonight and if the news is as bad as we fear I will be staying at hrs tonight. I can't bear the thought of her being alone. She still has no idea.
I took her shopping this morning and we were sat having a coffee when she looked at me and said " I don't want to die, I want to see my great - grandchildren grow up" It was heartbreaking.
I'll try to update more tomorrow. I just also want to say another huge thank you for everyone's support, you won't believe how much it helps.
Wanted to send you yet another hug. You are doing exactly what I would - see the consultant and take it from there - I would rather hear what was happening from him rather than our GP (no disrespect) as I am sure the consultant has more core knowledge in that field. Make sure you think about yourself too - don't forget we are all here for you come back when you are ready and we'll be here to listen, reply and send more hugs.
BTW my nan was mis-diagnosed by her GP and we paid for her to see a private consultant, he confirmed it was cancer, she then was re-referred back to the NHS for further treatment.
You're a good daughter, Mollybe - you should be proud of yourself. Stay strong, and remember to take one step at a time. Everything's bearable one small step at a time. Hugs.xxx
Hi Mollybe, I hope the private appt has helped give you the info you need?
From my knowledge of cancer (my sister died from bowel cancer 2yrs ago now), if the cancer is kidney based but has spread to her liver then it is whats known as metastatic. As such it is in the bloodstream and can spread to other organs. The liver is one of the first places it goes to. This is what happened with my sister and she was told it was incurable but they could treat her to extend her life for as long as possible. They said based on their experience she could expect up to 5 yrs. Whilst shocking and upsetting, it at least gave her some time. She tolerated chemo and radiotherapy extremely well (some people do, some don't, she was on a cocktail of other drugs to help combat the side effects eg nausea). She had surgery to remove the 2 tumours on her liver but this went wrong and it damaged her recovery significantly. Her last year was uncomfortable and whilst she was due to have further surgery to remove the tumour in her bowel she never regained the strength needed for surgery.
The CT scan will be able to show where the cancer is, whether it has spread any further than just the initial site. And from that the consultant will be able to advise treatment and time span. Your mum may have many years left yet, even if it is incurable, so don't go writing off the holiday and putting life on hold yet. Wait and see what the CT scan shows.
One thing I would suggest is if your mum is going on holiday abroad to check her travel insurance and make sure she is covered for any treatment she may need (hopefully she won't but would hate for anything to happen).
I lost my own lovely mum in 2005 to this brutal disease and I understand what you are going through. Remember even if they say " incurable " it doesn't mean untreatable ... your mum may have many years left. I know someone who was given 3 months and lasted over 6 years.
Sadly my mum never got to meet her great grandchildren, she didn't even see her grandchildren grow up. Enjoy every precious day you have with your mum, no matter how long or short the time is xx
So sorry to learn of your Mothers diagnosis. Cancer is a cruel disease. Before any diagnosis can be officially made, it is my understanding that a biopsy is taken to confirm the diagnosis. Then the histology grade the sample to determine how far the cancer has progressed, and the best possible outcome for your Mother.
I have heard that scans often look far worse than when they actually operate and remove the tumor.
Just because your Mother is 74 wont necessarily deprive her of the options available to her. I would suggest, once a hospital referral has been arranged, for you to get access to the MacMillan Nurses. They are brilliant. And they're there not only for your Mother, but you and your family too.
Sorry I haven't updated sooner but its been a little fraught here.
We went to see the consultant on Wednesday evening but it turned out that he was covering for Mums consultant as he was ill.
He was really nice but couldn't tell us too much as he only had the doctors report and not the scan results.
He said that she would have a CT scan and when the report from that was ready a meeting would be held with everyone who is going to be involved in Mums care.
Then we would have an appointment to see where we go from there.
He seemed really positive and Mum came away feeling better. I am a bit more cautious having spoken to the doctors who made things look really bleak.
We went for her CT scan yesterday and we still have the meeting with her consultant on Wednesday afternoon. I am hoping he will have more to tell us then.
