Being Bullied Can Ruin The Rest Of Your Life

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  • ThePerfectOneThePerfectOne Posts: 20,466
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    It's true i still have nightmares about being bullied in school and i suffer with all the problems it says in that report :(
  • bluebladeblueblade Posts: 88,859
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    No shit sherlock indeed, but anything to raise awareness.

    Hopefully more and more schools will take pro-active measures to combat bullying.
  • claire2281claire2281 Posts: 17,283
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    blueblade wrote: »
    Hopefully more and more schools will take pro-active measures to combat bullying.

    In many ways it's more effective to help the victims with programs designed to build confidence, support and teach them how to deal with bullies. There need to be more of those programs.

    The trouble with dealing with the bullies only is neither schools or parents can be there the whole time. It's a very difficult situation because the school can punish, move students etc but it's hard to expel a student for such a thing. It's often not considered enough of a reason.

    There are always going to be arseholes who think it's fine to bully others. Helping people deal with that takes the bully's power away.
  • UndefinedUndefined Posts: 305
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    blueblade wrote: »
    Hopefully more and more schools will take pro-active measures to combat bullying.

    They do. However, what the BBC article doesn't say, but others do, including this one:

    Reuters: Forty years on, bullying takes its toll on health and wealth

    is that things haven't really changed:
    More than a quarter of children in the study - 28 percent - had been bullied occasionally, and 15 percent were bullied frequently - rates that the researchers said were similar to the situation in Britain today.

    so whatever the schools are doing it isn't working.

    Kids are sneaky. Report it and they'll simply get better at hiding what they're doing. It's going to be incredibly difficult to stop.
  • nanscombenanscombe Posts: 16,588
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    From a 2008 Guardian article ...

    Study finds bullies are the bullied too
    The stereotypical image of a school bully as tough and self-confident needs revising, according to research that found the vast majority of bullies are victims themselves.

    A study conducted by researchers at the Institute of Education in London found that less than 1% of primary school children are "true bullies" – those who are not bullied by their peers.

    Researchers found that bullies are more likely than their classmates to suffer from low self-esteem, depression, and behavioural problems from early childhood and through primary school. They are more likely to suffer from mental health problems later in life too.
    ...
    The government-funded study, carried out by the Centre for Research on the Wider Benefits of Learning (WBL), looked at data from the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children, a study of children born in the former Avon Health Authority between April 1 1991 and December 31 1992.

    Focusing on information collected from 6,500 eight- to 11-year-olds, researchers found that 5% of children were bullies, but only 0.5% were "true" bullies, while 4.5% were bullied themselves.

    The majority (74%) of bullies were found to be boys, who suffered the highest levels of depression, anger, paranoia, emotional disaffection and suicidal behaviour, and disliked school the most.
    ...
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 375
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    Kids can be very cruel, I know of a few kids who are being bullied at school. I dread my son starting school, he's so timid and quiet. If I ever found out he was getting bullied id be straight down to the school demanding a meeting with the parents or to the police. Can't stand bullies, low life scum!!!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 4,910
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    i have been seriously held back by a horrificly low level of self esteem and confidence due to bullying at school. I don't really believe in myself i always think i'm just gonna fail at things. I set low goals for myself.

    I still get angry when i think back to the bullying and the bullies. If i could go back in time i'd probably kill them and i'm not even joking. I may as well be doing life in jail anyway cos i live in a sort of prison of the mind thanks to those bastards.
  • bluebladeblueblade Posts: 88,859
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    Undefined wrote: »
    They do. However, what the BBC article doesn't say, but others do, including this one:

    Reuters: Forty years on, bullying takes its toll on health and wealth

    is that things haven't really changed:



    so whatever the schools are doing it isn't working.

    Kids are sneaky. Report it and they'll simply get better at hiding what they're doing. It's going to be incredibly difficult to stop.

    The kids themselves need to police it - with a reward based system provided, and a name and shame policy. Older kids to possibly police the younger ones.

    There has to be a way to stamp it out.
  • Speak-SoftlySpeak-Softly Posts: 24,737
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    All the reports along the lines of "we have to stop bullying" never seem to address why some are bullies and why some are bullied.

    There seems to me to be a lot of pretense that it's down to luck and if one even suggests that children's learned behavior from the home enviroment is the cause of bullying or being bullied, it's a kind of heresy.

    Victims must only have sympathy, aggressors only condemnation.
  • koantemplationkoantemplation Posts: 101,293
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    It might seem obvious but sadly it does need pointing out.

    When I was at school, bullying was considered 'character building' for both the bully and their victim.

    Even now bullying is not taken half as seriously as it should be taken.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 7,341
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    claire2281 wrote: »
    In many ways it's more effective to help the victims with programs designed to build confidence, support and teach them how to deal with bullies. There need to be more of those programs.

    The trouble with dealing with the bullies only is neither schools or parents can be there the whole time. It's a very difficult situation because the school can punish, move students etc but it's hard to expel a student for such a thing. It's often not considered enough of a reason.

    There are always going to be arseholes who think it's fine to bully others. Helping people deal with that takes the bully's power away.

    But they're very quick to expel the victim for taking things into their own hands when the teachers/head master refuse to do anything despite knowing what was going on and who was involved. If it was me I'd be telling the head master straight to think very carefully about taking disciplinary action against me or I'm going to the newspapers and taking the matter to the courts and mentioning his name for doing nothing about it.
  • Funk YouFunk You Posts: 6,864
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    I was bullied all through my life at school but didnt let it get to me, I was always myself at school and am now. Everyone has grown up (some still havent) and we all mature into proper people (in the end) if I'd have let it get to me I'd be a hermit and wouldn't do anything.

