I thought that too, Wynne_Evans. Flossing needs two hands and even teeth cleaning does, to hold toothbrush in one hand, apply toothpaste with other ...you know the routine. So - I assume the Baker is 'enthroned' while attending to oral hygiene.
Oh God, I almost feel sorry for her being married to that ....
almost but not quite.
However one thing he said did stand out to me:
Our relationship would never have worked had I been an effete New Man, desperately wanting to sympathise with the female condition. My wife would have grown to loathe me for my fawning cowardice. She is a warrior and she needs to be with someone who is a match for her. Knowing the limits of what I will deal with in a relationship, I maintain my self-respect and, accordingly, gain hers.
What I've bolded pretty much describes how she is with a certain Mr "I love you, only you, I've never loved anyone like you (rinse and repeat)" Scrace does it not? There's no way she respects him or she wouldn't write about him in such disparaging terms but this week she seemed to actively dislike him, was horrible about him. Sounds like she's growing to loathe him to me.
Perhaps Dscrace needs to tell her to shut up more often, throw her on the bed, give her a good seeing to and make her call him the boss? (where's a puking smilie when you want one? and the rolling eyes one!)
This weeks column was just horrible. She knows he's going to read it yet she wrote that gollum reference and about toilet/teeth cleaning habit? Deliberately embarrassing him in print. Nice. Even her friend commented that his ordering of foie gras was probably to get her back for writing about him but she just sulks about her friends never backing her rather than listening to what they're saying. Pathetic.
How's about the: "Well, if he doesn’t like the fact I’m a writer, he should either go away, or behave better so I don’t have any ammunition." Has it ever occurred to her that she doesn't have to write about him? That she has a choice? IMO though that was threatening him in print - he better do as he's told, he better shape up or he'll be shipped out. Queen Liz has spoken, very publicly. She hasn't got the guts to say it to his face privately but she'll put it in print for everyone to see including his family, friends and work colleagues probably making him a laughing stock/figure of pity in the process. Classy.
Tell her to shut up? She should be telling her to f*** right off in no uncertain terms! If he stays with her after this latest humiliation he's either a wimp or is seeing her as his pension. Either way, he'll deserve her.
He's skint and desperate. He will be sent to the big farm soon enough and will be able to go back to his bedsit with no friends, a failing business and a small pile of trinkets...
He thinks it's entertainment and so it's fine! OMG I didn't realise that. So you can say what you want about who you want as long as it's in public and preferably in print. Because then it's not nastiness or bullying. It's entertainment. Got it!
He thinks it's entertainment and so it's fine! OMG I didn't realise that. So you can say what you want about who you want as long as it's in public and preferably in print. Because then it's not nastiness or bullying. It's entertainment. Got it!
Is that what he's saying/implying to everyone? She can write what she likes about him (and much worse IMO) about his friends/family but hey! none of it matters because it's just Liz being Liz, just entertainment!? She's got to fill her column with some tripe so it might as well be him and his. All those nasty things she writes are just column fodder and none of it it matters? (tell that to his son and I presume you as his ex!!! >:()
He's either supremely confidant or has been 'Stepforded'. My own feeling is that he's complicit in it so bang goes any sympathy I had for him. Makes you wonder what's real and what's invented. Does he sit there an suggest things she can say in her column because let's face it, he's literally all she writes about in it now so got to keep the momentum going *roll eyes*
Hi everyone I have to say this is a brilliant thread, the correct antidote to the anger that mad as a bat thing laughingly calling herself a writer seems to bring out in all sane people. I was so angered recently I actually signed up to comment on the dreary column especially re the whole "coeliac" business, I have been one for 18 years and never knew that french baguettes were gluten free I wonder if it counts if a french person makes them in england? Hmmm. I have to say though that if the only cure is being around a mad old bag then I'm perfectly happy to stay the way I am for life. Needless to say all comments were blocked ;-) Anyway I was wondering what Dscaces diary might look like when I actually stumbled across it in the ethernet, obviously it has been deleted now but managed to copy and paste the last entry I read for your delictation, as follows;
Dear diary
Well this week has been a bust, had to lay low for awhile as my stint pretending to be a slovak, sorry coeliac (always getting those two muddled up surprised I wasn't rumbled before now) yep that jig is well and truly up. As I wander around my flat tootbrush in one hand, relieving my toiletry needs and texting Jizzard at same time (yes I am a right cleverd*ck sometimes) I muse upon how it all came to this, being paid per word for texting some old weirdo who used to stalk me years ago (pause to insert more words in text must re-watch sex & city for what twaddle to put in next, whilst idly wondering if I washed my hands before going to the lavatory whilst drinking coffee) I mean even my oldest friends I used to use, I mean freeload off, no that's wrong, hang about with (oh we laughed, hahaha hahaha hahaha) surely they must understand that an old has been such as myself has to sell out everything including old friends, family, my principles & self respect just to put a crust under my foi gras? *sigh* oh well better get my act together got a party to go to later & it looks like it's snowing.............
