DaisyBill, could your Nan be in the early stages of dementia? It might be worth keeping a diary of her odd behaviour for a couple of weeks. Once you have a couple of weeks information phone her GP and tell them of your concerns. Her GP can't actually discuss her with you unless she has given permission but he can listen to your concerns.
We used a funeral celebrant at my Mum's cremation last month and the ceremony wasn't at all religious.
Just thought I'd comment back here to say that my nan hasn't (surprisingly) mentioned her funeral lately. She usually mentions it on a weekly basis
I won't lie though, things are becoming increasingly hard for us. My mum was in tears the other day because my nan just laid into her about how she (my mum) failed at life etc (won't go into details), she says some very nasty to things about my mum (which is her daughter I'll add). It's very frustrating, sad and infuriating all at the same time. For example, me and my mum were having a moan about her the other day, getting it off our chests, the phone rang, it was nan and she was in a good mood, so then I felt really bad.
We've asked her what she wants and all she says is to be "left alone". She doesn't want no help from "officials" or anything. Once, when she looked a bit ill (suspected water infection) she literally blocked us from using her phone to call for a GP home visit!
I just thought I'd post back here, not sure if anyone will read but sometimes it's good to vent or release any inner feelings I guess.
In January my nan was on sleeping tablets, had been for years, we thought maybe these were making her worse due to her age now, so the dose was lowered just slightly, we can't seem to find an improvement in her behavior, however we do think (well I know for sure) she is hallucinating.
I'm unsure on why exactly but this has happened a number of times of the past year. More recently yesterday. The phone rang and I couldn't get there in time but there was a message on the answer phone, very scary to hear...She was saying her name and address (as if she was placing an order..or, asking for help and those were her details) but then she was mentioning her past family members (many who are dead now i.e. her sister and her brother).
I immediately rang her back and the first thing she said was she felt like she was "in a dream" but physically being there, as I spoke to her, she came round and it was my clarity that got her knowing where she was etc. She only seems to have these hallucinations upon waking up.
By the end of the call she was much better and said she was scared because she could sort of see things that wern't real and in her mind she knew those things (such as possessions) didn't exist in her house so why was she seeing them. After me talking to her for a good 20 minutes or so, she was fine, I left her okay. About 20 minutes she rang back in better spirits thanking me for the talk and helping her "out of it".
I rang her back last night to again, ask if she was okay now and she was fine, quite jolly and we had a nice conversation.
However today I have woken up feeling incredibly stressed and anxious, possibly thinking "when will the next time be?". I just don't know what's what anymore, I guess she doesn't either but when I'm basically in control of somebody's well-being (and their life) it's very confusing.
I want to speak to her doctor again about these hallucinations, but in January they actually refused to visit my nan in person so it was me (via permission from my nan) making the new sleeping tablet arrangements by phone, which I think is very poor of the NHS.
I just thought I'd post back here, not sure if anyone will read but sometimes it's good to vent or release any inner feelings I guess.
In January my nan was on sleeping tablets, had been for years, we thought maybe these were making her worse due to her age now, so the dose was lowered just slightly, we can't seem to find an improvement in her behavior, however we do think (well I know for sure) she is hallucinating.
I'm unsure on why exactly but this has happened a number of times of the past year. More recently yesterday. The phone rang and I couldn't get there in time but there was a message on the answer phone, very scary to hear...She was saying her name and address (as if she was placing an order..or, asking for help and those were her details) but then she was mentioning her past family members (many who are dead now i.e. her sister and her brother).
I immediately rang her back and the first thing she said was she felt like she was "in a dream" but physically being there, as I spoke to her, she came round and it was my clarity that got her knowing where she was etc. She only seems to have these hallucinations upon waking up.
By the end of the call she was much better and said she was scared because she could sort of see things that wern't real and in her mind she knew those things (such as possessions) didn't exist in her house so why was she seeing them. After me talking to her for a good 20 minutes or so, she was fine, I left her okay. About 20 minutes she rang back in better spirits thanking me for the talk and helping her "out of it".
I rang her back last night to again, ask if she was okay now and she was fine, quite jolly and we had a nice conversation.
