You cannot judge all social workers on your own experience. The vast majority are very decent, caring, hard working people.
I - OP here - agree too. (Although I do appreciate the advice the advice of the person who warned me off social workers, as they were speaking from their own experience, and were clearly trying to help me - so I'm grateful for that.) But I do agree that most social workers are very decent people, doing a damned hard job, often thankless.
Another social worker came round to see us the other day. He seemed a very nice man. Genuinely wanted to help us. I didn't agree with absolutely everything he said, but he was obviously well-meaning.
I have a friend, a man in his fifties, who's spent his entire adult life as a social worker, or probation officer. In his time, he's been accused (entirely without foundation) by a severaly emotionally disturbed child of assaulting him, and had to go through the trauma of a court case. He's had to sit with convicted rapists hearing them tell him the sordid details of their crimes.
He's very intelligent and talented at many things, and could, had he chosen, have gone into something like business and made a shed-load of money. But he felt a real vocation to help people as a social worker, so that's the path he's followed.
So yes, I agree - social workers are often under-rated and unrewarded.
Thank you, too, for your post; I was really fascinated to hear from you, as this Gothic and Lolita movement has really seized my imagination. I don't think I'd dress like that myself (are there any 47-year-olds who dress like that?!) but love admiring the pictures of younger women wearing them.
I particularly like the ones of girls who dress up to look like Victorian dolls. There is one picture in the book I have of a girl in Victorian dress, loads of frills and lace, and she is carrying a Victorian-style doll, which is wearing an exact replica of her own clothes! It's just so amazing! It's my favourite picture in the whole book!
As you said, the books on the subject seem to be really expensive; I've discovered a publication which I'm sure you've heard of called the Gothic and Lolita Bible, and wish I could buy all of them, but simply couldn't afford it; however, have ordered two of them, which were of particular interest to me - decided to treat myself!
Although I'd never heard of this before, something I have been doing for a long time is collecting dolls, and the spookier-looking the better (some of them scare my husband just a little bit!) - I love those Victorian dolls with their porcelain faces and glazed eyes. I once walked past someone's front window, and they had filled the window area with loads of Victorian dolls, really big ones, all quite spooky, just standing there, facing out into the street - it looked so wonderful; I wished I'd had a camera on me to take a picture! (It wouldn't really work in my own front window, as we have a front garden, so passers-by probably wouldn't notice).
Anyway.............on the original subject of my thread, my husband has an appointment to see a neurologist in a week's time, to which I shall be accompanying him, so I really hope something good comes of that.
All the best to all of you, and if anyone wants to comment further on (a) my predicament, (b) Gothic and Lolitas, I would love to hear from you.
Moll
x
Hi Moll,
I think I've seen the photo you mention - it is fab!
I collect dolls too, (hence my name). I love Victorian dolls and that window display sounds fantastic.
I - OP here - agree too. (Although I do appreciate the advice the advice of the person who warned me off social workers, as they were speaking from their own experience, and were clearly trying to help me - so I'm grateful for that.) But I do agree that most social workers are very decent people, doing a damned hard job, often thankless.
Another social worker came round to see us the other day. He seemed a very nice man. Genuinely wanted to help us. I didn't agree with absolutely everything he said, but he was obviously well-meaning.
I have a friend, a man in his fifties, who's spent his entire adult life as a social worker, or probation officer. In his time, he's been accused (entirely without foundation) by a severaly emotionally disturbed child of assaulting him, and had to go through the trauma of a court case. He's had to sit with convicted rapists hearing them tell him the sordid details of their crimes.
He's very intelligent and talented at many things, and could, had he chosen, have gone into something like business and made a shed-load of money. But he felt a real vocation to help people as a social worker, so that's the path he's followed.
So yes, I agree - social workers are often under-rated and unrewarded.
I agree social workers can be very well meaning and very kind, but what it's wise not to forget is that they're not just there to be a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, and to help you on your own terms. You are not in an equal relationship with a social worker; they will be assessing you, and have powers to put wheels in motion to take control out of your hands as regards your problems and life, which is potentially very harmful if they either misunderstand you and get it wrong, or, if you get a "wrong un", which, as we're talking about human beings, will happen, and not rarely. My advice - just for what it's worth - is always try to cope yourself without social workers just as much as you can, to eliminate risks. I stress that, I wouldn't think, from having read your threads, you'd have anything to worry about.