Like, everyone's right [& I don't even smoke the regular kind of baccy ] .
Whereas the following reviews are beyond the aspirations of even the meanest DS poster ... eg.. 'E. Jones has managed to write an entire novel using almost exclusively the letter 'I'![i/] ' http://www.amazon.co.uk/Girl-Least-Likely-Fashion-Fasting/dp/1471101967/ref=pd_cp_b_0
As I wander around my flat tootbrush in one hand, relieving my toiletry needs and texting Jizzard at same time (yes I am a right cleverd*ck sometimes) .............
Brilliant! Welcome Talli_W. I wonder if Liz realises that since Dscrace become her muse that her writing is the worst it has ever been, and that's saying something. It is noteable that even her most devoted fans are no longer posting on the Diary comments now that the fluffy-wuffy animals and the ficticious rock star have been dumped. As in the last Diary she says that she believes her Diary entertains and is a form of escapism for women on a Sunday morning. Oh bless.... I still can't believe that the MoS haven't twigged that she is at the moment being neither entertaining nor is she her old controversial self, just bitter and twisted. Not so much money for old rope but money for an old bloke.
But if he throws her on the bed and makes her call him Sir then we'll have to READ ABOUT IT.
*shudder*
I kind of like the thought of Liz and DScrace sitting up on her 1000-count buttery soft Egyptian cotton sheets while he dictates random crap she can write about their eternal love. Probably while they eat non-free-range chicken stuffed with veal and battery eggs and roasted with strips of crate-reared bacon. Imagine DScrace puffing away on his **** (he's rolled Liz one earlier) saying "why don't you tell them I crap and clean my teeth at the same time?"
Perhaps they have a Cunning Plan wherein Liz ruins his business, he sues the DM and they split the proceeds.
What an insipid stream of lukewarm piss. I'm reminded of one of Kenny Everett's radio shows: "you remember yesterday ? Well today is just the same, so we won't bother !".
Assuming for a single nanosecond, and in the face of all available evidence, that D'Scrace did send those texts, I trust she paid him out of her fee - £1 a word, I believe. Also, note the sudden, incongruous mention of animals. Finally, this weeks sorry puddle of piss proves conclusively that the Dreary bypasses the editorial desk.
What an insipid stream of lukewarm piss. I'm reminded of one of Kenny Everett's radio shows: "you remember yesterday ? Well today is just the same, so we won't bother !".
Assuming for a single nanosecond, and in the face of all available evidence, that D'Scrace did send those texts, I trust she paid him out of her fee - £1 a word, I believe. Also, note the sudden, incongruous mention of animals. Finally, this weeks sorry puddle of piss proves conclusively that the Dreary bypasses the editorial desk.
Agreed. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse....
Tripe.
I've been following Liz Jones' "work" for a few years and have read the latest issues of the Dreary with increasing horror. Not horror at her though - we all know she's either batshit or the world's worst troll or both - but horror at David Scrace for selling what seems like literally everyone in his life down the river for...what? A lighter and an iPad? A chance at fame however much he has to degrade himself for it? A business arrangement that has just painted him in the worst possible light and not someone you would want to buy food from ever?
I think the way he doesn't care what La Lizard spews out in her column week after week and who it hurts is absolutely vile and completely bizarre and senseless. How could anyone do that? Especially when it comes to how he seems to feed Lizard info about his ex and saying things about his children. He appears to be an uttterly disgusting individual who is as whipped as they come and so desperate for...what?...that I can smell it from here.
I hope he ends up a lonely old man in a bedsit with nothing to live on and no one who loves him. It's the least he deserves. I feel so sorry for the people he has allowed to be hurt in such a huge public arena, who do not have the right to reply and defend themselves. We all know there are no lows the Mail won't stoop too but David Scrace had a choice and I can't wrap my head around why or how anyone can bring themselves to go in the direction he has.
