The day she came to collect her stuff she said she still loved me. If her parents didnt find out, she would still be with me.
No you idiot she would have still left - her parents finding out have nothing to do with it.
It is possible to love someone and not be with them, because they cause you too much pain!
But clearly all you love is the nice line of money from her bank account to yours. Because if you had any love for her then you would let her go, sort your shit out and move on with life.....
There's two sides to every coin and although I can understand why some people are responding in such an aggressive way, do you really think that helps?
Clearly the 'wife' shouldn't have kept chucking her money at this problem. I would argue that as a wife she had a resposibility to try and make her husband face up to his issues. Sadly by bailing him out she didn't do this.
The OP should of course address his own issues but we should all bare in mind that very few people (if anyone) will understand this as most don't have addictions, none of us know the full story and few will appreciate the OP's thoughts on this all.
The long and short is that no she cannot claim the money back.
Do I feel you morally should pay her back..? No more than I think she should morally have tried harder to save her marriage rather than running as soon as pressure came from her immeadiate familiy.
As for should she contact your Mum etc, I see why you ask that but she mentally is probably trying to move on and your Mum is obviously a strong link to you and although it must hurt your Mum, she shouldn't take it personally; (you should LOL )
This clearly isn't about the money it's about causing her misery. In which case you need help and all you will do is confirm her opinion that she's had a very very very lucky escape.
She's probably happy to spend the money to be rid of you.
Spite. he's going to teach her not to ignore his problems and cut the money supply off, this sad little toddler man.
Well, she has a lawyer and the lawyer will know what to do to free her from him.
There's two sides to every coin and although I can understand why some people are responding in such an aggressive way, do you really think that helps?
Clearle the 'wife' shouldn't have kept chucking her money at this problem. I would argue that as a wife she had a resposibility to try and make her husband face up to his issues. Sadly by bailing him out she didn't do this.
The OP should of course address his own issues but we should all bare in mind that very few people (if anyone) will understand this as most don't have addictions, none of us know the full story and few will appreciate the OP's thoughts on this all.
The long and short is that no she cannot claim the money back.
Do I feel you morally should pay her back..? No more than I think she should morally have tried harder to save her marriage rather than running as soon as pressure came from her immeadiate familiy.
As for should she contact your Mum etc, I see why you ask that but she mentally is probably trying to move on and your Mum is obviously a strong link to you and although it must hurt your Mum, she shouldn't take it personally. (You should LOL )
The OP admitted in an old thread he lied to get the money out of her. His account on her is most likely favouring himself and he still comes out of it looking like a sad man.
No way anyone but the OP is responsible for his situation. I feel no agression to the OP. I just think it is sad.
Spite. he's going to teach her not to ignore his problems and cut the money supply off, this sad little toddler man.
Well, she has a lawyer and the lawyer will know what to do to free her from him.
Wouldn't you expect that a bit though whe two people love each other as much as they probably did.
I'm not trying to defend the OP but it's very easy for us all to be on our high-horses on this forum.
I'd be more concerned if there was nothing. Obviously regret would be better but I imagine the OP is past that stage and sadly he know feels anger which is leading to spite on his part.
The OP admitted in an old thread he lied to get the money out of her. His account on her is most likely favouring himself and he still comes out of it looking like a sad man.
No way anyone but the OP is responsible for his situation. I feel no agression to the OP. I just think it is sad.
I must admit I just feel despair that someone would behave in such a manner.
The OP admitted in an old thread he lied to get the money out of her. His account on her is most likely favouring himself and he still comes out of it looking like a sad man.
No way anyone but the OP is responsible for his situation. I feel no agression to the OP. I just think it is sad.
Yep but that is part of a serious addiction.
People experiencing such problems do lie, they do make things up, they try to cover everything up any which way they can; even when it comes to the closest people to them. Quite often through the pure shame they feel for what they know they are doing wrong.
I agree that from whichever side of the coin you see this from, it is indeed a very sad situation.
Wouldn't you expect that a bit though whe two people love each other as much as they probably did.
I'm not trying to defend the OP but it's very easy for us all to be on our high-horses on this forum.
I'd be more concerned if there was nothing. Obviously regret would be better but I imagine the OP is past that stage and sadly he know feels anger which is leading to spite on his part.
No..He mouths contrition for what he has done but still wants to punish her anyway. She was his money cow, that's all. And he's mad as hell she' getting away. The thing is, he has absolutely no right to be angry - he singlehandedly smashed his marriage up. You have to wondr why he isn;t angry at himself. I think the answer is self love - in spite of all he;s done, he still expects her to come running to him.
he'll learn. because if he doesn't make a go of GA, this is the story of the rest of his life.
