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Should I stay or should I go?
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Hello! I'm after a bit of perspective from other people.
Basically, I am on a temporary contract until the end of January, I am fortunate enough that it isn't essential that I work, but the extra money is great.
Now my dilemma is that I have two children, both primary age with the eldest having a disability, not a serious one, but one that means I can't just pack him off to any old childminder, so at the moment I am relying on my parents to have him before and after school. My youngest son is being shipped off to a friends house every morning for an hour before school and she takes him, and another friend passes my parents house so she drops him off there. We're having to drag the kids out of bed at 6am and we don't get home until 6pm.
I have been told there is a high chance that I will be offered a permanent position at the company I work for which is fantastic, I really enjoy the job and it is very well paid, but the prospect of carrying on with these long hours, missing out on the time I am used to having with the children (I am a very active parent at school and I am most probably the one parent who gets the most involved in everything) a loss of bank holidays and the lovely bit between Christmas and New Year leaves me feeling a little empty. Also another problem I have is that despite my parents saying they would happily have the children in the school holidays, I hate this feeling of depending on so many people who absolutely refuse to accept payment of any kind for their wonderful deeds, just so I can go to work.
The company has mentioned part time work to me but I still feel like I would miss a lot of time with the kids. I feel completely torn between having a comfortable lifestyle and spending what precious time I have with the children before they are too old and embarrassed to run up to me for hugs at the school gates. I really enjoy my job and the satisfaction I get at payday knowing how hard I've worked for our family weekend treats. If I didn't work we would be able to cope but wouldn't have things like holidays and days out as much.
Sorry it's so long winded, but i just wanted the perspective of anyone else who has been in this situation.
Basically, I am on a temporary contract until the end of January, I am fortunate enough that it isn't essential that I work, but the extra money is great.
Now my dilemma is that I have two children, both primary age with the eldest having a disability, not a serious one, but one that means I can't just pack him off to any old childminder, so at the moment I am relying on my parents to have him before and after school. My youngest son is being shipped off to a friends house every morning for an hour before school and she takes him, and another friend passes my parents house so she drops him off there. We're having to drag the kids out of bed at 6am and we don't get home until 6pm.
I have been told there is a high chance that I will be offered a permanent position at the company I work for which is fantastic, I really enjoy the job and it is very well paid, but the prospect of carrying on with these long hours, missing out on the time I am used to having with the children (I am a very active parent at school and I am most probably the one parent who gets the most involved in everything) a loss of bank holidays and the lovely bit between Christmas and New Year leaves me feeling a little empty. Also another problem I have is that despite my parents saying they would happily have the children in the school holidays, I hate this feeling of depending on so many people who absolutely refuse to accept payment of any kind for their wonderful deeds, just so I can go to work.
The company has mentioned part time work to me but I still feel like I would miss a lot of time with the kids. I feel completely torn between having a comfortable lifestyle and spending what precious time I have with the children before they are too old and embarrassed to run up to me for hugs at the school gates. I really enjoy my job and the satisfaction I get at payday knowing how hard I've worked for our family weekend treats. If I didn't work we would be able to cope but wouldn't have things like holidays and days out as much.
Sorry it's so long winded, but i just wanted the perspective of anyone else who has been in this situation.
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I don't work full-time as my husband and I decided that I would be the one to stay at home so that they would have a "normal" homelife (ie me at home, taking them to school, picking them up, dealing with homework ect etc). We believe that was the best way fpr us ad our kids, to give them that kind of stability.
The upshot of that is that we are unable to afford holidays (we stay with my father in law in Yorks instead for a week in the summer), and avoid going to the cinema, family meals out, theatre etc because again we can't afford them. Our kids are primary school age too, and I like having the time I have with them. You can't get it back!
I also do voluntary work so I'm not bone idle, but I make sure I'm always there for the kids as the primary caregiver.
If not working would make you unhappy, then that isn't a good thing for anyone incl your kids. If your kids are unhappy with the current set-up, then that too would need looking into IMHO. But if you're happy and they're happy, then why change?
Edited to add: I guess in a nutshell I'm saying I'm more happy being with the kids than having the nice holidays. And I think they prefer it that way too, but they've not known it any different TBH!
It sounds like you enjoy your work and if your employers are keen to keep you on, then there is no reason a working arrangement can't be found to suit you both.
Good luck.
If you go, there will be troube. If you stay, it will be double.
Also there are kids clubs etc for summer, which kids REALLY enjoy. I know you said one of your sons has a disability, but there is probably a similar programme for him, there is round here - they go swimming etc and spend time with the main kids club too.
What ever you decide, please remember that being there for your kids is really important, but it doesn't mean you should sacrifice everything either. A balance is really important.
Children should be allowed to be children, not getting palmed off to all and sundry for 12 hours a day.
Sorry if that offends, but it gets on my goat that people have kids and cannot be bothered to actually bring them up.
I don't know you or your circumstances, but you say you don't actually need the money, so why make the kids suffer?
:rolleyes::rolleyes: just because I worked does not mean I 'couldn't be bothered to bring my kids up' it means the exact opposite. I worked to ensure that they have the things they need/want/desire.
The kids do not 'suffer' and to suggest so is quite frankly rude and ignorant. My kids are extremely well rounded, happy and confident children, and I am sure that their childminder played a large part in that. Just because something doesn't work for you does not mean you should judge others for doing it differently.
My one bug bear is SAM (or dads) that get on their high horses and judge me. My children are far better behaved and happier than some of the ones that have a 'full-time' mum.