    People say your school years are the best of your life enjoy them, I didnt enjoy it and have had better experiences and learnt more from life when I left school.
  • yellowparkyellowpark Posts: 2,125
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    It's very true, it ruins life, just like telling children they are sinners or a husband beating his wife often, forcing her to not trust men.
  • FooxFoox Posts: 1,052
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    i think i am about to make myself very unpopular but here we go

    ..

    I don't think by the time you're in your 30s and onwards you can continue to blame someone who bullied you 20yrs ago for you failing at life, life is hard we don't all have that willpower and drive to be a huge success i know i don't. I'm happy to plod along at my own pace, i don't want the massive house or to be the boss. I've never really been a go getter and yes i was bullied at school but if i continued to live my life being defined by how i was treated by some bitches when i was 14 then i'd be a pretty sad person.

    Move on the world carries on moving along every day move with it don't wallow in what happened to you 20yrs ago you help no one particularly not yourself.

    awaits incoming
  • Keyser_Soze1Keyser_Soze1 Posts: 25,182
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    From the academy of stating the bleeding obvious.

    One of the schools I went to was like the f*****g Lord of the Flies.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 841
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    Foox wrote: »
    i think i am about to make myself very unpopular but here we go

    ..

    I don't think by the time you're in your 30s and onwards you can continue to blame someone who bullied you 20yrs ago for you failing at life, life is hard we don't all have that willpower and drive to be a huge success i know i don't. I'm happy to plod along at my own pace, i don't want the massive house or to be the boss. I've never really been a go getter and yes i was bullied at school but if i continued to live my life being defined by how i was treated by some bitches when i was 14 then i'd be a pretty sad person.

    Move on the world carries on moving along every day move with it don't wallow in what happened to you 20yrs ago you help no one particularly not yourself.

    awaits incoming

    I think you can! My bullying at school is a direct link to me now having General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia and OCD.
  • MikeJWMikeJW Posts: 3,948
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    Foox wrote: »
    I don't think by the time you're in your 30s and onwards you can continue to blame someone who bullied you 20yrs ago for you failing at life
    All people are saying is that some traumas have a very long lasting and serious effect. Seems reasonable to me.
  • FooxFoox Posts: 1,052
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    MikeJW wrote: »
    All people are saying is that some traumas have a very long lasting effect.

    I'm not sure how you take that as meaning people who feel that way have "failed at life".

    I dont think you can call being bullied at school 20yrs ago a "trauma" losing a child, losing a loved one, being on the tube when the bomb went off, getting your legs shot off in afghanistan etc thats trauma.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 841
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    Foox wrote: »
    I dont think you can call being bullied at school 20yrs ago a "trauma" losing a child, losing a loved one, being on the tube when the bomb went off, getting your legs shot off in afghanistan etc thats trauma.

    I don't know whether you're trolling or just trying to be clever, but bullying is a form of trauma. Take it from someone who went through 5 years of it!!
  • reglipreglip Posts: 5,268
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    Foox wrote: »
    i think i am about to make myself very unpopular but here we go

    ..

    I don't think by the time you're in your 30s and onwards you can continue to blame someone who bullied you 20yrs ago for you failing at life, life is hard we don't all have that willpower and drive to be a huge success i know i don't. I'm happy to plod along at my own pace, i don't want the massive house or to be the boss. I've never really been a go getter and yes i was bullied at school but if i continued to live my life being defined by how i was treated by some bitches when i was 14 then i'd be a pretty sad person.

    Move on the world carries on moving along every day move with it don't wallow in what happened to you 20yrs ago you help no one particularly not yourself.

    awaits incoming

    You cant stop yourself learning and adapting from past experience just because you take a step back and decide the results have been negative. You can probably over ride some of it with time and positive experience but if your experience continues to be negative or the bullying was for a significant length of time or from a young age that will obviously be difficult and will still have some impact on your mental wellbeing regardless. Your bullying was probably short lived or counteracted by positive experience either at the time or shortly after. You cant judge the world via your own experience becsuse the variables will differ so much.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 4,910
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    Foox wrote: »
    I dont think you can call being bullied at school 20yrs ago a "trauma" losing a child, losing a loved one, being on the tube when the bomb went off, getting your legs shot off in afghanistan etc thats trauma.

    Sorry but i don't think you know what you're talking about tbh.

    When you spend every day of your school days sick to your stomach with dread waiting for the next round of bullying to begin it does traumatise you

    You're trying to play down something that is really very serious and does a lot of psychological harm to individuals. Why?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 9,720
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    blueblade wrote: »
    The kids themselves need to police it - with a reward based system provided, and a name and shame policy. Older kids to possibly police the younger ones.

    There has to be a way to stamp it out.

    Sadly most teachers are bully appeasers. Naming and shaming the poor ickle bullies would be seen as a form of bullying in itself.
  • nanscombenanscombe Posts: 16,588
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    Calling people names like "poor ickle bullies" is probably a form of bullying too.


    Name-calling 'worst form of bullying'
    Name-calling is more devastating for children's self-confidence than physical bullying, a study suggests.
    Dr Stephen Joseph, a psychologist at Warwick University, found verbal abuse had a large and ongoing impact on children's self-esteem.

    The study, which assessed 331 pupils in England, found 40% had been bullied at some time.
    ...
  • Pumping IronPumping Iron Posts: 29,891
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    I think you can! My bullying at school is a direct link to me now having General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia and OCD.

    Do you think that you wouldn't have developed these issues if it weren't for past bullying?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 841
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    Do you think that you wouldn't have developed these issues if it weren't for past bullying?

    I'd hardly call them issues!
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