I'm an older bloke from London and I tend to call women 'love' by habit, and I must stress that it is nothing other than a mild term of endearment and is preferred to a more formal type of address.
I'm equally happy to be addressed likewise by woman of various ages and also to be called 'mate' by males of all ages.
I'd also add that I address some of my dearest friends as 'Mate' - particularly when we've all had a few.:)
In conclusion, it's probably a good idea to respond positively to other peoples friendly forms of greeting even if only to be grateful that you haven't been referred to as tosser........ or worse.
I've often wondered how women feel when random men call them love or darling or babe? Perhaps its fine if your partner uses it but what about a stranger?
Do you like it or does it annoy you? Or do you not care one way or the other?
A lot of women say that to men as well. Tends to be "My love" round here, rather than just "love", as well as darling and babe.
Is that OK ? (It is to me, but how do other guys feel ?)
I honestly didn't realise this was male/female thing.
I don't like 'Hun' for example but I've never had a man say it to me, only women.
I get called mate loads cos I live in Liverpool, but I've been 'told off' a few times on DS for using the term 'matey'. I didn't know it was summat people didn't like.
I wouldn't use the term mate, darlin, etc on DS anyway, I would in real life.
I'm guessing you got told off because it can come over as patronising.
Matey, that's late 80's early 90's when I heard that regularly around London.
I once got the most disdainful Jeeves type look from a barman after calling him mate, the way he said mate back to me, when confirming my order, was like he could taste bile in his mouth.
It must be 20+ years and I can still remember the incident
Bitch, slapper, slag, ****, easy lay, loose, prick teaser etc.
Surely, none of those are acceptable for example and I have never used those terms personally.
This ^^ is a fair example of not taking something it is intended and trying to 'make something of it'
The 'lol' at the end of the sentence indicates it's a light hearted comment.
I think the second sentence that you edited out in your quote/reply, is a clue to the kind of terms the FM is referring to, as per the subject of this thread.
I don't usually mind these things, in fact I think it's nice to be called "Honey" or "Sweetheart" randomly by either gender, but it really got my goat when a woman on the phone repeatedly called me "Hon" the other day. With her accent (Yorkshire?) it just sounded so crass, and I thought it lacked respect for someone my age. It's the sort of term I'd expect to be used towards an under 25, not a 40+ like me. I got off the phone yelling "I ain't your hon, HON!" lol.
I wouldn't use the term mate, darlin, etc on DS anyway, I would in real life. I'm guessing you got told off because it can come over as patronising.
Matey, that's late 80's early 90's when I heard that regularly around London.
I once got the most disdainful Jeeves type look from a barman after calling him mate, the way he said mate back to me, when confirming my order, was like he could taste bile in his mouth.
It must be 20+ years and I can still remember the incident
That's what I got told, I still go to post it sometimes then erase it when I remember.
Absolutely detest being called 'love', 'babe', 'Hun' or anything else. I find it patronising in the extreme.
I was buying a car the other day and test driving the cars. The salesman said 'are you alright to get it out of the car park love?'. I was so livid.
I have a degree, my own business and drive 40k miles a year.
Needless to say he did not get the sale.
All the feminists on this thread is making me lol.
Exactly how is being addressed in an affectionare way patronising?
I wouldn't particularly describe myself as a femininst. If it was used in a 'polite' or 'affectionate' manner it wouldn't particularly bother me, the problem I have is when it is used by a man in a patronising attempt to reassert his authority over a woman, and I find this is often the case.
In the past I would often be needed to fix a problem in a male dominated industry. A certain type of male (very rarely anyone under 40) was threatened by this.
They would address me with respect (without the 'loves' and 'darlings') until they found out I was there to do a job they couldn't do. Then they would start with all the "I could have done this job myself darling but it's not in my job description" or "If you have any problems love let me know and I'll give you hand - I was too busy to do the job myself".
When you start questioning them on anything it quickly becomes apparent that they know **** all about the subject. The 'loves' and 'dears' and 'darlings' were all attempts to undermine, fuelled by their own insecurity.
You have to recognise that these 'terms of endearment' are not always used in a polite and affectionate manner.
I really don't mind it. I don't see a problem with terms of endearment. Even if someone's using it in a patronising tone, it's likely the other words they've said will be patronising so I don't see why the "love" or "darling" bit would stand out as the offensive part.
Long term boyfriend "Can you pass the pepper, love?" -Completely fine. Man in bar "Hey, darling, you're proper sexy, great ass," - I'd feel VERY uncomfortable and probably leave.
Friend "Alright, darling you okay?" Guy in van "Nice pair there, love"
I wouldn't even notice them saying "darling" or "love" in those examples you've given. The rest of what they said is what would put me off them!
I was in a pub recently and a few men had to walk past where I was standing, and a couple of them said "Excuse me love" and "Sorry love." I don't see anything wrong with it at all. It's not something I've ever got uptight about.
All the feminists on this thread is making me lol.
Exactly how is being addressed in an affectionare way patronising?
Some posts refer to women using endearments on women as well. There's a female colleague at work who uses 'sweetie' on all colleagues including me and clients.
"May I borrow that, sweetie?"
"Hello, sweetie. How has your day been?"
"Sweetie love, you know when is the RTE meeting?"
"Who's overseeing the Yangon branch office, sweetie?"
"Let me know when my client's here, sweetie."