I've been following Liz Jones' "work" for a few years and have read the latest issues of the Dreary with increasing horror. Not horror at her though - we all know she's either batshit or the world's worst troll or both - but horror at David Scrace for selling what seems like literally everyone in his life down the river for...what? A lighter and an iPad? A chance at fame however much he has to degrade himself for it? A business arrangement that has just painted him in the worst possible light and not someone you would want to buy food from ever?
I think the way he doesn't care what La Lizard spews out in her column week after week and who it hurts is absolutely vile and completely bizarre and senseless. How could anyone do that? Especially when it comes to how he seems to feed Lizard info about his ex and saying things about his children. He appears to be an uttterly disgusting individual who is as whipped as they come and so desperate for...what?...that I can smell it from here.
I hope he ends up a lonely old man in a bedsit with nothing to live on and no one who loves him. It's the least he deserves. I feel so sorry for the people he has allowed to be hurt in such a huge public arena, who do not have the right to reply and defend themselves. We all know there are no lows the Mail won't stoop too but David Scrace had a choice and I can't wrap my head around why or how anyone can bring themselves to go in the direction he has.
Horrid man.
Part of me has sometime speculated that the whole Lizard/Baker saga is just a huge, hilarious and very profitable joke on all of us. That the pair of them cynically egg each other on to see how far they can go, winding MoS readers up with more and more awful 'Drearies'. Suzy_Cat, up-thread, also posits this idea.
However ... in real life, the Baker is a real life partner in a real life business. I have no idea if people are now flocking into the shop to pick up a WAG free loaf or just to gape at a guy who apparently doesn't cut his fingernails, reeks of ****, defecates/urinates while cleaning his teeth ... and, more seriously, is happy totally to betray in the most horrible way ('Never loved anyone until YOU, Lizard') his ex wife, ex girlfriends, his kids. And for what? An iPad, a gold Dunhill lighter, some cashmere schmutter and his parking fines paid for him?
I almost wish it IS a huge joke and not real ... because if it is real, then it's a vile and wounding way to treat people who the Baker once loved - and yes, Lizard, he DID love them, much as you choose to rewrite his history for him.
Whether it IS all a nasty, money-raking joke, or all too real - they are a disgusting pair.
Part of me has sometime speculated that the whole Lizard/Baker saga is just a huge, hilarious and very profitable joke on all of us. That the pair of them cynically egg each other on to see how far they can go, winding MoS readers up with more and more awful 'Drearies'. Suzy_Cat, up-thread, also posits this idea.
However ... in real life, the Baker is a real life partner in a real life business. I have no idea if people are now flocking into the shop to pick up a WAG free loaf or just to gape at a guy who apparently doesn't cut his fingernails, reeks of ****, defecates/urinates while cleaning his teeth ... and, more seriously, is happy totally to betray in the most horrible way ('Never loved anyone until YOU, Lizard') his ex wife, ex girlfriends, his kids. And for what? An iPad, a gold Dunhill lighter, some cashmere schmutter and his parking fines paid for him?
I almost wish it IS a huge joke and not real ... because if it is real, then it's a vile and wounding way to treat people who the Baker once loved - and yes, Lizard, he DID love them, much as you choose to rewrite his history for him.
Whether it IS all a nasty, money-raking joke, or all too real - they are a disgusting pair.
Great post, amikolaichek. I really appreciate your contributions to this thread.
I agree that wheather this is a joke or real they are still disgusting, but I do think David is so much worse than Lizard. We're used to her, but he does appear to be just an average Joe who is happy to suddenly publicly betray everyone in his life while being portrayed as a dirty idiot for reasons known only to himself. It's beyond pathetic and vile.
Okay, is anyone else finding today's diary absolutely unreadable? How can the Fail justify paying LJ so much when she's just copying text messages between her and DScrace like that?
This is the sort of rubbish I'd expect from a 12 old girl doing a media project at school, not someone writing for a national newspaper. Crazy. I mean, does she even reel in people looking for clickbait, now that we can't even comment on her articles?
Cutting and pasting text messages is really not writing. It's pretty rank.
Just say the whole thing is absolutely true, as she writes it - it's bloody sad. She can't just decide that she doesn't really like every single thing about David now that he's a real person. She has to bring it all back AGAIN to why he didn't want to be with her 30 years ago. It's as if every time she has a bad thought about David, instead of owning it she turns it round into the problem being his rejection of her in the past. She feels better being a victim and spurned than she does being an active human.