I have told my son that I cannot go on holiday and he is disappointed, as am I, but he does understand. I cannot quite believe I can't go. I have been looking forward to it for months. We don't get to spend a lot of time with them and my other granddaughter and I was so excited. But I need to be at the meeting on Wednesday just in case its not good news. I will miss them so much though.
My mum is due to go on holiday with my brother and his family on the 25th August and she has been told she should go and enjoy herself and that everything can wait 2 weeks.
I'm not sure what to make of that. I just need to sort out her insurance.
I think that's all for now, I guess its just a waiting game.
Really feel for you and your family Mollybe, I know you are disappointed about the holiday, but you really would not enjoy it, you would be filled with anxiety & helplessness.
Focus on maintaining your Mums current positivity without looking too far ahead for now you cant do much else.
Thanks for keeping us updated, appreciate things are very difficult for you.
I don't have an update as such as we are still waiting for the appointment on Wednesday.
Mum is keeping her spirits up. I am going tomorrow to help her get everything ready for her holiday. I am so pleased that she is still able to go. It will get her in the best possible health for whatever she has to come.
I need to call her insurance company tomorrow and let them know. Hopefully they will still cover her even if there is a further premium to pay. The GP is happy to give her a letter saying she is fit to fly. If not then I will find her some insurance somewhere.
Thanks for all the compliments although I don't really deserve them. I am just a daughter who loves her Mum dearly and wants to be there for her just as she has been there for me my whole life.
Comments
I went through similar with my mum in 2004 when she was diagnosed with bowel cancer that had spread to her liver, and am going through it again with dad as he was diagnosed with untreatable lung cancer 2 months ago.
He has a website where you can get info.
http://www.jameswhalefund.org/
He is a great GP and didn't really want to tell me anything but I pushed him and this is what he said.
BTW he has had countless conversations with my Mum and knows that she consents to him telling me everything to do with all aspects of her health as I am the one who always accompanies her.
Now we just have to decide whether to continue with the appointment tomorrow or stick with the original one for next week.
Good luck.
I am hoping that if it is as hopeless as they say she will at least be able to have the holiday with my brother and his wife that she is so looking forward to.
In my husband's case, our GP saw some of his test results and told us to expect the worst; she actually suspected the wrong type of cancer, and never should have said what she did. How we got through the next few days I'm not sure, but get through them we did. Then we had an appointment with the consultant and he said "listen to no-one except me". Three years later my husband - who had stage 4 Non-Hodgkins Lymophoma - is still in remission.
Once you have seen the consultant you will have the information you all need, or at least be on the road to getting that information. And remember, your GP is just that, a general practitioner. The consultant is a specialist.
Exactly the same as my Dad. Diagnosed with lung cancer March 2012, passed away April this year. He too was given palliative radiotherapy and like your mum it wasn't the cancer that killed him in the end but phenmonia and water in the lungs.
I feel so sad for everyone posting on here wether you have been through watching snd helping a loved one fight this terrible disease or have already lost someone. Its less than four months sinse my dad passed and I miss him so much.
Big hugs to each and everyone of you.
My sister and I are taking Mum to see the consultant tonight and if the news is as bad as we fear I will be staying at hrs tonight. I can't bear the thought of her being alone. She still has no idea.
I took her shopping this morning and we were sat having a coffee when she looked at me and said " I don't want to die, I want to see my great - grandchildren grow up" It was heartbreaking.
I'll try to update more tomorrow. I just also want to say another huge thank you for everyone's support, you won't believe how much it helps.