However today I have woken up feeling incredibly stressed and anxious, possibly thinking "when will the next time be?". I just don't know what's what anymore, I guess she doesn't either but when I'm basically in control of somebody's well-being (and their life) it's very confusing.
I want to speak to her doctor again about these hallucinations, but in January they actually refused to visit my nan in person so it was me (via permission from my nan) making the new sleeping tablet arrangements by phone, which I think is very poor of the NHS.
When my grandfather was suffering from Alzheimer's he often saw things in his house that wasn't there. He'd call and tell us things such as an army had marched through his living room, for example.
It's sounding more and more like a form of dementia and that maybe, she needs more care than you can give.
I recently spoke to my brother who is my father's carer.
My father had been bedridden for about four weeks and then started hallucinating. It transpired that he had a urinary tract infection. Following medication he is now fine (well as fine as a man in his mid 80's with multiple conditions can be).
I don't think she has Alzhiemer's. Of course I can't be certain but I just don't think so. However another form of dementia? possible. I don't know.
See. I thought the same thing about the Urine infection, but about November time, two nurses visited her at home (district nurses I think they're called) and she did a sample, and everything came back fine. However she did have a bout of cystitis a couple of months back (well, again, I can't be sure it's cystitis), she isn't complaining of that now.
Funerals are often more about a rite for the benefit of the living imo. But sometimes a person isn't interested in ceremony after they are gone. You don't even need a Funeral Director. In fact a lot of people are surprised at how little is actually required by law. Unfortunately, especially when we are dealing with a death for the first time, we are sometimes knocked for six and follow convention. Which why it is a good idea to think about things beforehand even though it might seem maudlin. https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/arrange-the-funeral
Be aware though there can be family conflicts about what should happen and there are also people's general attitudes to contend with. Funeral Directors themselves can be pushy. With my very first experience of arranging a funeral, I was made to feel penny pinching by going for the basics without the fancy coffin and the frills.
The second time (different firm) it was much better.
I'll cut to the chase - my grandmother is 88 and seems to have a milder form of what you're talking about.
Your grandmother has a form of dementia. I'm in no doubt about it. Do everything you possibly can to get her to have a brain scan and get it properly diagnosed. The sooner she's diagnosed, the sooner she'll receive appropriate treatment, and the sooner you can prepare for the future.
I'll cut to the chase - my grandmother is 88 and seems to have a milder form of what you're talking about.
Your grandmother has a form of dementia. I'm in no doubt about it. Do everything you possibly can to get her to have a brain scan and get it properly diagnosed. The sooner she's diagnosed, the sooner she'll receive appropriate treatment, and the sooner you can prepare for the future.
You could be right. But what do I do? She point blank refuses to leave the house. Pretty much all day she's laying in bed because "she's bored", which is why when she wakes up she's confused about the time and day etc, she's awake in the evenings and says she watches the TV, which I believe, because I've had conversations with her on the phone at say 7pm and she's bright as a button.
What can I physically do? This may sound a bit funny but it's so hard when it's a human life, especially someone who has all their marbles (well, sort of), if it were a pet or animal you'd take it to the vet etc, but with human life it's completely different and very hard.
I don't think she has Alzhiemer's. Of course I can't be certain but I just don't think so. However another form of dementia? possible. I don't know.
See. I thought the same thing about the Urine infection, but about November time, two nurses visited her at home (district nurses I think they're called) and she did a sample, and everything came back fine. However she did have a bout of cystitis a couple of months back (well, again, I can't be sure it's cystitis), she isn't complaining of that now.
You could be right. But what do I do? She point blank refuses to leave the house. Pretty much all day she's laying in bed because "she's bored", which is why when she wakes up she's confused about the time and day etc, she's awake in the evenings and says she watches the TV, which I believe, because I've had conversations with her on the phone at say 7pm and she's bright as a button.
What can I physically do? This may sound a bit funny but it's so hard when it's a human life, especially someone who has all their marbles (well, sort of), if it were a pet or animal you'd take it to the vet etc, but with human life it's completely different and very hard.
