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My mam has to have chemo
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Hi
About 2 weeks ago my mam had a cancer removed and some of her bowel as well. This was very hard for her as although she is 71, she has never been ill, and take no tablets or using walking sticks, shes so fit!. Now she has been told today the cancer has spread, into her lymph nodes and she has to have cheamotherapy quite a long time to try and stop before it gets even worse.
What i am asking is, my mam is so terrfied of this, and i look after her a lot, does anybody have any personal experience of either recovering from this kind of cancer and what the chemo was like, and as her daughter, how can i help her stay positive and happy, i want to do the best i can for her and would really appreciate any advice. I have been all over the internet, but to be honest, i would like to hear real life peoples experiences of either having the same treatment as my mam, or, any advice for me on how to keep her positive and make these sad times more bearable.
Thank you.
About 2 weeks ago my mam had a cancer removed and some of her bowel as well. This was very hard for her as although she is 71, she has never been ill, and take no tablets or using walking sticks, shes so fit!. Now she has been told today the cancer has spread, into her lymph nodes and she has to have cheamotherapy quite a long time to try and stop before it gets even worse.
What i am asking is, my mam is so terrfied of this, and i look after her a lot, does anybody have any personal experience of either recovering from this kind of cancer and what the chemo was like, and as her daughter, how can i help her stay positive and happy, i want to do the best i can for her and would really appreciate any advice. I have been all over the internet, but to be honest, i would like to hear real life peoples experiences of either having the same treatment as my mam, or, any advice for me on how to keep her positive and make these sad times more bearable.
Thank you.
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Hi, I am sorry about your mam and I hope you are ok too.
My Granny had bowel cancer and she had treatement and lived for another 40 years after that. I wasn't around when she had it though so I can't really tell you of any experiences.
My Mum had ovarian cancer and was give a pretty low percentage of survival and had to get chemo, she is ok and has been about for 15 years since then - Thank God, I could tell you about her chemo if you like, but I am not sure if it would be any help to you as it was a different kind of cancer.
But there is hope, and although chemo is horrible and it is hard knowing someone has cancer somehow we managed to stay positive, normal life sorta just took over, we laughed and sat up quite late watching daft films and things just enjoyed each others company, but we didn't talk about it much, it seemed easier that way.
Sorry I haven't been much help, I just wanted to reply and say take care though:)
When she was first diagnosed she weighed six stone, and she's about 5 foot 6 so as you can imagine she was very thin. We all thought the chemo would really affect her badly, but she loved it! She had an afternoon away from my grandad every third week (lol) and she actually felt better in the week or so after the chemo than she had done in the 2 weeks before it. The only side effect she had was some constipation, she's had no sickness or anything, her hair has thinned a bit but she still has most of it.
Chemo does affect everyone differently but if my nana can cope with it and not be ill through it, then perhaps it will be the same for your mum.
I too am so sorry this has happened. It is a sad fact that the longer we are living the more this sort of thing occurs.
Although I do not have personal knowledge of your mam's condition, my wife died of liver cancer when she was 39.
The way I kept going, was just to be bright and positive and, although we never talked about it (she survived just 3 months from diagnosis to the end), I am happy these days to talk about it.
So, if your mam wants to talk about her illness, then talk, allow her to be open and express her feelings. But utmost, try to be positive and supporting.
You will feel guilt about things and have thoughts about how things could have been different, but I'm afraid that is life and it really isn't your fault.
So try to stay positive and enjoy your time together and finally have as much fun and enjoyment as you can - I know that sounds a bit odd - but your mam will have some good laughs, which will help her, and you will remember all the good times.
Hope all goes as well as it can.
PM me if you want - not that I expect to be of much help, but I can listen.
ps: Hugs to you both (((ooo))) (((ooo)))
x
My mum had cancer not bowel though so can't really help you there.
My advice for you would be to try and stay positive, try and carry on as normal as possible i know that will be hard but at times like this you want everything to be normal.
Just try and act how you would normally and if she loses her hair through chemo ( my mum always says that was the hardest part) just reassure her that she still the same person inside and you love her more for fighting such a horrible illness
I'm assuming Bowel cancer is her primary cancer.
Please try not to get too frightened by seeing stuff on the 'net. Everyone is an individual and what you read will probably not even apply to your mam. So my advice is to not look at it any more and stick to getting info from straight from her or her docs
Do you happen to know what 'stage' her cancer is at? I am guessing stage 2 or 3? If so, please take heart that bowel cancer is one of the MOST treatable cancers there is if it is caught early enough.
Obviously I don't know what form of chemo your mam will get but sometimes they give it by tablet that she can take at home. Otherwise she will have to attend hospital to get it adminstered straight into a vein. They usually (I stress usually but not always of course) give it for 2 weeks on, then a week off for about 6 'cycles' . Everything will be explained to your mam and she will be told of side efects. In bowel cancer chemo, hair loss is NOT normally an issue. But obviously, I don't know your mam's details but from what I know she ought to not lose her hair.
