Find out the sex of your baby or not?

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 13:20

I've just been to the hospital for an antenatal appointment. I'm 12 weeks pregnant tomorrow and have my scan booked for Monday. I've already got a 2 year old but was living somewhere else when I had him.

When I was pregnant last time, we found out the sex of the baby. It was something we wanted to know and when they offered to tell us we agreed. We had decided that we want to find out the sex of this baby as well.

When we were at the hospital today there was a notice on the board to say that as of 1st September they will no longer be telling people the sex of their baby.

I know it's stupid but I feel gutted. I have a boy already and if this one is also a boy I wanted to be able to get over not having a girl. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or anything because I'm really not. Perhaps its just the pregnancy hormones in overdrive.

Anyway, nothing I can do about it really. Except wait another 6 months ...

Scottishwhite · 29/08/07 - 13:37

One reason for this change in policy is that parents were being told what they were going to have, decorate the nursery in the appropriate colour scheme, get a shock 5/6 months later and then sue the hospital

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 13:48

Is 12 weeks not too early to tell from a scan anyway?

upnunder · 29/08/07 - 13:56

If you found out, what would you do differently.

We didnt find out with our little one, and were so excited in the months and weeks leading up to her being born, speculating on what we would have, what he/she would look like.

If we found out, I dont think we would have had that excitement to the same extent.

spoty · 29/08/07 - 14:31

I had a 6 year old girl when I got pregnant again, I did want a boy. [sorry everyone, but I did]

At the scan they said they could not tell because the baby had their legs together??? Anyway I 'knew' then it was a girl, big deal they were healthy. Before I went down for my section the nurse said to me "You are going to be in for a big surprise". I then had a boy? That is what his sister wanted also. Plus dad, but he would never say it.

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 15:16

Whirliegig wrote: »

Is 12 weeks not too early to tell from a scan anyway?

Yeah.

OP you can't tell the sex of the baby so soon anyway, the only thing I can say to try help you feel a lil bit better is that my sister found out with her first and not her second - she much preferred not finding out and said it made the labour seem much more worthwhile having a surprise at the end of it.

I would be pretty annoyed at not being able to find out as well but think of it this way, you could've gone to the scan and it may have had it's legs crossed so you wouldn't have known anyway - at least this way you know in advance that they can't tell you.

It's not the end of the world anyway, just hope that the baby is healthy as that's what matters the most.

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 15:28

It's a nice suprise though, just like christmas! All the best xx

quinie · 29/08/07 - 15:49

I always think that if you have any feelings at all as to whether you want one sex of another it is better not to find out.

I have a girl and know that if I was pregnant again I would really really want another girl just like her.

I imagine that if I found out in a scan that it was a boy I would be really really disappointed and it would spoil the pregnancy.

I also imagine that if I had just that second given birth and the midwife said "it's a boy" I would just be desperate to have a look at him and hopefully would think he was such a gorgeous baby that my disappointment would not have time to build like it might have if I had found out at 12/14 weeks.

Does this make sense?

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 15:56

quinie wrote: »

I always think that if you have any feelings at all as to whether you want one sex of another it is better not to find out.

I have a girl and know that if I was pregnant again I would really really want another girl just like her.

I imagine that if I found out in a scan that it was a boy I would be really really disappointed and it would spoil the pregnancy.

I also imagine that if I had just that second given birth and the midwife said "it's a boy" I would just be desperate to have a look at him and hopefully would think he was such a gorgeous baby that my disappointment would not have time to build like it might have if I had found out at 12/14 weeks.

Does this make sense?

Perfect sense. My friend felt like that. She really wanted a girl, so she didn't want to be told what sex the baby was until it was born, that way she'd just be happy to have a healthy baby at the end of labour rather than spend 6 months feeling a bit disappointed. I'm sure she'd have been a fantastic mum to either sex, but she was thrilled when she had a girl

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 16:25

Speaking from personal experience, even if you do find out the sex, it is not necessarily accurate.

We had numerous hospital scans, and even had a private "4d" scan. They all told us we were having a girl.

We are now proud parents of a four month old boy!

We had two large bags worth of pink/girlie clothes that we'd already bought and felt like terrible parents when our boy was wearing pink for the first couple hours of his life!

We would never try and find out next time, because we never expected to be one of the 5-10% of scans that are not accurate and so were completely unprepared for having a son when everyone had told us we were having a daughter.

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 16:39

Noddie1974 wrote: »

Speaking from personal experience, even if you do find out the sex, it is not necessarily accurate.

We had numerous hospital scans, and even had a private "4d" scan. They all told us we were having a girl.

We are now proud parents of a four month old boy!