"Will you do the presentation today, sweetie?"
Her heavy use of the endearment has me feeling like a dog when I listen to her:
"Blah blah blah sweetie blah blah blah blah blah sweetie blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sweetie love blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sweetie blah blah blah sweetie blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sweetie."
I think she doesn't remember most names so she uses the endearment to hide that.
Being called love really doesn't bother me. I live in Leeds where everyone calls everyone 'love'. If you were going to be offended by it then you'd spend an awful lot of time feeling aggrieved here. It is said so often you don't even notice it. I say 'thanks love' to the bus driver when I get off the bus, it's just something people say.
This ^^ is a fair example of not taking something it is intended and trying to 'make something of it'
The 'lol' at the end of the sentence indicates it's a light hearted comment.
As was mine. I don't know this person from Adam, so how would I know what type of person they are.
Comments
If a younger girl calls me love, I find it annoying, I'm left thinking, wtf, did you grow up in a pub?
They're just the rules. I realise they are oddly specific, but it's just the way it is.
I'm equally happy to be addressed likewise by woman of various ages and also to be called 'mate' by males of all ages.
I'd also add that I address some of my dearest friends as 'Mate' - particularly when we've all had a few.:)
In conclusion, it's probably a good idea to respond positively to other peoples friendly forms of greeting even if only to be grateful that you haven't been referred to as tosser........ or worse.
I don't believe I have ever called anyone anything apart from their name.
Our friends are coming to visit next week and they call everyone "duck", they are from Stoke:)
I love that one, 'hen'. I once had a Scottish friend who used to call me that. Never been called it before or since.
No offence intended nor taken.
I'm more likely to get f**ked off with some idiot in here patronisingly calling me 'dearie' and then posting a smiley afterwards.
Really.
Bitch, slapper, slag, ****, easy lay, loose, prick teaser etc.
Surely, none of those are acceptable for example and I have never used those terms personally.
A lot of women say that to men as well. Tends to be "My love" round here, rather than just "love", as well as darling and babe.
Is that OK ? (It is to me, but how do other guys feel ?)
As far as sleazy blokes doing it goes, if they didn't use love/darling/etc they would find other ways to be a creep.
In terms of things to get irritated about, I don't quite understand when people get up in arms about this sort of thing.
I wouldn't use the term mate, darlin, etc on DS anyway, I would in real life.
I'm guessing you got told off because it can come over as patronising.
Matey, that's late 80's early 90's when I heard that regularly around London.
I once got the most disdainful Jeeves type look from a barman after calling him mate, the way he said mate back to me, when confirming my order, was like he could taste bile in his mouth.
It must be 20+ years and I can still remember the incident
This ^^ is a fair example of not taking something it is intended and trying to 'make something of it'
The 'lol' at the end of the sentence indicates it's a light hearted comment.
I think the second sentence that you edited out in your quote/reply, is a clue to the kind of terms the FM is referring to, as per the subject of this thread.
Well that was quite unnecessary.
That's what I got told, I still go to post it sometimes then erase it when I remember.
I was buying a car the other day and test driving the cars. The salesman said 'are you alright to get it out of the car park love?'. I was so livid.
I have a degree, my own business and drive 40k miles a year.
Needless to say he did not get the sale.
I wouldn't particularly describe myself as a femininst. If it was used in a 'polite' or 'affectionate' manner it wouldn't particularly bother me, the problem I have is when it is used by a man in a patronising attempt to reassert his authority over a woman, and I find this is often the case.
In the past I would often be needed to fix a problem in a male dominated industry. A certain type of male (very rarely anyone under 40) was threatened by this.
They would address me with respect (without the 'loves' and 'darlings') until they found out I was there to do a job they couldn't do. Then they would start with all the "I could have done this job myself darling but it's not in my job description" or "If you have any problems love let me know and I'll give you hand - I was too busy to do the job myself".
When you start questioning them on anything it quickly becomes apparent that they know **** all about the subject. The 'loves' and 'dears' and 'darlings' were all attempts to undermine, fuelled by their own insecurity.
You have to recognise that these 'terms of endearment' are not always used in a polite and affectionate manner.
I wouldn't even notice them saying "darling" or "love" in those examples you've given. The rest of what they said is what would put me off them!
I was in a pub recently and a few men had to walk past where I was standing, and a couple of them said "Excuse me love" and "Sorry love." I don't see anything wrong with it at all. It's not something I've ever got uptight about.
Some posts refer to women using endearments on women as well. There's a female colleague at work who uses 'sweetie' on all colleagues including me and clients.
"May I borrow that, sweetie?"
"Hello, sweetie. How has your day been?"
"Sweetie love, you know when is the RTE meeting?"
"Who's overseeing the Yangon branch office, sweetie?"
"Let me know when my client's here, sweetie."
"Will you do the presentation today, sweetie?"
Her heavy use of the endearment has me feeling like a dog when I listen to her:
"Blah blah blah sweetie blah blah blah blah blah sweetie blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sweetie love blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sweetie blah blah blah sweetie blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sweetie."
I think she doesn't remember most names so she uses the endearment to hide that.
I actually missed it when I lived down south!
Should I have put 'Would it be ok to call a woman' in front of my post just so that it couldn't be misinterpreted.
As was mine. I don't know this person from Adam, so how would I know what type of person they are.