One of the side efect cn be a 'hand and foot' syndrome which means the palms and soles of feet get red and tingly and sore. She will be given stuff to help ease that. She may, but not always, feel sick but again, there are really effective anti-sickness meds she will be given to take.
These are the main things I know of, if I think of anything else I'll pop back.
She should be able to access a Macmillan nurse too and if she does get the offer, she should accept as they are brilliant at offering all sorts of support both emotional and practical.
Take care.
PS radio2015, that's such a shame about your wife. I know what you went through so hugs to you too ((ooo))
Just wanted to echo that thought, my auntie was diagnosed with bowel cancer and had a large tumour removed, but it had also spread to her lymph nodes. She had six months of chemo and 3 yrs later is still clear. The treatment effects people in different ways, she was completely wiped out after chemo for three days after each session, she lost a lot of weight, and did start losing her hair in the final months of treatment, but... it worked and she is still here and healthy.
Help your mum focus on the positives and be there for her, there is a lot of support out there so you don't have to do this alone, Macmillan nurses, they are angels in disguise and will help you loads.
(((hugs to you and your mum)))
I don't have any experience dealing with bowel cancer, but my stepdad had lung cancer and had chemotherapy, and also a friends mother had bowel cancer.
It is hard to stay positive through-out, as much as everyone says that it is the best thing to do.
But the main thing I found was just to let life carry on as normal.. enjoy family gatherings and days out, make jokes and spend quality time together. I guess it classes as providing distractions.
I wouldn't be afraid to have sad moments too though, your mam will probably have them, and need people there to reassure her that she's going to be okay and is loved most of all.
As for the effects of the chemo, in both cases that I encountered, the people involved suffered weight loss and loss of hair and energy. I can't recall any other symptoms suffered by either person that was a result of the chemotherapy as I was only 15 at the time (being 20 now)
I hope all goes well for you and you mam.
All the best to your Mam and I hope she stays strong & positive x
My Mother had the same cancer over 10 years ago. Her's was diagnosed at "Duke C" stage which was pretty advanced. Her cancer had also spread into the Lymphatic system. She went for a course of Chemo & Radiotherapy. Her Chemo was a trial Drug called Tomudex. It's usually given in the late stages of Cancer and when it has spread. She didnt loose her hair either. She lived for 10 years, but sadly died in 2007 relating to another cancer, unrelated to the bowel.
Mum sailed through her chemo & radiotherapy. What you can expect is: Your mother will feel rather tired due to the chemo &/or radiotherapy. Plenty of rest, and avoid public whilst having chemo due to picking up infections etc.
Apparently we were told its the "best Cancer" to get, as it's pretty curable.
Good luck, its a terrible disease and I hope everything turns out well for your Mother.
My mam is still waiting for the appointment to see her chemo docotr (not sure if thats the right phrase), but hopefully will be pretty quick. She was told that if she did need chemo after surgey it would be the type which wouldnt affect her hair but still dont know the name of the one theyre using. She is to be going in as a day patient to recive it and also taking some tablets (this is what we have managed to find out by bugging people on the phone).
A district nurse came by yesterday and took out my mam stitches and that has healed really well. She aslo gave my mam the number for our local Macmillan nurse and i will be phoning them today, or if theyre closed Monday.
I am tending to play it down, not being unsymapthetic but trying to be light hearted, telling her shes never been ill and now shes decided she wants the biggie and this has her laughing, we talk about it but never actually bring up the part which hovers in the background, dying just isnt coming into it, maybe in our minds but certainly not into our lives. I will be going in with her and my dad to ask questions about the chemo as they are both elderly and tend to not take it all in(and shock i suppose tends to blank the mind). We were going to take my mam away in october, we were looking forward to treating her but now this has happened we have decided to stop mnetioning it, on the off chance she may still be having treatment, but shall find out more at the appointment.
Once again thank you loads, this thread has helped enormously
Wishing your Mother well and good luck at the appointment. Don't forget to come back and let us know how she gets on. They'll have all the results of the Operation and then that will tell them if your mother needs chemo or not.
BTW do have the help of a macmillan nurse. They are FANTASTIC !! They kept my Mothers mind together !
All the best
I'm sorry you and your mum are having to go through this. My dad is 71 too and is two weeks into chemo, following an op to remove his kidney. His has also spread to the lymph nodes. Like your mum, he has previously been a very fit and active pensioner.
He goes every Tues for blood tests and then has the chemo on a Wed. It only takes a couple of hours. So far he hasn't had any bad side effects from it. In addition to the chemo they also put anti sickness meds in his drip and also give him some to take home. He'll continue this for 9 weeks in total, before having a scan and then repeating the 9 weeks.
Dad seems to be coping very well and staying very positive. His only worry is that whenever he has a back ache or head ache he wonders if it is the cancer. It probably isn't but it's hard not to get paranoid about it. He also gets a bit sick of cancer being the only thing anyone ever talks about. He hates being the centre of attention. I've kept away from him this week because his immunity is at it's lowest 10 - 14 days in. I'll go and see him next week. I try to keep everything as normal as possible, apart from asking him how he is, because that's what he wants.