I would love children. The reason I don't have any is that I don't believe I could afford to give up work to afford them.
My parents had virtually no money at all when we were growing up, BUT I didn't have to leave the house until 8.30 for school and my mother was there @ 3pm when we returned.
Many of my friends had parents who worked full time, but they were shunted here, there & everywhere before and after school.
You say you work to afford nicer things for your kids, but material things are not the be all and end all of everything.
Yeah, we missed going on holidays abroad when we were younger but so what?
Parents who think 'buying the kids off' with a few expensive gifts to ease their guilt make me sick.
That doesn't make you a better parent, just an absent lazy one.
I don't buy my kids off. And obviously the fact that you had a hard childhood HAS affected you as you feel the need to bring it up to prove yourself.
No material things are not the be all and end all, but my kids being proud of me is. I couldn't expect them to be proud of me if I settle for something less than I should. I do not want to be a SAM, I want a career and to suceed in a job where I am happy (and FYI my chosen career is particularly low paid) and show my children that they can do what ever they want to do. What is wrong with that?
I repeat, you cannot and should not judge others. I see many benefit scrounging SAM chav parents around the town. I'd rather work and hold my head up high than be like them. I would also like my kids to aspire to be more than them too.
I never had a hard childhood. My parents did everything for me and my brother (without taking a penny in benefits).
I am also very proud of my Mam & Dad.
You tell me not to judge me but that is exactly what you are doing to me.
My opinion is that a child should be able to rely on at least one parent 24 hours a day.
If they are both at work, they can't possibly do that.
If a couple decides to have children, they should make sure they are able to survive with one parent at home.
If I was ill as a child, I knew that I would be able to stay at home in bed to recover and not be palmed off with a childminder/relative.
You are so defensive about the subject, I suspect you do feel guilty about wasting precious moments and memories with your children that you can never get back.
My childhood was very happy, not that I expect you to believe that.
you are joking right ?
So all working parents are palming their kids off ?
I am very fortunate to be self employed, so I can work around the kids. I know that to be at home full-time would drive me mad. I also like my kids to see me contributing to society and the family finances. It works for us, but I never judge others who follow a different course.
Best of luck in whatever you decide.
No I didn't say that.
But getting kids up at 6am just so that you can go to work is awful IMO.
Personally I think staying at home and being there for your kids is vastly underesitmated. People seem the think the only value is in working. I think this is nonsense but that's just me.
I can look back on being there when my kids wake, being the one to take them to school, bring them home, and being there having fun on schools hols. I wouldn't trade these times in for all the tea in China, never mind for a few extra quid.
On the other hand there are some women who need to work to feel valued, being a mum isn't enough for them, it's an entirely personal decision. It's enough for me but every woman is different.
A miserable mum is a bad mum, a happy one is a good mum. If working makes you happy, go for it, if it makes you miserable, don't.
Neither decision is an easy one to make or perfect, there's sacrifices either way. You can't have your cake and eat it basically, something will suffer.
Work that for a vast majority of people is not a choice.
What is so awful about 6am??? Its not abuse for children to get up at 6am!
yes in the OP case, MrMarple is painting some rather broad general brushstrokes saying if you use childcare then you shouldn't be having kids
I take exception to this.
My dad left when I was five and my brother was three. He still loved us, we are still very close.
He gave my mum what he could (£100 a month in the 80s), but it didn't pay the mortgage so my mum still had to work.
And she bloody worked. Waitressing and working in pubs. If we were on holiday from school or ill, my nan looked after us or our nextdoor neighbour ("Auntie Brenda" who had grown up children and was in her 60s, and who wouldn't ever take any money from mum).
Sometimes, we went to work with mum if she couldn't get childcare. Many a happy day spent with colouring books in pubs or at cricket or golf clubs playing in the grounds.
You know what? She only realised very, very recently (like in the past year) that she could have got benefits. It never crossed her mind. Not even free school meals.
She worked bloody hard, we had a great upbringing and she gave me and my brother a great work ethic.
Working mums (and dads) are usually making sacrifices but STILL have to work to keep a roof over their children's heads, it doesn't mean they love you any less or you can depend on them any less.
Most kids wake up early anyways.
Not abuse, but not an ideal scenario. Children's bodies undergo growth and repair during sleep so getting as much as possible or til 7-7.30 weekdays would be more desirable.
I am not judging you. I have no problem with mothers or fathers that stay at home, but I do not believe that it makes a happier (or unhappier) childhood. FYI - my daughter has been ill this week and I've stayed at home everyday with her, not 'palmed her off'
I am also there for school plays, special days and I pick my son up from school regularly.
You don't have kids so you cannot make an informed judgement on either side.
I am defensive because bigoted people like you always try to make me feel bad for working hard. I don't feel bad, I feel proud, and when my children are older they can look at me and be proud too.
The other question for those SAM is what about when those children grow up and don't need you 24/7 - what then? I know plenty of mums that now have a empty void in their lives, because they devoted (by choice, and I'm no saying thats right or wrong) their time to their children, who have since grown up.
Op -I apologise for turning this into a debate, but I hate it when people think these things are black and white, they are not. Each individual needs different things, All I would say is that if your first instinct was to be happy when the job was offered, then thats a good sign. These things are not reverseable, you can always quit if you find it doesn't work. Equally if your not happy about the job, don't take it.
There is NO wrong decision, either way you'l still be a good parent, thats proved by the fact that your debating the situation and not just doing what you want. Don't be bullied by idiots on this forum.