I'm glad I read the thread before replying as it's given me pause for thought seeing Benji and Kate's posts.
I've always thought of myself as non-violent and I know others regard me in this way too but I HAVE lashed out at people when they have been harming others.
Admittedly it was more to stop them, but I still have that instinct in me to grab someone away if they are beating someone up.
I've never hit anyone in temper and I really do try to talk, although I got injured by some guy once when I put my hand on his shoulder trying to placate him and he shoved it away.
The force he used (probably in anger) to move my hand away resulted in him breaking my wrist.
Ha Joni I could write a book a out violence , or lack of it. I, to my eternal shame held my little and beautiful. Daughter in front of me when she was 3 years old to prevent a battering. On one occasion tried to get out the door to escape violence and my husband actually bit my thigh and ripped a hinge chunk of flesh to prevent me from opening the door. On another occasion he had me pinned to the floor punching me and my wee son jumped on his back and was battering him with the phone. ,. In those days phones were fixed.:)
Ha Joni I could write a book a out violence , or lack of it. I, to my eternal shame held my little and beautiful. Daughter in front of me when she was 3 years old to prevent a battering. On one occasion tried to get out the door to escape violence and my husband actually bit my thigh and ripped a hinge chunk of flesh to prevent me from opening the door. On another occasion he had me pinned to the floor punching me and my wee son jumped on his back and was battering him with the phone. ,. In those days phones were fixed.:)
I was telling my OH about you the other day and why you couldn't leave him. Not in a pitiful or patronising way, just about the sheer desperation and upset.
Ha Joni I could write a book a out violence , or lack of it. I, to my eternal shame held my little and beautiful. Daughter in front of me when she was 3 years old to prevent a battering. On one occasion tried to get out the door to escape violence and my husband actually bit my thigh and ripped a hinge chunk of flesh to prevent me from opening the door. On another occasion he had me pinned to the floor punching me and my wee son jumped on his back and was battering him with the phone. ,. In those days phones were fixed.:)
I was telling my OH about you the other day and why you couldn't leave him. Not in a pitiful or patronising way, just about the sheer desperation and upset.
I admire you for what you have come through.
Get away. I was a coward. I live with that all the time. But life is not very black and white. It's a bit grey and when we are young it's tough . I would not be young now for all the world.
If someone tried to beat me up, I wouldn't try and knock them out, just restrain them and get them to bugger off
It's much harder to restrain someone than it is to fight someone. Ask any police officer. That is why you will see multiple officers restraining a violent prisoner. They (Police) arent allowed to have a free for all punch up - they have to try to restrain, detain, contain. It's really difficult to restrain someone who wants to fight. Have u ever tried to restrain a struggling child? Quite difficult, so imagine an adult in that situation.
Me-I'd either fight back or run away if someone came for me. Depends on what I thought my chances were.
Get away. I was a coward. I live with that all the time. But life is not very black and white. It's a bit grey and when we are young it's tough . I would not be young now for all the world.
We've been here before You weren't, you survived it and you did what you had to do to survive.
Aye, the grey areas all mingle to the point it's easy to lose sight of the best thing to do.
That is pretty terrible. I think boys suffer long term more from a violent childhood than girls. I expect I will get pasted for that statement.:)
I've never really thought about that so I am not sure. My mother experienced an unspeakably horrific childhood which would seriously damage anyone tbh.
I seriously respect anyone who has come out of a violent relationship and taught their children that violence is not the way forward.
That is got to be the most forward way.
However, no matter how we try to control those situations, children will have their own way of dealing with the inadequacy or feelings of despair.
Like I said before, if all those inadequacies can be channeled into positive energy like good marriages or relationships that can keep you focused on positive things....then all is going to be ok for those once damaged children that escaped the damage of their childhood.
But for others....then this is where the problems are always going to be.
No. I have boiled over a few times, but it's always been verbal and usually directed at myself or the world in general. A few maths book were thrown around when I couldn't do the homework. It seems a bit a pathetic now.
Ha Joni I could write a book a out violence , or lack of it. I, to my eternal shame held my little and beautiful. Daughter in front of me when she was 3 years old to prevent a battering. On one occasion tried to get out the door to escape violence and my husband actually bit my thigh and ripped a hinge chunk of flesh to prevent me from opening the door. On another occasion he had me pinned to the floor punching me and my wee son jumped on his back and was battering him with the phone. ,. In those days phones were fixed.:)
My father beat my Mother and I used to try and defend her, my thoughts and my unrequited anger are with you benji. and those are real tears.
What about a scenario that many of us have put to you, would you feel or act different?
Sorry kate, what scenario have you put to me?
I had a proper look at the thread and it's heartbreaking what people have gone through. But they have found the strength to get out of it and keep out of it.
And it will not happen to them again.
For the same reasons as it has not and will not happen to me.
No, I'm not violent physically, only with words on occasions.
Unfortunately, I can't say the lack of physical violence applies to quite a few other members of the human species that I've met in my travels. Mostly under the effects of drink. If you're going to get violent or aggressive when drinking, don't drink, or cause the A&E department at the local hospital to be cluttered up with your victims, after you've been an arsehole towards them in your cowardly way.
