This is my first post and this thread intrigued me as i was in a simular situation not so long ago. The best thing you can do is cut contact with her for good and whatever happens in the future happens.I know you have feelings for her but what would you honestly get out of a friendship with her in the future? the only thing i can see is you may revive old feelings for her which would ruin the steps your taking to get over her.
Heartbreak is one of the hardest things to get over but once you have done it you become a stronger person, you learn the ability to grow as a person through tough times. The only other advice i can give to you is to learn from this relationship, perhaps look at yourself and see ways you can improve and better yourself, your a young lad and no doubt you will look back at this in a years time and realise your better off and probably laugh at some of the messages you sent her because of the difference in how you feel.
Things will only get better from this very day, the worst has happened so its time to build on that base and make a fresh start, you said that your shy and probably lack confidence after such an abrupt ending to the relationship. My advice would be to fill your time with things that give you confidence and joy, i found mine with bodybuilding but many people start sports or other activities. I hope you feel better soon:)
Thanks for the post and welcome to DS. Yeah, I'm kind of in love with her (i think it's love?) and I just want to be with her really, as it's kills me that I'll probably never see her again. Yeah, I like the advice about giving me confidence, I might pick a hobby and go with that. It's good to grow as a person, I just wish it wasn't this particular way to grow tbh. If that makes sense.
Life isnt fun if it doesnt have its challenges and im sure you will overcome this one in no time. Even with the bad things in life you can take positives out of them aslong as you learn from your mistakes. This break up could change your life for the better and one day you will meet a girl who will love and care for you as much as you did for your ex.
The healing process is obviously different for everyone but aslong as you stick to the no contact rule and you focus on yourself, you will heal and become stronger. I found walking helped clear my mind in the times of a bad breakup and also gave me alot of motivation to transform my body which also helps with the confidence levels. Whatever you choose to do though , remember to do it for yourself and not to get back at your ex.
Ahh, man, the first true heartbreak really does hurt the most.
This is from someone who has felt what it is like to have the person she adored most in this world turn around and say they didn't love her anymore...it sucks. It's not fair. But if it's not meant to be, then you're meant for better and will find it.
Or! She may come to her senses, come back and beg you for a second chance! There's always possibilities, especially when the door is left open.
I'm only 18 as well, and I haven't exactly truly given up on my first love yet. But I'm not waiting around on him either. You should never spend a moment of your life waiting on someone else to take the lead. You're the leader of your life so be honest about your feeling and even if you don't get what you want all the time, you'll get what you need.
I know this isn't how you're feeling at the moment, but you're lucky to be rid of someone who hasn't got the decency to tell you to your face. She sounds immature and thoughtless. Honestly, you'll meet someone else sooner or later, probably when you least expect it, who'll be worth ten of her, and you'll be glad this girl dumped you, so you're free for someone else. Believe me, you will.
I checked facebook to se if I could amend the message and I had a reply from her. She responded to my message by saying:
ill give it time then see how i feel ...
She then went one better than I did, and 'blocked' me. I think the balls in her court now. She had initially replied saying that she hope we could be friends. Then I gave my grand speech, that I posted earlier, so I guess I kinda brought it on myself, as she has now said she will give it time and see how she feels, so to summarise, she asked to be friends, then turned it around to make it look like it's her decision, when she asked me???? Oh dear.
I feel even worse now. I think from that comment she means, that she will see give it time and see how she feels, I have interpreted it as maybe being friends again one day, but, what if she meant, getting back together one day?
I'm probably just clutching at straws. But, now, I'm even more confused. This is beginning to sound like a script from a soap, I apologise.
Think about this logically, if she wanted to get back with you one day, would she block you? I don't think so somehow. Stop clinging on to the hope she will want you back, because she doesn't. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but from your messages on here you sound quite full on for a young lad, perhaps this was one of the reasons she decided to end things? The fact is you're only young, you have plenty of time to get back out there and find someone new, just don't waste time thinking 'what if', because the decision's made and that is that.
If she has blocked you she doesn't want to get back together. Sorry to be harsh. She's already changed her profile pic and relationship status. It's a pretty clear message. Perhaps she's only blocked you in retaliation when you told her you would be doing it but either way she's not worth it.
