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Problems with a friend
I've got a friend in Birmingham who has a habit of messaging me virtually every night. I've just started working full-time, and I don't return home til 5.05pm (my workplace is literally round the corner). I always put statuses about how much I've had a good day and I fancy a guy at work (yes I'm that bad).
As soon as I post ANYTHING, this friend jumps on me and what's annoying me is I always seem to get an essay about the destructive relationship he is in or issues with his mother. I'm not feeling well today, and as soon as I walked through the door I had 10 messages about a row with his boyfriend. If it's not via Facebook, I get text messages.
What I am dreading (my anxiety and asthma go hand in hand) is, this friend is coming over to mine to stay this weekend. I've basically got to shoot out of work Friday afternoon (I finish at 4,30) to collect him at the coach station. Adding to that, he wants me to buy this food for him, that I can't afford and don't even eat! I only started my job last week and the final amount from JSA has to last me until August 28th when I get my first paycheck.
I tried to talk him out of it, but he booked the ticket and insisted. I'm just adjusting to getting back to work full-time, and I don't want a weekend of someone whining about their problems to me.
I've told it straight, yet he insists on doing this. Help me please!
As soon as I post ANYTHING, this friend jumps on me and what's annoying me is I always seem to get an essay about the destructive relationship he is in or issues with his mother. I'm not feeling well today, and as soon as I walked through the door I had 10 messages about a row with his boyfriend. If it's not via Facebook, I get text messages.
What I am dreading (my anxiety and asthma go hand in hand) is, this friend is coming over to mine to stay this weekend. I've basically got to shoot out of work Friday afternoon (I finish at 4,30) to collect him at the coach station. Adding to that, he wants me to buy this food for him, that I can't afford and don't even eat! I only started my job last week and the final amount from JSA has to last me until August 28th when I get my first paycheck.
I tried to talk him out of it, but he booked the ticket and insisted. I'm just adjusting to getting back to work full-time, and I don't want a weekend of someone whining about their problems to me.
I've told it straight, yet he insists on doing this. Help me please!
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Good luck with the work crush 😉. It's always nice to have something pleasant to look at during work hours.
He can be a sweet chap, but it's ALWAYS about him. He is a bit of an attention seeker. One row and it's like an episode of Cell Block H.
To be fair, he was there for me when my partner died nine months ago. However, I wish he would learn to get his house in order and stop playing the sympathy card. I'm just dreading the weekend. I'm kind of hoping there is a family gathering here.
Oh he's sexy - the spit of the guy who won Eurovision this year Mans Zemerlow - in fact there is a few hotties - got the hots for a beardy security guard.
Seriously, why do you have to buy him special food? If you can't afford it, stop at the supermarket and let him buy his own meal - or he can share yours. As a guest I wouldn't expect anybody to buy special food for me.
Think about neutral topics you can discuss. If he keeps on and on, steer the conversation towards something new - has he seen a TV programme? What else has he done recently? Guess where you're going next week? He should either change the subject or take the hint.
I used to have a man mad friend. All she cared about was collecting guys phone numbers. Drove us all mad - in the end, after telling her straight, I just stopped answering her messages. She was so needy and self centered it made our friendship far too much of a hassle to bother with.
You're not going to do anything are you?
You're just venting on here and then will just go along with it to keep the peace.
You don't want advice, you want to rant.
Oh I will be telling it straight. I've ignored the messages tonight, as I am not really feeling it. I will respond in my own time. As for the coach station thing, he can meet me in the centre of town - I live in the centre ffs.
I like the advice of changing the subject, that's a good foundation.
Or just be honest with him and tell him that your finding him overwhelming and a bit too much at the moment, and you feel unable to take on his problems and give advice. Just say you need a little break from him.
What sort of food?
You really have to deal with him bluntly.
He'll either appreciate your honesty as a friend,
or,
have a hissy fit,
in which case Hasta la Vista Baby!
He's booked the tickets and paid a fair amount I may add. I am a crap liar, and I would be the one who accidently let things slip. What am I thinking is, he does his thing and I do mine - ie he can explore where I live as he is on a break from the Mids and I can do what I want.
I'm sorry for your loss. I think you should tell him you can't afford his special food and you're sorry and see if you can distract him from being so self absorbed. Otherwise you can rant away because we all need an outlet to vent when we can't in real life. At least the new job has it's perks even if they do have beards ;-).
That sounds like a good plan. Just because he's visiting doesn't mean you have to spend every waking minute with him. Maybe suggest places he can visit and you can leave him to it, whilst you preoccupy yourself.
Well done on getting a job. I hope you're very proud!
I'm over the moon with the job. I love it. Feel as if I have satisfaction each day and its proper money, not government.
Talk to him this weekend about your job, how happy you are to be working, tell him about the hot guy at work, turn the weekend into talking about YOU instead of him. And tell him to buy his own sodding food.
I agree with all this advice.
He seems like he wants a bit of the D show to me.
This. Absolutely this.
This exactly. I have a few friends like this and when they come over, I let them do their own thing. Of course it invariably devolves in to them doing nothing and waiting for me, but some people are just like that.
Try and - as an exercise - go into the week with a more positive attitude. Try and have some fun and maybe you can determine whether you really think there's a friendship here or not.
To be honest, it sounds much more like a casual acquaintance, which is probably where it belongs, on Facebook and casual. But a bit of positivity and you may change your mind.
When people start to control me is when I always start acting really irresponsibly
In the pub drunk when they expect me wherever they wanted.
Are we supposed to reply to every text, if so I've been really bad