Dont know if you watch Friends but for anyone who does:
It's like when Phoebe is trying to write a song about how she feels after her breakup with Mike but she cant find anything that rhymes with aaaaaaaaaaaargh! lol
Melp!
Phoebe wasn't breaking up with a potentially violent alcoholic though, sweetie.
You have broken up for the right reasons. Now go and pack your bikini and Factor 15, and have the BEST holiday! Any room for me in your suitcase?;)
Help please I've just had a major cry. I really miss him and i keep thinking things like what if i never find someone to love me or what if i never feel about anyone, the way I felt about him, what if i dont meet someone before its too late to have kids. I just feel really down, it's not fair, I'm a good person and i deserve to be happy. I know its pathetic but i just feel like, why me?! What have i done to deserve so much misery
You do deserve to be happy and if he had made you happy you would never have left him. You left him because you deserve to be happy. You left him because you want to have children with someone who will not miss the birth because he is drunk, who you could safely leave your baby with without worrying.
I know that he was a man you loved, but he was not the right man.
No you dont sound harsh, well maybe a bit but thats what i need, I know thinking like this is not good for me and i thought telling the folks here would be a good way to get snapped out of it.
I completely understand how you feel. At least you knew where you were with him and there were good times, but the truth is they were all tinged with the worry of when the next bad time was coming. Yes you are back to square one, but this time you are going to put yourself first. You are not going to settle.
The unknown is frightening far more so than even a bad familiar, but your new life will quickly become the familiar and he will become a part of your past. It is sad and you deserve the right to mourn the relationship. Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad. Just try and have some positives lined up to keep things in persective.
For example, going off on this holiday if you were still with him, would it be in the back of your mind the whole time that he might slip and drink while you were gone? The responsibility of caring for an alcoholic is huge and you are free of that now.
You are a good person and you deserve someone who can appreciate that and not abuse it.
Thank you alfie and hugsie, sound advice from you both as usual. Like i said its been a bad day, I'll do my best to focus on the positive from now on but expect me back at some point to whinge again I'm sure!
Thank you alfie and hugsie, sound advice from you both as usual. Like i said its been a bad day, I'll do my best to focus on the positive from now on but expect me back at some point to whinge again I'm sure!
Anytime. It really is ok to have a bit of a wallow sometimes
Thank you alfie and hugsie, sound advice from you both as usual. Like i said its been a bad day, I'll do my best to focus on the positive from now on but expect me back at some point to whinge again I'm sure!
What we are talking here is preoccupation. Preoccupation is hard to break but it can be done. I have done it a number of times and it is never easy. You just got to believe it can be done.
You just got to grind it out day after day. Then one day you will realise that you have not thought about your preoccupation for ten minutes. Then you are on the way to success.
You got to look at your self esteem. Why do you feel you will never find anyone else. You have proved you can.
You got yourself back to you being you. It is essential before embarking on any new relationship.
When I went on national television in 1990 about a situation I have already told you about it was amazing. There 60 people there who all had their own reason for being there. I wonder where they all are tonight.
There was one woman who had pursued a man for 31 years. If they are both alive tonight I will wager that it is 51 years.
Believe you me that you are far from the worst case. I know a case at least 1000 times worse and more hopeless.
Your top priority is to get over this problem. Come to this thead and appeal for help as often as you need to. Just do not go back otherwise it is back to square one.
Just trust the people advising you. They cannot all be wrong.
Thank you HenryGarten what excellent advice. I know everyone on here is right, I'm trying my best to follow the good advice given. I try to post here when I feel like texting the ex. I think Crimbo will be a good time for me as i will be surrounded by my wonderful family for much of the time. It's like hugsie said before about how i wouldnt be able to enjoy my holiday next week if i was still with him cos i'd be worried about him. Previous christmasses/new years have been spent either fighting or worrying about how much he's drinking/what he's going to say, wondering where he is or having to babysit him because he's not drinking so he's whining about being bored and trying to drag me home early. This year I will be able to stay as long as i please and be as daft as i want with my family and y'know just generally enjoy myself
Thank you HenryGarten what excellent advice. I know everyone on here is right, I'm trying my best to follow the good advice given. I try to post here when I feel like texting the ex. I think Crimbo will be a good time for me as i will be surrounded by my wonderful family for much of the time. It's like hugsie said before about how i wouldnt be able to enjoy my holiday next week if i was still with him cos i'd be worried about him. Previous christmasses/new years have been spent either fighting or worrying about how much he's drinking/what he's going to say, wondering where he is or having to babysit him because he's not drinking so he's whining about being bored and trying to drag me home early. This year I will be able to stay as long as i please and be as daft as i want with my family and y'know just generally enjoy myself
And I hope you do & tell us about it on here!