You deserve better Rugby Man and while it hurts right now, it can only get easier. When you miss her, go for a walk, watch some tv, go play a game- just try and distract yourself from it.
Pretty much agree with everyone about the whole facebook and the blocked incident. If she broke up with you over facebook and then proceeded to block you then its best if you take that as a warning sign and never give her the time of day again. Regardless if she thought it would be tough telling you face to face that it was over, she should have made the effort to so it made it easier on you, thats what anyone would do for someone they cared about. Once you accept that its over and your head becomes clear, you will see things without the rose tinted glasses on and in time realise your better off without her. Being with someone who can go from acting ok with you one week to breaking up with you the next isnt healthy for you or the relationship you were in.
Like i said before though, you should concentrate on yourself for now and learn from any mistakes you might have made, for the next few days your going to feel rough but i promise you it gets better.
Yes I think you have to make a conscious decision to keep telling yourself it's over...Move on. each time she comes to mind tell her to push off. It works. I've done it.
Chuck the hope of getting her back as she obviously isn't suited to you..... lovely as you are.
Don't appear to be needy...plenty more girls really wanting a relationship...look forward with interest as to who will cross your path and be lucky.
Yeah, thanks for the comments everyone. I guess I was too full on during our relationship, and, I feel my ex wouldn't feel as much as she does now, if, when she first told me she wanted to split up, if I had acted by saying to her something on the lines of, take your time, come to a proper decision and then gave her some space. But, I didn't think of that at the time.
This all has been totally out of the blue, well, since monday, she had been acting odd, ignoring me, etc, which wasn't like her, I asked her what it was and at the time she said family troubles. But, before I asked, I asked if it was 'us', that was stressing her out. I shouldn't have done that as I came across insecure and needy, and might have caused this break up, by sending her that as it probably made her think about the relationship..
Yeah, thanks for the comments everyone. I guess I was too full on during our relationship, and, I feel my ex wouldn't feel as much as she does now, if, when she first told me she wanted to split up, if I had acted by saying to her something on the lines of, take your time, come to a proper decision and then gave her some space. But, I didn't think of that at the time.
This all has been totally out of the blue, well, since monday, she had been acting odd, ignoring me, etc, which wasn't like her, I asked her what it was and at the time she said family troubles. But, before I asked, I asked if it was 'us', that was stressing her out. I shouldn't have done that as I came across insecure and needy, and might have caused this break up, by sending her that as it probably made her think about the relationship..
You will feel very down for a while - that's only natural.
Words from others can be a comfort, but you have to deal with this by yourself.
You don't want to hear this at the moment,, but time is a great healer.
With all the millions of people in the world, there are bound to be many others who you can "click with" and why not have fun finding that new special person.
You've been given a lot of good advice by people who remember what it's like to feel as bad as you do. I'd just like to add some from my experiences.
You can't make someone care about you. Don't torment yourself by going over everything that's been said and done - if you're not right for each other then accept it. It doesn't make either of you a 'bad' person if you don't want to go on with the relationship.
Trying to rekindle a relationship often ends badly; whatever went wrong the first time soon goes wrong again because you are still the same people. (This may not apply many years later when you've both changed.).
There are many girls who would be right for you - I don't believe there's only one soul-mate for each person. It's probably too soon for you to believe that, but it really is true!
A sad but true song. I feel it could have been written for me everytime someone says ''goodbye to our relationship.
I think I'll wait a while before listening to that, as I have blubbed like a little girl too much lately. aplogies if i sound a depressed emo everyone.
You will feel very down for a while - that's only natural.
Words from others can be a comfort, but you have to deal with this by yourself.
You don't want to hear this at the moment,, but time is a great healer.
With all the millions of people in the world, there are bound to be many others who you can "click with" and why not have fun finding that new special person.
Good Luck.
Thanks for the post, it's inspiring, I might not want anyone right now, but, I'll probably will one day.
You've been given a lot of good advice by people who remember what it's like to feel as bad as you do. I'd just like to add some from my experiences.
You can't make someone care about you. Don't torment yourself by going over everything that's been said and done - if you're not right for each other then accept it. It doesn't make either of you a 'bad' person if you don't want to go on with the relationship.
