Do some viewers (forum members) substitute The X Factor as their real life?

madlh100madlh100 Posts: 9,893
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The reason I ask this is because I think I do.

A lot of people probably watch it just for entertainment, but talking of people who don't get out - or other reasons.

As lonely as it sounds, it's like a substitute for the reality I'm not living.

On the other hand, I must be so bitter because I often wish I was the person up there having a good time. Not that I can sing, but I love to see people happy, although it can turn to jealousy when it is all over.

I start this thread because it is all over now, until next year, and I feel really empty that I now have nothing to watch on a Saturday and Sunday night.

Do some people watch The X Factor because something is missing in their life, or don't have a life at all?

Maybe that is why reality TV is so popular, because it has such a big market for people who use these programmes to reflect their own non-entity lives off.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 25,310
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    But you might be up there next year.
  • madlh100madlh100 Posts: 9,893
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    vidalia wrote: »
    But you might be up there next year.

    I won't because I can't sing.

    I don't have the confidence to apply anyway, and it would be pointless as I'd just be a laughing stock so it would be a waste of my time.
  • Ash's ManAsh's Man Posts: 7,165
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    madlh100 wrote: »
    I won't because I can't sing.

    I don't have the confidence to apply anyway, and it would be pointless as I'd just be a laughing stock so it would be a waste of my time.

    From your original post you sound as if you're quite unhappy. I think substituting your life for X Factor is a bit of an extreme statement, but I would agree that people do get so wrapped up in it that they prioritise it over other things. I've not been going out on weekends as much since it's been on this year, and I've been particularly involved in it this year, more so than previous years. I feel like it gives me an excuse to be anti-social some times, when I can't be bothered to go out.

    Part of the whole appeal of television is escapism so I suppose we're all guilty of it. And X Factor is something that everyone has an opinion on, so there's lots of room for discussion and debate on forums or with your friends/family or whatever.

    Maybe you should make more of an effort to live your life and be more inspired to get out there? Do you work?
  • madlh100madlh100 Posts: 9,893
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    Ash's Man wrote: »
    From your original post you sound as if you're quite unhappy. I think substituting your life for X Factor is a bit of an extreme statement, but I would agree that people do get so wrapped up in it that they prioritise it over other things. I've not been going out on weekends as much since it's been on this year, and I've been particularly involved in it this year, more so than previous years. I feel like it gives me an excuse to be anti-social some times, when I can't be bothered to go out.

    Part of the whole appeal of television is escapism so I suppose we're all guilty of it. And X Factor is something that everyone has an opinion on, so there's lots of room for discussion and debate on forums or with your friends/family or whatever.

    Maybe you should make more of an effort to live your life and be more inspired to get out there? Do you work?

    Yeah, I'm not very happy, but don't want to turn this thread into one about me. :o

    It has just triggered a spout of depression now it is over.

    I do work, but not much and I wouldn't want to be friends with the people I work with. Too old and just not my type of people.

    I don't go out at all except for work so watching The X Factor on a Saturday night replaces what most people my age will be doing - going out drinking and having fun.

    I don't have any friends. Did have, but they're not worth it to be honest. It's a big struggle for me to do anything in life, tbh. I wish I could be a different person, but I am who I am and can't help how I feel.
  • River_TamRiver_Tam Posts: 10,080
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    Become a Jedward fan!
    It's done me the world of good.
    I get out more, loads of new friends, a sunnier less serious out look on life!
  • duncannduncann Posts: 11,969
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    madlh100 wrote: »
    I won't because I can't sing.

    I don't have the confidence to apply anyway, and it would be pointless as I'd just be a laughing stock so it would be a waste of my time.

    Well, that's one way to get to the final, it worked for the 'auditionees' tonight!

    There's absolutely nothing wrong in empathising with the contestants and imagining what it would be like if it happened to you. It's an essential part of being a human, the ability to empathise and dream and surely it's more likely to take place when the 'stars' are ordinary members of the public like each of us.

    Many people live their lives vicariously through TV or songs or novels or whatever. It's only possibly wrong if you actually become unhappy and bitter about it, or maybe worse, delusional that you actually are one of those people and demanding to be treated like one.
  • UnrealityTVUnrealityTV Posts: 1,399
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    madlh100 wrote: »
    Yeah, I'm not very happy, but don't want to turn this thread into one about me. :o

    It has just triggered a spout of depression now it is over.

    I do work, but not much and I wouldn't want to be friends with the people I work with. Too old and just not my type of people.

    I don't go out at all except for work so watching The X Factor on a Saturday night replaces what most people my age will be doing - going out drinking and having fun.

