Lying
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I was just wondering how you would react if one of your best friends made up lies just to provoke a reaction or sympathy from you.
I've been friends with my best friend for 10 years and she has always been attention seeking and frequently made up lies just so see what reaction she would get. I didn't really let that stand in the way of our friendship, because I didn't think it's worth sacrificing a friendship over this.
However, recently she sent me and my other friend a text late at night saying she has been dumped by her boyfriend and that she was devastated. Naturally, I comforted her, tried to make her feel better. My other friend was also extremely upset for her. But several days later, she revealed that this was all a joke- that's right...................she made the whole thing up and played along for some time, just so she could get a reaction out of us. Worst of all, she didn't even accept that what she did was wrong and refuses to apologise for her actions. I told her that I refuse to speak to her until she does.
I was just wondering if I'm doing the right thing by taking this so seriously? Am I over reacting?
I've been friends with my best friend for 10 years and she has always been attention seeking and frequently made up lies just so see what reaction she would get. I didn't really let that stand in the way of our friendship, because I didn't think it's worth sacrificing a friendship over this.
However, recently she sent me and my other friend a text late at night saying she has been dumped by her boyfriend and that she was devastated. Naturally, I comforted her, tried to make her feel better. My other friend was also extremely upset for her. But several days later, she revealed that this was all a joke- that's right...................she made the whole thing up and played along for some time, just so she could get a reaction out of us. Worst of all, she didn't even accept that what she did was wrong and refuses to apologise for her actions. I told her that I refuse to speak to her until she does.
I was just wondering if I'm doing the right thing by taking this so seriously? Am I over reacting?
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I'm wondering whether she maybe needs to talk to her GP or a professional? Unfortunately, if she carries on the way she is she may find she has trouble keeping friends etc.
I'd stick by her, but make it clear that what she is doing is not acceptable in a friendship. If she genuinely doesn't seem to think what she is doing is wrong, then it's unlikely you'll get an apology from her though.
AJxx
It all really depends on you now. I'm not an overly patient person when it comes to lying or stupidity and find drama queens tend to go hand in hand with time consuming ego stroking sessions and very little support when you need it - in fact DQ's tend to play the one up manship game of their life is harder than yours - I can't be bothered and will cut all but superficial ties and only then if I really have to bump into them once in a while.
If you feel she's worth it and you have a strong loyalty to her, I would recommend confronting her head on. She's made it easier at least by admitting this time she's lied. Point out to her that it's demonstrating a complete lack of social skills to lie to gain attention. You're her friend because you like her, she doesn't need to go out of her way to make herself interesting.
Good luck with that...
The thing is, it's pointless trying to explain to her why what she did was wrong. She just refuses to listen or to believe it and she thinks I'm overreacting. She says she did NOTHING wrong and again she's making herself out to be the victim. She's alienated a lot of her friends through her dishonesty and I'm just about the only friend she has left. Yet she feels it's everyone who has the problem, not her.
I've tried all that, but it's like talking to a brick wall. She doesn't accept the fact that she does it to gain attention, and she refuses to accept that she lied, because to her it was a "joke"! She's now accusing me of picking fights with her over this and upsetting her.
If her jokes mean more to her than your friendship you know where you stand.
Mmm, now this is going to be terrible advice, but I'd tell her that if she's upset now, she's going to be hysterical when she finds out I've been telling everyone she's a manipulative lying loony-tunes.
Absolutely brilliant response by Ironcat (who's posts I've never encountered). Spot on!
That is true, I agree with you. It's probably all my fault anyway, but I hate picking fights or confrontations, but I'm just so sick of it by now, which is why I've spoken up .
No it is not. That is just what she wants you to think, so that she can continue her bad behaviour unchallenged. If you do not draw a line now, every lie and every exaggeration will drain a little more of your affection for this friend until one day you dislike her and have no respect for her.
What kind of friend can she ever be when you cannot trust her word? I mean when a good friend gives you bad or tragic news, your first thoughts should be sympathetic not is this another one of her stories.
She may end up being alone with her stories, but if she is it will be down to her choices not yours.
Have you asked her what she thinks might have caused "everyone else's problem"? After all, it must be something pretty big for so many people to have the same problem.
I would discuss with her what she thinks is important in a friendship, and whether or not that includes honesty and respect. If she doesn't think they are important then she's not worth your time. If she does think they are then you need to tell her that she should have no problems respecting your feelings and being honest with you (and make it clear to her that any "jokes" that could be misconstrued as untruthful are considered dishonesty too).
If she values your friendship then she'll listen to how you feel and try to change the behaviour that upsets you, regardless of whether she thinks you're right or wrong to be upset. If she's not prepared to do that then she clearly doesn't respect your friendship and you're better off without her.
No - that is crap and you don't treat your friends like that. Just stop giving her the reaction. She will soon learn. Especially if something really does happen and you don't text back or ring her with the sympathy!
Remind her about the boy who cried 'wolf' and warn her that if she really does get dumped the danger is that her friends will treat it like a joke!
A friendship is based on trust.
Trust cannot exist when one of the parties is an habitual liar.
Yep, exactly....I don't know why I put up with it for so long really. I suppose I thought I was overreacting and maybe taking things too seriously.
But now I've realized that she won't change......I've tried telling her that what she did was wrong and mentioned the whole "cry wolf" thing to her, yet she refuses to admit she's a liar. To her it was just a joke, and she thinks she's the victim in all of this. She said that "she can't believe I'm treating her like this". So basically there's no point in continuing the friendship.
They do basicaly have a mental problem and it would really take a lot for them to relise it.
You'r best off getting rid of her as she is unlikely to change.
Word to the wise a wee bit of stealing seems to go along with behaviour like this.