BTW my nan was mis-diagnosed by her GP and we paid for her to see a private consultant, he confirmed it was cancer, she then was re-referred back to the NHS for further treatment.
thinking of you all tonight xx
From my knowledge of cancer (my sister died from bowel cancer 2yrs ago now), if the cancer is kidney based but has spread to her liver then it is whats known as metastatic. As such it is in the bloodstream and can spread to other organs. The liver is one of the first places it goes to. This is what happened with my sister and she was told it was incurable but they could treat her to extend her life for as long as possible. They said based on their experience she could expect up to 5 yrs. Whilst shocking and upsetting, it at least gave her some time. She tolerated chemo and radiotherapy extremely well (some people do, some don't, she was on a cocktail of other drugs to help combat the side effects eg nausea). She had surgery to remove the 2 tumours on her liver but this went wrong and it damaged her recovery significantly. Her last year was uncomfortable and whilst she was due to have further surgery to remove the tumour in her bowel she never regained the strength needed for surgery.
The CT scan will be able to show where the cancer is, whether it has spread any further than just the initial site. And from that the consultant will be able to advise treatment and time span. Your mum may have many years left yet, even if it is incurable, so don't go writing off the holiday and putting life on hold yet. Wait and see what the CT scan shows.
One thing I would suggest is if your mum is going on holiday abroad to check her travel insurance and make sure she is covered for any treatment she may need (hopefully she won't but would hate for anything to happen).
I lost my own lovely mum in 2005 to this brutal disease and I understand what you are going through. Remember even if they say " incurable " it doesn't mean untreatable ... your mum may have many years left. I know someone who was given 3 months and lasted over 6 years.
Sadly my mum never got to meet her great grandchildren, she didn't even see her grandchildren grow up. Enjoy every precious day you have with your mum, no matter how long or short the time is xx
I have heard that scans often look far worse than when they actually operate and remove the tumor.
Just because your Mother is 74 wont necessarily deprive her of the options available to her. I would suggest, once a hospital referral has been arranged, for you to get access to the MacMillan Nurses. They are brilliant. And they're there not only for your Mother, but you and your family too.
Wishing you all the very best.
^^ I second this too.
^^ I would like to third this too, I hope you got the best news possible and sending love and positive thoughts your way xxx
Sorry I haven't updated sooner but its been a little fraught here.
We went to see the consultant on Wednesday evening but it turned out that he was covering for Mums consultant as he was ill.
He was really nice but couldn't tell us too much as he only had the doctors report and not the scan results.
He said that she would have a CT scan and when the report from that was ready a meeting would be held with everyone who is going to be involved in Mums care.
Then we would have an appointment to see where we go from there.
He seemed really positive and Mum came away feeling better. I am a bit more cautious having spoken to the doctors who made things look really bleak.
We went for her CT scan yesterday and we still have the meeting with her consultant on Wednesday afternoon. I am hoping he will have more to tell us then.
I have told my son that I cannot go on holiday and he is disappointed, as am I, but he does understand. I cannot quite believe I can't go. I have been looking forward to it for months. We don't get to spend a lot of time with them and my other granddaughter and I was so excited. But I need to be at the meeting on Wednesday just in case its not good news. I will miss them so much though.
My mum is due to go on holiday with my brother and his family on the 25th August and she has been told she should go and enjoy herself and that everything can wait 2 weeks.
I'm not sure what to make of that. I just need to sort out her insurance.
I think that's all for now, I guess its just a waiting game.
Focus on maintaining your Mums current positivity without looking too far ahead for now you cant do much else.
Thanks for keeping us updated, appreciate things are very difficult for you.
I don't have an update as such as we are still waiting for the appointment on Wednesday.
Mum is keeping her spirits up. I am going tomorrow to help her get everything ready for her holiday. I am so pleased that she is still able to go. It will get her in the best possible health for whatever she has to come.
I need to call her insurance company tomorrow and let them know. Hopefully they will still cover her even if there is a further premium to pay. The GP is happy to give her a letter saying she is fit to fly. If not then I will find her some insurance somewhere.
Thanks for all the compliments although I don't really deserve them. I am just a daughter who loves her Mum dearly and wants to be there for her just as she has been there for me my whole life.