IF it's true (and it's a big 'if', I'm quite convinced that at least half of it is a wind up/garbage they just make up between them) then it's obvious that Liz is totally focused on physical (I know, no s... Sherlock) She thinks she was at her best 30 years ago and if he didn't want her then why does he want her now? She makes no allowances for how they could have both changed and evolved in thirty years. Even if he fancied her back then might have preferred a more outgoing, confident woman rather than the almost silent bag of neurosis she tells us she was. He probably saw 'needy' flashing over her head like a neon light and gave her a wide berth.
Yet now, 30 years later, things have worked out quite nicely for the little mouse, she has a 'successful' career, is quite wealthy (don't forget the posh new car!) and due to the nature of her job probably has a lot more to say for herself and is a lot more confident (even if she doesn't see this herself). Not forgetting that she has kept herself in shape, no middle aged spread for Liz and there's also the added bonus that she has no pesky kids who might not take to him/he to them. All this makes her a lot more attractive prospect to him now especially as he's getting on and doesn't exactly look like Richard Gere or Bryan Ferry and is just a 'part owner' in a bakery so his options are, to say the least, pretty limited.
Really, it's not rocket science.
So if you're reading Liz - there's your answer.
Now, can you tell me just what you have on your bosses that they let you off with the excuse for journalism that was masquerading as a column this week? Rehashed texts? Money for old rope or what and insulting to your readers who, you know, might have to actually work hard for their pennies.
Lizard: OK, David. Concentrate. Next weeks’ ‘Dreary’ – where shall we go with that?
Baker: Eh? Oh, OK, if you’re making a bacon sandwich, I like plenty of HP sauce o jit and I like it fried in proper lard and perhaps a few slices of black pudding while you're at it ...’
Lizard: For F***’s sake, CONCENTRATE! Now, think of a text you might send me. Something loving.
Baker: Um, I love my bacon crispy. And none of that free-range, organic, Prince Charles Highcliff or whatever stuff. Nice bit of battery-reared Danish.
Lizard: God! Give me strength! PLEASE! I’ve got to send in my copy tomorrow, latest. So – imagine a lovely, adoring text you might send to me.
Baker: Hmmm – how about “Lizard, I adore your new convertible Mercedes with alloy wheels ... may I have a lend of it next weekend, as I want to take a gir ... I'm forced to take my old aunty Mabel for a run out to Swindon and that Peugot that you didn’t want has finally fallen to bits – it’s parked in the middle of Shaftesbury Avenue and seems to be a lot of parking tickets bunged on its windscreen, so if you could see your way ....
Lizard (screaming): A TEXT, a loving TEXT, about me, me, me, ME! How you’ve never loved anyone else, ever, until you met me – you never loved ANYONE AT ALL! That! Got it? You’ve sent me that text. I’ll write it down.
Baker: Er, haven’t you’ve done that one, many times? That I never loved anyone else since thirty years ago when you sat lonely in your tartan liberty bodice cuddling my table tennis bat while I swanned off with a lovely curvy, sweet, funny gi ...oops, sorry, a horrible woman because I was stupid, didn't realise there was wonderful YOU next door, yearning for me and getting your ti ... embonpoint cut off the better to display your lovely Ralph Lauren jacket. But ...well, you know some of your readers are a bit uncharitable and sort of ... notice .... when you repeat yourself.
Lizard: Hmmm ... you have a point there. OK, your text says that you’ve HATED everyone until you met me. You’ve hated your ex wife, your kids, your ex girlfriends, all your friends. You hate hate HATE THEM ALL!
Baker: ‘Oh. Well, I dunno. Saying I hate my ex wife and kids? Really? A bit harsh, surely?
Lizard (threateningly): HOW many parking tickets did you say ...?
Baker (hastily): Right. I sent you a text saying I hate everyone I ever knew, except you. Er, may I be excused? I need the bathroom.
Lizard turns on the DVD of Sex And The City and watches entranced until the Baker returns)
Baker: You’re out of bog roll. But never mind. I used your toothbrush.
Lizard: Eh? I’m deaf, you know. Where’s Michael, my Hearing Dog?
Baker: I saw him in the garden, chewing on a sheep.
Lizard: Oh, that’s fine. All the sheep round here are free range and organic. Michael will be OK. Now, back to my Dreary. After the text about how you hate everyone except me, I think it’s time we brought up another Mini Break.
Baker (brightens): Oooh, lovely. I’ve always fancied Phuket. Or Bali.
Lizard: Well, I think we should do our bit, via the Dreary, to promote all that Holidays At Home crap. I thought somewhere like Swindon, or Slough ...DAVID, will you STOP messing around with your gold Dunhill lighter? I’ve TOLD you how it works ... oh, give me strength, fetch the sodding matches, they’re in the kitchen.
