My daughter's abroad and her mail comes here. Couple of months ago there was a demand from the Student Loans Company for money that she owed them. If it hadn't been paid, the bailiffs would have turned up. We only found out because one of her friends had a similar letter, and she mentioned to me.
I'm opening all official letters addressed to my daughter, because I don't need any hassle on her behalf. If she doesn't like it, she can make other arrangements.
Mums care about their offspring and worry about letters from doctors. It's what they do and nothing is ever going to change that.
If you don't want your mum to open your mail, move out and get it sent there!
Do you know, I really hate this attitude. Anytime someone complains about something a parent does you get the "If you don't like it, move out" brigade sticking their oar is:rolleyes: Although as the OP is at Uni and is living in they technically have left home, so that's a fail.
Just because someone still lives at home doesn't mean their parents have a right to read their mail. It's disrespectful and an invasion of privacy. I'd be fuming if anyone opened my mail, let alone my parents!
Do you know, I really hate this attitude. Anytime someone complains about something a parent does you get the "If you don't like it, move out" brigade sticking their oar is:rolleyes: Although as the OP is at Uni and is living in they technically have left home, so that's a fail.
Just because someone still lives at home doesn't mean their parents have a right to read their mail. It's disrespectful and an invasion of privacy. I'd be fuming if anyone opened my mail, let alone my parents!
I know. Like your child is your enemy.
It's very hard to let your child grow up. But you have to - it's your job.
And every now and then you need reminding that your boy or girl is all grown up now and your interest/concern can sometimes cross the line into interference.
Just because someone still lives at home doesn't mean their parents have a right to read their mail. It's disrespectful and an invasion of privacy. I'd be fuming if anyone opened my mail, let alone my parents!
No it doesn't and yes, you're right... I think most of us with a sensible head on will agree that delving around in their grown offspring's mail is not good parenting...
But...some things can become almost automatic... If mail turns up for our kids when they're youngsters we automatically open it... So far I've managed to have more sense when rugrat mail has arrived here and not deliberately open it when they no longer live here... But I've been known to open husband/daughter/son mail when there's a stack of it and I've missed the name sorting it out (or the addressee is unreadable) and am just whizzing through opening the stuff whilst it's face down... There's undoubtedly some been lost when it's been sat on the hallway table for weeks with other bits of rubbish dumped there that all get thrown in a tidy up...
Mistakes can happen...parents can need a cattle prod of a reminder their offspring aren't little any more...and things parents have done automatically for years can be hard behaviours to break if they're not actively thinking of it at the time... And as another poster mentioned - some official stuff could bring hassle to the door if the relevant rugrat isn't easily available/close to home...
There's a good few reasons mail might get opened and they're not all deliberately privacy invasive...
No it doesn't and yes, you're right... I think most of us with a sensible head on will agree that delving around in their grown offspring's mail is not good parenting...
But...some things can become almost automatic... If mail turns up for our kids when they're youngsters we automatically open it... So far I've managed to have more sense when rugrat mail has arrived here and not deliberately open it when they no longer live here... But I've been known to open husband/daughter/son mail when there's a stack of it and I've missed the name sorting it out (or the addressee is unreadable) and am just whizzing through opening the stuff whilst it's face down... There's undoubtedly some been lost when it's been sat on the hallway table for weeks with other bits of rubbish dumped there that all get thrown in a tidy up...
Mistakes can happen...parents can need a cattle prod of a reminder their offspring aren't little any more...and things parents have done automatically for years can be hard behaviours to break if they're not actively thinking of it at the time... And as another poster mentioned - some official stuff could bring hassle to the door if the relevant rugrat isn't easily available/close to home...
There's a good few reasons mail might get opened and they're not all deliberately privacy invasive...
Hi ladydragon,
Just saw this post and thought I'd update you - this was the reason my Mum said she'd opened it. She said she'd missed my name and it was just an automatic thing to do whilst she was sorting through it all. I feel a bit bad now for being mad, I know she wasn't being deliberately invasive. I think if she had seen my name then I'd be concerned but she explained she didn't even realise it was for me until she'd started reading the letter, then she put it straight back.
