What went wrong with this guy? Mixed signals/ruined friendship?
[Deleted User]
Posts: 10
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I have a guy friend, and we both said we found each other attractive. We got back in touch again recently after a few years. We started talking and flirting, and when i said i liked him more he said he couldn’t see us ending up together, but he liked our friendship and was sexually attracted to me.
He then went pretty silent for a week or so, and i said to him okay lets do a no strings attached thing. He came back the next day talking to me, and we started being really suggestive, and said about meeting up to do this. After about 3 days of this, he started to go longer between msgs and i could tell something was up, so we went a whole day without contact, and then i text him and said are you ok and he said yeah just a bad day talk tomorrow, and i got annoyed and said you lead me on and then go silent, and when i reach out i get cut off instantly, do you even care about this friendship, and he said he really does care, but he doesn’t want to be a **** and told me how he had a bad day at work and has family stuff going on.
So i feel like we had a pretty good convo and he opened up to me and i said we could always just meet and hang out and if anything happens it happens, and if not then we can just be friends, and he said he liked the idea of that a lot. Then randomly he stops texting me. I didn’t really get how he randomly goes silent and distant, sometimes goes days without talking to me, but says he cares and wants to hang, but never suggests a day.
Tuesday i text him and said i was getting tired of being led on, and he said he wanted to meet before but feels smothered by me and would text me later becoz he was busy at work... and that was Tuesday afternoon. said in the message if you want me to never contact you again just say and i never will and he said he said no i seriously don't want that? I need closure on this, and i feel i never get it. Another thing i don't understand is how you couldn't see yourself with someone you have never met. How would you know that without meeting to get to know them?
I have noticed through some apps that we use that shows who you are sending pictures and stuff to that he is talking to other girls, so i guess he may be playing the field as far as sex goes, so i wonder why he told me he didn't want to be a **** and decided against sex with me, but to be honest i think it is better this way than going through with it and maybe never hearing from him again, as this would hurt me more.
I feel very ashamed right now. I offered myself sexually as i thought it may make him interested and we could end up together. Obviously, we all know that 9 times out of 10 this never happens, and it is just false hope. I don't feel he has led me on in terms of wanting a relationship with me, as he was pretty clear he didn't see one, but he went from saying he wanted me (assumed he meant sexually), to saying he wanted to just meet up and see how things went, to saying he feels smothered in a 72 hour period.
I wish i would of suppressed my feelings towards him and just remained friends because i love talking to him and feel with everything that has happened now we can't really go back. I would be willing to, but he doesn't seem to be seems it has been 5 days. I don't know if this is a fantasy i have created in my own mind seems we have never met and so he may seem mysterious to me in some way, but i have sexual fantasies about him every day. I think about him all the time.
I took the initiative today and after 5 days of silence asked him if he still wanted to be friends, and if not then i guess we should stop talking. I was hoping he had maybe just felt i was a little intense but cared enough about the friendship to come back and say i want to be friends but just need space, or something to that extent, and he never responded. I really don't understand people and i am feeling very hurt right now. Why would someone be upfront about a lot of things, but not be upfront about not wanting to talk to you anymore, and tell you they don't want to stop talking?
I know this post is very long, but i am trying to get my head around all of this. I feel very cheap right now. We are still facebook friends but i am sure it is only a matter of time before he unfriends me now. Can someone explain to me what might of happened here? I know i may of come on too strong, but i demanded answers that i never received, and the mixed signals i got. I am very honest and would tell someone if i didn't want to talk to them anymore and the reasons. I wouldn't lie and give them false hope only to ignore them reaching out to me thereafter.
He then went pretty silent for a week or so, and i said to him okay lets do a no strings attached thing. He came back the next day talking to me, and we started being really suggestive, and said about meeting up to do this. After about 3 days of this, he started to go longer between msgs and i could tell something was up, so we went a whole day without contact, and then i text him and said are you ok and he said yeah just a bad day talk tomorrow, and i got annoyed and said you lead me on and then go silent, and when i reach out i get cut off instantly, do you even care about this friendship, and he said he really does care, but he doesn’t want to be a **** and told me how he had a bad day at work and has family stuff going on.
So i feel like we had a pretty good convo and he opened up to me and i said we could always just meet and hang out and if anything happens it happens, and if not then we can just be friends, and he said he liked the idea of that a lot. Then randomly he stops texting me. I didn’t really get how he randomly goes silent and distant, sometimes goes days without talking to me, but says he cares and wants to hang, but never suggests a day.
