I don't mean to sound arsey, I just don't understand it.
I can't speak for anybody else but for me, he chatted me up at work, we spoke on the phone for hours for about a week, we arranged to meet up and have a drink but I got called into work on a early start so cancelled, he came over to my house instead, we spent a lovely evening together, he came back the next day and we pretty much became inseparable from then.
I can't speak for anybody else but for me, he chatted me up at work, we spoke on the phone for hours for about a week, we arranged to meet up and have a drink but I got called into work on a early start so cancelled, he came over to my house instead, we spent a lovely evening together, he came back the next day and we pretty much became inseparable from then.
Awww. My problem is that I've generally gone off whoever it is before it gets to the first date.
I don't mean to sound arsey, I just don't understand it.
Sometimes they do and bypass the dating stage, particularly if one or both has strong and intense feelings for the other person. This happened with me in my only serious relationship I have had. It however, didn't end well - for me at least anyway.
I dislike dating and all the unwritten rules that go along with it that I can't get my head around so going in that way was a blessing in disguise for me.
I think it's from the same urban legend that says if you stop looking for someone, you'll meet someone ..
Are these the same people who in one breath tell you to stop looking for someone and they'll find you and in the other breath tell you that if you don't look for someone, it'll never find you?
Erm...I'm thinking you clearly don't know what a 'psychopath' is,
as I don't see what that has to do with the concept of dating.
Secondly, what makes you think 'baring your emotions' is a requirement in a date?! If one did that, a second date would probably be off the cards...
Or are you just kidding? I can't always tell on here...
Half kidding - but psycopath is the correct term. Someone who operates with a lack of emotions or empathy and uses superficial charm. As to baring your emotions - it is always the way that questions are asked about yourself but rarely the ones that are of any importance to a future relationship. If people enjoy such dating then that is fine - but I don't like it one jot.
Half kidding - but psycopath is the correct term. Someone who operates with a lack of emotions or empathy and uses superficial charm. As to baring your emotions - it is always the way that questions are asked about yourself but rarely the ones that are of any importance to a future relationship. If people enjoy such dating then that is fine - but I don't like it one jot.
Ok fair enough but, one doesn't have to go on a date with a psycho! Most people who go on dates are just 'normal' people, it's a 'normal' process which might lead to a relationship! You have some very strange ideas of what dating is about. But if you don't wanna partake, that's your decision of course.
Are these the same people who in one breath tell you to stop looking for someone and they'll find you and in the other breath tell you that if you don't look for someone, it'll never find you?
.. while telling you there's "plenty of fish in the sea"
Gosh it's been a long time since I've been on a first date.
I knew my OH already so we never had the 'traditional' first date.
In-fact most boyfriends I have had I've met through mutual friends so whilst I have been on a first date I've already known the person.
Once exception was an American guy I started seeing 6 years ago after just getting out of a long term realtionship. I met him in a pub the night before he was going to China. We swapped numbers and randomly 3 weeks later he called me to arrange a "date". Honestly it was the most nerve wrecking experience of my life...
We went for coffee and then went out drinking!
We dated for a month and I was such a wreck that we normally ended up in a pub as I felt calmer after a glass of wine. I think he thought I was an alchie though :eek:
I arranged a date with a guy I met online once, but I lost my phone so I stood him up (I did turn up, but he didn't, so I went home, collected my phone from the cab firm and then had messages asking where I was! :rolleyes:)
Two months later, my friend set me up with the OH by borrowing his lighter outside a bar. We met up in groups in that same bar 2 or 3 times, so they weren't "dates" and we too "fell" into a relationship, I'd just turn up at his flat at the end of the week and we'd est pizza and watch film.
By the time of our first official "date", we'd been living together 14 months, together nearly 2 years! Lovely date at the Christmas market and a lovely Italian meal after, with a big box of chocolates for no reason too! We tend to do "dates" at restaurants now, but I have no doubt if we started over, I'd be a mess!
I don't mean to sound arsey, I just don't understand it.
Very easily. As I said in my post, I met my OH while on a night out. We got on really well the first night we met but I didn't see him again til I bumped into him a fortnight later. We'd see each other by chance on Saturday nights while we were each out with friends and this continued for a few more weeks, then we exchanged numbers. We started calling each other every day and the rest is history,as they say. We lived over 200 miles apart so things were tricky to begin with but 17 years on we're still together.