    I don't have any friends. Did have, but they're not worth it to be honest. It's a big struggle for me to do anything in life, tbh. I wish I could be a different person, but I am who I am and can't help how I feel.
    If your post is genuine - and I see no reason why it shouldn't be - I would seriously suggest visiting your GP and asking about how to get some counselling.

    This thread also begs the question - to me, anyway - about the increasing (and I think very worrying) trend of people substituting real life interaction with others with the interaction on internet forums. With over 4,000 posts - might you fall into that category?

    I have no idea of how old you are or anything else about you (except that drawing isn't perhaps your strongest suite ;)) and that's the point. Anybody posting here could be anybody. Anybody opening their heart on an internet forum about something as inconsequential about an (allegedly fixed) television talent contest is indicative, to me, at least, that they could do with some professional support.
  • madlh100madlh100 Posts: 9,893
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    If your post is genuine - and I see no reason why it shouldn't be - I would seriously suggest visiting your GP and asking about how to get some counselling.

    This thread also begs the question - to me, anyway - about the increasing (and I think very worrying) trend of people substituting real life interaction with others with the interaction on internet forums. With over 4,000 posts - might you fall into that category?

    I have no idea of how old you are or anything else about you (except that drawing isn't perhaps your strongest suite ;)) and that's the point. Anybody posting here could be anybody. Anybody opening their heart on an internet forum about something as inconsequential about an (allegedly fixed) television talent contest is indicative, to me, at least, that they could do with some professional support.

    I do visit my GP for my OCD.

    I'm 19.

    For me forums are real life interaction because I have nothing else, these shows are real life interaction too.

    I get from them what I am missing in my life and hence the trigger now it is over.

    I wish I wasn't being genuine because it isn't a very nice place to be in at the moment. It is a cloud that will disappear, but I think the problem will still be there ready to come out again as it always does.

    I just can't get my head around why I'm so different compared to other people my age who will be out having fun.

    I worry what will happen when I get older and being all alone. Spending my 20th birthday on my own.

    :o
  • RandyRandy Posts: 1,227
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    I`m sure most teenage girls must have no life to worship talentless rubbish like Wand Erection just because they`re on the telly.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 25,310
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    Randy wrote: »
    I`m sure most teenage girls must have no life to worship talentless rubbish like Wand Erection just because they`re on the telly.

    It is part of being a teenage girl - I remember the Monkees ;)
  • puffenstuffpuffenstuff Posts: 1,069
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    madhl ((big hugs)) first of all i felt a lot like you when i was younger, i was living alone in london by the time i was 17 after my mother died and the family home was sold, i was effectively homeless in a big city and that was tough, i couldnt handle the loneliness and lack of family very well
    , i found it hard to make friends because everybody was essentially strangers and my work colleagues commuted out to far flung places once work had finished and like you they were all a lot older.

    the thing that nailed it for me was voluntary work , i made a decision to work one day at the weekend for a charity (organised through a volunteer bureau ) i had no special skills just my time.

    i did this not just to be useful but to get out the flat i was in and have contact with other people, just like you i was depressed and lonely , however over the months i did the voluntary work i met great people who got to know me and became firm friends and when i got my confidence back i went to university as a mature student at 21 and got my degree ( id had to leave school after my Olevels as i had nowhere to live) going back as a mature student meant i bypassed A levels

    well anyway i never did end up with a high flying career lol but i did get a steady job before meeting my lovely husband and having 3 wonderful children, so i did get back the family i had lost and i hope this gives you hope that your life will improve , its hard what you are going through right now , it feels like it will never change but it will, i actually think the internet is a good place to chat to people i would find a chat room for your age group or hobby and stick with it , ive been in the over 40 aol chat rooms for about 12 years and have met some wonderful people and made some real life friends, please think about going the doctor for some antidepressants in the meantime

    im sure you have met some nice people on this forum to stay in contact with, send them a private message and ask to stay in touch x

    even though x factor has finished i see from digital spy there are countless other forums and although im new to the forums i will be sticking around to check out the other forums as the messageboards are huge fun

    chat to me anytime and good luck
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,687
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    madlh100 wrote: »

    I worry what will happen when I get older and being all alone. Spending my 20th birthday on my own.

    :o

    I propose joining some sort of club/group, based on your interests. Im sure you could meet some nice people there. You could partake in a new hobbie. Hey - even singing lessons, if you fancied it.
    I'm sure there are things out there for you. you are only young yet - and I think it would be best to stop wallowing in your own thoughts, and distract yourself with..'life'. I know it's probably hard, and easier said than done - but you'll feel so much happier if you give it a go. It's better to regret the things you DO rather than the things you don't. :)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 30
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    It's such a shame you feel like this. I also think it's very brave of you to admit.

