If you break your arm people take notice, if your mentally ill its brushed aside, self harming cures this, its a cry for help in my opinion.
For some people maybe, it certainly wasn't for me. I wore long sleeve shirts for about 2 years to cover my scars. Nobody knew except my wife and parents.
I was bullied throughout primary school, and then at high school it was both in school and online. I was also coming to terms with (and trying to understand) the fact I was gay.
The things that were being said to me, made me convinced I was a bad person, and needed to be punished. So I punished myself by cutting myself.
Like others, it did become a coping mechanism, so anytime I was sad or angry, even if it wasn't anything major, it's what I did.
Last year I ended up in a relationship with someone else who self harmed, and she used it against me - anything we disagreed on, if I went out with my workmakes, and didn't take her, she'd do it to guilt trip me. and so we'd have a huge row, I'd be upset and end up hurting myself.
5 and a half years later, I've been free for almost a year from cutting myself. I do get sparse but bad panic attacks (one took 3 days before I felt "normal" again), and during those I've tried smashing bottles over my arms, and when my anxiety gets bad, I self conciously scratch my hands and arms until they bleed. Thats only happened once over the past year. So i'm getting there!
But it was never for attention, I kept it secret for a long time.
I used to self harm as a teenager. I would go to great lengths to hide the marks, long sleeves in summer, lots of bracelets things that I could get away with that didn't draw attention to me(it was useful being into grunge and Metal as it wasn't unusual).
I was bullied as a teenager and was quite lonely. I left school at 16 which wasn't planned and went to the local college and I was going through all the usual teenage angst when I met a guy who I became best friends with(we became inseparable) and one night he was talking to me about something when he said that he self-harmed and that he found it helped with the pain and that I should try it. I did a few days later and he was right. It was a way of blanking out how I was feeling as just for a moment all my troubles would disappear. The last time I did it I think I was about 23 and I was really frustrated and upset, what was worse though was the fact that I hadn't done it for 4 years.
It was definitely not for attention or a cry for help because if it was then I would have done it much more obviously and made them more noticeable. As it is I look at my scars these days and think how lucky I am that they have faded.
There's a lot of derision attached to those who self harm for apparently 'attention seeking' reasons. So much so that people are compelled to make clear they weren't attention seeking. But even if they were, so what? Surely some who is so in need of help or feels so devoid of attention that they are willing to and feel the need to resort to hurting themselves to get it is fully entitled to sympathy/help?
I used to self harm as a teenager. I would go to great lengths to hide the marks, long sleeves in summer, lots of bracelets things that I could get away with that didn't draw attention to me(it was useful being into grunge and Metal as it wasn't unusual).
I was bullied as a teenager and was quite lonely. I left school at 16 which wasn't planned and went to the local college and I was going through all the usual teenage angst when I met a guy who I became best friends with(we became inseparable) and one night he was talking to me about something when he said that he self-harmed and that he found it helped with the pain and that I should try it. I did a few days later and he was right. It was a way of blanking out how I was feeling as just for a moment all my troubles would disappear. The last time I did it I think I was about 23 and I was really frustrated and upset, what was worse though was the fact that I hadn't done it for 4 years.
It was definitely not for attention or a cry for help because if it was then I would have done it much more obviously and made them more noticeable. As it is I look at my scars these days and think how lucky I am that they have faded.
BIB: Do self harmers often suggest self harming to friends or whatever? Seems a pretty sick thing to suggest someone tries.
There's a lot of derision attached to those who self harm for apparently 'attention seeking' reasons. So much so that people are compelled to make clear they weren't attention seeking. But even if they were, so what? Surely some who is so in need of help or feels so devoid of attention that they are willing to and feel the need to resort to hurting themselves to get it is fully entitled to sympathy/help?
For me it is because attention seeking has very negative connotations, it is a term that is rarely, if ever, used in a positive light
Also 'attention seeking' sounds so dismissive.... people who self harm are usually in severe psychological distress and to have that dismissed is unbearable.
Also 'attention seeking' sounds so dismissive.... people who self harm are usually in severe psychological distress and to have that dismissed is unbearable.
Definitely! People should stop and think before using the phrase 'attention-seeking'. It's very insensitive and harmful.
Definitely! People should stop and think before using the phrase 'attention-seeking'. It's very insensitive and harmful.
Yes of course it is and goes along with the useless phrase of pull yourself together from anyone totally smug and ignorant of and very lucky not to have mental health issues. Do they dare say such stupid things to anyone suffering from physical illness?
Yes of course it is and goes along with the useless phrase of pull yourself together from anyone totally smug and ignorant of and very lucky not to have mental health issues. Do they dare say such stupid things to anyone suffering from physical illness?
Someone once said to me "It could be worse, you could be one of those kids starving in Africa" This was when I was in my 20's and I thought what the hell has that got to do with anything. I guess they'd argue it was 'tough love' which is very subjective in itself.
There's a lot of derision attached to those who self harm for apparently 'attention seeking' reasons. So much so that people are compelled to make clear they weren't attention seeking. But even if they were, so what? Surely some who is so in need of help or feels so devoid of attention that they are willing to and feel the need to resort to hurting themselves to get it is fully entitled to sympathy/help?
Good point.Cutting isn't a selfish need to be the centre of attention - it is a silent scream of desperation and despair and should be treated seriously.
Someone once said to me "It could be worse, you could be one of those kids starving in Africa" This was when I was in my 20's and I thought what the hell has that got to do with anything. I guess they'd argue it was 'tough love' which is very subjective in itself.
Yes and total BS. Do people use tough love with anyone suffering from a physical illness? No. Mental illness can be just as life threatening as any physical illness. It's simply ignorance and fear to regard it in any other way..
I hate the terms "attention seeking" and "a cry for help" blah blah blah. Just annoys me.