Trying to rekindle a relationship often ends badly; whatever went wrong the first time soon goes wrong again because you are still the same people. (This may not apply many years later when you've both changed.).
There are many girls who would be right for you - I don't believe there's only one soul-mate for each person. It's probably too soon for you to believe that, but it really is true!
No, my ex is not a bad person at all for doing what she did , she had her reasons, I wouldn't want her to be with just to make me happy, she has to be happy too. and she sort of let me down gently. I'm not sure how I feel about the way she did it, I can see the pros and cons and she might have saved us a lot of pain by doing it online, which may be why she did it, but, I might not have meant much to hear if she did like that, so I'm torn betwen them two reasons.
Sorry everyone, I will let this thread die soon, it's just, I got a message from a mutual friends of our and they say she's fine, carrying on as if nothing ever happened, and also told the mutual friend that she is fine and carrying on as normal. This may sound wrong, but, it's pretty gutting to hear, as I thought I meant something to her. She may be putting on a front, as she told me she sometimes hold in her emotions, but, I fear I meant nothing to her.
Sorry everyone, I will let this thread die soon, it's just, I got a message from a mutual friends of our and they say she's fine, carrying on as if nothing ever happened, and also told the mutual friend that she is fine and carrying on as normal. This may sound wrong, but, it's pretty gutting to hear, as I thought I meant something to her. She may be putting on a front, as she told me she sometimes hold in her emotions, but, I fear I meant nothing to her.
I would politely say to mutual friends you dont want to hear anything about her. If they were friends, why would they tell you that in the first place?
I would politely say to mutual friends you dont want to hear anything about her. If they were friends, why would they tell you that in the first place?
I'm not sure wether to consider this person as a friend, they had arguements with my ex, but, have since made up, she might be stirring things up. My mum still has my ex on facebook, and it seems like she is carrying on as nothing happened. As I said, it hurts, on one half, it feels as if I meant nothing to her, and, on the other, it seems like she trying a bit too hard to look like she's fine and she told me once that she hides her emotions. I know it's irrelevant now, but, I really do hope I meant something to her.
I dont understand why someone would really bring your ex up unless you asked first, sounds abit strange to me but ask your friend not to mention your ex and if it persists you may have to cut contact with them also if they keep reminding you of your ex. You dont want contant reminders of her, thats why you took her off your facebook as it will only come back to hurt you and make the healing process longer.
Feel free to keep this thread going, there isnt anything wrong with showing your emotions, you seem like a really nice genuine lad who just didnt find the right one yet.
I'm not sure wether to consider this person as a friend, they had arguements with my ex, but, have since made up, she might be stirring things up. My mum still has my ex on facebook, and it seems like she is carrying on as nothing happened. As I said, it hurts, on one half, it feels as if I meant nothing to her, and, on the other, it seems like she trying a bit too hard to look like she's fine and she told me once that she hides her emotions. I know it's irrelevant now, but, I really do hope I meant something to her.
Has your mum told you she's carrying on as normal? If so, bit insensitive of her to tell you that. Can she not delete her?
I dont understand why someone would really bring your ex up unless you asked first, sounds abit strange to me but ask your friend not to mention your ex and if it persists you may have to cut contact with them also if they keep reminding you of your ex. You dont want contant reminders of her, thats why you took her off your facebook as it will only come back to hurt you and make the healing process longer.
Feel free to keep this thread going, there isnt anything wrong with showing your emotions, you seem like a really nice genuine lad who just didnt find the right one yet.
Thanks for the kind message, I do appreciate it, part of the reason I keep this thread going is because it helps.
I will post the messages from the mutual friend.
This is the conversation.
Mutual friend: how r u tday
Me: tiny bit better thanks i dont know how kendra is as we have blocked each other for now as we though it was for the best
Mutual friend: oo kendra seems fine
:S
Me: does she?
Friend: yh
Me: in what way?
Friend: normal way ?
Me: no i just wondered what she said
or did
FriendL as if nothings happend
Me: oh, thats pretty gutting to hear. what has she said?
Friend: she just said tht shes fine n is carrying on as normal
Mel oh did she say to you or as a fb status
Friend: too me
Me: oh. has she said anything about me? apart from she already said.
