Forgive me if this is a crass comparison, but it seems to me a bit like a visually impaired person spending all their time bitterly regretting that they can't see and refusing to do anything to adapt to their condition. But their normality, like it or not, is to be visually impaired regardless of whether most people are sighted. So they have to find a way of dealing with it or be utterly miserable all the time. since (as you say) nothing is going to change.
Forgive me if this is a crass comparison, but it seems to me a bit like a visually impaired person spending all their time bitterly regretting that they can't see and refusing to do anything to adapt to their condition. But their normality, like it or not, is to be visually impaired regardless of whether most people are sighted. So they have to find a way of dealing with it or be utterly miserable all the time. since (as you say) nothing is going to change.
I don't know, I'm not visually impaired so I wouldn't know what effect it has on a person's mental state if they are.
Society helps and supports people that are visually impaired, where as I feel people like me are forgotten about.
I can see that making a comparison wasn't very helpful and I'm sure you're right about the difference between a visible and invisible condition. But, although I'm not an expert on Asperger's, some people with it seem to live happy and fulfilling lives. Might it not help to talk to some of them about how they cope in and with mainstream society, possibly on a forum?
I can see that making a comparison wasn't very helpful and I'm sure you're right about the difference between a visible and invisible condition. But, although I'm not an expert on Asperger's, some people with it seem to live happy and fulfilling lives. Might it not help to talk to some of them about how they cope in and with mainstream society, possibly on a forum?
I can see that making a comparison wasn't very helpful and I'm sure you're right about the difference between a visible and invisible condition. But, although I'm not an expert on Asperger's, some people with it seem to live happy and fulfilling lives. Might it not help to talk to some of them about how they cope in and with mainstream society, possibly on a forum?
The other thing I will add is that in general blind people (which I'm using as an example because you did) are generally sympathised with by society and the media, where as people on the Autistic spectrum are mocked, stereotyped and ridiculed. There's so much lazy, and quite frankly factually incorrect, journalism and reporting on the subject.
A few people I know - and what I've read, and heard about from others. But as I said, I'm no expert.
A better comparison might have been with people with a hearing impairment which is also unseen, and often leads to ridicule.
I do think, though, that however imperfect understanding of ASD is, it's a lot better than it used to be.
I don't know if it is helpful to compare different impairments, because it then turns into "you should think yourself lucky, you haven't got x, y or z" and that's not the point, I don't have those issues to deal with.
So, of the people you know and have heard about, how are they living good lives and how have the managed to get to that stage?
I don't know if it is helpful to compare different impairments, because it then turns into "you should think yourself lucky, you haven't got x, y or z" and that's not the point, I don't have those issues to deal with.
So, of the people you know and have heard about, how are they living good lives and how have the managed to get to that stage?
I wasn't comparing impairments in that sense, the original point was that, if you have an impairment, you somehow have to come to terms with it rather than say that your life has been ruined - unless you're reconciled to being utterly miserable.
Well, it's hard to generalise, and I don't know how they managed to get there, or whether secretly they were / are very unhappy. Some (from what I have seen) have played to their strengths in terms of their careers - highly intelligent, very focused, an eye for detail, perfectionist - and so have won respect for that even though they might have struggled socially and may have been perceived as a bit odd. But I'm not the best person to ask am I? Why not ask someone who has direct experience?
I wasn't comparing impairments in that sense, the original point was that, if you have an impairment, you somehow have to come to terms with it rather than say that your life has been ruined - unless you're reconciled to being utterly miserable.
Well, it's hard to generalise, and I don't know how they managed to get there, or whether secretly they were / are very unhappy. Some (from what I have seen) have played to their strengths in terms of their careers - highly intelligent, very focused, an eye for detail, perfectionist - and so have won respect for that even though they might have struggled socially and may have been perceived as a bit odd. But I'm not the best person to ask am I? Why not ask someone who has direct experience?
I would strongly suspect this is the case. People wouldn't necessarily know that I feel like this if they met me for a short period of time. You can't always tell.
I just find it impossible to comprehend that someone with Aspergers could possibly be happy, because of all the negative things it brings with it.
I just find it impossible to comprehend that someone with Aspergers could possibly be happy, because of all the negative things it brings with it.
