don't be daft! How is what I've said derogatory or homophobic, come off it! Look,it's just jokey words to try and lighten the situation, bleeding ell, it's hardly homophobic, I'm absolutely not, no way . Alright I could have been a bit subtle but it's not me. I call things how they are.
I can't see getting through this with him though, if he's after me, It's best if I'm not around him and I couldn't look at his wife again in the eye . It would destroy her this would, because she'd have to know, its just not right.
I accept what you said was done in a lighthearted jokey fashion but if this guy is lets say confused by his sexuality then he would be very sensitive to any derogatory remark no matter how it was meant.
It's possible that he is bi sexual and just is looking for someone in a simular position. The last thing you should do is tell his wife, if it does come out that he is gay then it should be him that tells her no one else.
Just being a friend to someone in this situation is important, I know the fact you feel he fancies you is scaring you, try to look at it as maybe flattering but at the same time make it obvious that you are not interested in him in that way - tactfully
don't be daft! How is what I've said derogatory or homophobic, come off it! Look,it's just jokey words to try and lighten the situation, bleeding ell, it's hardly homophobic, I'm absolutely not, no way . Alright I could have been a bit subtle but it's not me. I call things how they are.
I can't see getting through this with him though, if he's after me, It's best if I'm not around him and I couldn't look at his wife again in the eye . It would destroy her this would, because she'd have to know, its just not right.
Well then, why did you need to start a thread about how to deal with the situation? Surely you could have just come out with it in the first place instead of beating around the bush with a lot of nonsense.
I agree with everyone just ask him if everything is ok. He doesn't seem himself, invite him round for a beer or something.
If he comes out to you, then be there to support him, that's what he'll need. Don't go all righteous on him about his wife etc. because it'll be tearing him apart as it is.
And just because he's gay doesn't mean he's after you. I'd say the looking at you is him preparing to tell you something then changing his mind.
I don't know who he's listening to mr sally, but it sure ain't me, his phones still switched off .:(
His wife called me just earlier asking me whats happened because she can't get a word out of him and that he's been depressed for ages, won't go to bed with her at night, stays up til the early hours and sleeps in late.
I didn't have a foggy as to what to say, just said I think something getting his goat and that he done his nut at me for nothing. My guts are doing somersaults right now, it makes me feel like I've something to bleeding hide like I'm doing the dirty on her. I'm not impressed with all this at all.
I don't want to see him right now, I feel disgusted about it all.
I don't know who he's listening to mr sally, but it sure ain't me, his phones still switched off .:(
His wife called me just earlier asking me whats happened because she can't get a word out of him and that he's been depressed for ages, won't go to bed with her at night, stays up til the early hours and sleeps in late.
I didn't have a foggy as to what to say, just said I think something getting his goat and that he done his nut at me for nothing. My guts are doing somersaults right now, it makes me feel like I've something to bleeding hide like I'm doing the dirty on her. I'm not impressed with all this at all.
I don't want to see him right now, I feel disgusted about it all.
Who the bleeding hell is Ray mummymaz?
He has a problem of some sort. And you are disgusted ?
I don't know who he's listening to mr sally, but it sure ain't me, his phones still switched off .:(
His wife called me just earlier asking me whats happened because she can't get a word out of him and that he's been depressed for ages, won't go to bed with her at night, stays up til the early hours and sleeps in late.
I didn't have a foggy as to what to say, just said I think something getting his goat and that he done his nut at me for nothing. My guts are doing somersaults right now, it makes me feel like I've something to bleeding hide like I'm doing the dirty on her. I'm not impressed with all this at all.
I don't want to see him right now, I feel disgusted about it all.
Don't feel disgusted! When you stop feeling disgusted and ready to talk to him again, sit down with him in private and ask what is wrong and don't joke about it! Jokes sometimes come across bad IMO.
I think he may have just, for some reason, developed a bit of a crush on you.
He's not necessarily gay. He's perhaps a bit bored at home and with his wife. It happens in marriages at times.
