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Only had an evening invite to friend's wedding, feeling sneaped
The Wizard
Posts: 11,071 Forum Member
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An old friend of ours who moved to live abroad is coming back home to get married shortly and I feel a bit sneaped because he came to our wedding and we paid for him and his fiancée which we didn't really know to spend all day at our wedding, the wedding breakfast and reception. However we've just had our invite through only to find we've only been given an invite for the evening reception and I don't know how to react to this after we've been so close and they came to our wedding and we paid for them both to have a 5 course meal and all we get is an invite to an evening buffet. We don't even get to see him get married.
How would you feel and would you bother going to the evening do or say sod him and forget the whole thing? I've found out that my friend who was my best man at my wedding has in fact been invited to the day do so I feel totally pushed out. I wouldn't have minded if it was a private family affair but it clearly isn't. After talking to my best mate he says there's other friends who have only just had an evening invite too and apparently it's not gone down too well.
How would you feel and would you bother going to the evening do or say sod him and forget the whole thing? I've found out that my friend who was my best man at my wedding has in fact been invited to the day do so I feel totally pushed out. I wouldn't have minded if it was a private family affair but it clearly isn't. After talking to my best mate he says there's other friends who have only just had an evening invite too and apparently it's not gone down too well.
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I think it would be a tad childish of you to not go to the reception just because he hasn't given you the same invite type that you sent to him.
Its a little like saying if he was your best man then you must be his- which is not how it works.
Maybe he and his fiancé are only inviting family to the day, or there is a restriction on numbers at the venue for the marriage.
Countless reasons why he's done it, as a close friend you should understand that there will likely be good reason.
Not trying to be horrible, am just being straight talking so please don't take offence.
If your main concern, as seems to be, is rather than you invited them to celebrate your special day with you then you probably shouldn't go to their "evening buffet".
To be honest, If I was bride or groom and got wind of this, I wouldn't want you anywhere near it at all.
I would love to go to a good wedding. I haven't been to one since my Uncle got married about 15yrs ago. Noone in my family seems to get married, they all live in sin ;-)
Perhaps they don't have the kind of money you have to spend on everyone.
When I had my first child I decided to have my best friend and her husband as Godparents even though she never asked me to be bridesmaid at her wedding but she was mine. I didn't ask her so she would have me back it just doesn't work like that. When she was dying of terminal cancer I offered to help nurse her. She asked me why would I do that for her I replied because "I know you would do the same for me" ... I honestly didn't think she would have done the same for me but I felt I needed to help her in her hour of need. My advice would be to go and enjoy the wedding and stop moaning life is too short for all this bitterness.
Wow .,
You say he moved abroad, so did he meet his future wife over there? Are they paying for her family to fly over here for the wedding? Because I imagine that's already an expense you didn't have. And also, moving abroad probably cut down on the money he had in the first place. Also, how big is the ceremony? From what you say, it sounds like you had a big wedding, but that doesn't mean they are. It could be family only. Also, by having a buffet is sounds as if they could be trying to save money anyway and so maybe they can't afford to invite everyone they wanted to to all of it.
I don't really see what you're problem is. They've still invited you to be part of some of their big day. So either go or don't, but in all honesty it's you that's in the wrong if you don't, not them.
I understand why you're upset though.
P.S. I just had an invite from someone to his son's birthday party. He never turned up to my daughter's party and didn't even bother to respond to the invitation. Now that's a whole other story and I'm contemplating whether to "be the better person" or the "monster I really am".
I can't let my hair down as the evening reception is about 25 miles away so ill have to drive and the venue doesn't have on site accommodation. I was more interested in seeing him get married and hear him make his speeches than attending the evening do. Besides we'd need a baby sitter too as it doesn't start until 7.30. The bit I really wanted to attend we haven't been asked and I think it's rude as both he and his missus came to ours and saw us get hitched. Wish I'd not bothered now and invited someone else instead. It's clear he thinks less about us than he does of others.
Fair enough if it's limited to family only or close family friends but when his best mate doesn't even get invited and you find out that he's invited a lad who he hardly has anything to do with then it really rubs salt in the wounds.
I have absolutely no doubt that if you REALLY want to see him get hitched then there will be space at the church, just dont expect to be going to the reception where they have obviously decided that they only want their REAL friends, not the ones that bitch about them behind their backs..
Op how often have you seen your friend since he went to live abroad and how often have you kept in touch?
If you haven't been to see him and have not been in regular contact (as in often), then would you still class yourself as a close friend or more of an old out of touch friend?
We had 40 guests at our wedding( both of us had been married before), we only had those who were a big part of our lives and we had lots of contact with. It was a very intimate wedding and far more meaningful to us than our first marriages when every Tom dick and harry came out of the woodwork
If you are a true friend you should let's this go and be very happy with the evening invite. Go and let your hair down!
I have a very big extended family so most weddings result in the oldest from every family getting invited all day and the rest go to the evening reception (so I always miss out though hopefully the next one I won't)
It could just be something as small as the venue being small, when my brother got married the chapel only held 90 people so he was restricted to that.
Others have already given you the answer - weddings are a big expense for some; the venue may not have space for all guests and it just might be that he does actually see you a B-list mate. Best thing is to ask him.
However. Personal opinion: the evening part of a wedding celebration is difficult to get right for those arriving after the main wedding party have been to service, reception and probably a meal. The all-dayers are well settled into their groups and are usually pretty... mellow.
So we generally refused the evening invitations - politely! - and got them a gift. Because if you're invited to any part of a wedding you're presumably close enough to the couple to at least gift them a wedding present even if it's a small thing - a picture frame or JL token or whatever.
But life's too short to be petulant about a wedding invitation. Or the lack of one. Imo.
ps: Perhaps his wife doesn't like you and she vetoed your invite?
Well I had family who I hardly ever see to speak to who I didn't invite because I wanted my friends to be at my wedding. It would appear his excuse was because he has a big family and can't invite everyone. No just those friends who he chooses are more important to him (not us obviously) and probably a load of people he's never seen or spoken to since the last family funeral.
Just goes to prove how much he values our friendship.
Didn't work out so well for you eh?
My best mates daughter invited us to her wedding and it cost us a fortune, new clothes, accomodation etc, her son had a small wedding and never invited us, I was grateful not to have the expense. I gave them both exactly the same ammount of money as a gift.
No doubt he actually would rather have you at the wedding rather than a ton of the people he's had to invite, but for family reasons, keeping the peace or whatever he's had to do something else.
I'd go along, in short. I've been in the B team many a time. You can't take it personally, there's a million reasons why they might have had to do something else.
Having said that, if you're incredibly upset about the whole thing you may be better to make an excuse and not go rather than decide to have a few words after a few too many drinks...
My best mate is getting wed. All my friends thought I'd be bridesmaid. She chose a friend she's known since childhood, and two cousins she doesn't see. She's done it that way because if she picked me, it'd be like picking through friends and applying labels-a sure fire way to kill friendships!
I've been invited to the ceremony, but it's just me. She's known my partner longer but he won't be invited until the evening doo. She's doing it to cut costs without alienating family. She's being ruthless with cutting people.
Would I do that? No, but then it's not my wedding. I'd sooner be part of my friends day than have nothing to do with it.
Are they getting married in a church? If they are you can just turn up to watch that bit and then give the evening a miss if youre not into that kind of thing.
I'll never understand how people can go on about cost cutting, and then go on to have 3 bridesmaids. What is this obsession with multiple bridesmaids and groomsmen?