My advice is to discuss it with your own GP or call the Alzheimer's Society helpline on: 0300 222 11 22. Diagnosis is very important.
They won't come out to her home. She cannot possibly get there, she's absolutely terrible on her feet and scared of the public! (this is a mental illness problem dating back before I was born, not something new).
Diane_Rob it does sound as though your Nan could be suffering from dementia. I know it's hard to accept because I went through it with my Mum. It's tough when you know they need help but won't agree to it.
You could -
1) Phone her GP and tell him about your concerns. While he can't actually discuss her with you without her permission there is no reason why he can't listen to you.
2) Contact Adult Social Services and see if they can help.
3) Have a look at Alzheimers.org It has lots of useful information about dementia & a very good forum with lots of helpful members.
Personality change, angry, confused, fixated on a particular notion...I think she has dementia also. I think rather than worrying about her funeral you should focus on getting treatment for her. Contact social services for help. Most older people have a social worker who will assess their needs and direct care for them. Her resistance for help will be nothing new to them.
The thing is, my nan is petrified of going in a home, and even though I assure her that that would never happen, I am also worried that by seeking 'proper help', all doors will be opened up to the stuff she really doesn't want.
So I feel kind of on the fence but also know I need some additional advice professionally.
The thing is, my nan is petrified of going in a home, and even though I assure her that that would never happen, I am also worried that by seeking 'proper help', all doors will be opened up to the stuff she really doesn't want.
So I feel kind of on the fence but also know I need some additional advice professionally.
You MUST get proper help, otherwise this will dominate your life in time. I'm seeing it now with my mother looking after my grandmother (even though she doesn't seem as severe as yours). Use the resources I and others have suggested.
See to put it bluntly, my nan has always been a very dominating and hard to please woman. Cantankerous I think is the word. She's been extremely hard on her daughter (my mother) for all of her life, my mum is in her 50s now and has always been under her thumb (in a sense) but now my mum is working flat out, I've stepped in, well we both have, to meet my nan's 'requirements' i.e. shopping etc.
My nan for the past 15 years (since have a very mild stroke) point blank refused to go out, even with others. So if someone offered to meet up, she'd refuse, she's even declined immediate family members visiting her in her own home (bar me and my mother) so eventually people stopped trying and she's basically been shut off and trapped in time in her home basically. So when these 'problems' of the last year or more began, we weren't sure if it was just her AND old age or just her. If that makes sense?
Because she's so dominant and always says no to pretty much everything, it's basically cost her her life in some ways. Even when I was little, she would bang on about the past (particularly her own parents who are obviously long gone) as if it were yesterday, and that was when she was in her 60s. So you can understand how this is quite a confusing time for us to work out what's what.
Well.... Today has been eventful to say the least.
We got a call at about 12pm from my nan, sounding not good saying last night she'd fallen down the stairs and she couldn't move her foot as she was in agony. Cutting a very long story short, after a really big row with my mum about this whole situation, we both ended up down there and an ambulance came (the small car one at first) which was giving her morphine and she had a heart monitor thing (I don't know the exact names). She has now been admitted to hospital. I knew my nan wasn't lying because she asked to go in, so that must've meant she was in real pain.
Anyway, I'm hoping that this may lead to some care from within the home, that now she sees that it could benefit her.
She had an ECG and some other tests not long ago, I'm not sure what will come back etc. I just thought I'd update this thread as it's good to get it off my chest. I'm a bag of nerves! But at least my nan is safe in hospital.
I went to see her today and was really shocked. It really upset me, it's just all so very sad. I wish I could wave a magic wand and all this be over, but I'm sure tons of others who have been in this situation would do the same.
I walked in the ward (after leaving her Saturday in quite good spirits despite the fractured ankle) and was shocked. She was laying on her side (not expecting visitors I don't think) and was wearing this nappy thing. I understand that lots of elderly have to wear things like this in hospital but it just highlighted to me how frail and ill my nan looks. It really got to me, all the bad stuff that she's said in the past etc just goes out the window. She looked so vulnerable and was very very unhappy.