Tuesday i text him and said i was getting tired of being led on, and he said he wanted to meet before but feels smothered by me and would text me later becoz he was busy at work... and that was Tuesday afternoon. said in the message if you want me to never contact you again just say and i never will and he said he said no i seriously don't want that? I need closure on this, and i feel i never get it. Another thing i don't understand is how you couldn't see yourself with someone you have never met. How would you know that without meeting to get to know them?
I have noticed through some apps that we use that shows who you are sending pictures and stuff to that he is talking to other girls, so i guess he may be playing the field as far as sex goes, so i wonder why he told me he didn't want to be a **** and decided against sex with me, but to be honest i think it is better this way than going through with it and maybe never hearing from him again, as this would hurt me more.
I feel very ashamed right now. I offered myself sexually as i thought it may make him interested and we could end up together. Obviously, we all know that 9 times out of 10 this never happens, and it is just false hope. I don't feel he has led me on in terms of wanting a relationship with me, as he was pretty clear he didn't see one, but he went from saying he wanted me (assumed he meant sexually), to saying he wanted to just meet up and see how things went, to saying he feels smothered in a 72 hour period.
I wish i would of suppressed my feelings towards him and just remained friends because i love talking to him and feel with everything that has happened now we can't really go back. I would be willing to, but he doesn't seem to be seems it has been 5 days. I don't know if this is a fantasy i have created in my own mind seems we have never met and so he may seem mysterious to me in some way, but i have sexual fantasies about him every day. I think about him all the time.
I took the initiative today and after 5 days of silence asked him if he still wanted to be friends, and if not then i guess we should stop talking. I was hoping he had maybe just felt i was a little intense but cared enough about the friendship to come back and say i want to be friends but just need space, or something to that extent, and he never responded. I really don't understand people and i am feeling very hurt right now. Why would someone be upfront about a lot of things, but not be upfront about not wanting to talk to you anymore, and tell you they don't want to stop talking?
I know this post is very long, but i am trying to get my head around all of this. I feel very cheap right now. We are still facebook friends but i am sure it is only a matter of time before he unfriends me now. Can someone explain to me what might of happened here? I know i may of come on too strong, but i demanded answers that i never received, and the mixed signals i got. I am very honest and would tell someone if i didn't want to talk to them anymore and the reasons. I wouldn't lie and give them false hope only to ignore them reaching out to me thereafter.
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Comments
and leave it at that
you must be feeling rotten.
bib: because they don`t want to make you feel worse, they don`t have the same level of interest in you as you do in them, they`re stepping back for a minute to work out what they feel or you`re maybe just too much emotion for them and are scared, all, any or none of those but you can`t make someone tell you why, however confusing it is or how much it hurts and hassling them will turn them away not towards you.
the best thing you can do is walk away and keep some dignity, continuing to chase someone who isn`t interested will make you feel much, much worse.
i hope you feel better soon.
OP, when did you last both talk face to face?
I get the impression this is all text/FB or whatever.
It's tough but you have to accept that he doesn't care about you the way you care about him. I spent a long time thinking "well even if she's not interested this friendship is too important to lose' but I was just kidding myself. In the end the relationship is not worth the pain and you will eventually move on. I look back and am saddened by how much time and emotional energy I spent and how much it damaged me. Please don't do the same.
Don't waste any more time online and get out into the real world where there are less mixed messages, cross wires, misunderstandings and false hopes & expectations.
This person might not even exist! Amazing!
i think you`re on the right road to recovery :cool:
I know it's not nice but that did make me laugh.
This is true though. Cut all ties and move on.
I met my wife at a dance.
Am I the last person alive to do that?
You will end up with the upper hand.
Xmas is coming so gorge on that food and booze
if someone is genuinely interested in you as a potential to be thier spouce, then they will want to be with you. A good indicator is if you make it clear from the start of the relationship that you do not want to have sex and stick to that, then if after 6 months or so you still together then you know that person is interested in you and not because they can have sex off you.
I mean! purlease...
It beats me what you thought you would get out of this relationship?
Such good advice. I'm going through something similar at the moment. I recently hooked up with a friend who claimed to have liked me for years. Now he's got me he's playing games!! Keeping his distance but trying to keep me hanging on with phone calls and promises of nights out!!
I have walked away.
have to agree none of it rings true.