We had two large bags worth of pink/girlie clothes that we'd already bought and felt like terrible parents when our boy was wearing pink for the first couple hours of his life!

We would never try and find out next time, because we never expected to be one of the 5-10% of scans that are not accurate and so were completely unprepared for having a son when everyone had told us we were having a daughter.

Oh please don't say that! :eek:

I'm fully prepared for having a lil boy in the next few weeks, I've had 2 scans which confirmed it's a boy - one of them shows his todger so I'm pretty sure it'll be accurate - if not, I don't know what the hell was in the way!:eek:

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 16:52

*Em* wrote: »

Oh please don't say that! :eek:

I'm fully prepared for having a lil boy in the next few weeks, I've had 2 scans which confirmed it's a boy - one of them shows his todger so I'm pretty sure it'll be accurate - if not, I don't know what the hell was in the way!:eek:

This happened to friends of ours, told they were having a boy but had a little girl, the medical staff thought it must have been the umbilical cord BUT that was a few years ago now and scans have come on a long long way

Good Luck xx

(Oh and they only had one scan)

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 18:27

*Em* wrote: »

Yeah.

OP you can't tell the sex of the baby so soon anyway, the only thing I can say to try help you feel a lil bit better is that my sister found out with her first and not her second - she much preferred not finding out and said it made the labour seem much more worthwhile having a surprise at the end of it.

I would be pretty annoyed at not being able to find out as well but think of it this way, you could've gone to the scan and it may have had it's legs crossed so you wouldn't have known anyway - at least this way you know in advance that they can't tell you.

It's not the end of the world anyway, just hope that the baby is healthy as that's what matters the most.

I do know that, I'm not a complete numpty. :rolleyes: I clearly say in my original post that when I was at the hospital having a check up with the consultant that there was a notice saying this fact. I know that it's not until the 20 week scan, having had a child before.

I know all the stuff about being happy it's healthy etc, and I respect the hospital's reasoning for not telling parents. I'm just a bit gutted that's all. I really want a little girl (sorry but I do) and whilst I'll be more than happy to have another boy, I wanted to know early on so that I could "get over" if you like not having a girl. Hope that makes sense?

Edit: I'm happy not to know. I'd just have prefered to. When we found out the sex of our son when I was pregnant with him, we didn't buy anything boy specific apart from a couple of sleepsuits. It helped with choosing a name.

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 18:50

Ruth77 wrote: »

I do know that, I'm not a complete numpty. :rolleyes: I clearly say in my original post that when I was at the hospital having a check up with the consultant that there was a notice saying this fact. I know that it's not until the 20 week scan, having had a child before.

I know all the stuff about being happy it's healthy etc, and I respect the hospital's reasoning for not telling parents. I'm just a bit gutted that's all. I really want a little girl (sorry but I do) and whilst I'll be more than happy to have another boy, I wanted to know early on so that I could "get over" if you like not having a girl. Hope that makes sense?

Edit: I'm happy not to know. I'd just have prefered to. When we found out the sex of our son when I was pregnant with him, we didn't buy anything boy specific apart from a couple of sleepsuits. It helped with choosing a name.

Completely off topic but I love that word!
I couldn't find out what I was having as our hospital wouldn't tell you but I can appreciate why others want to know,like you say ,you can at least have a name ready for little one. Girls hearts beat faster than boys(Above 180 bpm I think) so that might be a way to find out if you are monitored. Anyhoo, all the best xx

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 19:08

Ruth77 wrote: »

I do know that, I'm not a complete numpty. :rolleyes: I clearly say in my original post that when I was at the hospital having a check up with the consultant that there was a notice saying this fact. I know that it's not until the 20 week scan, having had a child before.

Strange how you were so clear about it but I wasn't the only one who mentioned it, was there really any need to be rude about it?

I'll remember not to respond to your threads in future if that's >>> :rolleyes: your response to my comments!

System · 29/08/07 - 19:18

I would personally want to know asap.

If you really need to know, you could always have a "second opnion" with a private doctor - who will be able to tell you.

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 19:26

Actually, it's not that clear in your original post, and I also assumed that you were hoping to find out the sex at the twelve week scan which you mentioned.

Please try not to stress about the sex of the baby. Boys are great, and they are all so different - another boy doesn't mean exactly the same as your elder son, just as the poster who would like another girl exactly the same as her daughter won't get that either!

I have four boys and each one is an individual personality. I am so proud of them and so proud of my rather unusual, individual family. It's a noisy, energetic , lively household - it's very special being the only "girl" in the house. I love my status as Queen!

Good luck with the pregnancy, and try to relax. I hope you get what you want.

