If you could be a virgin again, would you want to be?

2»

Comments

  • Payne by namePayne by name Posts: 3,014
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Bella - I feel for your friend, though I think she should just get rid of it and stop holding out for the one, or even close to the one. I’m not saying sleep with anyone but maybe just select someone and go for it.

    Otherwise it begins to take on a weight of it’s own and almost becomes self fulfilling in that you’ve waited so long, maybe this new guy isn’t quite right so you’ll wait a bit longer. Best to just go for it and try not to attach too much weight to it. I don’t mean be cold and callous. I think you can still be affectionate and tactile with someone even if you don’t want a relationship!

    I can’t help but think had I had the same attitude as some of the other guys you mentioned I would have had the chance to sleep with two girls that I adored (at separate times) when I was younger. It’s perverse that there were two women I would have deemed worthy of losing my cherry to but the very fact that I hadn’t, meant I just wasn’t as confident to have advanced it to that stage had I been given the chance.

    Thanks for your kind words and I’m pleased to have seemed refreshing. The first time you do anything is always special. I think if you perused the opinions on my website though you might not be as impressed!
  • stoatiestoatie Posts: 78,106
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Skolastyka wrote: »
    No...i never understood, and still fail to understand, virginity worship, particualrly with women. Does sex make you dirty? Personally I don't feel besmirched by dick.

    If someone for whatever reason wants to remain a virgin it's not a big deal, they shouldn't feel ashamed of it, but equally people who do have sex shouldn't be shamed by puritanical hymen-fetishists.

    Right, that's it; I'm starting a new band. A name that good can't go to waste.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,163
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    No thanks. Nice idea but in reality I don't want to undo the best sex i've had in my life to be replaced by an akward fumble and not knowing what's expected of you etc
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 10,273
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    No thanks. Nice idea but in reality I don't want to undo the best sex i've had in my life to be replaced by an akward fumble and not knowing what's expected of you etc

    Ooh I loved all that, the not knowing ect, exciting!!! :eek::D
  • BaileyBigIdiotBaileyBigIdiot Posts: 4,614
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    I did wait, i could have lost my virginity at 14 but it didnt feel right so i waited an i promise the day after i regreted not taking the chance but then over a year later i met my girlfriend and i am glad to say that looking back i dont regret a thing.
  • November_RainNovember_Rain Posts: 9,145
    Forum Member
    Bella - Glad to read someone felt similarly. You summed up perfectly how I felt. When younger I’d swallowed all the “there’s no rush”, “it will happen when it happens” and just plodded along. Of course I was aware of sex and wanted it but the opportunities just didn’t seem to happen.

    I sailed past 21 with one ‘fumble’ where I managed to get a young girl in bed but nothing really happened as we were both pretty inexperienced. It didn’t matter though did it? I mean it wouldn’t be long before I had another chance? Surely if I was patient, it would just happen.

    I so agree that the ‘pride’ of being a virgin and having something wonderful to offer began to slowly crumble away to feeling that I was inadequate and a loser. Did no one find me sexually attractive, did nobody actually want to go to bed with me? The dreams of having a special night and turning the act of losing my virginity into something special were being replaced by just wanting to get rid of the damn thing.

    Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t planning for a brass band to announce my arrival, a flock of doves to be released or the queen to call to congratulate me but I had hoped it would be a nice intimate evening with someone that I thought special.

    I certainly wish I could have lost it at a much younger age for I think it would have helped bolster my confidence and allowed me to see the signs and re-act to them a lot earlier in my life.

    This is pretty much how I'm beginning to feel now at 20. I've yet to loose my virginity, I certainly wouldn't want it back if I were to loose it tomorrow. Like you I used to think "I have plenty of time", "I'd rather loose it to someone I cared about" etc but as time goes by I find myself increasingly just wanting to get it over and done with. Although for me it's not about quenching my sexual appetite or catching up on what I've "missed", above anything else it's just about reaching that milestone, and feeling like a "proper" twenty-something.

    It's quite daft really but it's hard to shake off the social stigma of being an adult virgin. I also agree that it can be quite damaging to your self-confidence, you feel like an outcast, and somewhat worthless. It's certainly not something I'm happy to admit any more.

    So in short, no, I wouldn't want to be a virgin again.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 68,508
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    stoatie wrote: »
    Right, that's it; I'm starting a new band. A name that good can't go to waste.

    :D Ha ha ha
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 9,845
    Forum Member
    Did you ever watch the Cleveland Show?
    Well there's an episode where the father is trying to convince the daughter to remain a virgin and his son asks him why it's so important and he replies:
    "Would you prefer a nice fresh can of soda or one that has had 7 penises in it"

    Now I know it's only a TV show and silly but there is an attitude that hopefully will die out soon!

    Hopefully.

    One thing i don't understand is the whole 'loose vagina' thing. Surely someone who has had sex with one person 100times is going to be just as loose as someone who has had sex with 100 different people?