    There is a whirlwind surrounding the show so whatever your investing into the show is sort of justified by forums and the media. Ironically, while the show is on it would be a great ice breaker for talking to new people in "real life".
  • GothamGotham Posts: 1,273
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    Cool story bro.
  • UnrealityTVUnrealityTV Posts: 1,399
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    madlh100 wrote: »
    For me forums are real life interaction because I have nothing else, these shows are real life interaction too.
    That quote alone I find of enormous concern.
    madlh100 wrote: »
    I worry what will happen when I get older and being all alone. Spending my 20th birthday on my own.
    I have the attitude to life that "if I don't do it, nobody else is going to do it for me". I'm about as socially inept as they come, but over the years I have accepted that you get out of life what you put into it, so I've forced myself to face situations I realise might be hard in the short-term, but the longer term benefits will be well worth it.

    Going out and meeting new people is the hardest thing in the world to do, especially at your age, but if you use a bit of common sense and put yourself in a situation where you know you will have some sort of common ground with at least some of them, then it's a head start.

    Certainly it'll be far better for you than resigning yourself to being on your own and conducting relationships through a computer keyboard.

    The best things in life have to be worked at, they don't just fall into your lap, despite the myths of 'instant fame' that Cowell and co peddle...
  • 1fab1fab Posts: 20,052
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    No, I see the X Factor and other light entertainment shows as pure escapism. It's a way of getting away from my desk and forgetting about my studies for a while. Nothing wrong with that. And if some people fantasise about being part of the show, then that's fine too. Imagination costs nothing.:cool:
  • VengieVengie Posts: 7,086
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    Hi madlh100, reading through this thread it appears as though there has been some really great advice given to you already but I think it's important for you to know that you're probably not the only person in the world who feels the way you do when something has come to an end which has given you great pleasure to be involved in. I know people who play online RPG type games to fill voids in thier life and it's a bit of escapism for others who are able to hold down a full time job or in full time education to let off a bit of steam, not that I feel this is a good idea for you personally to get involved in as these can lead to people becoming seriously addicted.. My OH was 19 when I met him and he wasn't one for going out to clubs or drinking, in fact it's what really attracted me to him so don't feel like you are someone who is not like other people.

    What you could probably do with is a bit of a confidence boost, maybe a change of hairstyle will do the trick or treat yourself to something, go and pamper yourself because you're worth it.
  • puffenstuffpuffenstuff Posts: 1,069
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    i also agree with what unreality has said, this is the other side of the coin.....

    theres an old chinese proverb (really ) man who sits on mountaintop , roast duck does not fly into his mouth,

    basically we are all in the same boat , life will not come to you , you have to go out there and make things happen otherwise it will be pretty boring,

    the pleasure is in the taking part and not worrying about the outcome, i had music lessons to play the violin for over 10 yrs and to this day sound like a strangled cat, i have 2 left feet as well lol

    but guess what...... turns out i make fab felted aien creatures, my gingerbread house this year was like the rockafella mansion and im very proud of my home made wonka chocolate bars complete with golden tickets lol

    keep your chin up and get out that house, get down the library/citizens advice/ job centre/volunteer bureau/local education college/church/shops/your neighbours/the samaritans/your gp

    hell just smile at everyone you pass for the next month and say hello, find a local coffee shop and be a regular customer, get off to the local bookstore they have coffee areas and get chatting
  • kochspostulateskochspostulates Posts: 3,067
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    I work about 40 hours a week and try to see friends in my spare time. If I didn't watch the X factor and Strictly I would seriously be left out of many conversations, especially at work as that is all that people talk about. I prefer talking about it than getting into office politics, so I choose to obsess about X factor.

    Now that it is over I will have to discuss why everyone in reception is resigning ad nauseum :(. Bitching about Katie Waissel is better than bitching about your colleagues, less likely to get you into trouble......




    What do you think we should do about reception?
  • madlh100madlh100 Posts: 9,893
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    Instead of quoting everyone, I just want to say thank you for replying. It means a lot.

    Some great advice. Realistically, I think I know what to do, but it is so hard.

    I'm already on anti-depressents and they've been great controlling my thoughts. I have OCD, but get very obsessed with things and programmes. Probably because I'm living my life through programmes like The X Factor. I go through these phases then look back and think, 'What the hell was I thinking'. The problem is that it isn't just the one off. It happens a lot. Getting obsessed with TV programmes and the people involved in them and it playing on my mind.

