I schedule audits for a notified body. One morning about a year ago I had a client call up. He said the auditor had arrived and just had to pop out. They were wondering if they could cancel the audit because they didn't like his face
I talked them round and it ended up being the best audit they've ever had and they want that auditor again. The client phoned me up recently to book his next audit. He said "remember me?" and I replied "yes, you don't like someone's face"
We used to have a client who had a strange reluctance to use the lav, he used to crap on the floor and blame his cat. When my mate slipped on a turd at his flat and had to go home and change her trousers, we found it hilarious. Cue many jokes of the "I hear X has been in the sh!t again" variety.
I'd pay top dosh for something like that to have happened anywhere where I have worked at!
This is not exactly at work but connected with work...
I used to advertise in the local free paper back in the early 1990s, I kept getting inflated bills which I paid without question until I looked at my monthly spend and realised what had happened...I tried to get it sorted with the person responsible but was banging on a brick wall, so, I walked into the main office and gave the woman in there a large amount of grief which ended in me getting a refund but only after a very heated discussion....
Anyway, I booked a holiday in a private apartment abroad and had to pick up the keys and address etc from the owner....guess who the owner was?...yes, the woman I had the altercation with
To make things worse, she had been recommended to us by my wife's boss, she was a personal friend of his
This is not exactly at work but connected with work...
I used to advertise in the local free paper back in the early 1990s, I kept getting inflated bills which I paid without question until I looked at my monthly spend and realised what had happened...I tried to get it sorted with the person responsible but was banging on a brick wall, so, I walked into the main office and gave the woman in there a large amount of grief which ended in me getting a refund but only after a very heated discussion....
Anyway, I booked a holiday in a private apartment abroad and had to pick up the keys and address etc from the owner....guess who the owner was?...yes, the woman I had the altercation with
To make things worse, she had been recommended to us by my wife's boss, she was a personal friend of his
Irony has a funny way of kicking you in the teeth in ways you might shudder about!
When I taught a class of Year 3s, a kid once gave me an absence note. When I opened it, it said summat like "Dear Milkman, can I have 3 pints semi skimmed..." etc. I kept thinking about the poor milkman getting the note with the absence excuses.
Once, doing a 'Blue Peter' style craft make, I asked the kids to bring in washed-out, empty tins so we could build whatever it was we were making. Half of them came in with empty Heineken tinnies. (Probably not all that funny but it made me laugh).
Done this one before. Another time I had to go do some in-service training (where people who had never set foot in the classroom told grandma how to suck eggs). There was a course where they had maybe 100 or more of us, and say 10 tables each with an 'expert' on, to lecture us for ten minutes or so on the topic, then we'd have to stand up - all 100 of us - and move to the next, with the ensuing noise and chaos, and disorganisation. Anyone with half a brain would figure out that the best way would be for us to stay sitting down whilst the ten 'expert's moved from table to table.... Worst example of classroom management I ever saw or experienced. What was this course about? Classroom Management. Birmingham LEA for you.
Another thing they subjected us to for in-service training... they blew an entire year's budget on making a video. It was about 'How To Be A Lollipop Lady/Man'. I kid you not but they showed this at our in-service training - to a roomful of teachers. Why? They hadn't made one for teachers. Just for lollipop people. So that was what we had to watch. I'd love to know if they were the most incompetent LEA in the UK or if any other teachers from other areas have even 'better' examples.
I think mine is another one of those "you had to be there" situations, but on my last day as a trainee I was working on a repair clinic (repairing hearing aids) and a patient came in and sat down.
"What can I do for you today sir?"
"Well firstly I must apologise in case I make any strange noises..."
"Of course, no need to apologise sir, I'm sure they're not that strange..."
Then he put his hand in his pocket and his pocket started moaning. At first I thought I was mishearing it, but then he confirmed my belief by taking an orgasm sound keyring out of his pocket. Then he just put it on my desk and kept pressing the button, me becoming more bewildered..
Now, unfortunately, at university we never covered "what to do if a patient brings in an orgasm noise keyring and keeps using it in your appointment."
Eventually he chucked his hearing aids at me for me to fix, at which point I took the opportunity to leave the room and have a giggle (very professional of me :P) so awkward!!!!
We had a bunch of cleaners at our work and every morning, the one on the ground floor would clean the lift. Then she'd send it up to the first floor where the cleaner there would clean it, then she'd send it up to the next floor.
They used to drive their supervisor mad, no matter who many times it was explained to them it was the same lift they were all cleaning it just didn't sink in.
OH...MY....GOD...... I am laughing out loud in real life here!!
Comments
I talked them round and it ended up being the best audit they've ever had and they want that auditor again. The client phoned me up recently to book his next audit. He said "remember me?" and I replied "yes, you don't like someone's face"
I used to advertise in the local free paper back in the early 1990s, I kept getting inflated bills which I paid without question until I looked at my monthly spend and realised what had happened...I tried to get it sorted with the person responsible but was banging on a brick wall, so, I walked into the main office and gave the woman in there a large amount of grief which ended in me getting a refund but only after a very heated discussion....
Anyway, I booked a holiday in a private apartment abroad and had to pick up the keys and address etc from the owner....guess who the owner was?...yes, the woman I had the altercation with
To make things worse, she had been recommended to us by my wife's boss, she was a personal friend of his
Once, doing a 'Blue Peter' style craft make, I asked the kids to bring in washed-out, empty tins so we could build whatever it was we were making. Half of them came in with empty Heineken tinnies. (Probably not all that funny but it made me laugh).
Done this one before. Another time I had to go do some in-service training (where people who had never set foot in the classroom told grandma how to suck eggs). There was a course where they had maybe 100 or more of us, and say 10 tables each with an 'expert' on, to lecture us for ten minutes or so on the topic, then we'd have to stand up - all 100 of us - and move to the next, with the ensuing noise and chaos, and disorganisation. Anyone with half a brain would figure out that the best way would be for us to stay sitting down whilst the ten 'expert's moved from table to table.... Worst example of classroom management I ever saw or experienced. What was this course about? Classroom Management. Birmingham LEA for you.
Another thing they subjected us to for in-service training... they blew an entire year's budget on making a video. It was about 'How To Be A Lollipop Lady/Man'. I kid you not but they showed this at our in-service training - to a roomful of teachers. Why? They hadn't made one for teachers. Just for lollipop people. So that was what we had to watch. I'd love to know if they were the most incompetent LEA in the UK or if any other teachers from other areas have even 'better' examples.
"What can I do for you today sir?"
"Well firstly I must apologise in case I make any strange noises..."
"Of course, no need to apologise sir, I'm sure they're not that strange..."
Then he put his hand in his pocket and his pocket started moaning. At first I thought I was mishearing it, but then he confirmed my belief by taking an orgasm sound keyring out of his pocket. Then he just put it on my desk and kept pressing the button, me becoming more bewildered..
Now, unfortunately, at university we never covered "what to do if a patient brings in an orgasm noise keyring and keeps using it in your appointment."
Eventually he chucked his hearing aids at me for me to fix, at which point I took the opportunity to leave the room and have a giggle (very professional of me :P) so awkward!!!!
OH...MY....GOD...... I am laughing out loud in real life here!!