    Besides, the vagina is a muscle - it's meant to stretch and to contract. You can exercise it like any other muscle, keep it nice and tight.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,022
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    No thankyou! I lost mine in a room full of candles on a bed of roses with the man i love! Quite happy with that!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 9,845
    Forum Member
    Sunkissed wrote: »
    No thankyou! I lost mine in a room full of candles on a bed of roses with the man i love! Quite happy with that!

    I take it the thorns had been removed beforehand?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,022
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Skolastyka wrote: »
    I take it the thorns had been removed beforehand?

    Yeah i just had one big prick to deal with lol :D
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 68,508
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Skolastyka wrote: »
    Hopefully.

    One thing i don't understand is the whole 'loose vagina' thing. Surely someone who has had sex with one person 100times is going to be just as loose as someone who has had sex with 100 different people?

    Besides, the vagina is a muscle - it's meant to stretch and to contract. You can exercise it like any other muscle, keep it nice and tight.

    I couldn't agree more. I couldn't count the number of times on the Showbiz forum people say stuff like - "Jordan...wizard's sleeve...ha ha ha" - apparently because she seems to have had about 8 boyfriends. Cute though the expression 'wizard's sleeve' may sound, in the end it is just old fashioned, hostile sexism. Women don't suddenly go all loose and baggy because they have played the field a bit. As a matter of fact, apart from among the very young, there is statistical evidence that married women have sex much more frequently than single women on average, so the single woman still playing the field should be in a more box-fresh state.
  • the spiz 2the spiz 2 Posts: 2,483
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    The problem with a woman re-becoming a virgin is that they are then fair game for the suicide bombers...
  • Payne by namePayne by name Posts: 3,014
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    November Rain - You are right, there is a social stigma and I think it must have only got worse from when I was in my late teens/early twenties (20 years ago).

    Now people seem to lose it much younger and I imagine there is even more pressure. Likewise, I didn’t mind admitting that I was still a virgin in my late teens but when I got to my 20’s it wasn’t something I was bandying around. Thought actually I think I would blurt it out and then regret saying it!. But you must remember I was a very late developer. I didn’t properly french kiss someone until I was 21, so I’m sure you are far more advanced than myself.

    It does feel like a milestone once you’ve done it. You feel like a proper adult, in the case of a male (as that’s all I know) you do feel like a proper man. I don’t know if people who know you would see the difference but I think maybe it’s just something inside you.

    The fears of knowing whether you’ll be utterly hopeless, the uncertainty of whether your body will make a woman fall about in hysterics and even not knowing how you’ll act being totally naked with someone have at least been broken and you can move on.

    My ‘losing the cherry’ was pretty cold and emotionless so I hope you don’t have to wait that long or suffer a similar experience.

    Good luck.
  • GurglesGurgles Posts: 1,520
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    i come from a very religious background so was late losing my virginity (30s). Even when I did there was that element of guilt present. I don't regret it though and going back wouldn't choose to lose it any earlier. I'm not with the man I lost my virginity to. After we split up I was celibate for 3 years before hooking up with my present partner and now I'm getting great nookie :D:D and no guilt!

    I don't think there should be any stigma attached to being virgin or that people should feel pressured to lose it before they're ready.
  • SULLASULLA Posts: 149,789
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭✭
    Only if I could go back to being a teenager:)
  • November_RainNovember_Rain Posts: 9,145
    Forum Member
    November Rain - You are right, there is a social stigma and I think it must have only got worse from when I was in my late teens/early twenties (20 years ago).

    Now people seem to lose it much younger and I imagine there is even more pressure. Likewise, I didn’t mind admitting that I was still a virgin in my late teens but when I got to my 20’s it wasn’t something I was bandying around. Thought actually I think I would blurt it out and then regret saying it!. But you must remember I was a very late developer. I didn’t properly french kiss someone until I was 21, so I’m sure you are far more advanced than myself.

    It does feel like a milestone once you’ve done it. You feel like a proper adult, in the case of a male (as that’s all I know) you do feel like a proper man. I don’t know if people who know you would see the difference but I think maybe it’s just something inside you.

    The fears of knowing whether you’ll be utterly hopeless, the uncertainty of whether your body will make a woman fall about in hysterics and even not knowing how you’ll act being totally naked with someone have at least been broken and you can move on.

    My ‘losing the cherry’ was pretty cold and emotionless so I hope you don’t have to wait that long or suffer a similar experience.

    Good luck.

    Thanks for the kind words, and I agree 100%. You pretty much just reiterated everything I was trying to say but more erroneously. It's nice to have someone you can relate to anyway. :)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,841
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    November Rain - You are right, there is a social stigma and I think it must have only got worse from when I was in my late teens/early twenties (20 years ago).

    Now people seem to lose it much younger and I imagine there is even more pressure. Likewise, I didn’t mind admitting that I was still a virgin in my late teens but when I got to my 20’s it wasn’t something I was bandying around. Thought actually I think I would blurt it out and then regret saying it!. But you must remember I was a very late developer. I didn’t properly french kiss someone until I was 21, so I’m sure you are far more advanced than myself.

    It does feel like a milestone once you’ve done it. You feel like a proper adult, in the case of a male (as that’s all I know) you do feel like a proper man. I don’t know if people who know you would see the difference but I think maybe it’s just something inside you.

