Why don' t folks who want kids marry ?

RegTheHedgeRegTheHedge Posts: 2,794
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With the stats overwhelmingly in favour of married relationships lasting a whole lot longer than non married partnerships - and with the welfare and family stability of children obviously paramount , why is it that more people don't commit ?
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 44
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    For me having a child with someone is the biggest commitment you can ever make. Some people dont realise this. I don't see the difference having a piece of paper makes apart from to the bank balance
  • What name??What name?? Posts: 26,623
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    Having a child is a far greater commitment than marriage and has less of a breakup rate.
  • tellywatcher73tellywatcher73 Posts: 4,181
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    I've never been married and I've been with my partner for 21 years with two kids. My brother and sister were both divorced once and my sister was heading for her second. Statistics are fine but you can be happily unmarried and totally committed and have happy well adjusted children.
  • UKMikeyUKMikey Posts: 28,728
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    Why do some folks think that people only get married to have kids?
  • HogzillaHogzilla Posts: 24,116
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    With the stats overwhelmingly in favour of married relationships lasting a whole lot longer than non married partnerships - and with the welfare and family stability of children obviously paramount , why is it that more people don't commit ?

    Because, in the words of Milton, marriage is like a living soul being chained to a rotting corpse. Who in their right minds would ever want that?
  • SHAFTSHAFT Posts: 4,369
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    With the stats overwhelmingly in favour of married relationships lasting a whole lot longer than non married partnerships - and with the welfare and family stability of children obviously paramount , why is it that more people don't commit ?

    Are you posting from the 1950's?
  • Dare DevilDare Devil Posts: 118,737
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    Maybe they don't want to? It's personal choice.

    Marriage (can be) expensive to get into and is very expensive to get out of.
    You can have a mortage or rent a house together, share a car, have pets, have a family together without getting married.

    The only reason, in my eyes, to get married is the law is on your side in case of split or death.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,013
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    16 years,three kids,and no piece of paper to "commit" thats me

    not for the lack of trying on his behalf,he would love to marry me,im just not interested in being wed.

    being married wouldnt change a thing to me
  • HogzillaHogzilla Posts: 24,116
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    SHAFT wrote: »
    Are you posting from the 1950's?

    Ask him to bring back a tin of Vim. (Could be a nice present for the little wife).
  • What name??What name?? Posts: 26,623
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    Dare Devil wrote: »
    The only reason, in my eyes, to get married is the law is on your side in case of split or death.
    Unless you are the side with the money
  • RegTheHedgeRegTheHedge Posts: 2,794
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    Dare Devil wrote: »

    The only reason, in my eyes, to get married is the law is on your side in case of split or death.

    exactly....and a split for many 'non marrieds' is fairly inevitable
  • CatWolfCatWolf Posts: 2,400
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    I can see no way of getting a bread crock, canteen of cutlery and a bread maker unless you get married?
  • skp20040skp20040 Posts: 66,872
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    Senzen wrote: »
    For me having a child with someone is the biggest commitment you can ever make. Some people dont realise this. I don't see the difference having a piece of paper makes apart from to the bank balance

    It can be helpful in cases where the spouse is automatically next of kin in case of serious illness etc and also in the event of death of a spouse the fact that you are married makes things a bit easier with legal matters when it comes to the kids and assets.
  • HogzillaHogzilla Posts: 24,116
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    CatWolf wrote: »
    I can see no way of getting a bread crock, canteen of cutlery and a bread maker unless you get married?

    Although I can see a better way to get a stalker.

    My husband has rung me three times this morning to remind me about the coalman.
  • shhhhhshhhhh Posts: 3,752
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    Because if you are not married its easier to walk away if something better comes along.

    Sad but true
  • RegTheHedgeRegTheHedge Posts: 2,794
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    el_bardos wrote: »
    that's not to say there aren't plenty of committed relationships between people with no interest in marriage.