Baker (returning with matches): How about we fill up the Dreary with an exchange of texts about something serious and LENGTHY, like a discussion about ... I dunno ... maybe the Scottish Independence Referendum, or Assisted Dying, or ... something? After all, we could write loads between us, and at a quid a word ..well, we’d be silly not to.
Lizard (suspiciously): You're not going to go on and on again about that WAG free recipe for Spotted Dick, are you?
Baker (affronted). No, I was thinking of something serious and cerebral.
Lizard: Cerebral? Don't know about that. I like All Bran myself. But, hmmm, you’re right about something serious. But Scottish Independence? What’s that all about, never heard of it, and Assisted Dying? Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to dye the tartan knickers my mother knitted for me, and my sister was supposed to help me,( the one I'm always writing about), and they came out all horrible, and not a bit like the lovely St. Laurent knickers I’d seen in Vogue. Yes, YES, fantastic idea, be a great earner - reckon we could keep at least three weeks’ Drearies going on about Assisted Dyeing.
That's brilliant amiko - I was popping in to say thanks all for warm welcome & would it be an imposition to borrow the brain bleach after seeing todays effort but that cheered me right up I suspect most here are same as me & keep looking to see the announcement "There will be no diary this week as unfortunately Mz Jones has been kicked senseless (didn't take long) by a horse called karma. Stay tuned though as we have searched high and low for a replacement of suitable calibre and are awaiting a reply from Samantha Brick who we hope will regale us with tales from the french countryside, where naturally she is the most beautiful thing in it"
Okay, is anyone else finding today's diary absolutely unreadable? How can the Fail justify paying LJ so much when she's just copying text messages between her and DScrace like that?
This is the sort of rubbish I'd expect from a 12 old girl doing a media project at school, not someone writing for a national newspaper. Crazy. I mean, does she even reel in people looking for clickbait, now that we can't even comment on her articles?
Yes, I totally agree. The barrel has definetly been scraped now.
That's brilliant amiko - I was popping in to say thanks all for warm welcome & would it be an imposition to borrow the brain bleach after seeing todays effort but that cheered me right up I suspect most here are same as me & keep looking to see the announcement "There will be no diary this week as unfortunately Mz Jones has been kicked senseless (didn't take long) by a horse called karma. Stay tuned though as we have searched high and low for a replacement of suitable calibre and are awaiting a reply from Samantha Brick who we hope will regale us with tales from the french countryside, where naturally she is the most beautiful thing in it"
Or we could get REALLY lucky, Talli_W, and the Lizard's replacement is Shona Sibary! Think what fertile ground she'd have to furrow ...everything to do with her unfortunate teenage daughters laid bare for our delectation, and doubtless resulting in the poor girls being bullied at school, but hey, great, another topic for her to write about. and let's not forget her 'I'd rather Hoover than have sex with my husband' riff, her financial problems ... and on and on and on. Yup, she's a shoe-in to replace Lizard. Both go by the same ethos: they'd sell their old grandmas if there was a few quid in it.
Just a little bat-squeak in defence of Samantha Brick - the only person she (inadvertently) ridicules and makes a laughing stock is herself ... she's the gift that keeps on giving in that respect. And to a certain extent one can't help thinking that her lovely French husband is a bit of a chauvinist piggie. But she doesn't put the boot into other people, doesn't strike me as spiteful, vengeful and vindictive Just deluded, but in a harmless way.
I actually couldn't be arsed to read it this week. Even when it is dreary and boring I generally the column all the way through just so I can either join in with this thread on DS or at least understand what you are all talking about. But this week, meh. I soooooo couldn't be bothered. After the third text message which is almost word for word the same text that she has been quoting for months now I almost slipped into a coma.
I seriously think she needs to pep up the writing big style, or the big fat editor will come and kick her cashmere covered behind. Enough is enough.
Actually I totally agree with that, amikolaichek, one is a daft narcissist with the courage of her own crazy convictions and the other a self loathing nasty mess of seething horridness that wishes to hurt other people as badly as she feels she has been hard done by, using animals as props for her inner mess and having a complete sociopathic lack of empathy for anything or anyone unless it serves her purpose which even she is not clear about as nothing will ever probably make her happy. Still holding out for that horse called karma though ;-)
Comments
Oh God, I almost feel sorry for her being married to that ....
almost but not quite.