I'm not sure what I'd do if I found myself single again now. I wouldn't go on a date with someone unless I already knew them and there was a spark there. But I really don't know how I'd meet someone new so I'd probably just end up a lonely old lady with lots of cats.
God this thread is useful, I've got a First date on Thursday, I've never been on one before, never had a proper boyfriend in years.. I have no idea how I'm meant to act.. now Its getting closer, my nerves are off the Richter scale.
The man you are meeting may feel (very) nervous as well.
I don't mean to sound arsey, I just don't understand it.
all my relationships just happened and my lovely husband of 18 years just happened. I think it's because I never wanted or looked for relationships, just ended up chatting to someone , met up as friends and just somehow ended up in a relationship. with hubby we worked together , we're friends, went to a work. Function and had a few drinks and realised we fancied each other and were engaged 3 months later.
Sometimes they do and bypass the dating stage, particularly if one or both has strong and intense feelings for the other person. This happened with me in my only serious relationship I have had. It however, didn't end well - for me at least anyway.
I dislike dating and all the unwritten rules that go along with it that I can't get my head around so going in that way was a blessing in disguise for me.
Are these the same people who in one breath tell you to stop looking for someone and they'll find you and in the other breath tell you that if you don't look for someone, it'll never find you?
The thing is its true about the stop looking but you really have to have stopped not just pretend to, and you need a social life because nobody should sit at home all the time. I think people can smell desperation, I have a friend a hundred times more good looking than me but she never got a boyfriend and 2 of the guys she liked fancied me , once I asked why and was told that she is far too keen on a relationship, desperate in other words. It really does put people off.
Ok fair enough but, one doesn't have to go on a date with a psycho! Most people who go on dates are just 'normal' people, it's a 'normal' process which might lead to a relationship! You have some very strange ideas of what dating is about. But if you don't wanna partake, that's your decision of course.
Well I wish I could believe that there are a good few normal people out there but I don't think there are. My Mum asked me a few weeks ago have I found anyone. I answered 'well put yourself in my place - is there any woman at all you know that you would like to fall in love with?'. She pondered and said no. Really, even the people who seem OK to meet are crackers when they get home.
Oh it would be nice to take a lady out for dinner, a walk along the riverside and enjoy the moment but that is just so unlikely that it is just upsetting to want that what can't be true. No one wants that any more - just speed dating and blogging about the men that don't meet expectations. Even my sister runs a website listing all the faults in men she dates and tells the world what a big joke they are. It is perhaps preferable to go through life being the best one can and doing the right thing rather than to be left chewed up all distraught with tears from dating upsets.
Talking about 'speed dating', anyone here tried it?
I want to try that just for the lulz! None of my friends are game, though :-(
Apparently there's all these cool events.
You can go speed dating bowling, regular speed dating, speed dating for people earning £35,000+, they even have lock and key parties! It's a whole underworld!
Somehow I've avoided it. I've gone from courting via the medium of letters to party hookups that got straight to the point. As a social convention dating seems entirely contrived and meaningless to me.
First dates are to formal anyway, to awkward, just go out to a pub and get pissed. Not very romantic i know, but least you get to know each other (the real you).
Go out for 'romantic meals' when you know each other more, they will be more romantic then.
Well I wish I could believe that there are a good few normal people out there but I don't think there are. My Mum asked me a few weeks ago have I found anyone. I answered 'well put yourself in my place - is there any woman at all you know that you would like to fall in love with?'. She pondered and said no. Really, even the people who seem OK to meet are crackers when they get home.
Oh it would be nice to take a lady out for dinner, a walk along the riverside and enjoy the moment but that is just so unlikely that it is just upsetting to want that what can't be true. No one wants that any more - just speed dating and blogging about the men that don't meet expectations. Even my sister runs a website listing all the faults in men she dates and tells the world what a big joke they are. It is perhaps preferable to go through life being the best one can and doing the right thing rather than to be left chewed up all distraught with tears from dating upsets.
I can do one better than being asked by my Mum if I had met anyone yet, and this is besides the usual suspects of work colleagues and family (they don't ask as much now, after acknowledging my long term singleness). I have had the local takeaway ask me if I have found someone when I order from them. I should say "tell you what, if anything changes, I'll tell you".
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I can't speak for anybody else but for me, he chatted me up at work, we spoke on the phone for hours for about a week, we arranged to meet up and have a drink but I got called into work on a early start so cancelled, he came over to my house instead, we spent a lovely evening together, he came back the next day and we pretty much became inseparable from then.