I asked the nurse what had happened between that short time from her being quite content to this unhappy state, they didn't know. It's not the nurses or hospital, it's just my nan. I think she's giving up the will to live. It's the saddest thing to see. I don't know what the future holds, I hope she can come out back to her beloved house but who knows. I just can't see this carrying on for much longer, but I don't know the future.
I'll add that today, a lady came around and asked these general questions (I can't remember exactly what for) but my nan did basically admit that she's taken more sleeping tablets in the past to "block out the day". So that explains some of the weird calls we've had in the past.
Comments
We used a funeral celebrant at my Mum's cremation last month and the ceremony wasn't at all religious.
I won't lie though, things are becoming increasingly hard for us. My mum was in tears the other day because my nan just laid into her about how she (my mum) failed at life etc (won't go into details), she says some very nasty to things about my mum (which is her daughter I'll add). It's very frustrating, sad and infuriating all at the same time. For example, me and my mum were having a moan about her the other day, getting it off our chests, the phone rang, it was nan and she was in a good mood, so then I felt really bad.
We've asked her what she wants and all she says is to be "left alone". She doesn't want no help from "officials" or anything. Once, when she looked a bit ill (suspected water infection) she literally blocked us from using her phone to call for a GP home visit!
Ugh I don't know! Just having a rant!
In January my nan was on sleeping tablets, had been for years, we thought maybe these were making her worse due to her age now, so the dose was lowered just slightly, we can't seem to find an improvement in her behavior, however we do think (well I know for sure) she is hallucinating.
I'm unsure on why exactly but this has happened a number of times of the past year. More recently yesterday. The phone rang and I couldn't get there in time but there was a message on the answer phone, very scary to hear...She was saying her name and address (as if she was placing an order..or, asking for help and those were her details) but then she was mentioning her past family members (many who are dead now i.e. her sister and her brother).
I immediately rang her back and the first thing she said was she felt like she was "in a dream" but physically being there, as I spoke to her, she came round and it was my clarity that got her knowing where she was etc. She only seems to have these hallucinations upon waking up.
By the end of the call she was much better and said she was scared because she could sort of see things that wern't real and in her mind she knew those things (such as possessions) didn't exist in her house so why was she seeing them. After me talking to her for a good 20 minutes or so, she was fine, I left her okay. About 20 minutes she rang back in better spirits thanking me for the talk and helping her "out of it".
I rang her back last night to again, ask if she was okay now and she was fine, quite jolly and we had a nice conversation.
However today I have woken up feeling incredibly stressed and anxious, possibly thinking "when will the next time be?". I just don't know what's what anymore, I guess she doesn't either but when I'm basically in control of somebody's well-being (and their life) it's very confusing.
I want to speak to her doctor again about these hallucinations, but in January they actually refused to visit my nan in person so it was me (via permission from my nan) making the new sleeping tablet arrangements by phone, which I think is very poor of the NHS.
When my grandfather was suffering from Alzheimer's he often saw things in his house that wasn't there. He'd call and tell us things such as an army had marched through his living room, for example.
It's sounding more and more like a form of dementia and that maybe, she needs more care than you can give.
My father had been bedridden for about four weeks and then started hallucinating. It transpired that he had a urinary tract infection. Following medication he is now fine (well as fine as a man in his mid 80's with multiple conditions can be).
I don't think she has Alzhiemer's. Of course I can't be certain but I just don't think so. However another form of dementia? possible. I don't know.
See. I thought the same thing about the Urine infection, but about November time, two nurses visited her at home (district nurses I think they're called) and she did a sample, and everything came back fine. However she did have a bout of cystitis a couple of months back (well, again, I can't be sure it's cystitis), she isn't complaining of that now.
https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/arrange-the-funeral
Be aware though there can be family conflicts about what should happen and there are also people's general attitudes to contend with. Funeral Directors themselves can be pushy. With my very first experience of arranging a funeral, I was made to feel penny pinching by going for the basics without the fancy coffin and the frills.
The second time (different firm) it was much better.
Your grandmother has a form of dementia. I'm in no doubt about it. Do everything you possibly can to get her to have a brain scan and get it properly diagnosed. The sooner she's diagnosed, the sooner she'll receive appropriate treatment, and the sooner you can prepare for the future.
