Is she still interested in me, I can't tell?
I met a female online, and we spoke for a bit, soon exchanging numbers...
As we started talking, it became clear that we had so many things in common - it was even suggested that I may be her perfect partner because I don't smoke or take drugs, things like that. We became pretty close pretty quickly - we must have been speaking for about a month before we finally met...and then we ended up sleeping together.
After this, once she'd gone home, she became very distant. I confronted her and she told me that it didn't feel right, she felt as if she had walked into a 6 month relationship, and didn't want that. Of course I was quite upset, as we had slept together, and for me that always creates a connection.
She also said that I was to "take some time" and to "let things take their natural course, it can't all be finalised in a week - we can be friends, but you need to move past your hurt and anger before even a friendship is plausible". I was accused of being needy, which really wasn't true, as we were both acting the same way before we slept together, it was only her that pulled back.
So now, I'm confused. I can't understand if she wants to take it slowly, or if that is her way of ending it. I don't know. I really do miss her, and want nothing more than to be talking to her, but to be honest, I can't even tell what's going on as she has a tendency to be quite unclear when I ask her anything.
As we started talking, it became clear that we had so many things in common - it was even suggested that I may be her perfect partner because I don't smoke or take drugs, things like that. We became pretty close pretty quickly - we must have been speaking for about a month before we finally met...and then we ended up sleeping together.
After this, once she'd gone home, she became very distant. I confronted her and she told me that it didn't feel right, she felt as if she had walked into a 6 month relationship, and didn't want that. Of course I was quite upset, as we had slept together, and for me that always creates a connection.
She also said that I was to "take some time" and to "let things take their natural course, it can't all be finalised in a week - we can be friends, but you need to move past your hurt and anger before even a friendship is plausible". I was accused of being needy, which really wasn't true, as we were both acting the same way before we slept together, it was only her that pulled back.
So now, I'm confused. I can't understand if she wants to take it slowly, or if that is her way of ending it. I don't know. I really do miss her, and want nothing more than to be talking to her, but to be honest, I can't even tell what's going on as she has a tendency to be quite unclear when I ask her anything.
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If she says no then i'd consider chalking it up to experience and moving on. If she says yes, see how things are - if it's frosty and she seems like she doesn't want to be there, then maybe you do the same thing and just move on.
I would leave it be, if she really wanted a relationship then she wouldn't be giving out such feeble excuses.
Simply sit back and let her contact you. Therein lies the answer.
I may try this approach in a week or so, but yeah - we're not really on speaking terms, she has turned quite frosty. She's basically blamed me for coming on too strongly, even though it was all very mutual.
I don't intend to contact her, tbh, I just found her final messages to be quite confusing. Usually someone is quite straightforward in terms of ending things - not "let things take their natural course"
That's a shame. Sounds like what wench has pointed out - maybe she's regretting what she's done but can't actually come out and properly end things, so her "let things take their natural course" message is basically her way of saying "let's never speak again and eventually you'll realise I don't want to see you".
Still, probably worth trying inviting her out though, just to see what happens.
It sounds to me like you dodged a bullet that you first had sex with.
This is what I thought... she invited me out and bought us tickets to an event that happens in a week or so, so I guess if I don't hear from her by then, I'll know what's happened.
It really is a shame, as we really did have a connection - as clichéd as that may sound!
my gosh - what is wrong with being needy?
To be honest I would dump this woman like a scalding coal, as maybe one day you really will be needy, and she won't want to be supportive?
So, she ticks you off for being a human being, (ie needy), won't give you a straight answer to anything, (anything important - this is your heart we've talking about!), and blames her own decisions, ie to have a relationship with you and sleep with you, all on you, while even saying you're possibly not even good enough to be her friend any more?
Run OP.
All of the above. Sounds like she's blaming you for the fact she's changed her mind. Doesn't sound a very nice person basically.
I can't really disagree with any of this.... although I can't say I'm happy with the situation...I've not had the greatest of love lives and I thought this person was genuine...I guess not
But yeah, like I said, I have no intentions of contacting her. I fail to see what I did wrong - I think she's being incredibly immature.
And if she's being like this now.......
I think you've started answering your own question OP
I feel for you, I know this is a very painful experience to go through.
Yes she does sound like she needs to grow up a lot and learn how to treat people with respect.
Unfortunately this isn't always the way for everyone else
Of course, no, it isn't
She updated her status last night, to something along the lines of "what you're seeing and how I'm coping are two different things, people only see their hurt" - something like that.
I'd much rather she came and spoke to me instead of updating a status, but hey.
I've used this before and it made sense in my head but it clearly didn't make sense to him.
When I said it, I meant that I felt like things had went too fast when I didn't want them to and I felt slightly intimidated by being in that situation. Regretted it, to be honest. Some people, like me, like to establish a friendship first to get to know the ins and outs of people before jumping into a full relationship, as the word 'relationship' is a little bit scary. The guy was trying to control the situation too much when I just wanted a laid back approach and found it frustrating how he kept analysing the connection all of the time. So I said 'why can't you just let things take their natural course?'
I was partly backing out of it to see if he would stop being so intense. I hope this helps in somehow, although I know everyone is different and she could've meant it completely differently to how I did.
To be honest with you - this sounds more like what has happened. Before we even met, she was talking about being worried that if we did sleep together, we'd end up in a relationship, and she didn't want that. I kind of knew that she was going to do this, I don't know. I do think she still likes me, but I may just do what Jason said, and ask her out in a few days' time.
But yes, thank you, your answer has really helped - thanks for stopping to take the time to read & reply
I think so - yeah she identified as gay, that didn't seem to be a thing, tbh.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Her: I'm fine, you?
Me: I'm good, thank you You at work?
Her: Yeah, I'm at work.
Me: So, there's this nice little cafe I found on my lunchbreak, thought it'd be rude not to invite you to it, this weekend?
Her: Sorry I wouldn't be able to come.
Me: OK, cool - no worries.
Her: Thank you for asking. Sweet of you to think of me.
Me: You're welcome, there are a lot of beautiful cafes where I live so I just thought of you.
So that was yesterday afternoon...then this morning, I woke up early and saw that she was online...maybe I shouldn't have, but I messaged her again.
Me: Wow, so I'm not the only one awake!
Her: Well I'm always up at this time for work
Me: Lol, but I'm not *sad face emoji* - did you sleep OK?
Her: Go back to bed then
Yeah I slept OK
Me: No more waking up at 4? (she was struggling with her sleep before)
Her: Yeah I woke at 4. It's just stress and pressure.
Me: From work?
Her: From everywhere, B. (I think this might have been aimed at me, I dunno)
Me: Aw, you seemed a lot happier before, thought things were getting better?
Her: No not happier, just coping. I've gotta go. Enjoy your day
Me: Thanks, you too.
So I don't know. She seems pretty bland. Maybe I shouldn't have messaged her this morning - I don't know. I don't think it was too much, I was just saying hey...we used to talk in the mornings all the time...
The exchange above doesn't sound like she particularly cares about you or wants to take things further so just accept it and move on, find someone you deserve.
She'll call when she wants to and if you'll let her.
This! She doesn't come across as interested at all. Find someone better and be happy
It doesn't, does it. Huh. You're right.
Ew, no thanks...that's not me, at all.
Yes, I think I will.