The day she came to collect her stuff she said she still loved me. If her parents didnt find out, she would still be with me.
So her parents are to blame. There you go again - unable to accept responsibility for YOUR actions.
She left you when she could stand it no longer - maybe she does still love you, but that doesn't mean that she wasn't absolutely 100% right in getting out of this toxic mess - and god bless her parents for helping her do so. If you had any care for her you'd be thanking them for supporting her rather than selfishly blaming them.
Wouldn't you expect that a bit though when two people love each other as much as they probably did.
Never mind love; what seems to be of most concern to the OP is whether he's going to be asked for money. Note the title of this thread and its opening post. Note also his earlier thread that began thus:
Hello. I am currently separated from my Wife. She will be starting Divorce proceedings shortly. We have been married for just over a year.
Some of you have may of read my prevoius article so will know more of the story.
I have nothing in my name. No house, no property no Car and no real savings.
Over the last year however my wife did give me alot of money. She transferred money directly into my account on a regular basis but always said she didn't want it back. She also transferred it on her own will.
The question I am asking if anyone has some experience in this field, that can she claim anything?
His wife may have loved him once, but I'm not sure that he ever really loved her, though his pride may have been hurt by the fact that she's dared to leave him.
Let me just say a couple of points. We have been together for over three years. (married for over a year. All i saying I wish she stood by me and tried to help me through this.
Before we met I was still gambling and my mum and sister help pay my debts. But they are still with me. My mum hasnt thrown me out of her house, and has stood by me. My sister and her husband still support me.
When my family found out about this, of course they were upset with me, and the first thing my Brother in law (sisters husband) done was drag me down to GA to help me.
And i am gettting better. I admit I have had a couple of breakouts, but im still going to GA and I will beat the habit
I do feel really sorry for you OP. And I can understand your anger at your ex-wife - she's left the situation yet you're still right in the centre of it. I can understand you feeling angry, and jealous; she doesn't have to live with you any more, you do.
I wonder how this is going to make you feel in the long run. Do you never think that free from the grip of your addiction that you might regret this revenge tactic (which will get you nowhere, btw) and feel even worse about yourself than you do already (not that you will admit to that because denial seems to be away for you to get through each day).
I don't believe you're still going to GA. You might have attended a couple of times just to satisfy either a brief need within yourself or someone else's requirement to show that you're actively doing something. You don't come across as someone who is in the place where they would accept they have a problem and go to GA voluntarily. I hope that day comes soon and that you benefit from the experience.
Let me just say a couple of points. We have been together for over three years. (married for over a year. All i saying I wish she stood by me and tried to help me through this.
Before we met I was still gambling and my mum and sister help pay my debts. But they are still with me. My mum hasnt thrown me out of her house, and has stood by me. My sister and her husband still support me.
When my family found out about this, of course they were upset with me, and the first thing my Brother in law (sisters husband) done was drag me down to GA to help me.
And i am gettting better. I admit I have had a couple of breakouts, but im still going to GA and I will beat the habit
No all you are saying is 'I am going to make this difficult for her - as revenge' and 'do I really have to pay her back all the money she gave me?'.
Let me just say a couple of points. We have been together for over three years. (married for over a year. All i saying I wish she stood by me and tried to help me through this.
Before we met I was still gambling and my mum and sister help pay my debts. But they are still with me. My mum hasnt thrown me out of her house, and has stood by me. My sister and her husband still support me.
When my family found out about this, of course they were upset with me, and the first thing my Brother in law (sisters husband) done was drag me down to GA to help me.
And i am gettting better. I admit I have had a couple of breakouts, but im still going to GA and I will beat the habit
Until you accept that the problem is all with you, you will slip and you will not recover. The support you expect has nothing to do with your recovery or not. That comes from within.
Again I understand the above points and on the whole agree but I just think sometimes you can cross the line (well not you but we as a community) of tough love.
£30K is bound to be his main focus financially as it's so large and if he's the sort of a guy that is angry then he may well be expecting her to do what he thinks he would do if he'd given away that sort of money..; get it back.
But OP, seriously mate I'd honestly suggest that just as you are starting to some of the errors that YOU have made gambling wise etc, that you will eventually feel the same if you drag your heels and make this harder than what it's already going to be for your wife. Eventually you'll see you shouldn't have made it harder.