    It's really hard to explain because I even get confused myself with why I get like this.

    I'd love to go to the library, do voluntary work or just get out the house but it's so hard. It all stems down to me worrying about what people think of me. I'm always conscious of other people if I go somewhere. Thinking they're judging me and thinking I'm such a mess or something. I can't shake it off. I wish I didn't care what people thought of me, it's not even that they're saying anything, but I get so paranoid people are staring at me and stuff.

    It frustrates me because we're all human and if others don't care then why should I. I want to be confident, but I'm basically scared of people I don't know. If I know someone then I can be really comfortable.

    I'm just rambling now. I'm going to see my doctor on Wednesday because I need more medication and I'm going to tell him that I'm slipping back into my old ways.

    Thanks everyone for advice. I really appreciate it.
  • kochspostulateskochspostulates Posts: 3,067
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    Hugs

    Although you have OCD and are obsessed with X factor. It is the programme with the highest viewing figures in the UK so 'everyone' is obsessed with it. At one point there was a quote about ''More people voted on the X factor than in the General Election''. People watch it for all sorts of reasons, you may watch it as a substitute for meeting people and I do so as it stops office politics. Whatever the reason, we all have one and you shouldn't feel ashamed.


    We all have aspects of our life which are not ideal and inserting a bit of Wagner in there does no harm.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 14,732
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    madlh100 wrote: »

    Do some people watch The X Factor because something is missing in their life, or don't have a life at all?

    Maybe that is why reality TV is so popular, because it has such a big market for people who use these programmes to reflect their own non-entity lives off.

    I think people feel different things from TV and TV programmes. Some may get engrossed a bit more than others. That doesn't mean that your obsession isn't a life.
  • WhisperingGhostWhisperingGhost Posts: 4,762
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    madlh100 wrote: »
    The reason I ask this is because I think I do.

    A lot of people probably watch it just for entertainment, but talking of people who don't get out - or other reasons.

    As lonely as it sounds, it's like a substitute for the reality I'm not living.

    On the other hand, I must be so bitter because I often wish I was the person up there having a good time. Not that I can sing, but I love to see people happy, although it can turn to jealousy when it is all over.

    I start this thread because it is all over now, until next year, and I feel really empty that I now have nothing to watch on a Saturday and Sunday night.

    Do some people watch The X Factor because something is missing in their life, or don't have a life at all?

    Maybe that is why reality TV is so popular, because it has such a big market for people who use these programmes to reflect their own non-entity lives off.

    I know what you\re saying because when I was younger I used to get so depressed when Big Brother ended, I just felt so empty. But that was about 10 years ago and I had no friends, no social life and no job. I had no interaction with anybody apart from immediate family, and even then I'd just spend 99% of my time in my room watching TV. Looking back now it was so unhealthy mentally, psychologically, and physically. I had, I suppose, replaced my real life by indulging myself in hours upon hours of the first 2 series of Big Brother. And when both series were over I felt like my arm had been cut off or something.

    Fast forward until 2002 and I got my first job and the rest is history. I made friends, started going out, socialising, felt better as I was earning money and had more self worth, came out to my family and friends and finally started living my own life instead of living it through other people on so called reality TV shows :o

    So I do understand what you mean with your first post, but I hope that you too start living your own life and enjoying it, so that you're not so reliant on X Factor to fill the void. First though, you probably need to work on what and why there is a void. Good luck :)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 13,587
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    Hey OP.

    Social anxiety is really common, so try not to give yourself a hard time over it. The thoughts and feelings you describe are very typical of social anxiety.

    If you do go to see a counsellor or psychologist, they will probably tell you that avoiding people and places reinforces the anxiety. Although you may feel a short term reduction in anxiety in not going out, in the long term you just make your anxiety worse. If you enjoy shows like XFactor, then perhaps you could invite a friend or neighbour over to watch it with you?

    I suggest you go to your GP and ask for a referral for CBT under the IAPT program. If your GP won't refer you, then change your GP. CBT can be highly effective for both OCD and social anxiety. It often works quite quickly, so you could be feeling much more confident about yourself in no time at all.
  • SeanHunterSeanHunter Posts: 1,374
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    I have a young cousin who is out playing football all thetime, or going out with his girlfriend, or hanging out with his mates (who are always over at his house). He doesn't watch X Factor, he doesn't have a Facebook account, and he doesn't Twitter.

    We are very worried about him. He is not normal.
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