It's all been sorted now but it was just you raising that point that made me want to clear it up on her behalf.
It's all been sorted now but it was just you raising that point that made me want to clear it up on her behalf.
I'm glad to hear that...
One of my bugbears is mail so badly folded that even if you scrap up the top of the window you still can't see the name, just the address... Grrrr...
And yeah...if I shoved mail back in an envelope but had noticed (hard to miss) the sender info on the top as being a doctor/hospital and I knew it wasn't smear/vaccination/implant etc reminder time it would probably drive me batty not asking what it was for and I'd fail dismally... It would start to get my "should I be starting to worry" button flashing a bit...
My partner and I live with each other and even though the post generally relates to both of us if its addressed to him,i leave it to him to open and vice versa.if I want to ultra nosy I always ask first
My mates would hit the roof if their mums did that, your mum sounds like shes a bit of a control freak if her own kin at the age of 21 cant open her own post,either that or shes so nosy when she sees the word privite she doesnt give a toss
You just have to tell her that you don't appreciate her opening your mail; I'm sure she would say the same to you if situations were reversed. Legally, she is breaking the law; the mail is not addressed to her and, consequently, she has no right to open it. Obviously, you don't want to cause friction between the two of you, but you do need to ensure that she is aware of your feelings on the matter. If she does become argumentative, you ought to have your mail redirected to yourt new address, something you should have done in the first place.
In modern law if it is addressed to her address she can open it, but if she gains profits from than she can be done for fraud
I don't see she has done anything wrong. You say she only opened the doctors letter, so obviously she was concerned. Parents DO worry for their children even after they are 18 you know!! I do that with my brothers letters, he hasn't changed address since he moved. I only open it when I think it might be an appointment or some thing that needs urgent attention like reply within 7 days or things like that. If its an important letter there is no point in leaving it till you come home, the damage would already be done. Then you will complain not knowing who to blame. And yes like others said change address if you are that bothered. Honestly you use someones address and then are angry at them for worrying. If she had opened all your letters then you would have a right to complain.
There was nothing stopping the mother from ringing the son and saying, "There's an official looking letter here for you, shall i forward it to you or open it & tell you what's in it?". Any news sent by normal post could probably wait a few more days to reach the person it was intended for.
I suspect the mother feared the son had a medical issue which he was keeping from her, which is a different dilemma but is not a good reason for opening someone else's mail.
Jesus Christ, she's not using the documents for for fraud, she was worried!!
So? I don't think being worried is a justifiable enough reason to invade someone's privacy.
OP I'm glad it's all been sorted now, but I don't think you overreacted, I would have done exactly the same. Luckily if anything official looking comes for me, my mum phones me and asks my permission to open it.
Do you know, I really hate this attitude. Anytime someone complains about something a parent does you get the "If you don't like it, move out" brigade sticking their oar is:rolleyes: Although as the OP is at Uni and is living in they technically have left home, so that's a fail.
I take it from your reply that you still stay with your mum and this has struck a chord, then?
It wasn't an issue for me, because I had the gumption to leave home when I was quite young, but I think there are some on here who are destined to live with their parents until the day they die (them or the parents) and will always be treated like children, with no right to privacy!
You're probably too young to remember a TV comedy series called "Sorry" with Ronnie Corbett from the 80's about a middle-aged man living with his over-bearing mum. That's reality TV for some on here!
I didn''t realise that anyone other than computer game-playing children said "that's a fail".
Just saw this post and thought I'd update you - this was the reason my Mum said she'd opened it. She said she'd missed my name and it was just an automatic thing to do whilst she was sorting through it all. I feel a bit bad now for being mad, I know she wasn't being deliberately invasive. I think if she had seen my name then I'd be concerned but she explained she didn't even realise it was for me until she'd started reading the letter, then she put it straight back.
