Closely followed by having an attack of IBS on a coach full of people (with no loo) on the motorway in the way back from a medieval banquet. We had to stop on the hard shoulder from me to climb up the bank in full costume to relieve myself. At least it was dark....
Hope it didn't echo I remember setting out on a bus from Inverness to Thurso and it didn't have a loo on board. As soon as we left, I suddenly didn't feel great and came down with a case of the "brown sweats". "No bother", I thought. "It usually stops in a few towns so I can hop off for a minute". Not this time it didn't... I swear I'd turned yellow and was making little groaning noises by the time we got there (3 1/2 hours later!) and I was worried that if I ran to the loo at the terminal, it would be a bad move. So waddle I did.
Another time was when I'd just started a new medication and I got caught out in town. The nearest place was Debenhams next door. Could I find the loo? Up three flights, through loads of departments and finally found it tucked in a corner. I was actually crying that time.
I had to get off a bus once and run down onto a narrow, wooded strip that backed on to a railway line. Luckily I had some paper napkins I'd got from McDonald's.
There I was, sh*tting in the woods when a train came past and slowed down to join another line! I turned round to see a train full of people looking at me!
If anyone knows the area, this happened at Trowell in Nottinghamshire.
So that's where you want the blue plaque installed. 🤗
Aged 15 on a school trip home from France, a few of us had food poisoning and it was bad, they bus stank from all the trumping and pumping. I actually remember using the onboard loo and it broke after my flush.
As we head toward the port, the smell was so bad we pulled up in a rest area and the drivers ordered everyone off and decided to air the coach as the smell was making them nauseous, we missed our ferry, the home economics teacher shat himself after we got back on,as he stood up to make an announcement, now considering he was a short wearer you can imagine the shite and smell.
Cue the drivers arguing who was going to clean it, drivers threatened to leave him behind but he managed to clean himself with the help of wet wipes from the girls and a loan of a pair of sweaties from a pupil who said when told he could get them back' nah keep them'.
On that trip I had to go in a field with some other girls and I lost my knickers.
So that's where you want the blue plaque installed. 🤗
Aged 15 on a school trip home from France, a few of us had food poisoning and it was bad, they bus stank from all the trumping and pumping. I actually remember using the onboard loo and it broke after my flush.
As we head toward the port, the smell was so bad we pulled up in a rest area and the drivers ordered everyone off and decided to air the coach as the smell was making them nauseous, we missed our ferry, the home economics teacher shat himself after we got back on,as he stood up to make an announcement, now considering he was a short wearer you can imagine the shite and smell.
Cue the drivers arguing who was going to clean it, drivers threatened to leave him behind but he managed to clean himself with the help of wet wipes from the girls and a loan of a pair of sweaties from a pupil who said when told he could get them back' nah keep them'.
On that trip I had to go in a field with some other girls and I lost my knickers.
So that's where you want the blue plaque installed. 🤗
Aged 15 on a school trip home from France, a few of us had food poisoning and it was bad, they bus stank from all the trumping and pumping. I actually remember using the onboard loo and it broke after my flush.
As we head toward the port, the smell was so bad we pulled up in a rest area and the drivers ordered everyone off and decided to air the coach as the smell was making them nauseous, we missed our ferry, the home economics teacher shat himself after we got back on,as he stood up to make an announcement, now considering he was a short wearer you can imagine the shite and smell.
Cue the drivers arguing who was going to clean it, drivers threatened to leave him behind but he managed to clean himself with the help of wet wipes from the girls and a loan of a pair of sweaties from a pupil who said when told he could get them back' nah keep them'.
On that trip I had to go in a field with some other girls and I lost my knickers.
So that's where you want the blue plaque installed. 🤗
Aged 15 on a school trip home from France, a few of us had food poisoning and it was bad, they bus stank from all the trumping and pumping. I actually remember using the onboard loo and it broke after my flush.
As we head toward the port, the smell was so bad we pulled up in a rest area and the drivers ordered everyone off and decided to air the coach as the smell was making them nauseous, we missed our ferry, the home economics teacher shat himself after we got back on,as he stood up to make an announcement, now considering he was a short wearer you can imagine the shite and smell.
Cue the drivers arguing who was going to clean it, drivers threatened to leave him behind but he managed to clean himself with the help of wet wipes from the girls and a loan of a pair of sweaties from a pupil who said when told he could get them back' nah keep them'.
On that trip I had to go in a field with some other girls and I lost my knickers.
Yep, I've already cleared it with English Heritage and Nottinghamshire County Council. :D
I was in desperate need of a dump while at a Prodigy gig at Brixton Academy. The queues were massive but went down really quickly as no one else was using the cubicle for it's intended purpose!
Worse loo I have ever had to use though. Grim.