But this might be where comparisons are valid. You could substitute any number of other impairments in the sentence above and refuse to believe that anyone with them can possibly be happy because of all the negative things they bring. Ergo, only someone without impairments can be happy.
But this might be where comparisons are valid. You could substitute any number of other impairments in the sentence above and refuse to believe that anyone with them can possibly be happy because of all the negative things they bring. Ergo, only someone without impairments can be happy.
I think because society is especially unaccommodating to people with my condition, I think it means that there is a higher chance that people with it will be unhappy in comparison with some other conditions whereby only physical things are impaired rather than mental ones. It is no coincidence that people with Aspergers are generally said to be at a higher risk of suicide than the general population.
I would strongly suspect this is the case. People wouldn't necessarily know that I feel like this if they met me for a short period of time. You can't always tell.
I just find it impossible to comprehend that someone with Aspergers could possibly be happy, because of all the negative things it brings with it.
Well some people with aspergers are marrred and work. There must be a certain amount of happiness there.
Awhile back SAP advertised for software engineer with aspergers as they wanted people who 'think differently' in their words. So at least 1 company wants people with aspergers.
The trouble with having aspergers is that much of the time one can't conform to what others expect, I have long suspected I have this condition, but I don't want a formal diagnosis because there is so little understanding, I would hate to have to declare it on a job application. I fully understand what it is like knowing the life you want can never be achieved.
Awhile back SAP advertised for software engineer with aspergers as they wanted people who 'think differently' in their words. So at least 1 company wants people with aspergers.
i don't have any skills that are stereotyped as being what people with Aspergers have eg. computer programming or software developing . So, I don't even have some of the things that are seen as positive aspects of the condition in my armoury.
The trouble with having aspergers is that much of the time one can't conform to what others expect, I have long suspected I have this condition, but I don't want a formal diagnosis because there is so little understanding, I would hate to have to declare it on a job application. I fully understand what it is like knowing the life you want can never be achieved.
This sums up how I feel. This is why I am more and more convinced I want my life to end. It would have no impact on anyone, because no-one knows I even exist.
The trouble with having aspergers is that much of the time one can't conform to what others expect, I have long suspected I have this condition, but I don't want a formal diagnosis because there is so little understanding, I would hate to have to declare it on a job application. I fully understand what it is like knowing the life you want can never be achieved.
This is true. It has been mentioned in this thread that there was one company that thought for a particular job they would require someone with this condition as they would "think differently". However, for the vast majority of jobs, this is exactly what employers don't want. They want someone who will totally conform. As soon as they see that on an application form, it will just be thrown straight in the bin and this will automatically think the applicant is unemployable.
Maybe see your Doctor or phone the Samaritans to talk things over.
The last time I seen my Doctor he just went for the stock NHS answer for any mental health issue and put me on a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which had no positive effect. They only do this because they get funding for it, regardless of whether it is the correct treatment or not.
The last time I seen my Doctor he just went for the stock NHS answer for any mental health issue and put me on a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which had no positive effect. They only do this because they get funding for it, regardless of whether it is the correct treatment or not.
This is true unfortunately. The GPs just shoehorn their patients into the fashionable one-size-fits-all mental health option of the day, which right now appears to be CBT.
i don't have any skills that are stereotyped as being what people with Aspergers have eg. computer programming or software developing . So, I don't even have some of the things that are seen as positive aspects of the condition in my armoury.
You could get them, but then if you have no interest there's not much point.
This is true. It has been mentioned in this thread that there was one company that thought for a particular job they would require someone with this condition as they would "think differently". However, for the vast majority of jobs, this is exactly what employers don't want. They want someone who will totally conform. As soon as they see that on an application form, it will just be thrown straight in the bin and this will automatically think the applicant is unemployable.
So why are there a lot of people who have aspergers who are in work? Some formally diagnosed.
People without aspergers don't always conform and bend over backwards for employers either. You're perfectly capable of holding a discussion with someone about work related matters. You don't have to go down to a personal level in the workplace. If you can communicate with people and don't sit there like a dummy you're already part way there.
i do not understand how they have been able to get married. How the hell have they done that? That seems completely beyond my capabilities.