Moll, you sound like an amazing string women. You remind me of my mum so much. She had to deal with dad who was mentally ill. Not saying your hubby is. Just your strength does.
As someone who us coping with physical pain (and again not comparing your situation is a million times worse than mine) I know that without my faith and without my church I dunno where I would be. If you went they could have a support network in place for you.
I hope you don't mind but I will pray for both of you.
Hi Moll, please let us know that you are ok, even if it's only one sentence. It has been over a week since you have posted on here and I am very concerned about you as I am sure a lot of other people are as well. I got you PM and answered it, but haven't heard from you since. Just let us know you are coping please.
Moll, you sound like an amazing string women. You remind me of my mum so much. She had to deal with dad who was mentally ill. Not saying your hubby is. Just your strength does.
As someone who us coping with physical pain (and again not comparing your situation is a million times worse than mine) I know that without my faith and without my church I dunno where I would be. If you went they could have a support network in place for you.
I hope you don't mind but I will pray for both of you.
PJ
OF COURSE I don't mind!!! Just the opposite - I am very touched that you want to.
I am not a regular church-goer, but I do consider myself a Christian and believe 100% in the power of prayer.
As for the people who've expressed concern for me.............................(and Fibromite, I still hope to PM you again, as soon as I feel able)..............................I am enormously touched by it. At their worst, these forums can have trolls making life miserable for everyone. But at their best, you can come across some lovely, caring people who have real compassion for strangers.
The last few weeks haven't been great, which is why I haven't been on here, as I've been quite depressed actually, but things are improving now.
I just went into a bit of a meltdown a few weeks ago, and got very upset, angry and frightened about the fact I have Heart Failure - I felt as if it really sank in properly for the first time and, I must admit, I felt at wars with the world over what I saw as the unfairness of it. I was even getting suicidal impulses - which I'm glad to say I was able to fight off - and also experienced "depersonalization" which is where you feel you're outside yourself, looking in, as if you're watching a film of yourself. Apparently this happens when you're stressed and your mental state is deteriorating. Anyway, I've been referred to see a psychiatrist, and hope to get an appointment soon. However, I'm glad to say these negative feelings have to a large extent been wearing off recently, although they haven't totally gone.
As for my husband, he had a successful visit to a neurologist, as I believe I mentioned, he also had an appointment with a psychiatrist, which I attended with him, which was very helpful, and he is going to be having a brain scan, and also a test to see if he has epilepsy. However, he has really improved a lot since I was last on here; his behaviour has gone back more or less to normal, I don't feel scared of him any more, and he is back to being the old husband I know and love; not perfect, as none of us are, but the husband I've known for years, which is a big relief.
Had a bit of a downer again today, as I had a big lump in my abdomen, and a lot of pain, so I went to the GP's, and was diagnosed immediately with a hernia. Am going to see a specialist about this, to discuss whether I need an operation. The problem is, due to my Heart Failure, I'm supposed to avoid general anaesthetics if possible, so will have to weigh up the pros and cons of dealing with a hernia vs not endangering my life with an anaesthetic.
It feels as if it never rains but it pours, and what's going to happen next? but on the positive side my concentration is much better than it has been for months (since before I had Heart Failure diagnosed) and am finally able to read a book and see it through to the end (which, to a real book-worm like me, is very important) and after months of not reading, am now going to the opposite extreme of having my nose in a good novel morning, noon and night.
Saw my Heart Failure Nurse today, and although she was sorry to hear I'd been mentally unwell, she was very pleased with my physical progress.
So things have been up and down, and for a few weeks I just haven't felt the motivation to come onto the DS site, but it's a good sign that today I did, and I have to say I'm glad I did, because you're all so nice, and I really appreciate it very much.