So that's where you want the blue plaque installed. 🤗
Aged 15 on a school trip home from France, a few of us had food poisoning and it was bad, they bus stank from all the trumping and pumping. I actually remember using the onboard loo and it broke after my flush.
As we head toward the port, the smell was so bad we pulled up in a rest area and the drivers ordered everyone off and decided to air the coach as the smell was making them nauseous, we missed our ferry, the home economics teacher shat himself after we got back on,as he stood up to make an announcement, now considering he was a short wearer you can imagine the shite and smell.
Cue the drivers arguing who was going to clean it, drivers threatened to leave him behind but he managed to clean himself with the help of wet wipes from the girls and a loan of a pair of sweaties from a pupil who said when told he could get them back' nah keep them'.
On that trip I had to go in a field with some other girls and I lost my knickers.
This is one of the funniest posts I have read for a good while. Especially the very last sentence.
I'm still working out if the poster is male or female ?
A male home economics teacher ?
Summat smells funny.
I'm female and yes a male home economics teacher who accompanied the French class to Brittany as his partner was the French mistress, she was ooh la la , he was ooh la Betty. 😄
I was taking a client over from another support worker and had no advance information about her. The other worker was late and I was dying for a pee by the time she got there.
The client's house was a bit whiffy, but I've been in worse. As soon as we were in the front door, I had to ask to use her loo.
I have never been in such a filthy bathroom in all my born days. It looked like the IRA had had a dirty protest in there. All of them. It stank to high heaven and every surface was streaked with shite, even the top of the toilet cistern.
I managed to hover and pee, while holding my trouser legs up with one hand so they didn't touch the squalid floor. I had a tissue in my pocket, so didn't need to touch the bog roll. I didn't wash my hands, because I feared touching the taps would be a greater health hazard than not washing my hands. I flushed with my elbow and bitterly regretted bolting the door. I was practically gagging, and I've a strong stomach for these things.
When I got back to the living room, I opted not to sit on the sofa for fear of catching something, so sat on a dining chair with a plastic seat. It felt slightly sticky and I was fidgeting, because it felt weird.
Then the client started telling me how she was waiting for a bladder repair operation but had to lose 5 stone before she could have it, and was constantly leaking urine. At that point I realised I was SITTING IN SOMEONE ELSE'S PISS! Beyond vile.
A lot of my work was in a rural area with no cafes or public bogs. I've had many a wee down a farm track, which is fine in nice weather but can be treacherous when it's muddy. No-one wants to slip over midstream and bare-arsed.
In a shop where I after my mum begging multiple times, (this was when I was 6 years old), was allowed to use the staff only toilets as there were none customers could use.
I went to a work do at the London Dungeon. Plenty of welcome drinks beforehand and then the tour through the dungeon which lasted about an hour. No where to go all the way through and no getting out of the tour. About 15 mins in I started needing a wee, but by the end of I needed to piss more than i have ever done in my life. My kidneys actually hurt when i finally got to go.
I was once in a Maths class at school with a supply teacher as Mr Bradley, the normal teacher was off work poorly, I'd been to the loo at break, but shortly after break, I was bursting for a wee again, so up goes my hand "Please Miss, I need a wee!", she said no, so I ended up having *ahem* an accident, had to go in the "Unit" where all the disabled kids went, and get a clean pair of trousers, and as I was getting changed, the French teacher came in the Kitchen and saw me half naked! OMG I nearly died!
Upminster Station car park. Needed a wee. Didn't have change for the ticket machine. Parked, walked briskly to the adjoining sweet shop, got some money from the ATM and bought a chocolate bar to get change from a tenner. The station toilets are behind the barrier so you have to buy a train ticket first but I was mindful to get the car park paid for before a warden found my car. Got back to the car and thought I will never make it back to the station so I drove to the far side of the car park in order to wee in the corner. I didn't quite make it and wet myself a little. Not fully, just an eggcupful. The rest I released in the bushes.
Also, when I was 18 I worked for Royal Mail in the summer. I didn't drive and so conducted my round on bike. I was a few miles from the office when I really needed a shit. There was no way I could cycle back. Luckily, I found an alleyway and as it was 7am there was no one around. Sacrificed a sock, in case you're wondering. I know it's not nice but I was caught most unawares by it and there weren't any public toilets in the area.
Also, when I was 18 I worked for Royal Mail in the summer. I didn't drive and so conducted my round on bike. I was a few miles from the office when I really needed a shit. There was no way I could cycle back. Luckily, I found an alleyway and as it was 7am there was no one around. Sacrificed a sock, in case you're wondering. I know it's not nice but I was caught most unawares by it and there weren't any public toilets in the area.
A lot of my work was in a rural area with no cafes or public bogs. I've had many a wee down a farm track, which is fine in nice weather but can be treacherous when it's muddy. No-one wants to slip over midstream and bare-arsed.