Just try to be strong now for you and her and think about how you handle every part of this. Try to see past your own anger and ultimately use the loveyou have for her to allow her to move on.
the sooner you let her move on, the sooner you will too and with everything in your life problem wise like the gambling, moving on is probably exactly what you need.
I can understand all your thoughts but ultimately it's time to be the bigger man regardless of the faults you know she has.
I really am trying to be impartial here and think the above is the best advice I can offer.
Let me just say a couple of points. We have been together for over three years. (married for over a year. All i saying I wish she stood by me and tried to help me through this.
Before we met I was still gambling and my mum and sister help pay my debts. But they are still with me. My mum hasnt thrown me out of her house, and has stood by me. My sister and her husband still support me.
When my family found out about this, of course they were upset with me, and the first thing my Brother in law (sisters husband) done was drag me down to GA to help me.
And i am gettting better. I admit I have had a couple of breakouts, but im still going to GA and I will beat the habit
Your expectation of her being able to stand by you is too high - you need to have some compassion for her in taking the decision to leave. It sounds as though she tried to help you in the beginning or you wouldn't have ended up taking so much of her money.
You are lucky the rest of your family are prepared to help you - although they may actually be doing you no real favours if they are continuing to enable your compulsive behaviour by bailing you out when you fall over. Clearly your wife didn't feel she could - you are being far too critical of a decision that everyone reading your story can completely understand.
Your desire for revenge does you no credit whatsoever - people would have far more respect for you if you accepted her decision and let her go. And you'd respect yourself more too. You aren't really fit to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment - not until you've got your compulsion firmly under control and that's clearly not where you are.
You've brought the aggressive responses on yourself due to your lack of compassion towards your wife's situation and your constant blaming of others - nobody respects that.
Just one point on the 'side' of the OP, I 100% get the point that he feels she should have stuck by him more. Like I said in my 1st post ion this thread, just as he has a responsibility to get better, she has a responsibility to help him through such a thing.
A wife/Husband is there for better or worse, rich or poor and it may be old-fashioned on my part but I 100% think she should have tried more (assuming he isn't misrepresenting what she was like).
Comments
No you idiot she would have still left - her parents finding out have nothing to do with it.
It is possible to love someone and not be with them, because they cause you too much pain!
But clearly all you love is the nice line of money from her bank account to yours. Because if you had any love for her then you would let her go, sort your shit out and move on with life.....
Clearly the 'wife' shouldn't have kept chucking her money at this problem. I would argue that as a wife she had a resposibility to try and make her husband face up to his issues. Sadly by bailing him out she didn't do this.
The OP should of course address his own issues but we should all bare in mind that very few people (if anyone) will understand this as most don't have addictions, none of us know the full story and few will appreciate the OP's thoughts on this all.
The long and short is that no she cannot claim the money back.
Do I feel you morally should pay her back..? No more than I think she should morally have tried harder to save her marriage rather than running as soon as pressure came from her immeadiate familiy.
As for should she contact your Mum etc, I see why you ask that but she mentally is probably trying to move on and your Mum is obviously a strong link to you and although it must hurt your Mum, she shouldn't take it personally; (you should LOL
It wont work. She will still move on and lead a happy life. Eventually you will just be a silly mistake in her life.
And you'd still be bleeding her dry
My husband's ex tried to play that game; he just went ahead without her signature.
It wasn't much of a hassle, he just had to wait a 'reasonable time' for her to respond, which was a matter of weeks, then off it went to the court.
No, it's pathetic, and she'll have the best revenge of all - living well.
She's probably happy to spend the money to be rid of you.
Spite. he's going to teach her not to ignore his problems and cut the money supply off, this sad little toddler man.
Well, she has a lawyer and the lawyer will know what to do to free her from him.
No way anyone but the OP is responsible for his situation. I feel no agression to the OP. I just think it is sad.
Wouldn't you expect that a bit though whe two people love each other as much as they probably did.
I'm not trying to defend the OP but it's very easy for us all to be on our high-horses on this forum.
I'd be more concerned if there was nothing. Obviously regret would be better but I imagine the OP is past that stage and sadly he know feels anger which is leading to spite on his part.
I must admit I just feel despair that someone would behave in such a manner.
Yep but that is part of a serious addiction.
People experiencing such problems do lie, they do make things up, they try to cover everything up any which way they can; even when it comes to the closest people to them. Quite often through the pure shame they feel for what they know they are doing wrong.
I agree that from whichever side of the coin you see this from, it is indeed a very sad situation.