    Totally agree and a spark of outrage from unmarried successful couples was completely expected...in fact know quite a few myself :)


    Thing is they are in the minority..;;
  • Dare DevilDare Devil Posts: 118,737
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    skp20040 wrote: »
    It can be helpful in cases where the spouse is automatically next of kin in case of serious illness etc and also in the event of death of a spouse the fact that you are married makes things a bit easier with legal matters when it comes to the kids and assets.

    And that's one of the main reasons I'm so against marriage.

    Everyone should make a will. It makes things so much easier incase of death. I cannot stress the importance of a will enough.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,583
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    With the stats overwhelmingly in favour of married relationships lasting a whole lot longer than non married partnerships - and with the welfare and family stability of children obviously paramount , why is it that more people don't commit ?

    As a man, I think that marriage offers a terrible deal for men. These days it is weighted massively in the favour of women. It's just too risky. If I get married, statistically, there's roughly a 50/50 that it will end in divorce (which is usually initiated by the woman). For men, this means disaster. It means financial and emotional ruin, while for her it means getting the house and the kids. I've seen what divorce does to men and I find it terrifying. Sure, marriage might work out brilliantly, but the cost of it not working is just too much for men, I think. Men are increasingly realising this, and until something is done about it, women will find it more and more difficult to find a man who wants to marry.
    I definitely want kids, though.
  • shhhhhshhhhh Posts: 3,752
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    Dare Devil wrote: »
    And that's one of the main reasons I'm so against marriage.

    You are against marriage because it makes things easier for your spouse and children who are left behind?:confused:
  • Dare DevilDare Devil Posts: 118,737
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    shhhhh wrote: »
    You are against marriage because it makes things easier for your spouse and children who are left behind?:confused:

    In some cases it doesn't make it easier. It's a very personal thing with me as I have experience of this and it's on going.

    I completely disagree that when married, the spouse is automatic next of kin. The spouse might do things with the deceased's estate that the deceased would not like. Hence the importance of a will and very trustworthy relatives or friends knowing where the will is kept.

    It should be upto the deceased where and who their estate goes to when they are gone, not the spouse, the automatic next of kin with marriage.
  • What name??What name?? Posts: 26,623
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    Freeman000 wrote: »
    Sure, marriage might work out brilliantly, but the cost of it not working is just too much for men, I think. Men are increasingly realising this, and until something is done about it, women will find it more and more difficult to find a man who wants to marry.
    I definitely want kids, though.

    I hate to break this to you but getting kids and setting up home with a partner also leads hurt, dividing assets if you jointly buy a house and financial responsibilities that you have to face even though you have split up.
  • elliecatelliecat Posts: 9,890
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    My Uncle and Aunt aren't married they have been together for over 35 years. When they got together it was seen as living in sin and my grandmother wouldn't let them share the same room until they had my cousin 24 years ago. I don't think it matters whether you are married or not, what matters is that your relationship is stable and committed. As long as you have that then your children won't suffer. Also there are a lot of children with parents that are married that go through hell because the parents don't get on and are just together for the children.
  • What name??What name?? Posts: 26,623
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    shhhhh wrote: »
    You are against marriage because it makes things easier for your spouse and children who are left behind?:confused:

    The current arragements don't always make things easier. For blended families it can create problems as a new spouse is pitted against the old unless the couple make their wills carefully.

    That really depends on how you want to divide things amongst your spouse and children especially in the case of second relationships when you might want to protect your children's inheritence from a spouse and they secure theirs for their kids. I think the automatic inheritence thing in the absence of a will should be reviewed. Perhaps the spouses portion should go to them for a lifetime to be passed onto blood relativies of the deceased after death.
  • LykkieLiLykkieLi Posts: 6,644
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    The idea of living in sin is so much more exciting than marriage.
  • steeleuro_wolfsteeleuro_wolf Posts: 13,336
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    Totally agree and a spark of outrage from unmarried successful couples was completely expected...in fact know quite a few myself :)


    Thing is they are in the minority..;;

    I'd love to see some stats on that, if you have any?
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