You could be right. But what do I do? She point blank refuses to leave the house. Pretty much all day she's laying in bed because "she's bored", which is why when she wakes up she's confused about the time and day etc, she's awake in the evenings and says she watches the TV, which I believe, because I've had conversations with her on the phone at say 7pm and she's bright as a button.
What can I physically do? This may sound a bit funny but it's so hard when it's a human life, especially someone who has all their marbles (well, sort of), if it were a pet or animal you'd take it to the vet etc, but with human life it's completely different and very hard.
What does her Doctor say?
My advice is to discuss it with your own GP or call the Alzheimer's Society helpline on: 0300 222 11 22. Diagnosis is very important.
They won't come out to her home. She cannot possibly get there, she's absolutely terrible on her feet and scared of the public! (this is a mental illness problem dating back before I was born, not something new).
You could -
1) Phone her GP and tell him about your concerns. While he can't actually discuss her with you without her permission there is no reason why he can't listen to you.
2) Contact Adult Social Services and see if they can help.
3) Have a look at Alzheimers.org It has lots of useful information about dementia & a very good forum with lots of helpful members.
The thing is, my nan is petrified of going in a home, and even though I assure her that that would never happen, I am also worried that by seeking 'proper help', all doors will be opened up to the stuff she really doesn't want.
So I feel kind of on the fence but also know I need some additional advice professionally.
You MUST get proper help, otherwise this will dominate your life in time. I'm seeing it now with my mother looking after my grandmother (even though she doesn't seem as severe as yours). Use the resources I and others have suggested.
My nan for the past 15 years (since have a very mild stroke) point blank refused to go out, even with others. So if someone offered to meet up, she'd refuse, she's even declined immediate family members visiting her in her own home (bar me and my mother) so eventually people stopped trying and she's basically been shut off and trapped in time in her home basically. So when these 'problems' of the last year or more began, we weren't sure if it was just her AND old age or just her. If that makes sense?
Because she's so dominant and always says no to pretty much everything, it's basically cost her her life in some ways. Even when I was little, she would bang on about the past (particularly her own parents who are obviously long gone) as if it were yesterday, and that was when she was in her 60s. So you can understand how this is quite a confusing time for us to work out what's what.
We got a call at about 12pm from my nan, sounding not good saying last night she'd fallen down the stairs and she couldn't move her foot as she was in agony. Cutting a very long story short, after a really big row with my mum about this whole situation, we both ended up down there and an ambulance came (the small car one at first) which was giving her morphine and she had a heart monitor thing (I don't know the exact names). She has now been admitted to hospital. I knew my nan wasn't lying because she asked to go in, so that must've meant she was in real pain.
Anyway, I'm hoping that this may lead to some care from within the home, that now she sees that it could benefit her.
She had an ECG and some other tests not long ago, I'm not sure what will come back etc. I just thought I'd update this thread as it's good to get it off my chest. I'm a bag of nerves! But at least my nan is safe in hospital.
I went to see her today and was really shocked. It really upset me, it's just all so very sad. I wish I could wave a magic wand and all this be over, but I'm sure tons of others who have been in this situation would do the same.
I walked in the ward (after leaving her Saturday in quite good spirits despite the fractured ankle) and was shocked. She was laying on her side (not expecting visitors I don't think) and was wearing this nappy thing. I understand that lots of elderly have to wear things like this in hospital but it just highlighted to me how frail and ill my nan looks. It really got to me, all the bad stuff that she's said in the past etc just goes out the window. She looked so vulnerable and was very very unhappy.
I asked the nurse what had happened between that short time from her being quite content to this unhappy state, they didn't know. It's not the nurses or hospital, it's just my nan. I think she's giving up the will to live. It's the saddest thing to see. I don't know what the future holds, I hope she can come out back to her beloved house but who knows. I just can't see this carrying on for much longer, but I don't know the future.
I'll add that today, a lady came around and asked these general questions (I can't remember exactly what for) but my nan did basically admit that she's taken more sleeping tablets in the past to "block out the day". So that explains some of the weird calls we've had in the past.