And if you need to have a dump al fresco you shouldn't confuse dock leaves with nettles !
I was taking a client over from another support worker and had no advance information about her. The other worker was late and I was dying for a pee by the time she got there.
The client's house was a bit whiffy, but I've been in worse. As soon as we were in the front door, I had to ask to use her loo.
I have never been in such a filthy bathroom in all my born days. It looked like the IRA had had a dirty protest in there. All of them. It stank to high heaven and every surface was streaked with shite, even the top of the toilet cistern.
I managed to hover and pee, while holding my trouser legs up with one hand so they didn't touch the squalid floor. I had a tissue in my pocket, so didn't need to touch the bog roll. I didn't wash my hands, because I feared touching the taps would be a greater health hazard than not washing my hands. I flushed with my elbow and bitterly regretted bolting the door. I was practically gagging, and I've a strong stomach for these things.
When I got back to the living room, I opted not to sit on the sofa for fear of catching something, so sat on a dining chair with a plastic seat. It felt slightly sticky and I was fidgeting, because it felt weird.
Then the client started telling me how she was waiting for a bladder repair operation but had to lose 5 stone before she could have it, and was constantly leaking urine. At that point I realised I was SITTING IN SOMEONE ELSE'S PISS! Beyond vile.
A lot of my work was in a rural area with no cafes or public bogs. I've had many a wee down a farm track, which is fine in nice weather but can be treacherous when it's muddy. No-one wants to slip over midstream and bare-arsed.
This is my favourite so far, I bet your glad you didn't need a poo!
One of my worst experiences was in Belgium. I was travelling by train from Germany back to the UK by rail, and had purposely given myself a couple of hours stopover in Brussels before catching Eurostar to London. Thinking Brussels would be full of great bars where I could sample the wonderful selection of Belgian beers I set off to explore. As is often the case when on holiday I had not "been" for a couple of days. and soon after setting off on my adventure I realised I needed to go. Pretty soon the urge became stronger, and I needed to find a toilet sooner rather than later. But what about all those Belgian bars? I soon discovered that the area around Brussels Midi station was more Middle East than Midi, and not a bar could be found anywhere. I went into a cafe in the hope of relief. The toilet was utterly disgusting and I had to walk straight out. By now I was starting to look at alleyways and any secluded spot I could find. I really could not hold it much longer. I decided to keep walking, as difficult as that was, carrying a rucksack as well. Eventually I would surely arrive in somewhere with suitable facilities. After what seemed a lifetime I spotted a bar, across a busy road. Once again I had to hold on while the traffic went by. I made it, I walked into the bar almost knocking people out of the way to get to the toilet. I got thereit, only just, it could have been a big messy disaster in a foreign city. An experience I will never forget
So that's where you want the blue plaque installed. 🤗
Aged 15 on a school trip home from France, a few of us had food poisoning and it was bad, they bus stank from all the trumping and pumping. I actually remember using the onboard loo and it broke after my flush.
As we head toward the port, the smell was so bad we pulled up in a rest area and the drivers ordered everyone off and decided to air the coach as the smell was making them nauseous, we missed our ferry, the home economics teacher shat himself after we got back on,as he stood up to make an announcement, now considering he was a short wearer you can imagine the shite and smell.
Cue the drivers arguing who was going to clean it, drivers threatened to leave him behind but he managed to clean himself with the help of wet wipes from the girls and a loan of a pair of sweaties from a pupil who said when told he could get them back' nah keep them'.
On that trip I had to go in a field with some other girls and I lost my knickers.
out for a night out with one of my mates from work a few years ago in paisley , missed the last train home so he phoned his wife and told her i'd be sleeping in their spare room
needless to say now i didn't have a train to worry about we stayed out drinking
got back to theirs about 2am and got almost carried to their spare room and dumped on the bed. woke up a couple of hours later bursting for the loo but i didn't know where the bathroom was. so there was me creeping about their house trying to work out which door was the bathroom and hoping i didn't walk into their bedroom by mistake.
Comments
Hope it didn't echo
Another time was when I'd just started a new medication and I got caught out in town. The nearest place was Debenhams next door. Could I find the loo? Up three flights, through loads of departments and finally found it tucked in a corner. I was actually crying that time.
So that's where you want the blue plaque installed. 🤗
Aged 15 on a school trip home from France, a few of us had food poisoning and it was bad, they bus stank from all the trumping and pumping. I actually remember using the onboard loo and it broke after my flush.
As we head toward the port, the smell was so bad we pulled up in a rest area and the drivers ordered everyone off and decided to air the coach as the smell was making them nauseous, we missed our ferry, the home economics teacher shat himself after we got back on,as he stood up to make an announcement, now considering he was a short wearer you can imagine the shite and smell.
