Alcohol concerns

NoWireHangersNoWireHangers Posts: 909
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I'm getting a little concerned by my drinking habits. Something has changed over the last 18 months. I'm blacking out and forgetting how I get home sometimes. This is the thing it doesn't happen everytime, for example last night I went out and drank a but but remember everything and had a perfectly pleasant evening. But Friday there's a massive patch of time which cannot be accounted for.

And of course with memory loss comes the fear that you've done something awful and can't remember. It's not fun.

I don't drink everyday but sometimes I just go to far although those sometimes are becoming more often. I'm a little worried. The effect it has on my state of mind is quite bad as I then have post drinking anxiety. But then other times I don't go too far, it's frustrating as I don't know which way it's going to go when I have a drink.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting by way of replies but please be kind

Comments

  • stud u likestud u like Posts: 42,100
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    See a Doctor and then an alcohol counsellor.
    Sounds like you fit.
  • NoWireHangersNoWireHangers Posts: 909
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    I know that's what I should do. I feel embarrassed like I'm stupid for letting it get out of control.
  • NoWireHangersNoWireHangers Posts: 909
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    But I will go
  • stud u likestud u like Posts: 42,100
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    I know that's what I should do. I feel embarrassed like I'm stupid for letting it get out of control.

    I wouldn't say you were stupid. I would say you are having an epiphany. A new way of thinking of how your life is blighted by alcohol and how you want to change your life for a happy and positive future.

    I would say at the moment you are being very strong and thoughtful and want to get your life back.

    It also takes a lot of courage to write what you wrote.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 4,864
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    Do you do jaeger bombs at all?
  • shmiskshmisk Posts: 7,963
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    I went to see my mother and step dad yesterday for the first time in 28 years
    (Killing my demons)
    A fashion conscious bright woman and a successful lawyer - in the day- live their lives in front if the tv in the back room of their house. No one visits (took them a while to find the key), they go out only to buy drink. He was dressed in pants when he opened the door- neither of them recognised me or "which one" I was. They smelt and their clothes were dirty, their teeth yellow and chipped. They have no contact with any relations.
    At the third time of asking me if he should put trousers on, he did. They couldn't remember
    - if I had been to their wedding
    - what year it was
    - the dates of birth of their children
    - mother didn't remember the woman who was her best friend for 18 years or her brothers name

    By virtue of pensions they manage to afford their drink and have no mortgage

    They seem to have spent their time making up their pasts and getting drunk, the room was lined with bags and bags of wine
    Extreme I know but they started out with the odd pass out (mother. It's cause I am allergic to alcohol) and blackout and now much of their past is permanently blacked out.

    Please get help
  • Pistol WhipPistol Whip Posts: 9,677
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    shmisk wrote: »
    I went to see my mother and step dad yesterday for the first time in 28 years
    (Killing my demons)
    A fashion conscious bright woman and a successful lawyer - in the day- live their lives in front if the tv in the back room of their house. No one visits (took them a while to find the key), they go out only to buy drink. He was dressed in pants when he opened the door- neither of them recognised me or "which one" I was. They smelt and their clothes were dirty, their teeth yellow and chipped. They have no contact with any relations.
    At the third time of asking me if he should put trousers on, he did. They couldn't remember
    - if I had been to their wedding
    - what year it was
    - the dates of birth of their children
    - mother didn't remember the woman who was her best friend for 18 years or her brothers name

    By virtue of pensions they manage to afford their drink and have no mortgage

    They seem to have spent their time making up their pasts and getting drunk, the room was lined with bags and bags of wine
    Extreme I know but they started out with the odd pass out (mother. It's cause I am allergic to alcohol) and blackout and now much of their past is permanently blacked out.