It's all been sorted now but it was just you raising that point that made me want to clear it up on her behalf.
I'm glad you got it sorted out with your mum - I'd just like to say everything ladydragon says makes sense to me. I've often messed up accidentally with my children's post for the same reasons and more - such a lot of post comes through a family house and it's easy to get distracted and open the wrong letters for one reason or another. In fact they have often opened each other's and my post accidentally.
Also, as a mum, if I have noticed anything to do with doctors or hospital I do worry about it, can't help myself
Mine used to open my mail until I was about 18 but back then I didn't mind 'cause it was just boring bank stuff about my savings and things like that. After about 18 she just leaves it all for me now
Sorry but why not just call her daughter up and let her know there is a letter here from a hospital that looks important and she is worried?
That is what my Mum would have done anyway...
She would go mental if I opened her post if it was marked private and confidential and I think I would too!
I agree with this. I think opening someone's medical mail when they are 21 is really awful. What if she had a health problem she really did not want mum to know about?
I have two kids away at University - I just put their post in their bedrooms until they come home. If it looks official or important I'll ring them and ask them if they want it forwarding or opening. They are entitled to their privacy. I don't like anyone opening anything that's been addressed to me so I wouldn't open anyone else's mail however curious I might be.
So? I don't think being worried is a justifiable enough reason to invade someone's privacy.
OP I'm glad it's all been sorted now, but I don't think you overreacted, I would have done exactly the same. Luckily if anything official looking comes for me, my mum phones me and asks my permission to open it.
If she's that fussed and her mum won't stop, why doesn't she quit whining and get it re-directed, it's not that hard really is it.
I have two kids away at University - I just put their post in their bedrooms until they come home. If it looks official or important I'll ring them and ask them if they want it forwarding or opening. They are entitled to their privacy. I don't like anyone opening anything that's been addressed to me so I wouldn't open anyone else's mail however curious I might be.
Hey, why not read the rest of the thread before replying, people of page 2?
OP said that HIS mum opened it automatically without thinking and then realised and put it straight back. Its all sorted. She didnt know it was medical until it was too late.
Thank you very much Taglet. That is exactly my point. And you're right, there was nothing on the envelope signifying it was from the hospital, but it was marked Private and Confidential. I have talked it over with her and she understands - I've told her that whilst she may worry it's not an excuse to go through my mail. Hopefully that'll be the end of it.
On a side point, I think a few posters on here are unnecessarily provocative - if I want to ask for advice I don't really expect to be mocked and told to 'get over it'. Even if that is what you believe there are far more constructive ways of wording it. It would just deter me from seeking advice on here again in the future.
Sadly trolling advice is now a pastime for a large number of people who have sad, empty lives and want to feel superior by baiting people when they are a low ebb. I think it puts a lot of people off seeking advice.
Comments
I'm opening all official letters addressed to my daughter, because I don't need any hassle on her behalf. If she doesn't like it, she can make other arrangements.
Whoops!
I have NO idea why I automatically assumed you were female.
I thought something in your initial post must have made me think this but on second glance nope, I just assumed
When I did this it was free, and you could print off the forms from the Royal Mail website. You might even be able to set it up online now.
Do you know, I really hate this attitude. Anytime someone complains about something a parent does you get the "If you don't like it, move out" brigade sticking their oar is:rolleyes: Although as the OP is at Uni and is living in they technically have left home, so that's a fail.
Just because someone still lives at home doesn't mean their parents have a right to read their mail. It's disrespectful and an invasion of privacy. I'd be fuming if anyone opened my mail, let alone my parents!
Yes, it's called Mail Collect.
http://www.royalmail.com/delivery/outbound-mail/mail-collect
I know. Like your child is your enemy.
It's very hard to let your child grow up. But you have to - it's your job.
And every now and then you need reminding that your boy or girl is all grown up now and your interest/concern can sometimes cross the line into interference.