    The fears of knowing whether you’ll be utterly hopeless, the uncertainty of whether your body will make a woman fall about in hysterics and even not knowing how you’ll act being totally naked with someone have at least been broken and you can move on.

    My ‘losing the cherry’ was pretty cold and emotionless so I hope you don’t have to wait that long or suffer a similar experience.

    Good luck.


    I'm 17, and was apprehensive about telling the guy I'm now seeing that I am a virgin. As one of my mates said recently, she didn't think she'd find a guy who was a virgin at this age, but we're only 17. Obviously, I'm still young, but I don't think people should feel this level of concern over it.

    Hopefully that post made sense!
  • NatgarNatgar Posts: 2,925
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Never, ever.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,828
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Depends. At 21 I wouldn't be ashamed of the option. If my first time would be as amazing as it was then, in that case I wouldn't mind taking back the L plates.
  • CrazySingerGalCrazySingerGal Posts: 363
    Forum Member
    I'm 26 and still a virgin. I have chosen this as I haven't had any long term relationships and i'm waiting for the right time and right person. Not necessarily marriage but I make it clear that I don't want to be pressured. I'm not ashamed of this and i'm glad i've waited.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 284
    Forum Member
    This is pretty much how I'm beginning to feel now at 20. I've yet to loose my virginity, I certainly wouldn't want it back if I were to loose it tomorrow. Like you I used to think "I have plenty of time", "I'd rather loose it to someone I cared about" etc but as time goes by I find myself increasingly just wanting to get it over and done with. Although for me it's not about quenching my sexual appetite or catching up on what I've "missed", above anything else it's just about reaching that milestone, and feeling like a "proper" twenty-something.

    It's quite daft really but it's hard to shake off the social stigma of being an adult virgin. I also agree that it can be quite damaging to your self-confidence, you feel like an outcast, and somewhat worthless. It's certainly not something I'm happy to admit any more.

    So in short, no, I wouldn't want to be a virgin again.


    :cry:, *hugs*, I know it really isn't a pleasant way to feel at all . I didn't tell my friends, most of them seemed to think I was some sort of "sexpert" and lost my virginity when I was about 13 or something :o, have no idea why. I couldn't face them treating me differently as I knew they would because I was an older virgin. I don't know for you if it is that you haven't met the right person or if it is a lack of confidence but all I can say is keep trying to get to know people and keep your eyes and heart open. There aren't alot of people who bother to wait for someone they care about, the fact that you felt that way (and probably somewhere deep down inside you still feel that way) shows that you are special. While in part I agree with Payne about not putting it off or waiting for Mr/Miss Perfect, I would also say that sometimes there is someone you know or get to know who is meaningful to you emotionally but you can hold back because of a lack of confidence/experience and don't just have empty sex with someone just so you can say you had sex when you could have sex with someone you do care about who cares about you but the only thing that is stopping you is fear/ low confidence. If you get what I mean? There are other people like you around, you aren't the only 20 something virgin in the world and to someone you are special. You just have to have confidence which is hard given the stigma I know you feel. Good Luck.
    Sunkissed wrote: »
    No thankyou! I lost mine in a room full of candles on a bed of roses with the man i love! Quite happy with that!

    Sooo jealous you lucky girl :D! As a teenager that's how I dreamed my first time would be but by the time I got to 20 I thought that kind of thing only happened in movies :rolleyes:. But you proved me quite wrong :cry:.
    I'm 26 and still a virgin. I have chosen this as I haven't had any long term relationships and i'm waiting for the right time and right person. Not necessarily marriage but I make it clear that I don't want to be pressured. I'm not ashamed of this and i'm glad i've waited.

    I really admire you for your attitude. I found it really difficult to think positively about being an older virgin and feel anything except ashamed but you do seem to be proud of your choice and I think there is alot to be said for that. Odd that it was my choice too, but I moaned about it like a spoiled kid :o! Bravo you.

    I'd also like to point out that whilst I was quite down about being an older virgin myself, I'd never look down on any one who currently was. I admire them for having principles in the first place and know that it isn't an easy life.

    Payne - don't worry I won't check out your website :D.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,163
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    [*]
    Gurgles wrote: »
    i come from a very religious background so was late losing my virginity (30s). Even when I did there was that element of guilt present. I don't regret it though and going back wouldn't choose to lose it any earlier. I'm not with the man I lost my virginity to. After we split up I was celibate for 3 years before hooking up with my present partner and now I'm getting great nookie :D:D and no guilt!

    [*]I don't think there should be any stigma attached to being virgin or that people should feel pressured to lose it before they're ready.


    I was celibate for 5 years until I met my current boyfriend and I felt terrible guilt before then and now like you, I’m having the best sex ever and it’s only getting better each time. He’s fantastic.
  • lemoncurdlemoncurd Posts: 57,778
    Forum Member
    What do you mean, "again"?
  • roland ratroland rat Posts: 13,829
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    I will be a virgin by thu afternoon :D:D
Sign In or Register to comment.