However I have been struggling with this for more than 20 years. I havent done it for a little over 4 now and started when I was approx 11. I hid my scars for 15 years and only got found out because I went totally off the rails. I also have BPD...apparently.
However I am really struggling today, I had a nightmare time with the jobcentre - and it still comes up in my head - Kinda like a "devil" and "Angel" scenario.
I was bullied terribly in my school years, and it was my way of coping. Unfortunately it is still prevalent in my adult years too.
Good point.Cutting isn't a selfish need to be the centre of attention - it is a silent scream of desperation and despair and should be treated seriously.
as a former cutter myself I always kept it well hidden, I hid my scars, never told anyone what I was doing. If I was attention seeking surely I would show it off?
Self-harm has really begun to reach epidemic proportions in my son's school. About half his class (apparently) do it and he personally knows dozens of kids who do it / have done it.
I think this is perhaps what is meant when people are doing it for attention - there are probably a few tortured souls amongst them who are really struggling but there must be other less sympathy-worthy reasons for many of them doing it. It's a shame because it makes people a little cynical about self-harm when it is as common in young teenagers as owning a pet.
as a former cutter myself I always kept it well hidden, I hid my scars, never told anyone what I was doing. If I was attention seeking surely I would show it off?
Attention seeking? I can't even wear a t-shirt around my own family.
I'm ashamed of my scars, but at the same time, I do talk about it because I want to help other people see it gets better.
Problem is, often, discussions on self-harm can be quite triggering for people.
I felt that I deserved punishment, but I never wanted people to know I was a bad person, so I kept it to myself, well mostly, after being kept in hospital because I was a danger to myself, people started to become aware, such as the psychiatrist..
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For some people maybe, it certainly wasn't for me. I wore long sleeve shirts for about 2 years to cover my scars. Nobody knew except my wife and parents.
Yes, I know someone who did it for this reason.
The things that were being said to me, made me convinced I was a bad person, and needed to be punished. So I punished myself by cutting myself.
Like others, it did become a coping mechanism, so anytime I was sad or angry, even if it wasn't anything major, it's what I did.
Last year I ended up in a relationship with someone else who self harmed, and she used it against me - anything we disagreed on, if I went out with my workmakes, and didn't take her, she'd do it to guilt trip me. and so we'd have a huge row, I'd be upset and end up hurting myself.
5 and a half years later, I've been free for almost a year from cutting myself. I do get sparse but bad panic attacks (one took 3 days before I felt "normal" again), and during those I've tried smashing bottles over my arms, and when my anxiety gets bad, I self conciously scratch my hands and arms until they bleed. Thats only happened once over the past year. So i'm getting there!
But it was never for attention, I kept it secret for a long time.
I was bullied as a teenager and was quite lonely. I left school at 16 which wasn't planned and went to the local college and I was going through all the usual teenage angst when I met a guy who I became best friends with(we became inseparable) and one night he was talking to me about something when he said that he self-harmed and that he found it helped with the pain and that I should try it. I did a few days later and he was right. It was a way of blanking out how I was feeling as just for a moment all my troubles would disappear. The last time I did it I think I was about 23 and I was really frustrated and upset, what was worse though was the fact that I hadn't done it for 4 years.
It was definitely not for attention or a cry for help because if it was then I would have done it much more obviously and made them more noticeable. As it is I look at my scars these days and think how lucky I am that they have faded.
BIB: Do self harmers often suggest self harming to friends or whatever? Seems a pretty sick thing to suggest someone tries.
It was 20 years ago and I don't remember to the exact words but I do know we had been drinking and getting really depressed about stuff.
Yeah never a great combination.
For me it is because attention seeking has very negative connotations, it is a term that is rarely, if ever, used in a positive light
Definitely! People should stop and think before using the phrase 'attention-seeking'. It's very insensitive and harmful.
Yes of course it is and goes along with the useless phrase of pull yourself together from anyone totally smug and ignorant of and very lucky not to have mental health issues. Do they dare say such stupid things to anyone suffering from physical illness?
Someone once said to me "It could be worse, you could be one of those kids starving in Africa" This was when I was in my 20's and I thought what the hell has that got to do with anything. I guess they'd argue it was 'tough love' which is very subjective in itself.
Good point.Cutting isn't a selfish need to be the centre of attention - it is a silent scream of desperation and despair and should be treated seriously.
Yes and total BS. Do people use tough love with anyone suffering from a physical illness? No. Mental illness can be just as life threatening as any physical illness. It's simply ignorance and fear to regard it in any other way..
However I have been struggling with this for more than 20 years. I havent done it for a little over 4 now and started when I was approx 11. I hid my scars for 15 years and only got found out because I went totally off the rails. I also have BPD...apparently.
However I am really struggling today, I had a nightmare time with the jobcentre - and it still comes up in my head - Kinda like a "devil" and "Angel" scenario.
I was bullied terribly in my school years, and it was my way of coping. Unfortunately it is still prevalent in my adult years too.
as a former cutter myself I always kept it well hidden, I hid my scars, never told anyone what I was doing. If I was attention seeking surely I would show it off?
I think this is perhaps what is meant when people are doing it for attention - there are probably a few tortured souls amongst them who are really struggling but there must be other less sympathy-worthy reasons for many of them doing it. It's a shame because it makes people a little cynical about self-harm when it is as common in young teenagers as owning a pet.
Exactly.
I'm ashamed of my scars, but at the same time, I do talk about it because I want to help other people see it gets better.
Problem is, often, discussions on self-harm can be quite triggering for people.
I felt that I deserved punishment, but I never wanted people to know I was a bad person, so I kept it to myself, well mostly, after being kept in hospital because I was a danger to myself, people started to become aware, such as the psychiatrist..