However one thing he said did stand out to me:
What I've bolded pretty much describes how she is with a certain Mr "I love you, only you, I've never loved anyone like you (rinse and repeat)" Scrace does it not? There's no way she respects him or she wouldn't write about him in such disparaging terms but this week she seemed to actively dislike him, was horrible about him. Sounds like she's growing to loathe him to me.
Perhaps Dscrace needs to tell her to shut up more often, throw her on the bed, give her a good seeing to and make her call him the boss? (where's a puking smilie when you want one? and the rolling eyes one!)
This weeks column was just horrible. She knows he's going to read it yet she wrote that gollum reference and about toilet/teeth cleaning habit? Deliberately embarrassing him in print. Nice. Even her friend commented that his ordering of foie gras was probably to get her back for writing about him but she just sulks about her friends never backing her rather than listening to what they're saying. Pathetic.
How's about the: "Well, if he doesn’t like the fact I’m a writer, he should either go away, or behave better so I don’t have any ammunition." Has it ever occurred to her that she doesn't have to write about him? That she has a choice? IMO though that was threatening him in print - he better do as he's told, he better shape up or he'll be shipped out. Queen Liz has spoken, very publicly. She hasn't got the guts to say it to his face privately but she'll put it in print for everyone to see including his family, friends and work colleagues probably making him a laughing stock/figure of pity in the process. Classy.
Tell her to shut up? She should be telling her to f*** right off in no uncertain terms! If he stays with her after this latest humiliation he's either a wimp or is seeing her as his pension. Either way, he'll deserve her.
Is that what he's saying/implying to everyone? She can write what she likes about him (and much worse IMO) about his friends/family but hey! none of it matters because it's just Liz being Liz, just entertainment!? She's got to fill her column with some tripe so it might as well be him and his. All those nasty things she writes are just column fodder and none of it it matters? (tell that to his son and I presume you as his ex!!! >:()
He's either supremely confidant or has been 'Stepforded'. My own feeling is that he's complicit in it so bang goes any sympathy I had for him. Makes you wonder what's real and what's invented. Does he sit there an suggest things she can say in her column because let's face it, he's literally all she writes about in it now so got to keep the momentum going *roll eyes*
Good to see you back on the thread DD
Dear diary
Well this week has been a bust, had to lay low for awhile as my stint pretending to be a slovak, sorry coeliac (always getting those two muddled up surprised I wasn't rumbled before now) yep that jig is well and truly up. As I wander around my flat tootbrush in one hand, relieving my toiletry needs and texting Jizzard at same time (yes I am a right cleverd*ck sometimes) I muse upon how it all came to this, being paid per word for texting some old weirdo who used to stalk me years ago (pause to insert more words in text must re-watch sex & city for what twaddle to put in next, whilst idly wondering if I washed my hands before going to the lavatory whilst drinking coffee) I mean even my oldest friends I used to use, I mean freeload off, no that's wrong, hang about with (oh we laughed, hahaha hahaha hahaha) surely they must understand that an old has been such as myself has to sell out everything including old friends, family, my principles & self respect just to put a crust under my foi gras? *sigh* oh well better get my act together got a party to go to later & it looks like it's snowing.............
Whereas the following reviews are beyond the aspirations of even the meanest DS poster ... eg.. 'E. Jones has managed to write an entire novel using almost exclusively the letter 'I'![i/] '
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Girl-Least-Likely-Fashion-Fasting/dp/1471101967/ref=pd_cp_b_0
One step beyond?
Coff/blush..
* dusts down wedding dress and awaits arrival of young Mr Pip * http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_Havisham
*shudder*
I kind of like the thought of Liz and DScrace sitting up on her 1000-count buttery soft Egyptian cotton sheets while he dictates random crap she can write about their eternal love. Probably while they eat non-free-range chicken stuffed with veal and battery eggs and roasted with strips of crate-reared bacon. Imagine DScrace puffing away on his **** (he's rolled Liz one earlier) saying "why don't you tell them I crap and clean my teeth at the same time?"
Perhaps they have a Cunning Plan wherein Liz ruins his business, he sues the DM and they split the proceeds.
Well......
Well.........
What an insipid stream of lukewarm piss. I'm reminded of one of Kenny Everett's radio shows: "you remember yesterday ? Well today is just the same, so we won't bother !".
Assuming for a single nanosecond, and in the face of all available evidence, that D'Scrace did send those texts, I trust she paid him out of her fee - £1 a word, I believe. Also, note the sudden, incongruous mention of animals. Finally, this weeks sorry puddle of piss proves conclusively that the Dreary bypasses the editorial desk.
Agreed. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse....
Tripe.