    Please get help

    That's one of the most saddest posts I've read on DS :(
  • shmiskshmisk Posts: 7,963
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    That's one of the most saddest posts I've read on DS :(

    Hopefully it will help the OP then, as they are beyond help and don't think their lifestyle is anything strange, and have no desire to change
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 703
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    If you feel like this now OP, the time has come for you to get help. If you can`t stand the thought of the Drs, go to an AA meeting. Even if it isn`t for you, there will be some stories that will make you think about where you are heading.
  • patsylimerickpatsylimerick Posts: 22,124
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    shmisk wrote: »
    I went to see my mother and step dad yesterday for the first time in 28 years
    (Killing my demons)
    A fashion conscious bright woman and a successful lawyer - in the day- live their lives in front if the tv in the back room of their house. No one visits (took them a while to find the key), they go out only to buy drink. He was dressed in pants when he opened the door- neither of them recognised me or "which one" I was. They smelt and their clothes were dirty, their teeth yellow and chipped. They have no contact with any relations.
    At the third time of asking me if he should put trousers on, he did. They couldn't remember
    - if I had been to their wedding
    - what year it was
    - the dates of birth of their children
    - mother didn't remember the woman who was her best friend for 18 years or her brothers name

    By virtue of pensions they manage to afford their drink and have no mortgage

    They seem to have spent their time making up their pasts and getting drunk, the room was lined with bags and bags of wine
    Extreme I know but they started out with the odd pass out (mother. It's cause I am allergic to alcohol) and blackout and now much of their past is permanently blacked out.

    Please get help

    Jesus, my heart goes out to you. :( I hope you have good people around you.
  • RuinedGirlRuinedGirl Posts: 918
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    They don't call it the demon drink for nothing, I'm afraid :(
    OP, is there any particular reason why you're drinking? For example loneliness, being unhappy with your life, depression etc?
    It's good that you've realised your drinking habits are perhaps becoming destructive, before it gets too far. I'd definitely advise looking at the reasons why you're drinking to the point where you black out, and perhaps going to your GP for advise. If necessary, they could put you in touch with an alcohol support worker.
    Please don't just ignore the problem and hope it will go away. Speaking from personal experience, it doesn't and the problem gets worse. It's a lot harder to deal with alcohol issues if you let them go on for months, or even years (as is the case with me.)
    Also, to the poster who bravely shared their experience in relation to their mother: Thank you. That post really affected me because (I'm scared to admit) I could identify with that lifestyle. The only time I've left the house the past few weeks has been to buy alcohol. I spend all my time in my bedroom avoiding the outside world, and my room is full of carrier bags containing empty lager cans. I would hate for a member of my family to make a heartbreaking post like yours in a few years time about me :( Bit of a wakeup call, really. Which I certainly needed. I'm sorry for your experiences with your Mother, and I think you're very brave sharing them on here in the hope it will help the OP.
  • shmiskshmisk Posts: 7,963
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    Ruined girl (and OP) I do hope it helps you get help
    I always though of my sharp and body conscious mother, who I knew was alcoholic, as a functional alcoholic
    To see her in such a state was pretty shocking
    I guess the realities of alcoholism aren't always spoken about

    Again, please get help.

    And good luck to the both of you, i really mean that
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,924
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    shmisk wrote: »
    I went to see my mother and step dad yesterday for the first time in 28 years
    (Killing my demons)
    A fashion conscious bright woman and a successful lawyer - in the day- live their lives in front if the tv in the back room of their house. No one visits (took them a while to find the key), they go out only to buy drink. He was dressed in pants when he opened the door- neither of them recognised me or "which one" I was. They smelt and their clothes were dirty, their teeth yellow and chipped. They have no contact with any relations.
    At the third time of asking me if he should put trousers on, he did. They couldn't remember
    - if I had been to their wedding
    - what year it was
    - the dates of birth of their children
    - mother didn't remember the woman who was her best friend for 18 years or her brothers name

    By virtue of pensions they manage to afford their drink and have no mortgage

    They seem to have spent their time making up their pasts and getting drunk, the room was lined with bags and bags of wine
    Extreme I know but they started out with the odd pass out (mother. It's cause I am allergic to alcohol) and blackout and now much of their past is permanently blacked out.