I agree social workers can be very well meaning and very kind, but what it's wise not to forget is that they're not just there to be a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, and to help you on your own terms. You are not in an equal relationship with a social worker; they will be assessing you, and have powers to put wheels in motion to take control out of your hands as regards your problems and life, which is potentially very harmful if they either misunderstand you and get it wrong, or, if you get a "wrong un", which, as we're talking about human beings, will happen, and not rarely. My advice - just for what it's worth - is always try to cope yourself without social workers just as much as you can, to eliminate risks. I stress that, I wouldn't think, from having read your threads, you'd have anything to worry about.
Just curious...which wheels would these be in relation to the OP's problems?
OF COURSE I don't mind!!! Just the opposite - I am very touched that you want to.
I am not a regular church-goer, but I do consider myself a Christian and believe 100% in the power of prayer.
As for the people who've expressed concern for me.............................(and Fibromite, I still hope to PM you again, as soon as I feel able)..............................I am enormously touched by it. At their worst, these forums can have trolls making life miserable for everyone. But at their best, you can come across some lovely, caring people who have real compassion for strangers.
The last few weeks haven't been great, which is why I haven't been on here, as I've been quite depressed actually, but things are improving now.
I just went into a bit of a meltdown a few weeks ago, and got very upset, angry and frightened about the fact I have Heart Failure - I felt as if it really sank in properly for the first time and, I must admit, I felt at wars with the world over what I saw as the unfairness of it. I was even getting suicidal impulses - which I'm glad to say I was able to fight off - and also experienced "depersonalization" which is where you feel you're outside yourself, looking in, as if you're watching a film of yourself. Apparently this happens when you're stressed and your mental state is deteriorating. Anyway, I've been referred to see a psychiatrist, and hope to get an appointment soon. However, I'm glad to say these negative feelings have to a large extent been wearing off recently, although they haven't totally gone.
As for my husband, he had a successful visit to a neurologist, as I believe I mentioned, he also had an appointment with a psychiatrist, which I attended with him, which was very helpful, and he is going to be having a brain scan, and also a test to see if he has epilepsy. However, he has really improved a lot since I was last on here; his behaviour has gone back more or less to normal, I don't feel scared of him any more, and he is back to being the old husband I know and love; not perfect, as none of us are, but the husband I've known for years, which is a big relief.
Had a bit of a downer again today, as I had a big lump in my abdomen, and a lot of pain, so I went to the GP's, and was diagnosed immediately with a hernia. Am going to see a specialist about this, to discuss whether I need an operation. The problem is, due to my Heart Failure, I'm supposed to avoid general anaesthetics if possible, so will have to weigh up the pros and cons of dealing with a hernia vs not endangering my life with an anaesthetic.
It feels as if it never rains but it pours, and what's going to happen next? but on the positive side my concentration is much better than it has been for months (since before I had Heart Failure diagnosed) and am finally able to read a book and see it through to the end (which, to a real book-worm like me, is very important) and after months of not reading, am now going to the opposite extreme of having my nose in a good novel morning, noon and night.
Saw my Heart Failure Nurse today, and although she was sorry to hear I'd been mentally unwell, she was very pleased with my physical progress.
So things have been up and down, and for a few weeks I just haven't felt the motivation to come onto the DS site, but it's a good sign that today I did, and I have to say I'm glad I did, because you're all so nice, and I really appreciate it very much.
I hope all of you are OK and happy!
All the best
Love
Moll
x
Hi Moll, firstly let me say how pleased I am that you came back again and that you have your hubby back (they are all miserable old sods ). I saw on your other thread about your Hernia, I hope the hospital can get it sorted for you. You have had far too much on your plate lately, time to stop being greedy my lady and give some of your shit to other people who really deserve it. Take care. Love Uffa. x
Great to see you back on here, Moll, and to know you're generally okay, but I'm really sorry to hear that you've been feeling very down. It's not surprising though considering all that you've been experiencing of late. And then to have a painful hernia develop as well. Life can be very cruel sometimes.
Really relieved for you that your husband's state of mind has improved. and you no longer have that terrible fear hanging over you. And also, as you say, your 'heart failure' nurse was happy with you on your last visit.
I sincerely hope that things continue to improve for you now and that your hernia problem can be dealt with effectively without the need for a full general anaesthetic.
Though I don't know you personally I really feel for you, as others on here clearly do too. Most people don't like to think of others suffering and want to help if they can. As I know, from my own experience, sometimes just a few kind words even from a stranger can really perk you up.