I think the way he doesn't care what La Lizard spews out in her column week after week and who it hurts is absolutely vile and completely bizarre and senseless. How could anyone do that? Especially when it comes to how he seems to feed Lizard info about his ex and saying things about his children. He appears to be an uttterly disgusting individual who is as whipped as they come and so desperate for...what?...that I can smell it from here.
I hope he ends up a lonely old man in a bedsit with nothing to live on and no one who loves him. It's the least he deserves. I feel so sorry for the people he has allowed to be hurt in such a huge public arena, who do not have the right to reply and defend themselves. We all know there are no lows the Mail won't stoop too but David Scrace had a choice and I can't wrap my head around why or how anyone can bring themselves to go in the direction he has.
Horrid man.
Part of me has sometime speculated that the whole Lizard/Baker saga is just a huge, hilarious and very profitable joke on all of us. That the pair of them cynically egg each other on to see how far they can go, winding MoS readers up with more and more awful 'Drearies'. Suzy_Cat, up-thread, also posits this idea.
However ... in real life, the Baker is a real life partner in a real life business. I have no idea if people are now flocking into the shop to pick up a WAG free loaf or just to gape at a guy who apparently doesn't cut his fingernails, reeks of ****, defecates/urinates while cleaning his teeth ... and, more seriously, is happy totally to betray in the most horrible way ('Never loved anyone until YOU, Lizard') his ex wife, ex girlfriends, his kids. And for what? An iPad, a gold Dunhill lighter, some cashmere schmutter and his parking fines paid for him?
I almost wish it IS a huge joke and not real ... because if it is real, then it's a vile and wounding way to treat people who the Baker once loved - and yes, Lizard, he DID love them, much as you choose to rewrite his history for him.
Whether it IS all a nasty, money-raking joke, or all too real - they are a disgusting pair.
Great post, amikolaichek. I really appreciate your contributions to this thread.
I agree that wheather this is a joke or real they are still disgusting, but I do think David is so much worse than Lizard. We're used to her, but he does appear to be just an average Joe who is happy to suddenly publicly betray everyone in his life while being portrayed as a dirty idiot for reasons known only to himself. It's beyond pathetic and vile.
This is the sort of rubbish I'd expect from a 12 old girl doing a media project at school, not someone writing for a national newspaper. Crazy. I mean, does she even reel in people looking for clickbait, now that we can't even comment on her articles?
Just say the whole thing is absolutely true, as she writes it - it's bloody sad. She can't just decide that she doesn't really like every single thing about David now that he's a real person. She has to bring it all back AGAIN to why he didn't want to be with her 30 years ago. It's as if every time she has a bad thought about David, instead of owning it she turns it round into the problem being his rejection of her in the past. She feels better being a victim and spurned than she does being an active human.
Yet now, 30 years later, things have worked out quite nicely for the little mouse, she has a 'successful' career, is quite wealthy (don't forget the posh new car!) and due to the nature of her job probably has a lot more to say for herself and is a lot more confident (even if she doesn't see this herself). Not forgetting that she has kept herself in shape, no middle aged spread for Liz and there's also the added bonus that she has no pesky kids who might not take to him/he to them. All this makes her a lot more attractive prospect to him now especially as he's getting on and doesn't exactly look like Richard Gere or Bryan Ferry and is just a 'part owner' in a bakery so his options are, to say the least, pretty limited.
Really, it's not rocket science.
So if you're reading Liz - there's your answer.
Now, can you tell me just what you have on your bosses that they let you off with the excuse for journalism that was masquerading as a column this week? Rehashed texts? Money for old rope or what and insulting to your readers who, you know, might have to actually work hard for their pennies.
Lizard: OK, David. Concentrate. Next weeks’ ‘Dreary’ – where shall we go with that?
Baker: Eh? Oh, OK, if you’re making a bacon sandwich, I like plenty of HP sauce o jit and I like it fried in proper lard and perhaps a few slices of black pudding while you're at it ...’
Lizard: For F***’s sake, CONCENTRATE! Now, think of a text you might send me. Something loving.
Baker: Um, I love my bacon crispy. And none of that free-range, organic, Prince Charles Highcliff or whatever stuff. Nice bit of battery-reared Danish.
Lizard: God! Give me strength! PLEASE! I’ve got to send in my copy tomorrow, latest. So – imagine a lovely, adoring text you might send to me.