Cue the drivers arguing who was going to clean it, drivers threatened to leave him behind but he managed to clean himself with the help of wet wipes from the girls and a loan of a pair of sweaties from a pupil who said when told he could get them back' nah keep them'.
On that trip I had to go in a field with some other girls and I lost my knickers.
Funniest post for ages.
You have such a magical way with words
Yep, I've already cleared it with English Heritage and Nottinghamshire County Council.
Worse loo I have ever had to use though. Grim.
This is one of the funniest posts I have read for a good while. Especially the very last sentence.
I'm still working out if the poster is male or female ?
A male home economics teacher ?
Summat smells funny.
I'm female and yes a male home economics teacher who accompanied the French class to Brittany as his partner was the French mistress, she was ooh la la , he was ooh la Betty. 😄
We even had a female woodwork/technology teacher.
I was taking a client over from another support worker and had no advance information about her. The other worker was late and I was dying for a pee by the time she got there.
The client's house was a bit whiffy, but I've been in worse. As soon as we were in the front door, I had to ask to use her loo.
I have never been in such a filthy bathroom in all my born days. It looked like the IRA had had a dirty protest in there. All of them. It stank to high heaven and every surface was streaked with shite, even the top of the toilet cistern.
I managed to hover and pee, while holding my trouser legs up with one hand so they didn't touch the squalid floor. I had a tissue in my pocket, so didn't need to touch the bog roll. I didn't wash my hands, because I feared touching the taps would be a greater health hazard than not washing my hands. I flushed with my elbow and bitterly regretted bolting the door. I was practically gagging, and I've a strong stomach for these things.
When I got back to the living room, I opted not to sit on the sofa for fear of catching something, so sat on a dining chair with a plastic seat. It felt slightly sticky and I was fidgeting, because it felt weird.
Then the client started telling me how she was waiting for a bladder repair operation but had to lose 5 stone before she could have it, and was constantly leaking urine. At that point I realised I was SITTING IN SOMEONE ELSE'S PISS! Beyond vile.
A lot of my work was in a rural area with no cafes or public bogs. I've had many a wee down a farm track, which is fine in nice weather but can be treacherous when it's muddy. No-one wants to slip over midstream and bare-arsed.
Got a sudden and violent dose of the squits while on a beach on holiday. Ended up having to run behind a sand dune.
Regularly on the walk back from the pub but it's down a quiet country lane so there are plenty of bushes.
Also, when I was 18 I worked for Royal Mail in the summer. I didn't drive and so conducted my round on bike. I was a few miles from the office when I really needed a shit. There was no way I could cycle back. Luckily, I found an alleyway and as it was 7am there was no one around. Sacrificed a sock, in case you're wondering. I know it's not nice but I was caught most unawares by it and there weren't any public toilets in the area.
I was so desperate that I contemplated wetting myself.:o
Somehow I managed to hold it in until I got into the NEC & to this day, I don't know how I did it.
Since that time, whenever I go on a long motorway drive, especially on the M6, I take a urinal with me!:o
Love that line...'' sacrificed a sock''
Was your nickname Postman Shat ?
And if you need to have a dump al fresco you shouldn't confuse dock leaves with nettles !
...and his brown and white sock
This is my favourite so far, I bet your glad you didn't need a poo!
One of my worst experiences was in Belgium. I was travelling by train from Germany back to the UK by rail, and had purposely given myself a couple of hours stopover in Brussels before catching Eurostar to London. Thinking Brussels would be full of great bars where I could sample the wonderful selection of Belgian beers I set off to explore. As is often the case when on holiday I had not "been" for a couple of days. and soon after setting off on my adventure I realised I needed to go. Pretty soon the urge became stronger, and I needed to find a toilet sooner rather than later. But what about all those Belgian bars? I soon discovered that the area around Brussels Midi station was more Middle East than Midi, and not a bar could be found anywhere. I went into a cafe in the hope of relief. The toilet was utterly disgusting and I had to walk straight out. By now I was starting to look at alleyways and any secluded spot I could find. I really could not hold it much longer. I decided to keep walking, as difficult as that was, carrying a rucksack as well. Eventually I would surely arrive in somewhere with suitable facilities. After what seemed a lifetime I spotted a bar, across a busy road. Once again I had to hold on while the traffic went by. I made it, I walked into the bar almost knocking people out of the way to get to the toilet. I got thereit, only just, it could have been a big messy disaster in a foreign city. An experience I will never forget
This is the winning post!
needless to say now i didn't have a train to worry about we stayed out drinking
got back to theirs about 2am and got almost carried to their spare room and dumped on the bed. woke up a couple of hours later bursting for the loo but i didn't know where the bathroom was. so there was me creeping about their house trying to work out which door was the bathroom and hoping i didn't walk into their bedroom by mistake.