No, I'm not violent physically, only with words on occasions.
Unfortunately, I can't say the lack of physical violence applies to quite a few other members of the human species that I've met in my travels. Mostly under the effects of drink. If you're going to get violent or aggressive when drinking, don't drink, or cause the A&E department at the local hospital to be cluttered up with your victims, after you've been an arsehole towards them in your cowardly way.
BIB - me too, and I'm heartily ashamed of it. It's my way of striking back but so wish I hadn't said the things I said. Words can be so utterly devastating and you can never take them back. You can apologise, feel utterly sorry, but they will never be forgotten. I honestly don't know what's worse.
My father beat my Mother and I used to try and defend her, my thoughts and my unrequited anger are with you benji. and those are real tears.
The children suffer a lifetime of emotional trauma if they witness violence between the 2 people they love and trust. Some cope better than others, but it leaves scars. Thoughts with you Richard.
As an addition to above post ^^ - what are you supposed to do if you aren't a physically aggressive person? It's all very well trying to turn the other cheek. But what to do when you've been hurt so badly? Words are the only thing left surely?
Non, I'm very light hearted and chilled out, it takes a lot for me to get properly pissed off too, and then if I do get to that point I'm more likely to tell someone to go to hell and walk away than get confrontational.
And defending yourself if needs be does not make someone violent, that's just silly. Someone is beating the crap out of you; "must not strike back, that would make me violent". Lol
Comments
for my kids however I could maim, torture and probably kill lets hope the circumstances never arise where I have to find out
Ha Joni I could write a book a out violence , or lack of it. I, to my eternal shame held my little and beautiful. Daughter in front of me when she was 3 years old to prevent a battering. On one occasion tried to get out the door to escape violence and my husband actually bit my thigh and ripped a hinge chunk of flesh to prevent me from opening the door. On another occasion he had me pinned to the floor punching me and my wee son jumped on his back and was battering him with the phone. ,. In those days phones were fixed.:)
I was telling my OH about you the other day and why you couldn't leave him. Not in a pitiful or patronising way, just about the sheer desperation and upset.
I admire you for what you have come through.
No, not violent. I abhor violence, except in pure self defence.
Christ Almighty
Hope you're OK nowadays.
Get away. I was a coward. I live with that all the time. But life is not very black and white. It's a bit grey and when we are young it's tough . I would not be young now for all the world.
I'm fine. I'm a survivor. I refuse to be a victim. I was a victim for too long.
It's much harder to restrain someone than it is to fight someone. Ask any police officer. That is why you will see multiple officers restraining a violent prisoner. They (Police) arent allowed to have a free for all punch up - they have to try to restrain, detain, contain. It's really difficult to restrain someone who wants to fight. Have u ever tried to restrain a struggling child? Quite difficult, so imagine an adult in that situation.
Me-I'd either fight back or run away if someone came for me. Depends on what I thought my chances were.
We've been here before
Aye, the grey areas all mingle to the point it's easy to lose sight of the best thing to do.
I've never really thought about that so I am not sure. My mother experienced an unspeakably horrific childhood which would seriously damage anyone tbh.
I once swore out of frustration at work.
That is got to be the most forward way.
However, no matter how we try to control those situations, children will have their own way of dealing with the inadequacy or feelings of despair.
Like I said before, if all those inadequacies can be channeled into positive energy like good marriages or relationships that can keep you focused on positive things....then all is going to be ok for those once damaged children that escaped the damage of their childhood.
But for others....then this is where the problems are always going to be.
I'm physically and verbally assertive and confident though, and have prevented violence on occasion.
That's brilliant Rhumbatuuger.
What about a scenario that many of us have put to you, would you feel or act different?
My father beat my Mother and I used to try and defend her, my thoughts and my unrequited anger are with you benji.
Despite that I've never thrown the first punch or raised my hand to a woman and those that do I have the utmost contempt for.
You probably went on to join the secret services, didn't you?
Sorry kate, what scenario have you put to me?
I had a proper look at the thread and it's heartbreaking what people have gone through. But they have found the strength to get out of it and keep out of it.
And it will not happen to them again.
For the same reasons as it has not and will not happen to me.
Unfortunately, I can't say the lack of physical violence applies to quite a few other members of the human species that I've met in my travels. Mostly under the effects of drink. If you're going to get violent or aggressive when drinking, don't drink, or cause the A&E department at the local hospital to be cluttered up with your victims, after you've been an arsehole towards them in your cowardly way.
BIB - me too, and I'm heartily ashamed of it. It's my way of striking back but so wish I hadn't said the things I said. Words can be so utterly devastating and you can never take them back. You can apologise, feel utterly sorry, but they will never be forgotten. I honestly don't know what's worse.
The children suffer a lifetime of emotional trauma if they witness violence between the 2 people they love and trust. Some cope better than others, but it leaves scars. Thoughts with you Richard.
And defending yourself if needs be does not make someone violent, that's just silly. Someone is beating the crap out of you; "must not strike back, that would make me violent". Lol