Friend: nope
Me: i guess as she said she is just carrying on as normal. id rather hope that as i would hate it if i meant nothing to her.
9:56pm
Friend: see your point im off anyways waiting for a lift byeeeee
Me:see you
From that, I guess it was kind of my fault for asking about her, so, what do I expect really.
Has your mum told you she's carrying on as normal? If so, bit insensitive of her to tell you that. Can she not delete her?
No, I had a look on facebook (on her account) after my mum told me that she could still see her on there as she wasn't blocked. She hasn't got her on facebook, she can her account even though they are not friends and she isn't blocked.
Stop asking about her!!!' as for your friend, they clearly weren't bothered about your feelings as they dropped the blow and then ended the convo.
You need to stop obsessing about her and now!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stress this point enough. Do not spend all your time on this thread wallowing it won't help, get out and about and take your mind off it and do not ask friends about her.
I dont want to sound harsh but you are coming across like you want to know too much, in all fairness if you want to heal and get over this girl you need to stop talking about her and try to stop thinking about her(easier said than done). Your friend doesnt exactly seem the most considerate and should have tried to sugar coat some of it for you so it didnt seem so harsh but in future dont ask about her and try to stay off facebook. Just live your life and take everyday as it comes, i think it will be better in the long term if your mum follows your lead and gets rid of her off her facebook so there is no way for you to check up on her.In time all these small things will help the healing process.
I know its hard not to wonder how she is feeling or what she is doing but once you truly accept this is over you can then start to move on, letting your emotions build up inside isnt healthy so it will only come back to bite her at some point in time, as for you though, just cut contact for good and dont try to talk to anyone with any sort of information about her.
Stop asking about her!!!' as for your friend, they clearly weren't bothered about your feelings as they dropped the blow and then ended the convo.
You need to stop obsessing about her and now!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stress this point enough. Do not spend all your time on this thread wallowing it won't help, get out and about and take your mind off it and do not ask friends about her.
Yeah, I do need to stop obsessing over her, but, right now I haven't got much to take my mind off her and I'm still hurt. I am wallowing, but, it's half - half really, as it is helping as well. However, I do like the idea of getting out and taking my mind off her and I'll probably do that at the weekend.
Comments
The healing process is obviously different for everyone but aslong as you stick to the no contact rule and you focus on yourself, you will heal and become stronger. I found walking helped clear my mind in the times of a bad breakup and also gave me alot of motivation to transform my body which also helps with the confidence levels. Whatever you choose to do though , remember to do it for yourself and not to get back at your ex.
Tough people do.
This too shall pass...
"Elementary"
This is from someone who has felt what it is like to have the person she adored most in this world turn around and say they didn't love her anymore...it sucks. It's not fair. But if it's not meant to be, then you're meant for better and will find it.
Or! She may come to her senses, come back and beg you for a second chance! There's always possibilities, especially when the door is left open.
I'm only 18 as well, and I haven't exactly truly given up on my first love yet. But I'm not waiting around on him either. You should never spend a moment of your life waiting on someone else to take the lead. You're the leader of your life so be honest about your feeling and even if you don't get what you want all the time, you'll get what you need.
Hope my babbling helped a bit
Think about this logically, if she wanted to get back with you one day, would she block you? I don't think so somehow. Stop clinging on to the hope she will want you back, because she doesn't. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but from your messages on here you sound quite full on for a young lad, perhaps this was one of the reasons she decided to end things? The fact is you're only young, you have plenty of time to get back out there and find someone new, just don't waste time thinking 'what if', because the decision's made and that is that.
You deserve better Rugby Man and while it hurts right now, it can only get easier. When you miss her, go for a walk, watch some tv, go play a game- just try and distract yourself from it.
Like i said before though, you should concentrate on yourself for now and learn from any mistakes you might have made, for the next few days your going to feel rough but i promise you it gets better.
Chuck the hope of getting her back as she obviously isn't suited to you..... lovely as you are.
Don't appear to be needy...plenty more girls really wanting a relationship...look forward with interest as to who will cross your path and be lucky.
