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Losing people close to you
Portnoy
Posts: 111 Forum Member
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Would you want friends and members of your family to go suddenly or with warning?
Is it selfish of me to want prior knowledge of someone's demise? (like terminalz)
Is it selfish of me to want prior knowledge of someone's demise? (like terminalz)
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Usually a sudden death means your loved one didnt suffer. But you don't get to say goodbye and tell them you love them and you are in shock.
If someone has a long and lingering death, usually they are suffering pain and discomfort, but you do get to tell them you love them and sometimes to be with them when they pass away.
I have experienced both situations.
I found the sudden loss easier to bear in the long run.
I was heartbroken that I didnt get to say goodbye and that I loved them, but I was comforted that they didn't suffer.
with my mother we got to say all we wanted to..with dad we had told him we loved him after mum had died but still never got to say goodbye but glad he knew we cared and loved him..how many teenagers get to tell their parents they love them (I was 16 at the time)
I'm still not sure which one I prefer. Knowing or not knowing.
terminalz???
I have experienced a sudden death and a terminal diagnosis of a loved one.
I wasnt able to say goodbye to my mum who was killed in an accident and at the time felt nothing could be worse than that sudden death, no forewarning, not time to say goodbye...but the opposite of that is knowing the person is dying, in pain, suffering, and that they are waking up every morning to the reality of their death being ever closer...there is no escape from it, for that person - their own mental anguish and the physical decline.
to die peacefully in your sleep, is the most merciful blessing for us all, i think, and to wish anything else for a loved one and in answer to the OPs question, is selfish.
sorry, finger went down a bit instaed= of horizontal
Nausicaa;)
My mother passed away, about 30 minutes after being rushed into A&E.
Compared to Mrscee's father, I wouldn't say my mother's death was "sudden", but compared to my father, who went downhill for several days, it was.
On the other hand, my mother was aware she was in trouble, struggling to get up as the doctors examined her, whereas my father was heavily sedated in his last hours.
Trying to decide which is preferable is hard.
I guess what helped me most, in both cases, was being a fatalist.
confused.
Oh you poor thing!, how did you ever get over two tragedies in such a short time and at such a young age?.... i was 25 and 6months pregnant when my dad died suddenly and it took me about 10 years on anti depressants and nerve tablets before i conquered my panic attacks thinking i was going to drop down dead all the time!...... I couldn't get my head around someone being here one minute and gone the next!.....
When my Nana passed away earlier this year I had no idea she was going to pass, although she fell ill 5 days before.
It felt sudden to me.
That was the same for me. She'd been ill for a while, but I wasn't told, so her death was sudden to me.
but.....
I was glad he did not have to suffer the ravaging effects of cancer like my dear father did years earlier, which was equally heartbreaking to see
...ello, ello, ello, what's all this then?
Are you and the OP the same person then ... :eek:
I killed it before you did ... you just humped the carcass
Your post was very poignant
I read your post and feel humbled, and sad, for you and your son, and all those who die before their time.
That's a pretty good mantra to live by.
I've had friends and family die both suddenly and after an illness. I honestly can't decide which is worse.
Life for some is an expectation, for others it is a gift. If you have a dream to follow make plans now, like I said we all have an end date tick your boxes now. Tomorrow may not be an option. That is a positive outlook so easily misconstrued for a negative outlook. Always look on the bright side..........
I'm glad it wasn't a sudden death and that I got the chance to see and speak to her (even though the stroke had caused her complete loss of recognition and speech.) At one point, I was slightly anxious that she could recover from the stroke which would have been a huge burden on my Mum having to look after her. I wasn't upset when I heard she had died for the above reason.
What saddens me more was that I had called my Gran about an hour before she would of had the stroke to check what she wanted for Xmas - so it was most likely that I was the last person she spoke to