Melp, I'm sorry I can't advise you any better than what you have already received. Look forward and have a fantastic holiday, Christmas & New Year. I wish you all the best
Oh Melp ((((((hugs))))))) please stay strong, you have come so far. Just think, if you can make a 21 year old go weak at the knees after one date, there is no way you will be single forever. Good luck!
Oh Melp ((((((hugs))))))) please stay strong, you have come so far. Just think, if you can make a 21 year old go weak at the knees after one date, there is no way you will be single forever. Good luck!
AW, what a sweet post:) Melp, you have a lot of supporters on here, and we are all wishing you well. Just stay strong and remember the bad times when you feel your will-power crumbling.
Aww, thank you all my lovely DS friends, I'm feeling much better today. I've got the Friday feeling plus I only have to come into work on Monday and then it's holiday time, yaaaaaaaaaay!
Aww, thank you all my lovely DS friends, I'm feeling much better today. I've got the Friday feeling plus I only have to come into work on Monday and then it's holiday time, yaaaaaaaaaay!
Exactly, it's nearly Xmas, have you been Xmas shopping yet? If not, why not go on a little spree to take your mind off things?
Aww, thank you all my lovely DS friends, I'm feeling much better today. I've got the Friday feeling plus I only have to come into work on Monday and then it's holiday time, yaaaaaaaaaay!
I haven't got that Friday feeling at all, I'm working tomorrow:( And I don't get paid until Christmas Eve either so I'm skint. I'm glad you're feeling so much happier though, that's brilliant.
Make a list of all the things you won't miss about the relationship. Then make a list of all the things you won't miss about relationships full stop. And then just take it one day at a time. After a few months you'll wonder how you could have missed out on being single for so long.
I'm back with him. I know what you will all be thinking and what you will all probably say to me. I am happy though so i won't justify my decision although of course it may turn out that you were all right and it will all end in tears. If it does they will be my tears and it will be my fault so that's why i don't feel i need to justify my decision to anyone else.
We've been seeing each other for a couple of months now but i have kept it secret from almost everyone, only telling one close friend. Obviously the reason i don't want to tell people is because of the judgement i will receive plus of course I dont want to worry my family. I think a few people inc my mum may have guessed but they haven't said anything.
What I would like advice on is how to go about telling people, it is too hard to keep on keeping it a secret much longer. The pressure is getting to me and it's making me a bit depressed worrying about it all the time. Other than this I am really happy and my relationship is going really well, it's just to hard to keep lying to everyone.
I'm back with him. I know what you will all be thinking and what you will all probably say to me. I am happy though so i won't justify my decision although of course it may turn out that you were all right and it will all end in tears. If it does they will be my tears and it will be my fault so that's why i don't feel i need to justify my decision to anyone else.
We've been seeing each other for a couple of months now but i have kept it secret from almost everyone, only telling one close friend. Obviously the reason i don't want to tell people is because of the judgement i will receive plus of course I dont want to worry my family. I think a few people inc my mum may have guessed but they haven't said anything.
What I would like advice on is how to go about telling people, it is too hard to keep on keeping it a secret much longer. The pressure is getting to me and it's making me a bit depressed worrying about it all the time. Other than this I am really happy and my relationship is going really well, it's just to hard to keep lying to everyone.
The longer you leave telling the people the harder it will be - bite the bullet and face the inevitable criticism....
I really hope we don't see another thread of a similar nature to this one months down the line OP.
Thanks, I know I'm happy so that should be all that matters, I just don't want them bringing me down. Maybe I'll have to say something like i know you will all have your own views on this but this but I'd appreciate it if you kept them to yourselves. I'm happy and I'd like it if you could support me in my decision.
In the past, I've had friends go back to boyfriends/girlfriends that they knew other people would have issues with, they generally said something like you've put. You know something like we're together, we know you'll probably have a problem with that, but that's your problem, we want you to be happy for us, but if you can't, we understand. And that was that.
Best of luck to you Melp, you know what you want better than we do, I wish you all the luck in the world.
from a different perspective though, when you are a parent it must be bloody hard to stand by and watch your child repeating the same mistakes over and over, getting hurt and not say anything. I guess thats the trick of being a parent though, being there to pick up the pieces
been reading your thread.
I think when you tell your family you should let them have their say, they will obviously be shocked and worried but you can't blame them for that.
You know the ins and outs of your relationship better than anyone and as you said this your choice and you're happy.