This all has been totally out of the blue, well, since monday, she had been acting odd, ignoring me, etc, which wasn't like her, I asked her what it was and at the time she said family troubles. But, before I asked, I asked if it was 'us', that was stressing her out. I shouldn't have done that as I came across insecure and needy, and might have caused this break up, by sending her that as it probably made her think about the relationship..
You need to stop analysing every little thing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gaaAvXKrgA
A sad but true song. I feel it could have been written for me everytime someone says ''goodbye to our relationship.
Words from others can be a comfort, but you have to deal with this by yourself.
You don't want to hear this at the moment,, but time is a great healer.
With all the millions of people in the world, there are bound to be many others who you can "click with" and why not have fun finding that new special person.
Good Luck.
You can't make someone care about you. Don't torment yourself by going over everything that's been said and done - if you're not right for each other then accept it. It doesn't make either of you a 'bad' person if you don't want to go on with the relationship.
Trying to rekindle a relationship often ends badly; whatever went wrong the first time soon goes wrong again because you are still the same people. (This may not apply many years later when you've both changed.).
There are many girls who would be right for you - I don't believe there's only one soul-mate for each person. It's probably too soon for you to believe that, but it really is true!
No, my ex is not a bad person at all for doing what she did , she had her reasons, I wouldn't want her to be with just to make me happy, she has to be happy too. and she sort of let me down gently. I'm not sure how I feel about the way she did it, I can see the pros and cons and she might have saved us a lot of pain by doing it online, which may be why she did it, but, I might not have meant much to hear if she did like that, so I'm torn betwen them two reasons.
I would politely say to mutual friends you dont want to hear anything about her. If they were friends, why would they tell you that in the first place?
I'm not sure wether to consider this person as a friend, they had arguements with my ex, but, have since made up, she might be stirring things up. My mum still has my ex on facebook, and it seems like she is carrying on as nothing happened. As I said, it hurts, on one half, it feels as if I meant nothing to her, and, on the other, it seems like she trying a bit too hard to look like she's fine and she told me once that she hides her emotions. I know it's irrelevant now, but, I really do hope I meant something to her.
Feel free to keep this thread going, there isnt anything wrong with showing your emotions, you seem like a really nice genuine lad who just didnt find the right one yet.
Has your mum told you she's carrying on as normal? If so, bit insensitive of her to tell you that. Can she not delete her?
Thanks for the kind message, I do appreciate it, part of the reason I keep this thread going is because it helps.
I will post the messages from the mutual friend.
This is the conversation.
Mutual friend: how r u tday
Me: tiny bit better thanks i dont know how kendra is as we have blocked each other for now as we though it was for the best
Mutual friend: oo kendra seems fine
:S
Me: does she?
Friend: yh
Me: in what way?
Friend: normal way ?
Me: no i just wondered what she said
or did
FriendL as if nothings happend
Me: oh, thats pretty gutting to hear. what has she said?
Friend: she just said tht shes fine n is carrying on as normal
Mel oh did she say to you or as a fb status
Friend: too me
Me: oh. has she said anything about me? apart from she already said.
Friend: nope
Me: i guess as she said she is just carrying on as normal. id rather hope that as i would hate it if i meant nothing to her.
9:56pm
Friend: see your point im off anyways waiting for a lift byeeeee
Me:see you
From that, I guess it was kind of my fault for asking about her, so, what do I expect really.
No, I had a look on facebook (on her account) after my mum told me that she could still see her on there as she wasn't blocked. She hasn't got her on facebook, she can her account even though they are not friends and she isn't blocked.
You need to stop obsessing about her and now!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stress this point enough. Do not spend all your time on this thread wallowing it won't help, get out and about and take your mind off it and do not ask friends about her.
I know its hard not to wonder how she is feeling or what she is doing but once you truly accept this is over you can then start to move on, letting your emotions build up inside isnt healthy so it will only come back to bite her at some point in time, as for you though, just cut contact for good and dont try to talk to anyone with any sort of information about her.
Yeah, I do need to stop obsessing over her, but, right now I haven't got much to take my mind off her and I'm still hurt. I am wallowing, but, it's half - half really, as it is helping as well. However, I do like the idea of getting out and taking my mind off her and I'll probably do that at the weekend.