I hope reading the positive messages on this thread will do that for you. (((HUG)))
Hi Moll,
I just wanted to leave a quick message to wish you & your husband well. I'm glad to hear things are moving for him and he's back to his old self and you're no longer living in fear.
Sorry to hear about your state of mind, I've experienced that feeling that you spoke of "watching your life as if a movie", it's great you're getting the help & support from your doctors.
Wishing you all the best.
It's funny really, from reading this thread everyone seems convinced it's Schizophrenia, but it sounds nothing like any schizophrenia I've ever heard of.
Schizophrenic people don't usually experience (very sudden) memory loss, slurred speech, eye-lids drooping etc
Even the very menacing behaviour is.. untypical.. of schizophrenia (although granted not impossible)
The behaviour of schizophrenic people can be baffling and complex but it's very rare (if not impossible) it manifests itself in such a Jekyll & Hyde split personality way. Schizophrenia just isn't 'multiple-personalities' as is often erroneously described by laypersons.
I just wanted to echo Hypnodisc's post here. My sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia 16 yrs ago, and has lived with me daily since, and I've attended support groups for families coping with schizophrenia in the past. What the OP described is like nothing I've ever come across. There are no similarities whatsoever. There is nothing that screams schizophrenia. Mental health issues yes (or neurological), but not specifically schizophrenia.
In addition to what Hypnodisc has already said, an undiagnosed and unmedicated schizophrenic is highly unlikely to be as compliant as the OP's husband. We were also told many years ago by my sister's psychiatrist that a schizophrenic is far morely likely to harm themselves than harm anyone else (another frequent misunderstanding).
From what I've personally experienced and also heard from others, and based on what the OP has told us, it does not sound like schizophrenia at all. I wouldn't like to speculate on what it could be though. That's where it should be left to the medical professionals.
Please keep us up-to-date, OP. Best wishes to you.
PS - Edited to add that I don't think it's a good idea to have him go into a B&B, where he can put many others at risk. If you need to separate temporarily, it is better that you go elsewhere and leave him in the house.
Firstly hope OP and hubby can both find solutions to their problems.
On reading through some of your other threads OP, and there are quite a few, not surprised you would like to write and have your work published, its clear that you too have had many concerns in the past concerning your own phsyciatric problems and then to be newly diagnosed as having heart failure has been another blow for you.
You appear to to be putting a label on yourself , im sure with the right medication there is no reason whatsoever for you not to live to a ripe old age,not to 100 perhaps as you stated you wished to in a previous thread, you also said that the hospital told you wouldnt live till 100, seems a very odd thing to say i might add. You also stated in another thread you had lost friends because of your illnes im sure this is not the case, maybe your friends have lost you because your letting your illness encompass your life which is not good. Try to accept that you have the illness but dont let it take over your life, you and your husband are both still very young, its understandable he will worry about you, but undue stress for both of you is not good.
im no doctor so cant say what the episodes your husband has been experiencing are,but again labelling him as having an illness which hast yet been fully diagnosed will do neither of you any good, maybe its all just stress.
i can assure you heart failure is not a death sentence as perhaps it was in years gone by ,there is so much now that can be done to keep it at bay,im assuming your heart failure was brought on by a heart, attack am i right and although its not a pleasant illness to have stressing over it will exaccerbate it even further.
i hope my post is constructive advice for you Op and that you dont take it as anything other than trying to help.
so good to see you post agan Moll hugs to you and your famlily, cat included
please dont be hard on yourself, a lot of people diagnosed with heart failure go through peroids of depression and have experiences like you have described. You are a relatively young lass with what you feel is a very scary diagnosis and rightly so. Its enough to cause the strongest of us to feel anxieties which can cause physical and psychological symptoms. Im sure it has been made worse with the extra concerns about your hubby, im so glad he is improving. I hope you have close friend or family nearby you can talk to. Like Stargirl says in her post heart failure can be managed more effectively these days xx
Comments
I - OP here - agree too. (Although I do appreciate the advice the advice of the person who warned me off social workers, as they were speaking from their own experience, and were clearly trying to help me - so I'm grateful for that.) But I do agree that most social workers are very decent people, doing a damned hard job, often thankless.