So if they start to have a go, just let them. Then reassure them that you have really thought this through, that you are very grateful for all of the help and support they've given you and that you understand it will take awhile for them to be happy for you.
Let them over-react and calm back down again. Don't get upset by it.
At the end of the day they only want what's best for you and in time when they see you are happy they will relax a bit.
So I wouldn't go on the offensive with "You're not gonna like this so keep your opinions to yourself".
Comments
Phoebe wasn't breaking up with a potentially violent alcoholic though, sweetie.
You have broken up for the right reasons. Now go and pack your bikini and Factor 15, and have the BEST holiday! Any room for me in your suitcase?;)
You do deserve to be happy and if he had made you happy you would never have left him. You left him because you deserve to be happy. You left him because you want to have children with someone who will not miss the birth because he is drunk, who you could safely leave your baby with without worrying.
I know that he was a man you loved, but he was not the right man.
I completely understand how you feel. At least you knew where you were with him and there were good times, but the truth is they were all tinged with the worry of when the next bad time was coming. Yes you are back to square one, but this time you are going to put yourself first. You are not going to settle.
The unknown is frightening far more so than even a bad familiar, but your new life will quickly become the familiar and he will become a part of your past. It is sad and you deserve the right to mourn the relationship. Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad. Just try and have some positives lined up to keep things in persective.
For example, going off on this holiday if you were still with him, would it be in the back of your mind the whole time that he might slip and drink while you were gone? The responsibility of caring for an alcoholic is huge and you are free of that now.
You are a good person and you deserve someone who can appreciate that and not abuse it.
Anytime. It really is ok to have a bit of a wallow sometimes
What we are talking here is preoccupation. Preoccupation is hard to break but it can be done. I have done it a number of times and it is never easy. You just got to believe it can be done.
You just got to grind it out day after day. Then one day you will realise that you have not thought about your preoccupation for ten minutes. Then you are on the way to success.
You got to look at your self esteem. Why do you feel you will never find anyone else. You have proved you can.
You got yourself back to you being you. It is essential before embarking on any new relationship.
When I went on national television in 1990 about a situation I have already told you about it was amazing. There 60 people there who all had their own reason for being there. I wonder where they all are tonight.
There was one woman who had pursued a man for 31 years. If they are both alive tonight I will wager that it is 51 years.
Believe you me that you are far from the worst case. I know a case at least 1000 times worse and more hopeless.
Your top priority is to get over this problem. Come to this thead and appeal for help as often as you need to. Just do not go back otherwise it is back to square one.
Just trust the people advising you. They cannot all be wrong.
And I hope you do & tell us about it on here!
Melp, I'm sorry I can't advise you any better than what you have already received. Look forward and have a fantastic holiday, Christmas & New Year. I wish you all the best
Exactly, it's nearly Xmas, have you been Xmas shopping yet? If not, why not go on a little spree to take your mind off things?
Posting in another thread made me think of you and how you were getting on. I hope you had a happy Christmas.
I'm back with him. I know what you will all be thinking and what you will all probably say to me. I am happy though so i won't justify my decision although of course it may turn out that you were all right and it will all end in tears. If it does they will be my tears and it will be my fault so that's why i don't feel i need to justify my decision to anyone else.
We've been seeing each other for a couple of months now but i have kept it secret from almost everyone, only telling one close friend. Obviously the reason i don't want to tell people is because of the judgement i will receive plus of course I dont want to worry my family. I think a few people inc my mum may have guessed but they haven't said anything.
What I would like advice on is how to go about telling people, it is too hard to keep on keeping it a secret much longer. The pressure is getting to me and it's making me a bit depressed worrying about it all the time. Other than this I am really happy and my relationship is going really well, it's just to hard to keep lying to everyone.
The longer you leave telling the people the harder it will be - bite the bullet and face the inevitable criticism....
I really hope we don't see another thread of a similar nature to this one months down the line OP.
Good luck - sounds like you're going to need it!
What do you think?
Best of luck to you Melp, you know what you want better than we do, I wish you all the luck in the world.
been reading your thread.
I think when you tell your family you should let them have their say, they will obviously be shocked and worried but you can't blame them for that.
You know the ins and outs of your relationship better than anyone and as you said this your choice and you're happy.
So if they start to have a go, just let them. Then reassure them that you have really thought this through, that you are very grateful for all of the help and support they've given you and that you understand it will take awhile for them to be happy for you.
Let them over-react and calm back down again. Don't get upset by it.
At the end of the day they only want what's best for you and in time when they see you are happy they will relax a bit.
So I wouldn't go on the offensive with "You're not gonna like this so keep your opinions to yourself".