    Please get help

    Your post touched me too for my own reasons. Alcohol has been the bane of my life in one way or another too. I hope you have loving people around you, you certainly deserve to have the best of lives.
  • Billy BumblyBilly Bumbly Posts: 50
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    shmisk wrote: »
    I went to see my mother and step dad yesterday for the first time in 28 years
    (Killing my demons)
    A fashion conscious bright woman and a successful lawyer - in the day- live their lives in front if the tv in the back room of their house. No one visits (took them a while to find the key), they go out only to buy drink. He was dressed in pants when he opened the door- neither of them recognised me or "which one" I was. They smelt and their clothes were dirty, their teeth yellow and chipped. They have no contact with any relations.
    At the third time of asking me if he should put trousers on, he did. They couldn't remember
    - if I had been to their wedding
    - what year it was
    - the dates of birth of their children
    - mother didn't remember the woman who was her best friend for 18 years or her brothers name

    By virtue of pensions they manage to afford their drink and have no mortgage

    They seem to have spent their time making up their pasts and getting drunk, the room was lined with bags and bags of wine
    Extreme I know but they started out with the odd pass out (mother. It's cause I am allergic to alcohol) and blackout and now much of their past is permanently blacked out.

    Please get help

    Very sad. My cousin and his wife who are in their 70s and have no kids sound similar. One night his wife was in the bath and she had a bad turn. Because he had been drinking all he did was bring her a pillow and then left her there until the morning. Crazy.

    As for me I had a drink free weekend and I feel great for it.
  • RuinedGirlRuinedGirl Posts: 918
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    It's very nice to see that the OP reaching out to people has prompted a lot of posters to respond so positively (Either people who don't have alcohol issues giving compassionate, non-judgemental advice, or people with alcohol issues telling their own story and reaching out to others.) OP, I hope you've taken some comfort from the replies, and realised that you're not alone and there is help and compassion available out there :)

    I think we live in a society where there's a great stereotype in relation to alcohol. When people think of those who have an addiction to alcohol (or issues with alcohol) a lot of people imagine a homeless person lying in the gutter with an empty bottle of vodka beside them. But there are also so many people out there who are ''functioning alcoholics.'' I was one myself back when I had a job, and to be honest, it didn't even occur to me what I was an alcoholic. Because in my mind, I had a job. I got up for work every single day at 5:45 in the morning, worked 6 days a week. So how could I possibly have issues with alcohol? Fair enough, I was drinking around 4 pints every single night after work (and up to 10 on my day off.) But I was still functioning in society, therefore I genuinely didn't believe I had an issue. The Government needs to do more to highlight the fact that alcoholics can come from any walk of life or social class. And just because someone has a job/family etc and isn't living on the street, it doesn't mean they can't develop an alcohol problem.

    I hope everyone reading this thread who is struggling reaches out and gets the help they need (and deserve!) :)
  • paralaxparalax Posts: 12,127
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    You know I think you have answered your own question. You have a problem with alcohol, if you can't control it once you start drinking, don't drink. If you are at the stage when you can stay away from it then do that, if not get some help before you come dependent.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,133
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    I'm a recovering alcoholic myself and believe me it certainly escalates and completely ruins your life .
    I lost everything .


    I think more must be done to address alcoholism in this country , and I'm not talking about price increases . An alcoholic will still find a way to buy the booze regardless of a minimum price.

    Education from an early age would be a good start .
  • rehab_101rehab_101 Posts: 874
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    Well done for knowing its becoming problematic. The next part is up to you.

    I was in a similar boat to you a few years ago. I believed (or more told myself to believe) that I was just caught up in the binge drinking nation. When in fact I drank everyday. I drank until I had no more booze and would then go to sleep, more often than not forgetting most of the last couple of hours of the night. I would wake up the following morning around 9.30, get dressed and go to the pub to order a jug of vodka red bull, drink that, buy beer or wine on the way home and sit about drinking that, before returning to the pub that evening. This was when I was 'off sick' or had booked time off work.

