Options
Mothers day after death
![[Deleted User]](https://wd.vanillicon.com/v2/d066af9198986e7d6b492676822353a6.svg)
[Deleted User]
Posts: 133 Forum Member
✭
Hello,
My gran (in her 90s) died in September. The family (my mum, dad and me) are all still very raw.
This is my mums first mothers day without her mum so it will be very hard day but will support her like I do every day and get her to talk about things.
I have thought about mothers day a lot for the last month or 2 about what card to get?
(a blank one with a message inside? or a mothers day card with mother on it) I don't want they're to be a reminder up in the living room but then a blank one might make her question why its a blank one.
Also about presents I don't want her associate them with mothers day and the hurt she felt.
I'm in my early 20s if that helps.
Thank you
Claire
My gran (in her 90s) died in September. The family (my mum, dad and me) are all still very raw.
This is my mums first mothers day without her mum so it will be very hard day but will support her like I do every day and get her to talk about things.
I have thought about mothers day a lot for the last month or 2 about what card to get?
(a blank one with a message inside? or a mothers day card with mother on it) I don't want they're to be a reminder up in the living room but then a blank one might make her question why its a blank one.
Also about presents I don't want her associate them with mothers day and the hurt she felt.
I'm in my early 20s if that helps.
Thank you
Claire
0
Comments
Be there and let her know she is loved, no message or showing of that love is going to make her think of anything other than what a caring daughter she has.
Thank you
Yes, that has crossed my mind I don't want to upset her though or make her feel awkward
Aww Jojo, I'm really sorry to hear about your mums passing, no words can make it easier. 8 weeks, it is all so raw and painful. Will keep you in my thoughts. Yes the stands are awful and the tv adverts, sometimes I think the companies don't think about those out there that don't have a mother to spoil. That's nice that you are still wanting to get your mother in law a card but sure she would understand if you didn't.
You have my sympathies - I lost my Dad six weeks ago today, and I know it's going to be hard when Father's Day comes round this year. It's seven years since I lost my Mum and I still get pangs at Mother's Day.
I try and tell myself it's the natural progression of passing these things on down the line, but, well, it doesn't really help.
FWIW, I'd suggest that your fears (which I totally understand) are probably unfounded. I reckon if you can find the right place and time, it would be just fine. Why guess, when you can possibly find out from the source?
I often think we tie ourselves in knots, over-complicating things (with the best of intentions) that are really pretty simple.
All best wishes to you.
That's so sad for you, I do hope you find a way through it.
My sister passed away 13 years ago and I still get pangs when I see "sister" birthday cards in the shop, I often have a little cry. I haven't lost my mum yet so can't imagine what mothering sunday would be like when you lose them. I miss my mother-in-law nearly every day, she passed away just after my sister and had been an incredible support to us after our loss so it was awful losing her too, esp. as I was closer to her than my own mother.
OP, as others have said, just be normal with your mum, she's still your mum, even though she's lost hers and you've lost a nan.
She's at uni with me, and I don't know what to do/how/if to approach it?
Before anyone wades in to attack, I have lost parents, and did not let a commercial day get me down!
Remember your parents everyday! Not just on Fathers/Mothers Day!
That's great for you but not everyone is like you. I'm not attacking. It's great that it doesn't bother you. But not everyone is that lucky.
I lost my mum in December 2012. Mother's Day last year was very hard for me. Not because I missed my mum more or less than I did and do every day. But because for the first time in my life I wasn't buying a mother days card. And they are EVERYWHERE. As are adverts for this possible gift and that possible gift etc.
You for a short time basically live in a country where every turn has a reminder that this year you can't buy something for your mother for mother day. And even if you a did, for whatever sentimental reason. You can't give it to her. That for a lot of people is massively hard.
As was my mums birthday and my own birthday etc.
This year is proving equally hard because I'd still give anything to be buying a card for my mother.
OP. All you can finis be supportive. You sadly can't make it any better. But being there and being supportive helps.
I think the best thing you can do OP is to send your mum some flowers and make it about her. At upwards of age 90 unfortunately it is just that time when it's time for your to move on, and your mum will accept that and be happy that you still appreciate her as a mum. You sound as though you are trying to be the mum in this mother daughter relationship, but you don't have to. Your mum has the experience and heart to go through her first mother's day without you fretting too much.
Why can you not buy your mum a card, and leave it at her grave or in your own home on display. My own mum has been gone for close to 8 years but every year I still buy her a card and flowers, just because she is gone that does not mean I do not feel thankful for everything she did for me and forget she was my mum. It really is a good way of keeping her alive in your heart and your memories.
You have my deepest sympathies on your loss, and it is part of your job to keep her memory alive. I am sure your own kids if you have them will want you to talk about their grandma at some point, do not let her be forgotten.
Losing those we love is part of life. Mothers & Fathers day are for other people now. I miss them all but their loss has made me the person I am today.
Those we love are never really gone.
Life really is wonderful and I have such happy memories:)
I agree with this. My mum's ashes are placed in a part of the countryside that's very hard for me to get to (I don't drive), but what hurrikane suggests is a great idea.
Your mum could also buy some flowers for a local old folks' home, to be shown in a communal area or something? Just a "giving thanks to all mothers who live here" sort of gesture.
I'm so sorry for everyone here's loss, by the way. It's over two years since my mum died but I can still remember how raw it got. *hugs* x
I think this is a great idea. My sister passed away on 12th night 2001 just as we were taking the Christmas cards down. I won't go into details but the card she'd sent that year was almost prophetic, very meaningful (and we didn't know she was going to die, tho arguably she did). I kept it and every year since when I put my cards up, hers goes up too. Funnily enough I thought this year, I might not need to do it again, but I've kept it just in case.
I've noticed when I go to visit the chapel in the crem where she's remembered in the book on the anniversary of her death, that a lot of people pin birthday and Christmas cards up in there. Maybe if your nan was cremated, you could do that... or even if she wasn't. I love to read what people have said about loved ones in there.
Thinking of you both Chocdoc & Hotgossip at this difficult time.
Thank you Hotgossip for sharing with us that it really has got easier with time and processing the grief. Still catches us out occasionally doesn't it?
I expect this is possibly not quite as hard for your mum, as maybe it is for you.
My father died in his 50s after a long illness. My mum died in her 80s. It really was harder to cope with losing my father.