Another social worker came round to see us the other day. He seemed a very nice man. Genuinely wanted to help us. I didn't agree with absolutely everything he said, but he was obviously well-meaning.
I have a friend, a man in his fifties, who's spent his entire adult life as a social worker, or probation officer. In his time, he's been accused (entirely without foundation) by a severaly emotionally disturbed child of assaulting him, and had to go through the trauma of a court case. He's had to sit with convicted rapists hearing them tell him the sordid details of their crimes.
He's very intelligent and talented at many things, and could, had he chosen, have gone into something like business and made a shed-load of money. But he felt a real vocation to help people as a social worker, so that's the path he's followed.
So yes, I agree - social workers are often under-rated and unrewarded.
Hi Moll,
I think I've seen the photo you mention - it is fab!
I collect dolls too, (hence my name). I love Victorian dolls and that window display sounds fantastic.
My very best wishes x
I agree social workers can be very well meaning and very kind, but what it's wise not to forget is that they're not just there to be a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, and to help you on your own terms. You are not in an equal relationship with a social worker; they will be assessing you, and have powers to put wheels in motion to take control out of your hands as regards your problems and life, which is potentially very harmful if they either misunderstand you and get it wrong, or, if you get a "wrong un", which, as we're talking about human beings, will happen, and not rarely. My advice - just for what it's worth - is always try to cope yourself without social workers just as much as you can, to eliminate risks. I stress that, I wouldn't think, from having read your threads, you'd have anything to worry about.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasmosis
As someone who us coping with physical pain (and again not comparing your situation is a million times worse than mine) I know that without my faith and without my church I dunno where I would be. If you went they could have a support network in place for you.
I hope you don't mind but I will pray for both of you.
PJ
This. *points upwards*
I too will like to hear from you
I was wondering the same. Noticed you don't seem to have posted on DS for over 3 weeks, Moll. Hope you're okay. Sending you (((HUGS)))
OF COURSE I don't mind!!! Just the opposite - I am very touched that you want to.
I am not a regular church-goer, but I do consider myself a Christian and believe 100% in the power of prayer.
As for the people who've expressed concern for me.............................(and Fibromite, I still hope to PM you again, as soon as I feel able)..............................I am enormously touched by it. At their worst, these forums can have trolls making life miserable for everyone. But at their best, you can come across some lovely, caring people who have real compassion for strangers.
The last few weeks haven't been great, which is why I haven't been on here, as I've been quite depressed actually, but things are improving now.
I just went into a bit of a meltdown a few weeks ago, and got very upset, angry and frightened about the fact I have Heart Failure - I felt as if it really sank in properly for the first time and, I must admit, I felt at wars with the world over what I saw as the unfairness of it. I was even getting suicidal impulses - which I'm glad to say I was able to fight off - and also experienced "depersonalization" which is where you feel you're outside yourself, looking in, as if you're watching a film of yourself. Apparently this happens when you're stressed and your mental state is deteriorating. Anyway, I've been referred to see a psychiatrist, and hope to get an appointment soon. However, I'm glad to say these negative feelings have to a large extent been wearing off recently, although they haven't totally gone.
As for my husband, he had a successful visit to a neurologist, as I believe I mentioned, he also had an appointment with a psychiatrist, which I attended with him, which was very helpful, and he is going to be having a brain scan, and also a test to see if he has epilepsy. However, he has really improved a lot since I was last on here; his behaviour has gone back more or less to normal, I don't feel scared of him any more, and he is back to being the old husband I know and love; not perfect, as none of us are, but the husband I've known for years, which is a big relief.
Had a bit of a downer again today, as I had a big lump in my abdomen, and a lot of pain, so I went to the GP's, and was diagnosed immediately with a hernia. Am going to see a specialist about this, to discuss whether I need an operation. The problem is, due to my Heart Failure, I'm supposed to avoid general anaesthetics if possible, so will have to weigh up the pros and cons of dealing with a hernia vs not endangering my life with an anaesthetic.
It feels as if it never rains but it pours, and what's going to happen next? but on the positive side my concentration is much better than it has been for months (since before I had Heart Failure diagnosed) and am finally able to read a book and see it through to the end (which, to a real book-worm like me, is very important) and after months of not reading, am now going to the opposite extreme of having my nose in a good novel morning, noon and night.