Baker: Hmmm – how about “Lizard, I adore your new convertible Mercedes with alloy wheels ... may I have a lend of it next weekend, as I want to take a gir ... I'm forced to take my old aunty Mabel for a run out to Swindon and that Peugot that you didn’t want has finally fallen to bits – it’s parked in the middle of Shaftesbury Avenue and seems to be a lot of parking tickets bunged on its windscreen, so if you could see your way ....
Lizard (screaming): A TEXT, a loving TEXT, about me, me, me, ME! How you’ve never loved anyone else, ever, until you met me – you never loved ANYONE AT ALL! That! Got it? You’ve sent me that text. I’ll write it down.
Baker: Er, haven’t you’ve done that one, many times? That I never loved anyone else since thirty years ago when you sat lonely in your tartan liberty bodice cuddling my table tennis bat while I swanned off with a lovely curvy, sweet, funny gi ...oops, sorry, a horrible woman because I was stupid, didn't realise there was wonderful YOU next door, yearning for me and getting your ti ... embonpoint cut off the better to display your lovely Ralph Lauren jacket. But ...well, you know some of your readers are a bit uncharitable and sort of ... notice .... when you repeat yourself.
Lizard: Hmmm ... you have a point there. OK, your text says that you’ve HATED everyone until you met me. You’ve hated your ex wife, your kids, your ex girlfriends, all your friends. You hate hate HATE THEM ALL!
Baker: ‘Oh. Well, I dunno. Saying I hate my ex wife and kids? Really? A bit harsh, surely?
Lizard (threateningly): HOW many parking tickets did you say ...?
Baker (hastily): Right. I sent you a text saying I hate everyone I ever knew, except you. Er, may I be excused? I need the bathroom.
Lizard turns on the DVD of Sex And The City and watches entranced until the Baker returns)
Baker: You’re out of bog roll. But never mind. I used your toothbrush.
Lizard: Eh? I’m deaf, you know. Where’s Michael, my Hearing Dog?
Baker: I saw him in the garden, chewing on a sheep.
Lizard: Oh, that’s fine. All the sheep round here are free range and organic. Michael will be OK. Now, back to my Dreary. After the text about how you hate everyone except me, I think it’s time we brought up another Mini Break.
Baker (brightens): Oooh, lovely. I’ve always fancied Phuket. Or Bali.
Lizard: Well, I think we should do our bit, via the Dreary, to promote all that Holidays At Home crap. I thought somewhere like Swindon, or Slough ...DAVID, will you STOP messing around with your gold Dunhill lighter? I’ve TOLD you how it works ... oh, give me strength, fetch the sodding matches, they’re in the kitchen.
Baker (returning with matches): How about we fill up the Dreary with an exchange of texts about something serious and LENGTHY, like a discussion about ... I dunno ... maybe the Scottish Independence Referendum, or Assisted Dying, or ... something? After all, we could write loads between us, and at a quid a word ..well, we’d be silly not to.
Lizard (suspiciously): You're not going to go on and on again about that WAG free recipe for Spotted Dick, are you?
Baker (affronted). No, I was thinking of something serious and cerebral.
Lizard: Cerebral? Don't know about that. I like All Bran myself. But, hmmm, you’re right about something serious. But Scottish Independence? What’s that all about, never heard of it, and Assisted Dying? Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to dye the tartan knickers my mother knitted for me, and my sister was supposed to help me,( the one I'm always writing about), and they came out all horrible, and not a bit like the lovely St. Laurent knickers I’d seen in Vogue. Yes, YES, fantastic idea, be a great earner - reckon we could keep at least three weeks’ Drearies going on about Assisted Dyeing.
Or we could get REALLY lucky, Talli_W, and the Lizard's replacement is Shona Sibary! Think what fertile ground she'd have to furrow ...everything to do with her unfortunate teenage daughters laid bare for our delectation, and doubtless resulting in the poor girls being bullied at school, but hey, great, another topic for her to write about. and let's not forget her 'I'd rather Hoover than have sex with my husband' riff, her financial problems ... and on and on and on. Yup, she's a shoe-in to replace Lizard. Both go by the same ethos: they'd sell their old grandmas if there was a few quid in it.
Just a little bat-squeak in defence of Samantha Brick - the only person she (inadvertently) ridicules and makes a laughing stock is herself ... she's the gift that keeps on giving in that respect. And to a certain extent one can't help thinking that her lovely French husband is a bit of a chauvinist piggie. But she doesn't put the boot into other people, doesn't strike me as spiteful, vengeful and vindictive Just deluded, but in a harmless way.
I seriously think she needs to pep up the writing big style, or the big fat editor will come and kick her cashmere covered behind. Enough is enough.