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I have done a search on this but could find nothing so I apologies if this a repeat thread.
I am just wondering what peoples views were on parents who work full time - not for financial reasons but by choice.
The reason I ask is that A women at work is due to return from maternity leave next week and would do anything to be able to stay at home with her son until he is 3 or 4 (i.e. nursery age). However there is another women here who is loaded (to put it politely) and chooses to work full time.
Now don't get me wrong I don't want to turn this into a parents who work are awful, as I firmly believe they do what is best for them. I also don't want to turn this into a male/ female thing I mean just parents in general.
I am curious as to how people feel - I am at the point in my life where I am thinking of having children, but I have to admit that I don't think I would want to miss out on a moment of the first years of their life unless I absolutely had to.
My and my hubby were contemplating getting a dog - but after discussing this we thought how can we possible get a dog when we both work full time - so why should we do this to a baby ??
What are your views on this ?
I am just wondering what peoples views were on parents who work full time - not for financial reasons but by choice.
The reason I ask is that A women at work is due to return from maternity leave next week and would do anything to be able to stay at home with her son until he is 3 or 4 (i.e. nursery age). However there is another women here who is loaded (to put it politely) and chooses to work full time.
Now don't get me wrong I don't want to turn this into a parents who work are awful, as I firmly believe they do what is best for them. I also don't want to turn this into a male/ female thing I mean just parents in general.
I am curious as to how people feel - I am at the point in my life where I am thinking of having children, but I have to admit that I don't think I would want to miss out on a moment of the first years of their life unless I absolutely had to.
My and my hubby were contemplating getting a dog - but after discussing this we thought how can we possible get a dog when we both work full time - so why should we do this to a baby ??
What are your views on this ?
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I went back to work when my son was 8 months old, but it was only part time and my mum was his babysitter, so I was quite happy and it was out of necessity rather than for the sake of it.
My daughter has now just started full time school and I have applied for a job as a teaching assistant, again because I need the money, but with that job I get to have the school holidays free instead of having to palm my kids off onto other people all the time.
I personally prefer to be there for my kids MOST of the time, however I do understand women who work a few hours a week to get some adult company back because that can be a real problem for some mums at home with a baby/toddler all day just longing for some adult interaction
So...to summarise...lol...i think unless it is absolutely vital for financial reasons to work full time then, no I don't agree with it .
H
Caz
It is a shame when you hear of people having to work when they really don't want to, and I suppose I should be ashamed that I don't HAVE to work full-time - I do so because I enjoy my job and it means that we can afford to do more things that we could if we were living on just one salary.
And, yes I'd love to have a dog too - but as my husband leaves the house at 6.30am and gets back at 6.30pm and I leave at 8.30 and don't get back till gone 6 it's a total no-hoper!
Doesn't mean I value my kids any less than I would a pet - just that I'm not prepared to pay in excess of £500 a month for someone to look after, entertain and feed the dog every day (that's how much, on average, I pay my childminder)!!
It really is a personal decision and I think every family has different ways of dealing with it - some mothers I know work night-shifts so they can spend the days with their kids, another mother has become a childminder so she can combine the two roles - my mum worked part time when my sister and I were younger in the shop we lived above and my dad always worked full time.
All in all I think my two are fairly well-adjusted, they have a childminder who to them is practically family (she's known my son since he was born and my daughter since she was 18 months old!), they get to go to Nanna & Grumpy's at least once a week (and if they're poorly and I can't get a day off) and they spend time with their auntie and cousin every friday afternoon too.
I was lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my children, and once the youngest started nursery I wewnt back to work part time and gradually over the years, have now built it up to full time. I'm also lucky that because of the job I do I can be home at various hours during the week, I'm not stuck doing 9-5.
There is a lot of emphasis put on staying at home with babies and young children and with that employment law has been brought in to encourage paternity leave and being able to take parental leave for children under five.
But I don't think that this has been properly thought out. Say for arguments sake that your 13yr old has started hanging around with a bad crowd. You are aware of this, they've started getting mixed up with some petty antisocial behaviour. You know as a parent that you may need some time off. To try and sort it out and get your child back on the right tracks. You basically have to throw yourself at your employers mercy and hope that they will be reasonable and will let you take leave.
Considering the Government is *tough on crime* you would think that they may have thought this one through a bit more. Every little helps!
I have to admit to feel a bit like that myself simply because It is not something I would feel happy with but wouldn't berate another mother for doing so just can't understand why they would I suppose (?)
I know the children aren't affected if anything they are socialising earlier in nursery so can't be a bad thing, I would feel like I was missing out - I think I would be so upset if I missed a first something.(word, walk etc)
I think the most important thing is to have a job that is flexible enough so you can be there when you're needed (by them, not your idea of when you're needed - does that make sense??!). Or alternatively, be confident enough to demand that flexibility from your employer. Though having said that, while I do agree that parents need time off for various things (kids being ill, assemblies etc) I don't think it's fair if that puts extra pressure on colleagues without children. I know that if I take time off (other than normal holiday leave) I do my utmost to work from home and or stop late when I'm back in the office. After all, I chose to have the children and work so therefore I shouldn't expect others to make too many concessions for me.
