Options
help re ex
basically i was with someone for just over 6 months during this time he was always clingy jealous possesive and i just had enough and ended it, since then hes been threatening to commit suicide, ruining my nights out with friends by being there and just being moody.
i agreed to start seeing him to try shut him up but now hes accused me of wanting to go with other guys! he accused me this morning so i said please leave me alone you said you would change and you havent.
so hes come down to my work place and said to me your ruining my life by ending it and if you do ill ruin yours, threatening me
i ended up hitting him because it was so cruel for him to say stay with me or ill ruin your life, but then he said nobody physically attacks me so watch your back! i couldnt win either way
we managed to sort it and are now trying again, i really really dont want to but the threat of being hurt if i dont is there, i dont know what i can do like he said it wont be him doing the actually deed
i agreed to start seeing him to try shut him up but now hes accused me of wanting to go with other guys! he accused me this morning so i said please leave me alone you said you would change and you havent.
so hes come down to my work place and said to me your ruining my life by ending it and if you do ill ruin yours, threatening me
i ended up hitting him because it was so cruel for him to say stay with me or ill ruin your life, but then he said nobody physically attacks me so watch your back! i couldnt win either way we managed to sort it and are now trying again, i really really dont want to but the threat of being hurt if i dont is there, i dont know what i can do like he said it wont be him doing the actually deed
0
Comments
So you have now twice got back together with this guy???
How old are you? How old is he?
Does he have a family member / friend that you could speak to.
He is not your responsibility!
I know this may sound God-awful but if anyone ever threatened me with suicide I would tell them to go ahead and do it!!! People that wax lyrical about it and use it to emotional blackmail others very rarely go through with it.
STOP SEEING THIS MAN - NOW.
CHANGE YOUR NUMBER, ADVISE YOUR WORK TO TURN HIM AWAY....
Either way I'd leave, go somewhere safe and report everything to the police and relevant agencies. There are refuges you could contact if you need them, who would support you.
Being scared to leave is no reason to stay. That seems so simplistic when its written down though and much harder to relate to in reality when you're scared witless. Do you have family nearby? Or friends who can help? Even if that help just means talking it through?
I really hope things get better for you ((hugs))
PS - threats of suicide are usually just that - threats. Just another way of control and blackmail. I had a friend who threatened to kill herself if I didn't make things up with her. I didn't - and guess what - she's still here. You can't be held responsible for what others do. Best of luck.
It took me 5 years and a lot of trouble to get away - and I didnt even live there!!
Whilst I was with him, my ex flung himself over my car bonnet when I was driving away from a friends - turned up and sat in the public place where I worked all day just staring, slept on the porch at my parents - and even on the kitchen extension right outside my bedroom window without me knowing - and hundreds of other stuff - called me up when shopping with friends saying he would slit his dogs throat if i didnt come round to his right now, threatened to cut my face so no-one would ever look at me, said he would kill me then himself if I dumped him...sound familiar?
Of course he never actually carried out any of the violent threats after I had dumped him (tho wasnt above giving me a slap when together!).
Because once you stand up to them, they have no more power over you. It was over 20 yrs ago and as far as I know he is still alive - I didnt get beaten or threatened once I had contacted the police and he knew I was serious about finishing with him - funnily enough he left me alone after that.
You have to finish this right now, stay with friends, family, stay safe and dont give in to his threats, he is a coward and a bully he will never change.
I dont count the years when I was with him as even 'living' - I got a new lease of life the day I refused to take any more and have never looked back.
Stick to this and do not enter into any further communication with him.
Stop allowing him to manipulate and control you and stop giving him mixed messages.
Tell him it's over then do not contact him again - if he continues to harrass you tell him you will contact the police -and if he ignores that threat then carry it out immediately.
He will soon find another target. This happened to me and I ended up with the man sitting in my garden in the dark and getting himself admitted to hospital saying he was suicidal. I told the doctor (who contacted me to see if I would come and get him) that he was manipulative and I was no longer involved with him.