No it doesn't and yes, you're right... I think most of us with a sensible head on will agree that delving around in their grown offspring's mail is not good parenting...
But...some things can become almost automatic... If mail turns up for our kids when they're youngsters we automatically open it... So far I've managed to have more sense when rugrat mail has arrived here and not deliberately open it when they no longer live here... But I've been known to open husband/daughter/son mail when there's a stack of it and I've missed the name sorting it out (or the addressee is unreadable) and am just whizzing through opening the stuff whilst it's face down... There's undoubtedly some been lost when it's been sat on the hallway table for weeks with other bits of rubbish dumped there that all get thrown in a tidy up...
Mistakes can happen...parents can need a cattle prod of a reminder their offspring aren't little any more...and things parents have done automatically for years can be hard behaviours to break if they're not actively thinking of it at the time... And as another poster mentioned - some official stuff could bring hassle to the door if the relevant rugrat isn't easily available/close to home...
There's a good few reasons mail might get opened and they're not all deliberately privacy invasive...
Hi ladydragon,
Just saw this post and thought I'd update you - this was the reason my Mum said she'd opened it. She said she'd missed my name and it was just an automatic thing to do whilst she was sorting through it all. I feel a bit bad now for being mad, I know she wasn't being deliberately invasive. I think if she had seen my name then I'd be concerned but she explained she didn't even realise it was for me until she'd started reading the letter, then she put it straight back.
It's all been sorted now but it was just you raising that point that made me want to clear it up on her behalf.
I'm glad to hear that...
One of my bugbears is mail so badly folded that even if you scrap up the top of the window you still can't see the name, just the address... Grrrr...
And yeah...if I shoved mail back in an envelope but had noticed (hard to miss) the sender info on the top as being a doctor/hospital and I knew it wasn't smear/vaccination/implant etc reminder time it would probably drive me batty not asking what it was for and I'd fail dismally... It would start to get my "should I be starting to worry" button flashing a bit...
In modern law if it is addressed to her address she can open it, but if she gains profits from than she can be done for fraud
This. Sorry Agent. Her house.
(And it's post. Unless sent from abroad, 'mail' used as a noun is an americanism
I suspect the mother feared the son had a medical issue which he was keeping from her, which is a different dilemma but is not a good reason for opening someone else's mail.
So? I don't think being worried is a justifiable enough reason to invade someone's privacy.
OP I'm glad it's all been sorted now, but I don't think you overreacted, I would have done exactly the same. Luckily if anything official looking comes for me, my mum phones me and asks my permission to open it.
It wasn't an issue for me, because I had the gumption to leave home when I was quite young, but I think there are some on here who are destined to live with their parents until the day they die (them or the parents) and will always be treated like children, with no right to privacy!
You're probably too young to remember a TV comedy series called "Sorry" with Ronnie Corbett from the 80's about a middle-aged man living with his over-bearing mum. That's reality TV for some on here!
I didn''t realise that anyone other than computer game-playing children said "that's a fail".
I'm glad you got it sorted out with your mum - I'd just like to say everything ladydragon says makes sense to me. I've often messed up accidentally with my children's post for the same reasons and more - such a lot of post comes through a family house and it's easy to get distracted and open the wrong letters for one reason or another. In fact they have often opened each other's and my post accidentally.
Also, as a mum, if I have noticed anything to do with doctors or hospital I do worry about it, can't help myself
I agree with this. I think opening someone's medical mail when they are 21 is really awful. What if she had a health problem she really did not want mum to know about?
If she's that fussed and her mum won't stop, why doesn't she quit whining and get it re-directed, it's not that hard really is it.
This is what I do too.
OP said that HIS mum opened it automatically without thinking and then realised and put it straight back. Its all sorted. She didnt know it was medical until it was too late.
Storm, meet teacup.
OP, glad its all sorted.
Sadly trolling advice is now a pastime for a large number of people who have sad, empty lives and want to feel superior by baiting people when they are a low ebb. I think it puts a lot of people off seeking advice.