[Deleted User] · 29/08/07 - 19:35

Whirliegig wrote: »

Actually, it's not that clear in your original post, and I also assumed that you were hoping to find out the sex at the twelve week scan which you mentioned.

Thank you, I thought my pregnancy hormones were making me crack up!:eek:

[Deleted User] · 30/08/07 - 00:05

From a Grandmother's point of view:

When I had my children (over 30 years ago) scans were not available, so there was no option but to wait and see.

I already had a grandson when my youngest daughter told me she was prenant, which was brilliant news. I went with her and her boyfriend for the first scan and to the clinic etc. When it came to the 20 week scan she told me that she wanted to know the sex of the baby. (Now I wanted a grandaughter SO much, I had even been involved in choosing a name for 'her' (Phoebe)). The scan showed that she was having a little boy, and I was so shocked at this I actually said to my daughter, still lying on the examination couch, 'well, the next one will definately be a girl'. |I even went home and sulked for a few hours. (I did phone my daughter and apologise profusley).

Fast forward another 20 weeks, |I am with her when she is in labour aand when she had to have an emergancy Csection. I fell in love with that little boy the moment I laid eyes on him and would not swap him for 20 baby girls.

At nine months old now, I just adore him so very,very much, and I think he loves me too, as the third word he is able to say (after da da and ma ma) is nana.

BTW she is planning another baby later, but will not be opting for a scan.

Good luck to all new mums and mums-to-be:)

System · 30/08/07 - 00:14

thats a shame! i see no reason why they cant tell people who want to know!

grumpyscot · 30/08/07 - 07:30

I would hate to know in advance - it's one of the best surprises ever when the baby is born to only then find out what it is.

Fair enough, knowledge in advance can help with room decoration and clothing - but that's what the weeks holiday from work for Dad is all about - get the nursery ready!

But the (almost) nail-biting climax to 9 months of waiting to hear the words "it's a boy" or "it's a girl" is just so emotional.

System · 30/08/07 - 12:57

Im all for finding out the sex beforehand, but only if the sonographer is absolutely sure in what he/she is seeing. I know its not always possible depending on babys position. When i found out she told me exactly what she was seeing on the moniotor and i had no reason to disbelieve her.
It makes shopping and decorating so much easier, but then again im very impatient

How anyone can be disappointed with the sex of their baby astounds me, so long as its healthy you made that child and will love it regardlessly. Sure i have my preferences if i have another but in no way would i be disappointed, you get what your given in life and be happy with it.
(That was a comment in general that i often make - its not aimed at anyone who has posted on this thread)

Good luck with your 2nd child OP

System · 30/08/07 - 13:00

grumpyscot wrote: »

I would hate to know in advance - it's one of the best surprises ever when the baby is born to only then find out what it is.

Fair enough, knowledge in advance can help with room decoration and clothing - but that's what the weeks holiday from work for Dad is all about - get the nursery ready!

But the (almost) nail-biting climax to 9 months of waiting to hear the words "it's a boy" or "it's a girl" is just so emotional.

I know what you mean about the "Its a boy/a girl" as much as i will find out again if i have another, i do wonder if i will ever regret having a pregnancy without hearing that surprise at the end. But the 9 mths of not knowing would do my head in !!!!!!!!!

[Deleted User] · 30/08/07 - 13:30

*Em* wrote: »

Strange how you were so clear about it but I wasn't the only one who mentioned it, was there really any need to be rude about it?

I'll remember not to respond to your threads in future if that's >>> :rolleyes: your response to my comments!

lol. Sorry if I was rude. Didn't mean to be. I've re-read my op. Hormones etc.

Anyway, my mom has offered to buy me a 4D scan. Yipee!

[Deleted User] · 30/08/07 - 13:57

I needed to find out when i was pregnant as well. I was convinced i was having a boy, really wanted a boy etc all the stupid tests you do online said it was a boy, wedding ring test said it was a boy etc etc and i asked to find out so that if it was a girl then i would be prepared.

It was a girl and i had chance to get used to the idea of having a girl and get used to pink (a colour i hated but you cant really avoid when having a duaghter!!)

Next time (if there is a next time) i will want to find out again.

Hope all goes well with your scan and pregnancy!

shirlt9 · 30/08/07 - 15:51

I never found out with my first 2 and have two sons,now 11 and 12 which I am delighted with (would have been equally delighted if they had been girls)

Am expecting again and due in 7 weeks..this time I really wanted to know so found out at 20 week scan..another boy..again was happy either way but have got organised in advance this time.If scan proves to be wrong I will laugh it off and have a tomboy daughter!!!

There are definately more thinjgs to worry about than the sex of your baby..I am just hoping and praying my little one is born well and healthy in 7 weeks time.

Hey there!

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