    When I was working, I was still out every night. Not only would I forget parts of the nights, but I was still so drunk the following morning that I would get to work (a bank at the time), do my morning stuff, set up appointments etc and by lunch time when the appointments arrived I had no idea who they were. The morning was a complete blank.

    At the time, I laughed about it, I was having fun, but realistically I was only 20 and this routine followed for about 18-24 months.

    I had to quit my job (booze related 'sickness' that I was caught out for) and had to move back home. Even then it didn't stop me, though there was no day time boozing at home, it made me party harder of a night. The number of times I put myself in danger was ridiculous. I lost friends over the course of this time, not because I was a horrible drunk, I was the life and soul of the party, but because I was always drunk.

    Fortunately I got to the point, like you, where you realise it is in fact becoming a problem. I was 23. It sounds silly but I enrolled on a short course with the open uni and used that as an excuse as to why I couldn't go out quite as much. Don't get me wrong I was still a binge drinking party starting animal, but only once or twice a week, combining that with the shift work I was doing made it easy to make excuses. In my sober time it allowed me to reflect on my drunk time and I really, really didn't like the person I was. I cut off ties with my drinking partner and didn't drink for 7 months. For a couple of years I only drank 3 or 4 times a year, but now I am at a stage where I can go out once every month or 2 with my friends, go to the pub have a few drinks and yea i get drunk, but once I leave the pub it ends there, theres no more midnight vodka runs or raiding the drinks cabinet until 4am.

    Basically you just need to find out what works for you. You've realised your drinking habits are not quite right, don't go brushing that thought under the carpet and ignoring it again. Go and speak to your doctor, speak to friends or family that might be able to help, figure out what YOU want to do and stick to it. Best of luck NoWireHangers and sorry for the essay, I guess I just wanted you to know my brief account to show you that you can turn this around.
  • shmiskshmisk Posts: 7,963
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    As a follow on to me tracing my mother in awful circumstances- have spoke to my sister, his son and her brother and no one knows what to do
    Social services aren't involved as they have money and they see no wrong in their lifestyle
    Does anyone you know have Lindt bunnies as ornaments? Don't know what to do
    Going there I expected the woman who was so horrid to us as kids and found a pitiable person

    Don't drink to excess anyone

    Please
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,064
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    I'm getting a little concerned by my drinking habits. Something has changed over the last 18 months. I'm blacking out and forgetting how I get home sometimes. This is the thing it doesn't happen everytime, for example last night I went out and drank a but but remember everything and had a perfectly pleasant evening. But Friday there's a massive patch of time which cannot be accounted for.

    And of course with memory loss comes the fear that you've done something awful and can't remember. It's not fun.

    I don't drink everyday but sometimes I just go to far although those sometimes are becoming more often. I'm a little worried. The effect it has on my state of mind is quite bad as I then have post drinking anxiety. But then other times I don't go too far, it's frustrating as I don't know which way it's going to go when I have a drink.

    I'm not sure what I'm expecting by way of replies but please be kind

    It sounds to me like you are 'going too far' with your drinking. When I was in the Royal Navy I awoke one morning and I thought to myself I'd like a can of beer. I am in trouble here. That was when I took two years off drinking alcohol. I think that is why the word has Hol at the end of it we should take a hol-iday from it for a few weeks per year.
  • satellitesatellite Posts: 8,181
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    Realising you have a problem/admitting it to yourself is the first step. I have been 'dry' for 4 years now, after over 30 years of drinking, firstly social drinking when I was in my teens, cider etc, then onto more serious and harmful spirits in my 20s and 30s, then wine (2 bottles some nights) in my 40s. Finally after losing my brother to cirrhosis and my best friend to alcohol when she was 40 (she weighed just 6 and a half stone) I finally decided enough was enough! I have a young family, and if I couldn't do if for them, well. So that was it, never will drink again. I still go on my girls nights out, only now I am the one drinking plain tonic water, looking after the whip money and driving everyone home! I've never been happier, lost 4 stone in weight, look younger, feel better, and I know I have done it for all the right reasons. So OP, catch it now before it catches you. :)
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