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Should I make a doctor's appointment or is it too early?
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[Deleted User]
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Firstly, I apologise; I know there are a number of seemingly self-important 'I'm so low' threads on here, but I really didn't know what else to do.
My grandad, whom I was very close to, died recently. Tomorrow, it will have been exactly a month and I don't feel any better. I'm still eating one meal a day, if that, because I have absolutely no appetite. I've eaten nothing today (it's nearly 3 o'clock); I made my favourite meal but I could only eat one bite of it and had to throw the rest away.
I still feel completely empty. It feels like I have no emotions at all and I hate feeling like this. The only time I feel anything is when I burst into tears randomly.
I've had suicidal thoughts (several every day), which aren't particularly fun. For example, my friend and I were nearly hit by a car yesterday, and afterwards I realised that I hadn't felt scared at all. I'd actually wanted it to hit me.
I've been finding it so hard to get out of bed in the mornings. 12pm is about the earliest I'll get up now unless I have a seminar (I'm at uni, none of my family are here which doesn't help). I'm missing lectures because I don't want to leave the flat. I've been trying to make myself feel better by forcing myself to go outside and take a walk, but I just end up crying.
I should add that I've suffered from depression before and had the exact same symptoms but I don't know if this is just grief and if it will pass or not.
I should also add that I was never prescribed medication before; I underwent 3 years of therapy.
Thank you.
My grandad, whom I was very close to, died recently. Tomorrow, it will have been exactly a month and I don't feel any better. I'm still eating one meal a day, if that, because I have absolutely no appetite. I've eaten nothing today (it's nearly 3 o'clock); I made my favourite meal but I could only eat one bite of it and had to throw the rest away.
I still feel completely empty. It feels like I have no emotions at all and I hate feeling like this. The only time I feel anything is when I burst into tears randomly.
I've had suicidal thoughts (several every day), which aren't particularly fun. For example, my friend and I were nearly hit by a car yesterday, and afterwards I realised that I hadn't felt scared at all. I'd actually wanted it to hit me.
I've been finding it so hard to get out of bed in the mornings. 12pm is about the earliest I'll get up now unless I have a seminar (I'm at uni, none of my family are here which doesn't help). I'm missing lectures because I don't want to leave the flat. I've been trying to make myself feel better by forcing myself to go outside and take a walk, but I just end up crying.
I should add that I've suffered from depression before and had the exact same symptoms but I don't know if this is just grief and if it will pass or not.
I should also add that I was never prescribed medication before; I underwent 3 years of therapy.
Thank you.
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Comments
Your university should also have a counselling department where you can go for help.
Talk to your tutor, explain to them how devastated you are, they are normally very good and will extend deadlines for you.
It is early days but your hurt is really deep, the suicidal thoughts are a real worry. I would go to your GP now also, as there can be waiting lists to get you into the relevant agencies to help you.
Please don't be scared to tell them of your suicidal feelings as this will make sure that you are a priority and waiting lists won't apply for you.
If you feel you can't tell your GP, print off this post and give it to him, it says everything he'd need to know.
Remember the university tutors will support you and take the pressure of worrying about assignments and lectures off your shoulders for a while.
It could be grief but it does sound to me like something more than that. Believe me, I've been there - your comment about the car really hit home as I went through EXACTLY the same thoughts some while back. The not eating won't help either, although I am sure you know that, but I do know that when you feel down the appetite just isn't there.
Nothing to be afraid of or embarrassed about, just tell the doc exactly what you have said here and accept the help you need to get back on track. You won't be the first and you definitely won't be the last.
I've been diagnosed with depression before, been on anti-depressants and had counselling so please don't think these are empty words. Look at it like this: what harm can a doc's appointment do? They may say they don't think it's an issue at this stage, which might be what you need to hear, or they might be able to give you some help to start getting back on track.
You CAN do this. This is a difficult time for you, there's no denying that, but it is more than possible to learn ways and means of dealing with it. You say you have suffered from depression before - even if this is 'just' grief I think it would be best to visit the doc to ensure that it doesn't degenerate into something else.
I am concerned about your lack of eating, again maybe the doc can offer some help with that as I am not medically qualified so don't want to offer any advice on that one as I wouldn't want to recommend something wrongly.
Do feel free to PM me if you wish, if not I have my fingers firmly crossed for you and - yep, cliche though it is - am sending you a virtual hug (()). Somehow I think you could do with one right now xx
My university is aware of this and I have a meeting with my personal tutor soon
Thank you everyone for all your advice!
Great you can get some help. Be positive:):)
Losing anyone close affects us differently, some struggle to cope.
You're getting some help, just be strong for yourself and good luck.
I had bereavement counselling earlier this year after a series of close family bereavements and i cant tell you how much it helped me. It helped me to realise that i wasnt actually depressed as such but suffering from reactive depression.
It rationalised things for me and things became a lot clearer.
Hope you get on ok.