There are not always clear cut lines between gay/bisexual/straight. It may be that someone will be straight all their lives except at one time find themselves attracted to one particular person of the same sex.
He may not even want to act on it. It's just there and will probably go away, like these things do.
Judging by his overreacting to your comments, I expect he is aware of it and not happy about it.
Leave him alone while he's not speaking to you. This "separation" may be the thing he needs to get over it and focus on his family life
Oh dear you've clearly hit some kind of nerve here.
I'd let the dust settle for a few days then try to give him a ring.
I would apologise for what you said and acknowledge that it's clearly upset him - ask him if he wants to talk about it. If he doesn't I would just leave it alone - he's clearly got some confusion going on and you seem to be part of it, whatever it is.
I don't know who he's listening to mr sally, but it sure ain't me, his phones still switched off .:(
His wife called me just earlier asking me whats happened because she can't get a word out of him and that he's been depressed for ages, won't go to bed with her at night, stays up til the early hours and sleeps in late.
I didn't have a foggy as to what to say, just said I think something getting his goat and that he done his nut at me for nothing. My guts are doing somersaults right now, it makes me feel like I've something to bleeding hide like I'm doing the dirty on her. I'm not impressed with all this at all.
I don't want to see him right now, I feel disgusted about it all.
Comments
I accept what you said was done in a lighthearted jokey fashion but if this guy is lets say confused by his sexuality then he would be very sensitive to any derogatory remark no matter how it was meant.
It's possible that he is bi sexual and just is looking for someone in a simular position. The last thing you should do is tell his wife, if it does come out that he is gay then it should be him that tells her no one else.
Just being a friend to someone in this situation is important, I know the fact you feel he fancies you is scaring you, try to look at it as maybe flattering but at the same time make it obvious that you are not interested in him in that way - tactfully
Well then, why did you need to start a thread about how to deal with the situation? Surely you could have just come out with it in the first place instead of beating around the bush with a lot of nonsense.
If he comes out to you, then be there to support him, that's what he'll need. Don't go all righteous on him about his wife etc. because it'll be tearing him apart as it is.
And just because he's gay doesn't mean he's after you. I'd say the looking at you is him preparing to tell you something then changing his mind.
His wife called me just earlier asking me whats happened because she can't get a word out of him and that he's been depressed for ages, won't go to bed with her at night, stays up til the early hours and sleeps in late.
I didn't have a foggy as to what to say, just said I think something getting his goat and that he done his nut at me for nothing. My guts are doing somersaults right now, it makes me feel like I've something to bleeding hide like I'm doing the dirty on her. I'm not impressed with all this at all.
I don't want to see him right now, I feel disgusted about it all.
Who the bleeding hell is Ray mummymaz?
He has a problem of some sort. And you are disgusted ?
Some friend you are.
So what if he is gay - it's not a disease - just talk to him as a friend. I very much doubt he's after you.
Don't feel disgusted! When you stop feeling disgusted and ready to talk to him again, sit down with him in private and ask what is wrong and don't joke about it! Jokes sometimes come across bad IMO.
He's not necessarily gay. He's perhaps a bit bored at home and with his wife. It happens in marriages at times.
There are not always clear cut lines between gay/bisexual/straight. It may be that someone will be straight all their lives except at one time find themselves attracted to one particular person of the same sex.
He may not even want to act on it. It's just there and will probably go away, like these things do.
Judging by his overreacting to your comments, I expect he is aware of it and not happy about it.
Leave him alone while he's not speaking to you. This "separation" may be the thing he needs to get over it and focus on his family life
It's just so downright stupid. And dramatic.
I'd let the dust settle for a few days then try to give him a ring.
I would apologise for what you said and acknowledge that it's clearly upset him - ask him if he wants to talk about it. If he doesn't I would just leave it alone - he's clearly got some confusion going on and you seem to be part of it, whatever it is.
It's a distinct possibility. Maybe the friend is freaked out because he thinks the OP may fancy him.
The legendary storyteller 83ray1.
Rays threads in Advice
This was probably one of his best, Oops