He soon went away when I refused to give in to his manipulation.
How Do I know?
Because I was very nearly that man.
I was jealous, possesive etc and was driving myself mad through it.
I was given a second chance and then I began the affair accusations.
It's never nice on either side, but do it, that was what was done to me, and honestly stopped me going mad. Was still a little obsessed, watching facebook etc all the time just to see what she would post. but in all honesty it did me a favour and definitlay her.
I got over it and Im sure he will to. BUT only if you cut all ties, do not give hope and just ignore calls, messages, letters the lot.
Get on with your life without him.
WOW that a relief that I can actually say that now.
Good Luck.
Walk away and get away from him. As far away as you can.
Everytime you get back with him, you look weak, and he'll just push this behaviour further and further. I would also contact the police immediately. They are big fans of booting the door down at 6am for people like this.
Did anyone else hear the threat?
Thank you for your honesty Mojo,not many men would admit what you have just written,I just hope BZR will read your words and end this horrific situation.
I also went to "talk" to someone to clear up my obsession. I never want to put anyone in that situation again, and to be honest i feel so good for it too.
This isn't a "relationship" this is control and manipulation.
A proper relationship is one where you feel loved, cherished and respected.
What you have described is not it.
I'm worrying about you OP, do you really feel such a sense of low self-esteem that you will stay with this character?
Hope you have someone you can trust to talk to, to run to if necessary.
Please please take the advice of the other posters above me, drop him and and get away..FAST!
Sincerely wish you all the best ((hugs))
Good for you and very brave post, I salute you
Its really good that you have realised your actions were wrong Mojo and talking with someone can help so much.
This girl really has to end this situation because its clear to see there will be no happy ending,maybe BZR also needs to talk to someone who can give her the strength to finally say enough is enough.
Make that a double salute Nia,very brave to admit what he did was wrong.
I will try and steer you in the correct direction and tell you the ins and outs of what happened, unfo I don't think it was a serious as yours, but close enough.
well done mojo - must take a lot of bottle to admit your mistakes sounds like you are much happier now - hope BZR takes advice straight from the horses mouth so to speak!
It's good to hear a view from another perspective.
There is some very good advice on this thread and I applaud the people who have been brave enough to post about their own experiences.
Speak to your boss or a trusted colleague and get support at work in case he he turns up again.
And don't hesitate to call the police if needed.
He has threatened you so you should report this to the police.
You need to ditch him - for good. Warn him that you are not going to stand for it anymore. Tell him that any continued communication is harassment and will be reported. If needs be, file a restraining order against him. This nutter shouldn't be allowed to control you.
ive told him to not conact me again, he is blocked and deleted on all acounts and even my friends accounts, im not going out tonight as he thinks i am but im willing to stay in to avoid him.
now all im getting texts is saying how ive obviously never cared and that i hate him, i know he will never change, ive told my friends so everyone is away and ive told my siblings as they regularly go town and i dont want them in a situation with him.
im just hoping he gets the message now, ive refused to meet him and i never will
As another FM says, cut all ties. Dont take his calls, tell security at your work he's not welcome. If you have to change your mobile number. And tell the police. They take harassment very seriously and it may give your ex the wake up call he needs. That if he continues, not only will he not get you back but he could find himself in a whole lot of trouble.
Just keep these last few texts and give your local police a call. They will be happy to go around and let him know that he is not to contact you again. He is harassing you and it needs to stop you need to make him certain you are serious and it is over. Any further communication direct from you will only fuel his behaviour. I know it sounds harsh, but you really need to draw a clear and legal line for him.
im not normally a violent person and i wouldnt of done it unless it was provoked
Just more controlling and manipulative behaviour - he won't go to the police as he knows his behaviour is out of order. Ignore this threat.
thanks so much im sitting here shaking every time i hear a car door slam