I suppose I'm lucky in that I have great family support and a job that allows me to be flexible to a certain extent (Neither I or my husband have missed a school play or assembly and I'm taking a day off next week because it's my turn to help out at playschool!)
Do I need the money? Depends on your point of view. Yes, we could survive on one salary but I dont want to go through life just surviving. If I am lucky enough to have a child (and the signs are not promising at the moment) I want my child to have as good a standard of living as I had.
Am I scared of losing my career? Not really cos I've gone as far as I can up the ladder unless I change companies or until my boss retires (but hes 51, shouldnt be long).
The way I see it is I've waited til this age to try and have a child and built up a very good standard of living along the way and I dont want all my years of hard work to go down the pan and to end up having to move into a smaller house or give up our lifestyle.
However, I'd already been forced into a compromise because I was very ill when my son was 2, and couldn't continue with my career as a teacher, as my immune system collapsed, and I was told that unless I stayed away from humans and viruses, I'd die in 10 years.
So, I started working from home. writing for a living, and I've done it ever since. It enabled me to be always there for him, and yet to stay off benefits. I've never taken any.
It may be possible for you to retain your career and work from home in some capacity. A decent computer, broadband, video-conferencing etc does enable some of us to do what we want to do, to fulfil ourselves and earn cash, while being a parent.
I've have always thought that the government could do more to support the family when one member prefers to remain at home to raise a child in their early formative years.....this could be achieved by allowing the personal tax allowance of both parents to be used by the working parent...
Some times when all the costs are taken into account the net value of working doesn't justify the effort when close contact and a stable relationship with a child is more important.
I know it's all dependant on individual circumstances and it doesn't help the single parent but there could always be alternative provisions.....
How I wish she had gone back the day after she'd given birth. When I think of how her views and thoughts and ideas of child behaviour must have influenced me (though I have valiantly fought against each and every one of them), I shudder.
Trouble is, no-one asks the kiddies what they would prefer their mum to do.
Oh dear, I never thought of that:o Bags not ask the Chipolatas their opinions...:eek:
How can you possibly say that LK:eek: ....you have turned out to be one of the most delightful creatures that have ever walked the planet.....I think you should thank your mum for the early effort.....:)
It was my own efforts to forget everything that she said or tried to instill in me that has me such a 'delightful creature'. (I sound like Titania or an Elf!)
You keep being so nice to me Rtg it will be your boxer shorts I'll be looking at instead of Denzils
See how far I have travelled from her teachings????
Mave,
Your chipolatas adore you, I love ya too!
PS will you leave me 'that' bag in your will. I am shameless
http://www.tiger.gov.uk/flexible/employee/right_apply.htm
And this too:
http://www.dti.gov.uk/er/workingparents.htm
Before that I would have returned to full time work as quickly as possible. I loved my working life and I loved the life we had built up between us.
But after what happened to my daughter, it made me realise that so much of what we thought of as neccessity was only so much froth and bubble. That it didn't really matter at all.
That it isn't really what life is about.
It would have been tight, but it could all have been lived without for a while and maybe replaced later.
What we couldn't replace was the time that would be missed.
So if it was possible for us to have another child, my views would have changed.
Life can be full of so many disappointments but we have learn to accept them and move on....I know it's not easy....
(Thank you.)
O/T
I was trying to say that circumstances can alter the way you view things.
That sometimes there is no right or wrong answer and whether or not you decide to do something, it is very much a personal decision based on how you perceive things.
.... but not very successfully I think
He is now fifteen and in the top class for almost everything, he is a well adjusted and extremely caring person. I think the fact that my wife was always there for him helped to make him what he is today.
I was lucky because my income was sufficient for us to do it, I would say if you can then at least one parent should be at home in the early years at least. It is a proven fact they do better and are less troublesome later in life. Its just a shame governments don't recognise this and allow the woman to transfer her personal alowance to her husband or vice versa.
All the Labour Government wants is more people working to pay more tax to inrease the coffers to waste on other things. e.g. War in Iraq.
Amid all the ranting, personal vendettas, joshings and bannings which characterise DS:GD, sometimes a post appears that stops you dead in your tracks and makes you realise that there are real human beings here, who suffer, and go on.
This is one such post, a revelation of tragedy in a context where one wouldn't have expected it.
aiko, all love to you, and respect.
Thats fine in theory but, so far, our bank has turned down every application for flexible or part time working by being able to 'prove' it wouldnt be workable.
International banking isnt a nice, friendly industry and I think all of us that work in it had to accept that when we started.
Thats why I only lasted 18 months.
Though I must say I did enjoy it, but it wasn't really 'me'
Hugs
Mave
Thanks for that LA, I've been having pangs of guilt that my earlier comment made on the spur of the moment may have been inappropriate under the circumstances.
I don't mind when other people say that we are lucky to be able to be in our position because we have put a lot of effort into adjusting our lives to be a family. I treasure being there for my daughter when the school bell goes and our conversation as we walk home. Whatever we do as parents can form the basis of our children's childhood memories. That means lots of compromises which the children may never really know but deserves every effort parents can make. You don't actually realise the rewards until you get them and just wonder at what you could have missed.
Must go now, the children will be awake soon.