As I said... immature and vindictive. Look at yourself in the mirror, like what you see?
Give this poor woman what she wants - which is to get as far away from you as humanly possible and who can blame her if this is how you operate.
You mean she waited until she had the support of people who loved her and wanted the best for her before she felt strong enough?
You have so little insight into your own flaws - she's had a very lucky escape.
No..He mouths contrition for what he has done but still wants to punish her anyway. She was his money cow, that's all. And he's mad as hell she' getting away. The thing is, he has absolutely no right to be angry - he singlehandedly smashed his marriage up. You have to wondr why he isn;t angry at himself. I think the answer is self love - in spite of all he;s done, he still expects her to come running to him.
he'll learn. because if he doesn't make a go of GA, this is the story of the rest of his life.
She left you when she could stand it no longer - maybe she does still love you, but that doesn't mean that she wasn't absolutely 100% right in getting out of this toxic mess - and god bless her parents for helping her do so. If you had any care for her you'd be thanking them for supporting her rather than selfishly blaming them.
You are completely self absorbed.
His wife may have loved him once, but I'm not sure that he ever really loved her, though his pride may have been hurt by the fact that she's dared to leave him.
Let me just say a couple of points. We have been together for over three years. (married for over a year. All i saying I wish she stood by me and tried to help me through this.
Before we met I was still gambling and my mum and sister help pay my debts. But they are still with me. My mum hasnt thrown me out of her house, and has stood by me. My sister and her husband still support me.
When my family found out about this, of course they were upset with me, and the first thing my Brother in law (sisters husband) done was drag me down to GA to help me.
And i am gettting better. I admit I have had a couple of breakouts, but im still going to GA and I will beat the habit
I do feel really sorry for you OP. And I can understand your anger at your ex-wife - she's left the situation yet you're still right in the centre of it. I can understand you feeling angry, and jealous; she doesn't have to live with you any more, you do.
I wonder how this is going to make you feel in the long run. Do you never think that free from the grip of your addiction that you might regret this revenge tactic (which will get you nowhere, btw) and feel even worse about yourself than you do already (not that you will admit to that because denial seems to be away for you to get through each day).
I don't believe you're still going to GA. You might have attended a couple of times just to satisfy either a brief need within yourself or someone else's requirement to show that you're actively doing something. You don't come across as someone who is in the place where they would accept they have a problem and go to GA voluntarily. I hope that day comes soon and that you benefit from the experience.
No all you are saying is 'I am going to make this difficult for her - as revenge' and 'do I really have to pay her back all the money she gave me?'.
Until you accept that the problem is all with you, you will slip and you will not recover. The support you expect has nothing to do with your recovery or not. That comes from within.
£30K is bound to be his main focus financially as it's so large and if he's the sort of a guy that is angry then he may well be expecting her to do what he thinks he would do if he'd given away that sort of money..; get it back.
But OP, seriously mate I'd honestly suggest that just as you are starting to some of the errors that YOU have made gambling wise etc, that you will eventually feel the same if you drag your heels and make this harder than what it's already going to be for your wife. Eventually you'll see you shouldn't have made it harder.
Just try to be strong now for you and her and think about how you handle every part of this. Try to see past your own anger and ultimately use the loveyou have for her to allow her to move on.
the sooner you let her move on, the sooner you will too and with everything in your life problem wise like the gambling, moving on is probably exactly what you need.
I can understand all your thoughts but ultimately it's time to be the bigger man regardless of the faults you know she has.
I really am trying to be impartial here and think the above is the best advice I can offer.
Your expectation of her being able to stand by you is too high - you need to have some compassion for her in taking the decision to leave. It sounds as though she tried to help you in the beginning or you wouldn't have ended up taking so much of her money.
You are lucky the rest of your family are prepared to help you - although they may actually be doing you no real favours if they are continuing to enable your compulsive behaviour by bailing you out when you fall over. Clearly your wife didn't feel she could - you are being far too critical of a decision that everyone reading your story can completely understand.
Your desire for revenge does you no credit whatsoever - people would have far more respect for you if you accepted her decision and let her go. And you'd respect yourself more too. You aren't really fit to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment - not until you've got your compulsion firmly under control and that's clearly not where you are.
You've brought the aggressive responses on yourself due to your lack of compassion towards your wife's situation and your constant blaming of others - nobody respects that.
A wife/Husband is there for better or worse, rich or poor and it may be old-fashioned on my part but I 100% think she should have tried more (assuming he isn't misrepresenting what she was like).