I dislike dating and all the unwritten rules that go along with it that I can't get my head around so going in that way was a blessing in disguise for me. Are these the same people who in one breath tell you to stop looking for someone and they'll find you and in the other breath tell you that if you don't look for someone, it'll never find you?
Half kidding - but psycopath is the correct term. Someone who operates with a lack of emotions or empathy and uses superficial charm. As to baring your emotions - it is always the way that questions are asked about yourself but rarely the ones that are of any importance to a future relationship. If people enjoy such dating then that is fine - but I don't like it one jot.
.. while telling you there's "plenty of fish in the sea"
Come again.
I knew my OH already so we never had the 'traditional' first date.
In-fact most boyfriends I have had I've met through mutual friends so whilst I have been on a first date I've already known the person.
Once exception was an American guy I started seeing 6 years ago after just getting out of a long term realtionship. I met him in a pub the night before he was going to China. We swapped numbers and randomly 3 weeks later he called me to arrange a "date". Honestly it was the most nerve wrecking experience of my life...
We went for coffee and then went out drinking!
We dated for a month and I was such a wreck that we normally ended up in a pub as I felt calmer after a glass of wine. I think he thought I was an alchie though
Two months later, my friend set me up with the OH by borrowing his lighter outside a bar. We met up in groups in that same bar 2 or 3 times, so they weren't "dates" and we too "fell" into a relationship, I'd just turn up at his flat at the end of the week and we'd est pizza and watch film.
By the time of our first official "date", we'd been living together 14 months, together nearly 2 years! Lovely date at the Christmas market and a lovely Italian meal after, with a big box of chocolates for no reason too! We tend to do "dates" at restaurants now, but I have no doubt if we started over, I'd be a mess!
Very easily. As I said in my post, I met my OH while on a night out. We got on really well the first night we met but I didn't see him again til I bumped into him a fortnight later. We'd see each other by chance on Saturday nights while we were each out with friends and this continued for a few more weeks, then we exchanged numbers. We started calling each other every day and the rest is history,as they say. We lived over 200 miles apart so things were tricky to begin with but 17 years on we're still together.
I'm not sure what I'd do if I found myself single again now. I wouldn't go on a date with someone unless I already knew them and there was a spark there. But I really don't know how I'd meet someone new so I'd probably just end up a lonely old lady with lots of cats.
The man you are meeting may feel (very) nervous as well.
Hopefully, things will go well.
all my relationships just happened and my lovely husband of 18 years just happened. I think it's because I never wanted or looked for relationships, just ended up chatting to someone , met up as friends and just somehow ended up in a relationship. with hubby we worked together , we're friends, went to a work. Function and had a few drinks and realised we fancied each other and were engaged 3 months later.
The thing is its true about the stop looking but you really have to have stopped not just pretend to, and you need a social life because nobody should sit at home all the time. I think people can smell desperation, I have a friend a hundred times more good looking than me but she never got a boyfriend and 2 of the guys she liked fancied me , once I asked why and was told that she is far too keen on a relationship, desperate in other words. It really does put people off.
No it isn't ..
If it were, Olivia Wilde would have found me years ago
Well I wish I could believe that there are a good few normal people out there but I don't think there are. My Mum asked me a few weeks ago have I found anyone. I answered 'well put yourself in my place - is there any woman at all you know that you would like to fall in love with?'. She pondered and said no. Really, even the people who seem OK to meet are crackers when they get home.
Oh it would be nice to take a lady out for dinner, a walk along the riverside and enjoy the moment but that is just so unlikely that it is just upsetting to want that what can't be true. No one wants that any more - just speed dating and blogging about the men that don't meet expectations. Even my sister runs a website listing all the faults in men she dates and tells the world what a big joke they are. It is perhaps preferable to go through life being the best one can and doing the right thing rather than to be left chewed up all distraught with tears from dating upsets.
I want to try that just for the lulz! None of my friends are game, though :-(
Apparently there's all these cool events.
You can go speed dating bowling, regular speed dating, speed dating for people earning £35,000+, they even have lock and key parties! It's a whole underworld!
First dates are to formal anyway, to awkward, just go out to a pub and get pissed. Not very romantic i know, but least you get to know each other (the real you).
Go out for 'romantic meals' when you know each other more, they will be more romantic then.
And yes, I share your cynicism of dating. All I know about any done in this area is that you have to be 30+ to partake in them, and they're rare in this area.