I thought I was coping with it quite well myself, but have been feeling quite stressed and can't stop thinking about him dying.
With Chemo, effects can be cumulative so the first cycle or few cycles can be really well tolerated but after that don't be alarmed if side effects are more pronounced. I think sheer tiredness is pretty much universal so the patient may not really be up to much converstion or socialising when having chemo and for quite a while after. So in a way you may do them a favour by keeping away for a bit or when you are with mam or dad in yorkiegal's case, just your company, sitting and saying nothing is comforting.
I wish everyone going through a similar experience all the love and support in the world.
He coped with the treatment very well, lost all of his hair and had mild sickness. I think it was the bordom he found the hardest and, as he was quite far away (in London, local hospital didn't have the right kind of treatment), visiting for long each day was difficult. As one of the other posters said all you can do is be there for your Mum and let her talk to you, even if you find some of what she says upsetting, but don't be afraid to show her your emotions, my Dad was more concerned we were bottling things up - he spent most of his time worrying about how we were rather than how he was going to be.
Humans are amazing and we are able to cope with alot, hugs to you both
I must admit although i didn't mention it at all in my first post the thought of losing my mother and the way it will affect my dad (married 50 years and very in love), is making me very frightened for the future, but i feel guilty for thinking it because i feel like im giving up, although that makes no sense i know . Macmillan nurse is being rung on monday, so hopefully she will be a good help to my mam and dad, to be honest the only information they have about what she is going through is what i have downloaded from Cancer websites regarding chemo, bowel cancer and cancer of lymph nodes. It will be good to have a professional answer their questions instead of me, she has only seeen her cancer nurse from the hosptial twice when she was in there and not at all since she came out, and the district nurse removed the stsitches but didnt really say a lot as it isnt her department. Thanks again
Try to look at it from another point of view though and I swear it will help you. Think about the term 'living with cancer' . Just focus on the 'living' part and it will help.
Loads and loads of cancer patients are living with cancer nowadays, it definitely isn't an automatic death sentence any more.
I hope the Macmillan nurse can see your mam and dad, fingers crossed that she/he can come visit and that they are lots of help for you all
Just an update, went last week to see the specialist, he was amazed my mam looked so well, he is giving her another 2 weeks to recover from the operation then starting her on Capcitibane tablets and Oxalipatin infusion (i got him to write them down im not showing off hehe). She has been told this is for 6 months, howveer there is an option to take part in a SCOT study which is only doing this treatment for 3 months, she wants to go for this, but from what i have read even if you agree to be part of the study you are picked at random for the 3 months and could still end up doing the 6 months course, bit compicated.
Anyway the specialist is a lovely bloke and spent 45 minutes with us explaining everything, my mam asked if she could book her holiday in october and he said go for it, it would give her something to look forward to, so that is abig positive.
Thanks again for all your replies, i told my mam a lot of what i was told and it helped a lot, knowledge is power
Oh, he told us they also removed 16 lymph nodes during the operation on her bowel (we didnt know this) and only 5 showed cancer and said that this was very positive, the chemo is to *mop up* and bad cells that might have got further then there.
Hi jackee. Its not unusual to feel like that at all - but what you must remember is that we only ever tend to hear of the "tragedies" when it comes to cancer and not the happy endings. The survival rates for bowel cancer have risen year upon year.
So her prognosis sounds pretty good then do you think? I am so pleased!
Please keep us posted and very good wishes to you and mam and your family
I really debated posting OP as I don't want to upset you.
We lost my Granddad last weekend to terminal lung cancer, which was a secondary cancer and he was initially diagnosed with bowel cancer.
Although its a very sad time for us I cannot speak highly enough of the NHS and the wonderful people that looked after him during the 11 years he was ill. Yep - he lived a full and (semi) healthy life for most of the years after he was diagnosed.
Although he had numerous bouts of chemo (along with radiotherapy) and he had part of his bowel removed and a temporary colostomy he was told his cancer was incurable about 5 years ago. For 4.5 of those years her was able to have treatment and live a relatively normal life. He only offically retired from the family business a few years ago and right up until a few months ago he was still able to go on holiday, go out with friends, play golf and do all of the things that made him happy.
Although of course the treatment had an effect for the most part it was always done to his own conveneince and a lot of it was done as an outpatient. My Granddad himself could not speak highly enough of all the people who had made his illness as "easy" as possible...
Of course realistically it wasn't always easy and as a granchild I am pretty sure I didn't see the full extent of how the treatment affected him. But right up until the start of this year he looked healthy, still managed to live his life and during the years of his illness he managed to travel all over the world...
As I say we did lose him very recently but I hope my post goes some way to explain that chemo and indeed even incurable cancer doesn't autimatically mean the end!! People can live happy and fulfilling lives even with the disease.
I know it's an awful time for you and I wish you lots of luck. There is always hope OP
Has your mum being given a macmillan nurse at the hospital, as they are there to help you as well cope with your mums illness.
my mum got breast cancer at 86 and they were very helpful.