I used to know someone who was diagnosed late in life, he had managed to get married. I think he might have been diagnosed after he got married, anyway I think it caused some issues in their marriage. I think they split up in the end. Not heard from him in ages. But you know it shows that it is at least possible. Even if it didn't go too well in the end.
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I don't know, I'm not visually impaired so I wouldn't know what effect it has on a person's mental state if they are.
Society helps and supports people that are visually impaired, where as I feel people like me are forgotten about.
What are you basing this on?
The other thing I will add is that in general blind people (which I'm using as an example because you did) are generally sympathised with by society and the media, where as people on the Autistic spectrum are mocked, stereotyped and ridiculed. There's so much lazy, and quite frankly factually incorrect, journalism and reporting on the subject.
A few people I know - and what I've read, and heard about from others. But as I said, I'm no expert.
A better comparison might have been with people with a hearing impairment which is also unseen, and often leads to ridicule.
I do think, though, that however imperfect understanding of ASD is, it's a lot better than it used to be.
I don't know if it is helpful to compare different impairments, because it then turns into "you should think yourself lucky, you haven't got x, y or z" and that's not the point, I don't have those issues to deal with.
So, of the people you know and have heard about, how are they living good lives and how have the managed to get to that stage?
I wasn't comparing impairments in that sense, the original point was that, if you have an impairment, you somehow have to come to terms with it rather than say that your life has been ruined - unless you're reconciled to being utterly miserable.
Well, it's hard to generalise, and I don't know how they managed to get there, or whether secretly they were / are very unhappy. Some (from what I have seen) have played to their strengths in terms of their careers - highly intelligent, very focused, an eye for detail, perfectionist - and so have won respect for that even though they might have struggled socially and may have been perceived as a bit odd. But I'm not the best person to ask am I? Why not ask someone who has direct experience?
I would strongly suspect this is the case. People wouldn't necessarily know that I feel like this if they met me for a short period of time. You can't always tell.
I just find it impossible to comprehend that someone with Aspergers could possibly be happy, because of all the negative things it brings with it.
But this might be where comparisons are valid. You could substitute any number of other impairments in the sentence above and refuse to believe that anyone with them can possibly be happy because of all the negative things they bring. Ergo, only someone without impairments can be happy.
I think because society is especially unaccommodating to people with my condition, I think it means that there is a higher chance that people with it will be unhappy in comparison with some other conditions whereby only physical things are impaired rather than mental ones. It is no coincidence that people with Aspergers are generally said to be at a higher risk of suicide than the general population.
Well some people with aspergers are marrred and work. There must be a certain amount of happiness there.
i do not understand how they have been able to get married. How the hell have they done that? That seems completely beyond my capabilities.
i don't have any skills that are stereotyped as being what people with Aspergers have eg. computer programming or software developing . So, I don't even have some of the things that are seen as positive aspects of the condition in my armoury.
This sums up how I feel. This is why I am more and more convinced I want my life to end. It would have no impact on anyone, because no-one knows I even exist.
This is true. It has been mentioned in this thread that there was one company that thought for a particular job they would require someone with this condition as they would "think differently". However, for the vast majority of jobs, this is exactly what employers don't want. They want someone who will totally conform. As soon as they see that on an application form, it will just be thrown straight in the bin and this will automatically think the applicant is unemployable.
The last time I seen my Doctor he just went for the stock NHS answer for any mental health issue and put me on a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which had no positive effect. They only do this because they get funding for it, regardless of whether it is the correct treatment or not.
This is true unfortunately. The GPs just shoehorn their patients into the fashionable one-size-fits-all mental health option of the day, which right now appears to be CBT.
You could get them, but then if you have no interest there's not much point.
So why are there a lot of people who have aspergers who are in work? Some formally diagnosed.
People without aspergers don't always conform and bend over backwards for employers either. You're perfectly capable of holding a discussion with someone about work related matters. You don't have to go down to a personal level in the workplace. If you can communicate with people and don't sit there like a dummy you're already part way there.
I used to know someone who was diagnosed late in life, he had managed to get married. I think he might have been diagnosed after he got married, anyway I think it caused some issues in their marriage. I think they split up in the end. Not heard from him in ages. But you know it shows that it is at least possible. Even if it didn't go too well in the end.