Saw my Heart Failure Nurse today, and although she was sorry to hear I'd been mentally unwell, she was very pleased with my physical progress.
So things have been up and down, and for a few weeks I just haven't felt the motivation to come onto the DS site, but it's a good sign that today I did, and I have to say I'm glad I did, because you're all so nice, and I really appreciate it very much.
I hope all of you are OK and happy!
All the best
Love
Moll
x
Just curious...which wheels would these be in relation to the OP's problems?
Hi Moll, firstly let me say how pleased I am that you came back again and that you have your hubby back (they are all miserable old sods
Really relieved for you that your husband's state of mind has improved. and you no longer have that terrible fear hanging over you. And also, as you say, your 'heart failure' nurse was happy with you on your last visit.
I sincerely hope that things continue to improve for you now and that your hernia problem can be dealt with effectively without the need for a full general anaesthetic.
Though I don't know you personally I really feel for you, as others on here clearly do too. Most people don't like to think of others suffering and want to help if they can. As I know, from my own experience, sometimes just a few kind words even from a stranger can really perk you up.
I hope reading the positive messages on this thread will do that for you.
I just wanted to leave a quick message to wish you & your husband well. I'm glad to hear things are moving for him and he's back to his old self and you're no longer living in fear.
Sorry to hear about your state of mind, I've experienced that feeling that you spoke of "watching your life as if a movie", it's great you're getting the help & support from your doctors.
Wishing you all the best.
In addition to what Hypnodisc has already said, an undiagnosed and unmedicated schizophrenic is highly unlikely to be as compliant as the OP's husband. We were also told many years ago by my sister's psychiatrist that a schizophrenic is far morely likely to harm themselves than harm anyone else (another frequent misunderstanding).
From what I've personally experienced and also heard from others, and based on what the OP has told us, it does not sound like schizophrenia at all. I wouldn't like to speculate on what it could be though. That's where it should be left to the medical professionals.
Please keep us up-to-date, OP. Best wishes to you.
PS - Edited to add that I don't think it's a good idea to have him go into a B&B, where he can put many others at risk. If you need to separate temporarily, it is better that you go elsewhere and leave him in the house.
Firstly hope OP and hubby can both find solutions to their problems.
On reading through some of your other threads OP, and there are quite a few, not surprised you would like to write and have your work published, its clear that you too have had many concerns in the past concerning your own phsyciatric problems and then to be newly diagnosed as having heart failure has been another blow for you.
You appear to to be putting a label on yourself , im sure with the right medication there is no reason whatsoever for you not to live to a ripe old age,not to 100 perhaps as you stated you wished to in a previous thread, you also said that the hospital told you wouldnt live till 100, seems a very odd thing to say i might add. You also stated in another thread you had lost friends because of your illnes im sure this is not the case, maybe your friends have lost you because your letting your illness encompass your life which is not good. Try to accept that you have the illness but dont let it take over your life, you and your husband are both still very young, its understandable he will worry about you, but undue stress for both of you is not good.
im no doctor so cant say what the episodes your husband has been experiencing are,but again labelling him as having an illness which hast yet been fully diagnosed will do neither of you any good, maybe its all just stress.
i can assure you heart failure is not a death sentence as perhaps it was in years gone by ,there is so much now that can be done to keep it at bay,im assuming your heart failure was brought on by a heart, attack am i right and although its not a pleasant illness to have stressing over it will exaccerbate it even further.
i hope my post is constructive advice for you Op and that you dont take it as anything other than trying to help.
http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/types-of-violence/domestic-intimate-partner-violence.html
please dont be hard on yourself, a lot of people diagnosed with heart failure go through peroids of depression and have experiences like you have described. You are a relatively young lass with what you feel is a very scary diagnosis and rightly so. Its enough to cause the strongest of us to feel anxieties which can cause physical and psychological symptoms. Im sure it has been made worse with the extra concerns about your hubby, im so glad he is improving. I hope you have close friend or family nearby you can talk to. Like Stargirl says in her post heart failure can be managed more effectively these days xx